Friendships are dying. Even prior to the pandemic driven house arrest, the role of friendship was waning. The main culprit is time. We are just too busy, or at least we claim to be. Almost half of all Americans surveyed have lost touch with some of their friends over the past 12 months. And, some of them have lost touch with all of their friends. There's lots of data here to explore and lots of implications to our mental health. Click to listen and learn more about the future of friendship.

It’s hard to be open and honest with anyone today, especially on tough topics like gay marriage or religion. There’s a real fear of being misunderstood, clobbered or cancelled. Because we are living in an era of incivility.

The simple task of even producing an article like this one….is just too risky. If I have any readers after this piece it will be a miracle.

Wisdom

Don’t you think wisdom is one of the benefits of traveling through the various stages of life? I do.

Wisdom is simply a worldview that is continually influenced by experience and knowledge.

To permanently fix your mind on a particular position is short sighted. It suggests that you’ve reached enlightenment. And, have finished gaining experience and knowledge, forever.

Since it’s just you and me talking, I’ll go ahead and admit it. I was once uncertain about gay marriage. It seemed to threaten the institution of marriage and seemed to be out of line with my faith tradition. But, a man named Dr. David Watson changed my mind. About five years ago he said, “I don’t ever want to see a couple sitting behind me in church and have them feel un-welcome in God’s house.” In a split second that experience and his wisdom changed my mind. It wasn’t hard.

“When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, madam?”Sir Winston Churchill

The point is that we are a work in progress. And, as good human-beings we should constantly evaluate our positions. This is why it’s important to stay open minded to people who disagree with you. Because there is always more to learn and absorb. Like your Mom’s favorite recipes. They get better over the years as she continually tweaks and adjusts the ingredients based on wisdom & experience.

The ability to change your mind shows an openness to seeing the world differently. And it opens up a whole new world of possibilities. But, changing your mind takes courage. It’s an outward sign that you remain open to learning.

But in today’s world, changing your mind is frowned upon. It’s wishy-washy, or hypocritical to change your mind. As if finding new ways of seeing complex problems is a sign of weakness. Hogwash.

“The difference between sounding smart and being smart is: I don’t know”.

Naval Ravikant

Social media has exacerbated this problem and led to a war on civility. The world is now full of opinionated armchair experts. And, most of them are on Twitter, where the only form of communication is screaming. Twitter is the land of extreme overconfidence. Everyone is an expert. And, everyone believes their own bullshit.

The more overconfident we are in our opinions, the more likely we are to express (scream) those opinions. And, the more likely we are to launch a little spittle with our opinions.

Some people believe that the space program was fake but that professional wrestling is real.

 

Some people have simply forgotten how to listen. Whether it’s gun control, abortion, taxes or ketchup on eggs, they have an expert opinion. It’s as if they’ve simply stopped listening and learning, because they already know everything.

“I want you to know, I value each of your opinions, even when you’re wrong.” 

-Ted Lasso

Social Media has created a false sense of community and protection that makes some feel more confident in their views. Polarization increases closed mindedness and closed mindedness increase polarization. Take climate change, for example. It’s not a hill I’m prepared to die on, even though half the world is on fire or underwater right now. But, there are many who will gladly die on that hill. After all, there is valor and virtue in identification with a group that is trying to save the planet. Esprit de corps and all that. 

Despite my current position on Climate Change, I reserve the right to listen and learn more about that issue and to potentially change my mind as evidence continues to grow.

 

So why do we get so entrenched in our positions? Research shows that the more times we repeat an opinion, the more deeply entrenched we become. Like my unwavering opinion that the ageless Keith Richards had John Lennon and George Harrison rubbed out. C’mon, you know it’s possible.  

 

Keep digging, my friend.

Apparently the more times we are “pitched” on a position the less likely we are to adopt that position. Instead of examining our position through civil discourse, we simply dig in deeper. 

Maybe that’s the reason Donald Trump lost the US Presidential election. Perhaps he told everyone that he was doing a terrific job one time too many.  

