We're back, and we're going totally medieval on THE FALCON AND THE SWORD by PATRICIA WERNER for the final act of this Ice Wine season. Judith, the most normally named character in this whole book, abandons a convent to find herself in the kingdom of Neustria amongst a bunch of Franks who will never get her as a Visigoth. Along comes handsome-in-a-different-kind-of-white-way, advisor to the King of Austrasia to spark her interest, and then away he goes for the vast majority of the book until he returns in the fourth (eighth?) act to profess his love in the murder mystery cum Medieval slice of life this Romance Novel is. Why did romance in the 90s spend so much effort towards everything but character? What does the centering of small folk tell us about a place and time? What is the difference between Visigoths and Goths? Hope you've got a knee brace, because these Middle Ages are hard on your joints.

A Re!mance for an extremely special ocassion. Plus an update on Ice Wine Deux. <3 We did it y'all. Yr girls have arrived at the final stop on this Entrop[e]y tour with one last trope: the secret baby. This week on Whoa!mance, Morgan and Isabeau tackle the culture wars relic, Nobody’s Baby But Mine, Book 3 in the Chicago Stars series by Susan Elizabeth Phillips. Jane Darlington, a 34 year old physics professor, wants a baby. But she doesn’t want that baby to be a smarty pants weirdo like their mom. The solution: fuck a dumb guy. Who better than star quarterback and potential neanderthal Cal Bonner? But when Cal proves to have brains to match his brawn, Jane learns how poor calculations can still yield positive if strange results. What are the hallmarks of a good girl? Who should get a second chance? What even is a clip on headband? We’re closing this thing out with a bang y’all so call a sitter.

Naturopathic Practicioner Raven is thrown back into the measured embrace of regular, degular Dr. Jeff when she is accused of poisoning her clients. Because he loves her so darn much, and because it is obviously not her fault, and because it is 1997 and these things just happen, the McSteamy and Holistic Hottie team up to uncover the cause of this mystery illness and get infected with love along the way. Also with the mystery illness. What can a post-AIDS romance novel about disease teach us about Pandemic patterns? Are characters their jobs or is it just the Capitalism talking again? Can a person in 1996 be good, even if they are allergic to salad? Look out - there's gateway drugs in the echinacea!

Wherein Darcy and Elizabeth have one conversation and Darcy makes all men, and romance heroes look like fools for the next two hundred odd years. #ThanksJaneAusten

In this chapter Darcy shows up and all the young people go for a walk. On the walk Darcy makes all other romance heroes look like fools, for the next 200 odd years. #ThanksJaneAusten

One last time to Nantucket before the cold winds blow! Free-spirited, head-strong Lizzie trades her youthful exuberance for matronly measure and stead-fastness in exchange for the love of one Tavis Mackinoon in 19th Century Nantuckey. Or...maybe "trades" has too much agency? What was America's perspective on history in the halcyon, Laura-Ashley-strewn days of 1994? How do we honestly feel about "blossoming"? How was the shape of women's identity and autonomy fraying against itselt? Try and remember the difference between port and starboard, we're setting sail in to some choppy waters with this one.

Mr Bennet receives a letter he can't wait to share with his favorite kid. Spiraling ensues

Ice Wine Deux launches LIVE and in style from Love's Sweet Arrow (in Tinley Park, IL) with a real bi-coastal bitch - A DANGEROUS MAN by ROSEMARY ROGERS. Tory doesn't care what her dad thinks, or her uncle, or even Sexy, Dark and mysterious "Texas Ranger" Nick Kincade. But she is forced to rely on the latter as she tries to escape her own Manifest Destiny on an adventure up proto-Pacific Coast Highway. And maybe even, fall in love? What does The Brat signify in the emergence of third-wave feminism? Does a romance hero even need to like the heroine? What IS wrong with a little bump'n'grind? Prepare to ford the river, and chill that red as much as possible. We're getting very wet for this one.

When the dog days of summer start barking, the cubes start clinking. Yr grls are revisiting their ICE WINE project, a time to interrogate texts published by and for a previous generation. This round, we're pouring (over ice, of course): A DANGEROUS MAN by ROSEMARY ROGERS HEAVEN KNOWS by ELAINE COFFMAN FEVER RISING by MAGGIE FERGUSON But Whoa!mance needs your help choosing between THE DRAGON AND THE JEWEL by VIRGINIA HENLEY or THE FALCON AND THE SWORD by PATRICIA WARNER so be sure to vote on our Instagram or email [email protected] It is Ice Wine Season - do you know where your Newt Gingrich is?

Knock knock! Who's there? Why! It is Catherine De Burgh! Here to rip Lizzie a new one while Jane and Bingley canoodle in the shrubbery. The worst part is? No one even visits the hermitage. That was here the whole time???? A split decision on this chapter folks, with a scathing rating of three out of five stars from one of our readers. Metadrama and metaconflict abounds.