Why aren’t we talking about this?

People pleasing can shape more than the favours you agree to or the work you take on. It can influence whether you change careers, have children, try something new or admit that the life you’ve built no longer quite fits. Are you making the choices you want or managing everyone else’s reaction to them?

Heidi Cullip, creator of The Second Half, joins me to explore the expectations we absorb about how a woman’s life should look. Heidi shares her experience of being childfree by choice and repeatedly being told she might change her mind. I talk about the scrutiny around choosing to have one child, and we discuss how the pressure to be agreeable can leave you questioning decisions you were perfectly comfortable with before someone else offered an opinion.

We also talk about finding joy in midlife without assuming you need to change everything. From Heidi’s calligraphy to my attempts at painting and pottery, we explore doing things without needing to be good at them, earn money from them or turn them into another achievement. If you’re wondering how to stop caring so much about what people think, this conversation offers space to question the rules you’ve been following and consider what you’d like more room for.

In this episode:

The life you’re “supposed” to want: questioning expectations around careers, marriage, motherhood and success.

Childfree by choice and choosing one child: our different experiences of having personal decisions treated as open for discussion.

Kindness, boundaries and being liked: recognising when being easy to work with starts costing you too much.

Finding joy without performing: hobbies, play and being a beginner without grading yourself or planning a side hustle.

Changing something without changing everything: exploring smaller adjustments before deciding whether a bigger shift is right for you.

Read Heidi’s stories and interviews about second careers, second chances and fulfilment at The Second Half.

Wanting More — Nadia Patel, LIVE. Once you start questioning what everyone expects, how do you work out what you actually want?

Spotify

Apple

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.

“Am I grieving wrong?” It’s a question you might ask when your siblings seem to be coping differently, when something completely ordinary floors you months later, or when you catch yourself laughing and immediately feel guilty. You might feel angry, numb or even relieved and then wonder what any of that says about you or your relationship with the person who has died.

Kate Nudds joins me to talk about the grief she experienced after her mum’s death and why it led her to change the work she does. We explore the expectations we put on ourselves, the pressure to be “over it” and why grieving the same person doesn’t mean having the same experience. We also discuss the physical symptoms and loss of confidence Kate experienced, alongside those unexpected moments- a name in a WhatsApp group, a letter arriving, a familiar coat by the door, that can bring everything back.

We get into anticipatory grief, when you begin grieving before someone has died, and the feelings that can be harder to admit: relief that someone is no longer suffering, relief for yourself, or sadness for a relationship you’re never going to have. We also talk about finding enjoyment again without treating happiness as proof that you didn’t love someone enough, and keeping a connection through recipes, memories and new traditions. If you’re trying to understand your own grief, or someone else’s, this conversation makes room for feelings that don’t fit neatly into what you expected.

In this episode:

Am I grieving wrong? Questioning the idea that grief should look a certain way, follow a timetable or match someone else’s response.

When grief catches you unexpectedly: everyday reminders, difficult anniversaries and deciding what to do with someone’s belongings.

Relief, guilt and difficult relationships: making space for mixed feelings and grieving the relationship you hoped you might one day have.

Anticipatory grief: the emotions that can arise when someone is still here, but you know a loss is coming.

Living alongside grief: finding moments of happiness and keeping a connection with someone without needing to remain in constant pain.

For bereavement information and support, visit Cruse Bereavement Support. If you’re experiencing new or worrying physical symptoms, seek medical advice rather than assuming they are caused by grief.

Listen to next:

Talking About Death and Supporting Someone Grieving — Poppy Mardall. Explore the support grieving people may need, including saying someone’s name and staying present after the funeral.

Spotify

Apple

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.

Male infertility can bring a difficult mix of uncertainty, guilt and feeling unsure where you fit in the treatment process. How do you support your partner through injections and procedures while also making room for what you’re going through? Where do men find support beyond being asked to provide a sperm sample?

Alex Wortley joins me to share his experience of being told he had a very low chance of conceiving naturally, becoming a father and later facing secondary infertility while trying for a second child. We discuss the shock of that first consultation, the support he felt was missing and why his response was to talk openly about it. I bring my own experience of fertility treatment into the conversation, including the shame I felt and how much I kept from people who could have supported me.