 

There’s a big difference between being confident and being overconfident. See, being confident is sexy and infectious. It’s the swagger of a pimp in a white fur coat. But, overconfidence is off-putting-as we say in the south. It’s simply closing your mind off from human curiosity. It’s a refusal to be open to ideas and opinions outside your tribe. It’s the fastest way to get avoided at cocktail parties, even if you are wearing a white fur.

 

In 1861, Walt Whitman penned the famous line: Be curious. Not judgmental. But I think in 2021 some have turned that famous line around: Be judgmental. Not curious.

 

Courtesy Raging Rhetoric

And, that judgment creates sophomoric contempt for those of differing opinions. See, contempt leaves no room for curiosity. Everything is black & white. Everything is self righteous.

 

Perhaps there’s a sense of comfort and identity in our identity tribe; a sense of belonging to something bigger than ourselves. Like the way that a church or synagogue allows those of like mind to be in community with one another.

 

To be curious is scary, for some. Scary, because for some people this is the first time they’ve felt a sense of real community or belonging. Being open to dissenting opinions could lead to exclusion. Next thing you know, you’re eating your Lunchable alone in the middle school cafeteria again.  

“Arrogance is ignorance plus conviction,” 

-Tim Urban

 

In his bestselling book, Think Again, Adam M. Grant writes, “If knowledge is power, knowing what we don't know is wisdom. The less intelligent we are in a particular domain, the more we seem to overestimate our actual intelligence in that domain.” Said another way, those with the strongest convictions typically have the least ability to find their ass cheeks with both hands.  

According to Grant, “We listen to views that make us feel good, instead of ideas that make us think hard.”

 

Courtesy xkcd via Mark Manson

Groundhog Day

The good news is that, according to the Wall Street Journal, pants with buttons and zippers have begun outselling those with drawstrings or elastic waistbands at L.L. Bean Inc. It’s time to get out of your day-jammies celebrate and start to celebrate how little we know about things. And, once we get back into real clothes, let’s develop the courage to identify new ways of seeing old problems.

At a certain age we learn the difference between talent and skills.

Talent is on loan from God. But, skills can be learned by anyone. You need not have the former to exercise the latter. And, that understanding can lead to an enormous amount of joy.

Dear Graduate: Enjoy this moment of freedom, before life gets all serious and you have to do stuff again. And, remember to appreciate the sacrifices earlier generations made that allow you the freedom to watch anything you want on Netflix. And post bored pics of yourself on Insta. Life could be a whole lot worse.

Sincerely,

The United States of America

Now that we are officially finished with drinking three “quarantinis” a day and hoarding gasoline, it’s time to assess the damage. What are the long term consequences of the complete disruption of our lives.

More importantly, what are the long term consequences for our teens, particularly those that were already at-risk? I’m talking about the 67M Americans known as Generation Z or Gen Z. I like to refer to them as The Young and the Restless, but I digress.

If you want to know how our teenagers will do after suffering through the loneliness, fear and forced isolation, you must simply look back at the teens that survived the Great Depression. Those kids turned out just fine and re-entered the pages of history in 1941 to save the world.

I’ve started reading about our ability to overcome suffering. There are countless examples, but I’ve found two from history that will take your breath away. Listen to this 11-minute summary of my latest article and learn the secrets of survival from two of the greatest heroes of the last generation.

Growing Up is Overrated; Let’s Play

As a young boy I stormed the southeastern beaches of Iwo Jima amid a cauldron of shell bursts and mortar fire. I was flanked by Sergeant Mabry and Private Trull and armed with my M1 Carbine, Ka-Bar combat knife and a supply of standard issue frag grenades. 

 

Over the next several hours the battle raged. The near hand-to-hand fighting was intense. We captured the first of three airfields and moved toward the island’s rock-strewn northern sector. We lost a lot of good men that day. It was hell. But war is hell, after all.

And that’s where the story begins. 

 

Unfortunately around 5:45pm my Mom yelled for me to come in. The truth is that the battle for Iwo Jima took place in the deep woods behind my boyhood home. The guns were plastic, the grenades were pinecones and the radios were mostly shoe boxes and duct tape.

