Just days after the F.B.I announced that there are still more goddamn emails of Hillary Clinton’s to investigate, NPR reports that on Tuesday the file on Bill Clinton’s controversial 2001 pardon of Marc Rich was released to the public — and no one is quite sure why. Rich was a former hedge-fund manager indicted on multiple counts of tax evasion, racketeering, and wire fraud.

After photos of Val Kilmer with what looked like a “breathing aid” around his neck surfaced last year, the actor was quick to deny reports that he was battling cancer or any other kind of illness. But it’s hard for me to believe any report on a celebrity’s health unless it’s provided by Michael Douglas. And I’m in luck, because Michael Douglas happened to do just that! Page Six reports that Douglas made the comments during a Sunday Q&A in London.

It’s the 21st century, and that means no woman should have to decide between her craft and her career. A flawless story was published today by one The New York Post, in which Liz Pressman, 58, who now works as a news librarian at the Post, details her experience being fired from a temp job in the 90s for expressing to her coworkers that sometimes she engages in witchcraft. Yet another pitfall of the gig economy.

Ammon Bundy, Ryan Bundy and five of their friends were acquitted Thursday of federal conspiracy and weapons charges, despite the fact that they very clearly plunked their butts in Oregon’s Malheur Wildlife Refuge in January, armed with guns, and refused to leave.

Sharbat Gula, the young Afghan girl featured on a 1985 National Geographic cover, was arrested today in Pakistan on charges of fraudulently obtaining national identity cards for herself and her family. The New York Timesreports that authorities arrested Gula Wednesday in her home in Peshawar. Authorities had been investigating her whereabouts for at least a year.

Last Sunday, a woman fell as she exited a Brooklyn subway, and was helped up by a man. That man then stalked her for seven blocks and then sexually assaulted her in the stairwell of her apartment building. According to NBC New York, the 38 year-old woman—currently unidentified—did not know the man who assisted her. But he trailed her as she departed the 25th Street R train station around 11:30 p.m. and, after walking home, entered her apartment building near Fourth Avenue.

If you’ve just arrived from outer space and are curious what’s up with this “Donald Trump” character everyone keeps talking about, here’s a little vignette that exquisitely encapsulates an entire election season’s worth of horror stories in just four short paragraphs. It involves Salma Hayek and the National Enquirer, obviously.

Keeping Up With the Joneses,the weird couples’ film where Jon Hamm plays a sexy spy, brought in only $5.7 million at the box office in a record tragic opening weekend. The movie had a reported $40 million production budget, which turned out to be a huge waste. Deadline reports: Booked at 3,022 locations, Joneses is one of the lowest debuts for a saturated theater count of that size.

Ciara’s legal battles with her Future, the father of her child Future Zahir Wilburn are coming to an end just as her career as a brand ambassador for Revlon begins. What curious timing! TMZ reports that Ciara dropped her libel case against Future today because she’s making so much goddamn money professionally that she can’t claim damages. In order to win a defamation case, it seems you have to prove that you’re suffering financially.

Amy Schumer had a rough show in Tampa on Sunday night, during which around 200 people walked out after she started talking about Donald Trump and sexual assault. She’s very, very sorry. At the time, a lot of fans complained that they’d expected an evening of entertainment, not political talk. Comedians notably never address politics or any other divisive subject matter, so that’s reasonable.