We also get into the realities of going through IVF together: the guilt Alex describes watching his partner Lucy undergo treatment, the monthly disappointments and the feeling that everyday life is on hold around appointments. Alex reflects on learning that being relentlessly positive isn’t always helpful, and that sometimes holding a hand or listening matters more than finding a solution. If you’re experiencing male infertility, supporting your partner or trying to understand what someone close to you is going through, this is an honest conversation about making room for both people’s experiences.

In this episode:

Alex shares his personal experience rather than medical advice. Fertility investigations and treatment need individual guidance from a qualified healthcare professional.

Listen to next:

Baby Loss — Tanya Wilson. Sadly 1 in 4 pregnancies end in a loss, so if this is you, I highly recomend this conversation with Tanya. Tanya explores different ways partners grieve and supporting someone when you cannot fix their pain. This episode discusses miscarriage and termination for medical reasons.

Spotify

Apple

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.

How do you listen to your body when everyone else seems to be telling you what it needs? More protein, more steps, better sleep, heavier weights, another supplement. Since turning 41 and entering perimenopause, I’ve felt surrounded by advice about optimising my health and increasingly unsure where to put my attention.

Health coach and nutritionist-in-training Brigid Fox joins me to explore why knowing more about wellbeing doesn’t necessarily make looking after ourselves feel easier. A former technology executive, she shares how her experience of burnout changed her relationship with food, exercise, rest and ambition. We talk about checking our trackers before checking how we feel, reaching for something to keep us going and finding it surprisingly uncomfortable to pause long enough to notice what we need.

The conversation also gets personal around food and body image. I share how growing up with 1990s and 2000s diet culture still shapes my thinking, and why renewed pressure to be thin brings up feelings I thought I’d worked through. We explore shifting attention towards nourishment, enjoyment and the life we want our bodies to support, alongside the practical difficulty of making time for rest. If looking after yourself has started to feel like another demanding job, this conversation asks what a simpler, more personal approach might look like.

In this episode:

Conflicting health and nutrition advice: the pressure to keep adding new rules, routines and things to monitor.

Listening to your body: noticing hunger, tiredness and discomfort alongside information from trackers and outside advice.

Diet culture and body image: the beliefs we carry into midlife and the difference between how we want to look and how we want to feel.

The discomfort of resting: why knowing you need a break and allowing yourself to take one can be very different things.

Returning to everyday basics: Brigid’s personal experience of finding enjoyment in sleep, gentle movement, time outside and clearer work boundaries.

This episode shares personal experiences and a coaching perspective. Persistent symptoms, nutritional concerns and decisions about medication need individual advice from an appropriately qualified healthcare professional.

Listen to next:

GLP-1s and Body Image — Bertie Stringer. Continue exploring the pressure surrounding food, weight and our bodies, including the feelings stirred up by weight-loss injections.

Spotify

Apple

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.

Midlife career change can feel difficult to explain when, from the outside, you’ve got the job everyone wants. The title, the salary and the career you worked towards are all there, but you’re anxious before work, struggling to sleep and wondering why the next achievement never seems to make you happy.

Gillian “Gilly” Ridley Whittle, founder of Peachaus and former fashion director at Topshop, joins me to share what happened when she could no longer keep pursuing another big corporate role. She describes years of mounting anxiety, the responsibility she felt towards her family and the experience of moving jobs only to find familiar feelings returning. We talk about the gap between looking strong and successful and privately feeling that you’ve lost yourself.

Gilly also shares how she began building Peachaus alongside her job, using weekly intentions and check-ins to turn an idea into a business plan and secure investment. It took six years from the original concept to launch, and building a business brought its own pressures. We explore rebuilding confidence, her personal spiritual beliefs and the changing meaning of success, from the title and material rewards to connection, purpose and helping women feel more comfortable in their bodies. If you’re successful on paper but scared to change careers, this conversation offers an honest account of how one woman began making that transition.

In this episode:

When the next big job doesn’t fix it: recognising the feelings that followed Gilly across different roles.

The identity behind the title: questioning what success means when your career has shaped how you see yourself.

Money, family and other people’s fears: the responsibilities that made changing direction complicated.

Building the next chapter gradually: developing Peachaus through business planning, accountability and investment.