My wing men, Sergeant Mabry and Private Trull, were my next door neighbors and best friends. We fought many battles together. Good men. Warriors. We must’ve died 1,000 times on those “beaches” in my own backyard.

I can still find Wiley's house

Riding on my bike with eyes closed

I could name every girl that he took out

And from my memory, dial his house phone

(Ben Rector - Old Friends)

Our deaths were often hastened by enemy sniper fire or an expertly tossed Japanese grenade. Our deaths typically involved a slow motion fall into a pile of soft leaves. Or some other overly-dramatic and highly imaginative demise that launched us airborne. Personally I dove on hundreds of grenades.  

Those were the days. Good times. 

It was a simpler time. A time of freedom. A time of unlimited imagination. A time of boundless energy. A time of friendships. A time of pine cone grenades. 

 

There were also moments of pure boredom. Moments that inexplicably turned exhilarating without any effort. Like the famous train scene from the classic coming-of-age movie, Stand by Me. I can easily see myself on that train trestle, running at full-steam, diving to narrowly avoid the speeding train.   

Can you take me back when we were just kids

Who weren't scared of getting older?

'Cause no one knows you like they know you

And no one probably ever will

You can grow up, make new ones

But truth is there's nothing like old friends 

'Cause you can't make old friends

The End of Play Time

I often wonder when we lost the ability to play. The ability to be creative and imaginative. The ability to hear the mortar fire, smell the sulfur grenades and sense the danger in a totally make-believe battle. The ability to outrun the speeding train. 

 

We weren’t limited to just storming the beaches of Iwo Jima. I personally caught the game-winning pass in the Super Bowl. I did it 473 times. That one-handed, sideline catch. Diving expertly past the pylon. Stretching out to break the plane of the goal as time expires. The crowd goes wild. 

 

Except the pylon was my mailbox.  And the goal line was my driveway. And the ball was a green, Nerf football. 

I can still feel the windows down

Listening to Jimmy Eat World 

Riding 3-wide on Blake's bench seat

My God, it's been ten years now

I would have his back tomorrow

And he'd still fight anyone who tried to touch me

The Benefits of Play

Play has been shown to release endorphins those chemicals known to create the “runner’s high” that we get after vigorous exercise.  Endorphins improve brain functionality, and stimulate creativity make us feel happy. 

”We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything than when we are playing.” 

-Charles Schaefer

Maybe it’s the reason why Ellen Degeneres is always so darn happy. The Ellen Show is an American talk-variety show featuring comic Ellen Degeneres. In addition to dancing and interviewing guests, Ellen likes to play games. Here’s a montage of Ellen’s best game playing moments.  

 

It’s as if your teenage best friend has a killer basement and an unlimited amount of money to play games and pull pranks on strangers. Instead of raging teen hormones, Ellen creates raging Endorphins from laughter.  

It’s no wonder that an average of 4.2M viewers tune in daily. 

And I've got some good friends now

But I've never seen their parents' back porch

I wouldn't change how things turned out

But there's no one in this time zone

Who knows what inline skates that I wore

Play allows us to learn how to be creative and helps nurture critical thinking. It also creates real life, problem-solving skills. And teaches the art of compromise. Critically important life skills outside of the land of make-believe.   

Oh, and it’s fun, too. 

In every real man a child is hidden that wants to play.

Friedrich Nietzsche

 

Maybe it’s the reason why The Brooklyn Preschool “Mastermind” is so popular. For around $1,000 you can have a preschool-type experience for adults. 

 

Adults pay to get in touch with their inner child. There’s show-and-tell, Musical chairs, arts-and-crafts such as finger painting and daily naps. Yes, you pay a grand to finger-paint and take a nap. It’s a sure sign that the economy is about to implode.  

Can you take me back when we were just kids

Who weren't scared of getting older? 

'Cause no one knows you like they know you

And no one probably ever will

What’s About the Millennials?

One of the biggest complaints about Millennials is that they are not problem solvers. Do you think it’s cause they spent too much time in carefully crafted, meticulously managed activities. I do. 

Activities like team-based sports and after school tutors. Or playing video games, often in isolation. Sterile activities that require little in the way of creativity, imagination or problem solving. 

 

You can grow up, make new ones

But the truth is

That we grow up, then wish we could go back then

There's nothing like old friends 

'Cause you can't make old friends

Christmas Vacation

Why is it that the only time we play as adults is on vacation? Take me to a far-away island and I immediately revert. I wanna sing karaoke and ride a surfboard. I wanna build an elaborate sandcastle. I wanna play pool volleyball and rent kayaks and try to tip over in the surf. If they set up a game of Kick the Can I’ll own it. Nobody beats me at lawn games. Nobody. 

 

This time of year I love to watch Christmas movies. The classics like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation or Home Alone or Elf. 

Just seeing Will Ferrell in his green Elf costume makes me laugh. Downing a liter of Coke and perfectly executing a four-octave burp. Navigating the revolving doors at the Empire State Building. Classic. 

 

It’s a perfect example of what it means to play. And also a perfect juxtaposition of the playful Buddy the Elf and the hard core, no-nonsense New Yorkers. Which one are you?

So as you approach the new year, let’s re-ignite our inner Elf. Let’s seek to find ways to play more, worry less and find the joy in life’s revolving doors.

Before you go, could you please click below and share this story on Facebook with your non-imaginary friends? I’ll have your back if we ever get in a snowball fight.

 

What We Leave Behind - 11 Ideas to Make You a Better Dad

We recently had some house guests. They brought their 15 month old daughter. It’s been a long time since we had a baby in the house. But you never forget things: how little they sleep; how much they have to say. 

I enjoyed telling the new Dad a few things. Like once you teach them to walk and talk, you’ve lost all control of the asylum. He looked at me like I’d eaten too much paste as a kid. He’ll learn. 

 

Time is moving slowly for them right now. Long days; short nights. But it will change soon. In my experience, life moves slow at an extremely rapid pace.

““Life moves slow at a very rapid pace””

A different friend recently attended his annual Donuts with Dads. Each child was asked to name ten things they love about their Dad. Number two on his kid’s list was “My Dad has lots of homeless friends”. Wow. Personally I don’t have any homeless friends. And that’s where the story begins.

 

My daughter was in first grade. I was busy kicking, fighting, scratching and clawing through my career. She was asked to color a picture of what makes her Mommy & Daddy happy. My sweet little girl colored a picture of my wife arranging flowers (left). And she colored a picture of me sitting in the passenger window of a Delta jet. The caption was “My Daddy is happy when he is on airplanes”. Ouch. Sometimes God will use the voices (or Crayons) of other people to speak to us.

 

This picture is framed and has been on my desk for 15 years.

Here's the problem. Everyone wants to know why people act the way they do. But few people are ever willing to look at their own behavior. 

Why do I do the things I do? 

And who am I doing them for?

We cannot see our own blind spots. It’s like trying to see the back of your head after getting a jacked-up haircut for $9 at Supercuts. Or like Cheryl not realizing that it was just lightning that burned down her She-Shed. C’mon, Cheryl. 

 

But kids are observant. Extremely observant. They see us exactly as we are. Warts and all. It’s easy to get focused on the prize and forget that they are always watching. Always learning. Always listening. Cause no matter how much of a tool your Dad was, you always worshipped him. You probably still do.

In our minds we are all the coolest Dad on the planet. We all want Alan Jackson to sing about us.

Just an old half-ton short-bed Ford

My uncle bought new in '64

Daddy got it right 'cause the engine was smoking

Couple of burnt valves and he had it going

The worst Dads on the planet wanna be that Dad. I wanna be that Dad. Even though I couldn’t fix a burnt valve with “some pliers and a case of 30-weight ball bearings”. I still wanna be that Dad. Fine tuning that short-bed Ford pickup.