Finding yourself beyond work: Gilly’s experience of rediscovering quiet, connection and the things she values.

Find out more about Gilly’s brand at peachaus.com.

Listen to next:

Feeling Stuck in Your Career — Richard Robinson. If Gilly’s story has you questioning your own work, Richard explores how to begin creating options before you know your destination.

Spotify

Apple

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.

What do you say to someone who is grieving when everything you think of sounds inadequate? You want to be a good friend, but you’re worried about upsetting them, mentioning the person who has died or somehow making things worse. So you put off the message. Then you feel awful for saying nothing.

Poppy Mardall, founder of Poppy’s Funerals, joins me to talk about why we find death so difficult to discuss, and what that silence means for the people living through it. We explore how to support a grieving friend without trying to fix their grief, why saying someone’s name can open up a connection rather than cause the sadness, and the importance of still being there when the funeral is over and everyone else appears to have moved on.

I also share my own fear of death and the late-night thoughts about losing the people I love. We talk about how to answer children’s questions about death without turning every conversation into a TED talk, why it helps to share our funeral wishes, and what workplaces miss when they expect someone to return from bereavement leave exactly as they were before. Along the way, there are allotment vegetables, my demands for a disco ball and a reminder that acknowledging death can change how we spend the time we have.

In this episode:

What to say to someone who is grieving: reaching out when you don’t have the perfect words, offering practical help and listening without trying to make it better.

Being there after the funeral: keeping in touch, remembering anniversaries and following your friend’s lead about talking about the person who has died.

How to talk to children about death: answering the question they’ve actually asked, making space for curiosity and admitting when you need time to think.

Funerals that feel like the person: sharing your wishes and making room for the stories, music and small details that mean something.

Grief at work and in everyday life: asking what someone needs, allowing that answer to change and recognising that grief doesn’t fit neatly into a few days off.

Find out more about Poppy’s work at Poppy’s Funerals.

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a podcast for women with a lot going on in their heads and very few places they can say all of it out loud. If you’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what you actually want for yourself, you’re in the right place. Carly Osman-Holme and her guests explore the things we think about but rarely say, from sex, money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need, or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show and join us for a new conversation every Thursday.

How do you know when to leave your job, especially when you’re good at it, people rely on you and you have absolutely no idea what you’d do instead? It’s easy to keep your head down, meet the next deadline and assume you’ll think about it when things quieten down. Then another year passes.

Richard Robinson joins me to explore a question he asks himself every year: “Will I give one more year of my life to these people?” We discuss what changes when you answer honestly, whether that means choosing to stay or acknowledging that you want to leave. Richard shares his own experience of making that decision and then having his plans delayed by the pandemic, and we talk about the space between knowing something needs to change and being ready to act.

From there, we get practical about feeling stuck in your career: asking for advice when you don’t know what to ask, building a personal board of directors and creating connections beyond the people you already work with. I share how focused I was on doing the work in my corporate career, with very little thought about making myself visible outside it. We also explore personal branding, the discomfort of posting on LinkedIn and why building relationships before you need a new job can give you more options when the time comes.

In this episode:

How to know when to leave your job: using Richard’s question to examine where you want to spend another year of your life.

Knowing you want a change without knowing what comes next: giving yourself time to explore and prepare.

Asking for career advice: choosing people you trust to be honest, challenge your thinking and help you understand your options.

Building a network before you need it: making connections beyond your current role and staying in touch when work gets busy.

Being visible and choosing deliberately: communicating what you offer, getting past the fear of putting yourself out there and recognising that staying can be an active choice too.

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a podcast for women with a lot going on in their heads and very few places they can say all of it out loud. If you’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what you actually want for yourself, you’re in the right place. Carly Osman-Holme and her guests explore the things we think about but rarely say, from sex, money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need, or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show and join us for a new conversation every Thursday.

Grief at Christmas can feel particularly lonely when everything around you insists you should be having a wonderful time. There are presents to organise, traditions to keep and people asking whether you’re feeling festive yet, while you’re trying to work out how to get through a day that makes someone’s absence feel even bigger. Whether it’s your first Christmas without them or many years have passed, the expectations can be exhausting.