 

Drive (for Daddy Gene) is still one of my favorite songs. And you can watch Alan Jackson sing it live at the Grand Ole Opry here (2019). 

We all think we are decent human beings. Until we hear about a Dad who “has lots of homeless friends”. The two Dad stories provide a fascinating contrast. 

We often compare ourselves to the worst Dad we know. The guy who got caught with his pants down. The guy who left the kids and ran off with the Secretary. The guy who sends the kids a box of Hickory Farms smoked meats and cheeses at Christmas. “I’m not as bad as that guy.” Not the best measuring stick, my friend.

 

Up before dawn, Dressing in the dark. Coffee on the run. Expertly navigating Monday morning before daylight. Dodging the lines with children-and other uninitiated folks. Clearing TSA with surgical precision. Knowing the right bathrooms. And hoping for the Shakespeare seat (2B). Jangling metal tags. Super big time. 

He let me drive here when we'd haul off a load

Down a dirt strip where we'd dump trash off of Thigpen Road

Sit up in the seat and stretch my feet out to the pedals

Smiling like a hero that just received his medal

Up before dawn. Dressing in the dark. Coffee on the run. Expertly navigating Monday morning before daylight. Reaching the kitchen. Cracking hundreds of eggs. The smell of fresh brewed coffee and bacon in the air. Toast for days.  Navigating the gathering crowd with surgical precision. Reaching out; but for the grace of God. Super Big Time. 

Some might say that seeing me run all over hell’s half acre was a good lesson for my daughter. Mission accomplished, I guess. The velocity of life, and all.  I guess that’s one of the panes in my window.

But like a roller coaster, sometimes you don’t realize how fast you are moving until it stops. And everything around you keeps moving. And you hear someone’s kid say “my Daddy has lots of homeless friends”. In an instant, we go from jet setting business mogul, metal tags jangling…. to self-absorbed, travel Dad who chooses work over family. Ouch. From the mouth of babes and sucklings, I guess.  

It was just an old hand-me-down Ford

With three-speed on the column and a dent in the door

A young boy two hands on the wheel

I can't replace the way it made me feel

This is one of the great challenges of man. Managing the many obstacles of growing a family, building a career, making a good income, being a half-decent spouse and not ending up on some “Dad Fail” Instagram post. And trying to keep your chin just about the water line, so as to keep from drowning. And trying to hold fast to the last vestiges of your dreams

““Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them” 

Henry David Thoreau ”

It’s a tall order. We must be mindful that the best things in life aren’t things. And we don’t stay where we are for long. Life moves slow at an incredibly high rate of speed.

And I would press that clutch

And I would keep it right

And he'd say, a little slower son you're doing just fine

Just a dirt road with trash on each side

But I was Mario Andretti

When Daddy let me drive

Let me say that nobody is crying a river for Dads. Nobody is ever gonna feel sorry for Dad or even Grand Dad. There is more empathy for incarcerated Terrorists than there is for Dads. 

Fortunately Pop culture has been improving the Dad image. We’ve migrated from Phil Dunfey, Homer Simpson and Al Bundy. We now have Jack Pearson (This is Us), Ned Stark (GOT) and Eric Taylor (Friday Night Lights). Good Dads with their heads screwed on straight. 

 

I'm grown up now three daughters of my own

To let them drive my old Jeep across a pasture in our home

Maybe one day they'll reach back in their file

And pull out that old memory

And think of me and smile

I’m not suggesting you should quit your day-job and move to a tent city in San Francisco. I am suggesting that we can all strive to be better people. The modern day Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus, the common farmer who became a legendary figure of Roman virtue. So what are the things we can do to ensure we are moving in the right direction?  Here are a few ideas:

Create Memories

My good friend Rob once told me that that he exists for one purpose: “to create memories for my kids”. I wrote it down and try to constantly look for opportunities to do small things that create big memories. Sometimes the best memories come in small doses. In the simplest of experiences we are building something that will last well beyond our limited time on earth: memories.  

Selfie Check

My friend Scott has a family tradition. It serves everyone’s purpose. Mom and Dad want to know the kids are safe. Kids want any excuse to take a selfie. So anyone in the family has the freedom at any time to simply text “selfie check” to the family. Everyone has five minutes to return a selfie of what they’re doing.  It’s a great way to make sure everyone is safe and to stay connected when you aren’t together. 

Be a Contributing Member of Society

Work was given as a gift to us. We weren't made to sit around and do nothing.  Look, if your idea of a productive day involves a remote control, it’s time to take inventory. Kids watch us. And if you are sleeping in past the time they get up for school, you’re as useless as a screen door on a submarine. 

Create a Family Playlist

My brother in law, Jeff Smith, only asked for one thing on his last birthday He set up a Spotify Playlist called Favorite Songs. He added his 15 favorite tunes. Then he asked each family member to add their 15 favorites. He now has a playlist of his family’s 60 favorite tunes in one Play List. Pretty cool.

Practice Generosity

At the end of the day I empty my change and any one dollar bills into a jar. It adds up. Every year on Christmas Eve, my daughter and I visit Starbucks. We take over the store and spend all that money. For a few hours we covertly buy a cup of coffee for every patron that walks through the door. The looks on their faces is worth the investment. Here’s a photo from our fav barista a few years ago. 

 

Live a Healthy Life

Part of setting a good example is taking good care of yourself. Put down the cheeseburger.

Have a Spiritual Life

Life is hard enough. Teaching your children about faith in something greater than ourselves is our greatest lesson. 

Treat People with Respect

Just do it. No explanation necessary. (see also: “Don’t Be a Jerk”)

 

Speak to Strangers

One of my favorite things to do is ask total strangers, “how is your day going so far? It’s a simple ask. For me it’s a great way to engage strangers. For my kid it’s a lesson in kindness. 

 

Original artwork by John P. Weiss (www.johnpweiss.com)

Share Your Spiritual Gifts 

Do your children know what your spiritual gifts and talents are? My wife is an outstanding florist. Truly an artist with flowers. And flowers bring her joy. But she refuses to charge anyone for them. She simply reserves her talent for God and for her closest friends when they need her: weddings, funerals, etc. She will admit, “I only do flowers for people that I love.” That way it remains calming and enjoyable—and not a job. Showing your children your spiritual gifts is a great way to set the example for your kids.  

Teach Your Kids About Work

Multiple generations of the same family enter into the same profession: law enforcement, fire prevention, petty theft, medicine, law, teaching, etc.

So teach your kids about what you do while they’re in school. Who knows, they may end up having a passion for what you do. 
 

So that’s it. A few tips to make you a better human. For me these few things are a lot easier than trying to find the valves in a half-ton, short-bed truck. And in a few years we’ll all be riding in driverless cars anyway:

Just a dirt road with trash on each side

But I was Elon Musk

When Daddy let me program the auto-drive feature from the backseat at dusk….

8 Inches From The G.O.A.T. ─ Michael Jordan’s First Failure

When you think of the 23, what immediately comes to mind? The natural number following 22 and preceding 24? Two days before Christmas? The atomic number of Vanadium? The 23rd Psalm-The Lord is my Shepherd?  

Sure. 

 

But when most people think of 23 they think of number 23. As in Michael Jordan, the G.O.A.T., (Greatest of All Time—for the Boomers in the audience)  formerly of the Chicago Bulls. He played an astonishing 15 seasons for the NBA and is the most sensational athlete of our generation. 

 

And, he is arguably the greatest basketball player of all time. But if you know anything about number 23, you know that before he was the world's greatest round-ball player, he was a complete failure. 

Failed and Rejected

While a sophomore at Emsley A. Laney High School in Wilmington, North Carolina, MJ was rejected from the Varsity squad. He was relegated to the Junior Varsity as his best friend, another sophomore, Leroy Smith, was chosen for the final Varsity spot. 

Smith was not as good as Jordan but he added size to the team, as he was 6’6” compared to Jordan’s diminutive 5’10”. 

So for all practical purposes, Leroy Smith was eight inches from the G.O.A.T.