Jennie Cashman, author of Becoming Brave and founder of the Abram Wilson charity, joins me to share how loss has shaped her experience of Christmas. Her baby brother died a week before Christmas when she was four, and she reflects on the sadness and silence that became part of the season for her family. Years later, after the death of her husband, jazz musician Abram Wilson, she chose to spend her first Christmas somewhere different, with a close friend who understood what she was going through.

We talk about coping with grief at Christmas, setting boundaries and finding small ways to look after yourself when changing everything isn’t possible. We also explore how to support a grieving friend without expecting them to talk, the guilt that can accompany enjoyment and the complicated truth that you can love the life you have now while wishing the person you lost was still here. This is a conversation for anyone missing someone, struggling with the pressure to celebrate or wanting to be there for someone they love.

In this episode:

The pressure to be festive: navigating invitations, family expectations and the effort of putting on a brave face.

Your first Christmas after a death and the years afterwards: why the season can remain difficult long after other people assume you’re doing better.

Keeping traditions or doing something different: Jennie’s experience of changing her Christmas plans and recognising her own needs.

Supporting a grieving friend: staying in touch, respecting privacy and making room for different ways of grieving.

Grief and enjoyment existing together: allowing mixed feelings about the person, the relationship and the life you’re building.

Find out more about Jennie and her children’s book, Becoming Brave, at jenniecashman.com.

For further information and support, visit Cruse’s guide to coping with grief at Christmas.

Am I Grieving Wrong? — Kate Nudds. Deepen your understanding of the feelings someone may be carrying, including guilt, relief and grief that catches them unexpectedly.

Spotify

Apple

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.

How do you have fun without alcohol when so much of your social life and your sense of who you are, has been built around drinking? If you’ve always been the last one standing, the first on the dance floor or the person ordering another bottle, stopping can leave you wondering whether you’re giving up part of yourself. It doesn’t help when the invitations start disappearing because other people have decided you’re probably not fun anymore.

Helen Masters, founder of Sober AF Dating, joins me for an honest conversation about socialising without alcohol, changing friendships and discovering whether the confidence we credited to drinking was ours all along. We share our experiences of stopping, starting again and finding our way through situations that once automatically involved a drink. For Helen, a holiday in Barbados became a turning point: getting everyone dancing with a mocktail in her hand helped her see what she was gaining, rather than what she thought she was missing.

We also get into sober dating and sex, including the vulnerability of taking your clothes off without a couple of glasses of wine quietening the commentary in your head. We talk about body confidence, believing someone when they tell you they find you attractive, and learning to feel comfortable without relying on alcohol to get you there. Whether you’ve stopped drinking, are sober curious or simply want alcohol to play a smaller part in your life, this is a conversation about making your own choices while still making room for the things you enjoy.

In this episode:

Will I still be fun if I stop drinking? Separating your personality from alcohol and finding out which things you still love doing.

Losing friends after quitting drinking: feeling left out, changing group dynamics and finding people who welcome you as you are.

Socialising and holidays without alcohol: navigating the airport drink, celebrations and the assumption that you must be missing out.

Sober dating and sex: feeling exposed, getting out of your own head and building confidence without a glass of wine.

Choosing what works for you: making space for sobriety, drinking less and questioning the expectation that connection has to start with “let’s grab a drink”.

Find Helen and learn more about Sober AF Dating through her LinkedIn profile.

Female Ambition — Nadia Patel. If you’re beginning to recognise what you want, explore why admitting your ambition can still feel uncomfortable.

Spotify

Apple

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.

About the show:

Why Aren’t We Talking About This? is a series of honest conversations about the stuff we rarely discuss but probably should—big feelings, weird thoughts, life, death, sex and all the messy, beautiful parts of being human.

Hosted by me, Carly Osman-Holme, on a quest to dodge a full-blown existential crisis. I’ve reached that point in life where I’m asking the big questions: How did I get here? What do I actually want? And why didn’t they teach us any of this in school?

A podcast for midlife women who’ve spent years being capable, responsible and there for everyone else, and are starting to ask what they actually want for themselves. From money and ambition to motherhood, grief, relationships and changing identity, we explore what’s going on underneath. If you want to understand yourself a little better, feel more confident saying what you need or know how to be there for someone else, follow the show for a new conversation every Thursday.