More importantly, the Varsity coaches knew Jordan had potential. They knew if he played for the Varsity squad he would largely ride the wood and watch games from the sideline. So they put him on the B team... 

Yup, MJ was on the B team in high school. 

 

Michael Jordan game film from high school.

Jordan was devastated and tells the story that he spent hours in his room with the door closed crying uncontrollably. 

After he finished his pity party, Jordan did what all Champions do ─ he dusted himself off, held his head high, and used that “piss and vinegar” to become the greatest player of all time. 

 

Jordan put on the JV uniform and went out and kicked some ass. 

“Whenever I was working out and got tired and figured I ought to stop, I’d close my eyes and see that list in the locker room without my name on it, and that usually got me going again.”

─ Michael Jordan

All or Nothing

How many of us would have done that?  Today’s mantra is “all or nothing.” We demand recognition of our self-anointed greatness. This is best illustrated by the overused but accurate analogy of “participation trophies” in kids' sports today. 

 

But the truth is, even if you are Michael Jordan, you aren’t as awesome as you think you are. The problem is that nobody will shoot you straight because they don’t want to upset you. 

 

There’s always someone better looking, cooler, smarter, stronger, or you name it than you. Always. In MJ’s case, there was someone 8 inches taller. 

You see, many people hear this story and assume the high school coaches were just stupid. That they failed to recognize MJ’s talent. That isn’t necessarily true. They fully recognized his talent.  They wanted to further develop his talent by playing time in an arena where he could shine. 

Had Michael Jordan ridden the bench and scored a few points as a reliever for the Senior starters he may not have developed into the star that he was destined to be.

Being the G.O.A.T. 

Even after he became the world-renowned number 23 for the Chicago Bulls, the underdog, 5’10 high school player mentality drove MJ. 

 

Disappointments and setbacks are all part of God’s plan for our lives. I have often said in business that if we aren’t failing on a regular basis we aren’t pushing ourselves hard enough. 

 

We can choose to quit. Just fold up our proverbial tent and go home. Or we can embrace uncertainty and see possibility in it instead of danger. It happened to me last year. A series of business setbacks in January that made me really question if I’d lost my mojo. Maybe I just didn’t have “it” anymore.

Then another G.O.A.T. did what seemed totally impossible. Against all odds. We’re you watching when Tiger Woods completed the greatest comeback in sports history to win The Masters? If not you must have been in a Physician induced Coma.

 

Or we can embrace uncertainty and see possibility in it instead of danger.

Michael Jordan would go on to break numerous NBA records and become the most decorated NBA player of all time. He has done more to advance the popularity of the sport than any modern player.

Even today, he is the principal owner and CEO of the Charlotte Hornets in North Carolina. He inspired an entire generation of great basketball players, including Kobe Bryant, Dwayne Wade and Lebron James. 

 

Failing Often Means Pushing Yourself Harder

The lesson here is simple. You will fail often if you are pushing yourself hard enough. 

And it’s a tough world. People you know-and some that you love-will laugh at you. People you compete with will bask in your failure. 

But you have a choice… Tuck your tail and wallow in your defeat and vow to never try that again.  Or… ”Be like Mike.” 

 

Dust yourself off, put on the JV uniform and use that defeat to build a fire to become the G.O.A.T.  

“I’ve missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I’ve been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”─ Michael Jordan

After picking himself up off the floor, Jordan did what champions do. He let his failure and disappointment drive him to be better. 

“Whenever I was working out and got tired and figured I ought to stop, I’d close my eyes and see that list in the locker room without my name on it, and that usually got me going again.”─ Michael Jordan

 

Final Thoughts

You can’t think of the G.O.A.T. basketball player or the word “champion” without thinking of Michael Jordan. And there’s no better proof that failure is simply a stepping stone to success than Jordan’s story.

For Michael Jordan, disappointment and setback resulted in a redoubling effort. It should be the same for all of us…  

 

Technically ─  if we don’t fail every once in a while ─  we aren’t trying hard enough.

How do you feel about becoming the “Greatest Of All Time” in your field? How do you work toward this seemingly hard-to-reach goal? 

I’d like to know about it. Send me an email at [email protected] and let me know. 
 

Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

 

I remember where I was the first time I heard the music of Ireland’s greatest band: U2. It was 1985. Someone snuck a bootleg cassette of U2’s groundbreaking Under a Blood Red Sky into my Spanish lab. 

 

I didn’t know why the sky was blood red or why Sunday was bloody, but the guy singing seemed pretty pissed about it. Anthem rock. I was hooked.

Our Restless Search for Meaning

The song is an anthem to man’s inherent and restless search for meaning.

Perhaps it is our genetic connection to the cavemen or Adam & Eve ─ but we always seem to be searching for meaning in our own lives. 

 

The cavemen were constantly worried about killing their next beast. Or finding a larger cave for their wives-before the next snow. These things were important for survival. 

Then there’s the whole thing in the Garden of Eden. The trickery with the apples. A story for another time. 

 

Regardless, as a species, there’s an inherent restlessness and searching at our core. We are always looking for meaning and purpose in our lives.

Seeking more. Longing. 

It’s what Bono was singing about in I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For (1987).

U2's I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For Live From Milan

“I have kissed honey lips

Felt the healing in the fingertips

It burned like fire

This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongue of angels

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night

I was cold as a stone

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for

But I still haven't found

What I'm looking for”

─ Bono, U2

The Mating

I think our lives are divided into two, nine-hole golf matches. We spend our elementary years chasing girls—with a worm on a stick. Then they start to smell good. We start to like raincoats. From there the real chase is on. Everything we do is to impress the fairer sex.

In the mating, most guys are just trying to find the unicorn on the universal hot-crazy matrix. And they’re trying not to look totally incompetent at work so they can go home and watch sports.

The front nine is all about “the mating”.

Once we find sturdy mate, life gets simpler at “the turn”. Like the cavemen, we find a nice cave. We get a sharp spear and a beast of burden.

 

The Mattering

On the back nine we can really get our game on. We might get married, maybe have some crumb snatchers. We buy a place, find a better job, have some kids, buy a bigger place. You get the point. Pretty standard formula. 
 

“I’m just trying to matter and live a good life and make work that means something to somebody.”

— Reese Witherspoon
 

On the back nine there can be trouble. Lots of trouble. Especially if there’s a young, scantily clad woman on the beverage cart.

 

On the back nine we start to look around. We start to measure. We start to compare. We start to wonder and worry. I think the cavemen did this too.

 

 

 

We start to question everything. Why does Atok have the biggest cave? Why did Krog get the biggest beast? And how did Thor get a third wife when he only has one eye left.

The Dead Cat Bounce

Life starts well, and ends well. But, the middle part can be rocky.

This is the finding of a recently released paper from economists David Blanchflower of Dartmouth College and Andrew Oswald of the University of Warwick. 

Average life satisfaction slowly declines from early adulthood high until it takes a “dead cat bounce” in the early 50s.

 

The good news is that once you hit bottom, life gets less sucky as you age. Satisfaction rises by about 20% from the late 50s, through the 70s.

Ostensibly because mortality is looming. And we focus on cherishing the moments we have left.

I don’t think that’s the reason. I think it’s cause we’ve already made all our dumb decisions. And, there’s no wisdom in the second kick of a mule.

 

And that’s where Bono comes back into the story. Remember Bono?

Maybe I Have Found What I’m Looking For

I think we are wasting time in The Mattering.

I think what we are looking for is right in front of us.

My Pastor, Tony Sundermeier, recently made this great point in a sermon. Instead of living in awe of our imperfect lives, we spend our days longing and looking and searching for something better. His sermon inspired me to write this story

 

I think Bono is looking in all the wrong places for that meaning, too.

The secret of a meaningful life is meaningful relationships. It’s family and children and friendships and memories.

 

So what about you? Have you found what you’re looking for yet? Is it right in front of you? Like finding your lost sunglasses in the last place you look.

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