Won't You Be My Killer?

Won't You Be My Killer?

By Evan KesslerComedyTrue CrimeFiction
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Won't You Be My Killer? episodes

  • Sick, But Also Nice w/ Kevin Camia
    It's a murderous day for the 23rd installment of Won't You Be My Killer! You might say it's "the Michael Jordan of episodes!" On this edition of the world's foremost fictional comedy murder podcast, your friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler, welcomes guest Kevin Camia (Late Show with Stephen Colbert, Valley Heat, The Dress Up Gang, Larry The Musical) to flip the hypothetical executioner's switch. Before any daisies get pushed up, the duo discuss the dos and donts of posting your date on social media; which Bradley Cooper movie was deserving of all of the Oscars; and whether or not Evan had anything to do with the death of Kevin and his fiancee's dog. Sounds confrontational, doesn't it? It's actually pretty chill, but by the end, as always, our host must abide by his self-imposed, time-honored tradition of exiting this highway we call "life" with our guest's potentially blood-soaked hands on the metaphorical wheel. We all gotta go sometime, so stuff a donut in your mouth and brace for impact. It's a podcasting day to get murdered.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    56 min
  • The First Seduction w/ Teresa Lo
    It's a murderous day for a podcasting and, on the day we recorded this episode, it was also a great day to experience the shifting of the earth's tectonic plates. In this 22nd installment of "Won't You Be My Killer" your host and friendly neighborhood victim, Evan Kessler, is joined by his friend Teresa Lo (Pause w/ Sam Jay, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Hustler Magazine) – a writer/director/comedian whose career straddles both the mainstream and adult entertainment industries. Before punching a one-way ticket to a high-fiveathon at the Pearly Gates, our hypothetical corpse and this week's would-be executioner discuss the importance of saying yes to unconventional career avenues, the potentially opposite ideologies at work in the adult and comedy worlds, and just how strong of an earthquake (4.7) they experienced. Mother nature may have wanted to get in on the lethal action, but that's always our guest's job. Thankfully, the shaking subsided and our company was allowed the opportunity to transform into a devious femme fatale. So how does it all shake out? Well, there's only one way to find out. It's a podcasting day to get murdered.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    45 min
  • The New Falling Down Movie w/ Robert Vertrees
    It's a murderous day for a podcasting and the landmark episodes keep on coming. We've reached the 21st installment of "Won't You Be My Killer," which means this show is old enough to drink – assuming each episode is one podcast year. This week, your friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler welcomes comic, friend, and former professional boxer with a degree in theater, "Rocky" Robert Vertrees. Before carrying out the gritty weekly task of hypothetically ending the show creator's existence, the anger furnace gets stoked as the duo discusses the audacity of people using their hazard lights, the proper level of competitiveness for a comedian softball league and the intent behind the use of certain language. Our guest also goes above and beyond by creating the pod's signature cocktail, "the Murderita Spritz." Will mixology punch our host's one-way ticket to visit the mortician – or does our guest have a more brutal conclusion in mind? There's only one way to find out and that's to give a listen. It's a podcasting day to get murdered!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1 hr 4 min
  • Better Knife Skills w/ Jessica Singer

    It's a murderous day for a podcasting, a podcasting day for the 20th episode of Won't You Be My Killer! Joining Evan in the fictionally gruesome fun, for this landmark installment of the world's foremost hypothetical murder you-dunnit, is Jessica Singer, winner of season 26 of the Food Network's "Worst Cooks in America!" In addition to not being the least capable chef in the country, our guest is also a boisterous and joyful comedic presence on the LA standup scene. On the menu this week, aside from the obvious entree of murder, are conversational appetizers that run the gamut from simple cooking tips to Ben Stiller's 1996 directorial debut, The Cable Guy. But how will this Food Network/HBO Max star slice, dice, and julienne our host and friendly neighborhood victim into her recipe for a saucy slaying? Will they even cover what it means to julienne something? Will Cornish game hen make a surprise appearance? Well, there's only way to find out the answers to these questions and that's by listening to the pod -- IF YOU DARE!!!


    Sidenote: Please dare.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    46 min
  • The World's Worst Time Traveler w/ Mort Burke
    It's a murderous day for a podcasting and Won't You Be My Killer has really outdone itself on this 19th installment. This week''s guest slayer, Mort Burke (Spiritually Filthy, Drunk History, Mythic Quest, w/Bob and David), has a first name that means death, along with some first-hand experience as a member of the global cabal to oppress all of humanity. If you didn't know, those are the building blocks of a good podcast episode. Before Mort turns our friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler, into a carcass canvas with arterial flourishes reminiscent of a Jackson Pollock painting, the two pals tackle some meaty topics including the psychological implications of playing a Nazi on screen, having parallel thinking to Katt Williams, and the value of saying what you mean. It's a podcasting day to get murdered, but don't worry, when it's all said and done, our host will return to a place of connected love – shining with that heavenly Patrick Swayze glow. This one's a work of art, up there with all the Picassos. Give it a listen.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    54 min
  • The Spectrum of Embarrassment w/ Sulaiman Beg
    Welcome all you potential prime suspects! It's a murderous day for a podcasting and, today, through the miracle and sound loss of Zoom, we've got another bicoastal edition of "Won't You Be My Killer?" What a special occasion it is as your friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, welcomes his friend of 20-plus years, New York City improv stalwart, Sulaiman Beg (Metal Boy, Magnet Theater). Together they'll compare mortifying onstage moments, reference movies the other one hasn't seen, and discuss building a better band name - but when our guest finally becomes untethered all bets are off. And by "all bets are off," we mean he'll fulfill the premise of the podcast by putting our host in a hypothetical pine box through the miracle of imagination and improv. It's a real "Yes, and" situation. It's a podcasting day to get murdered and hopefully your ears don't get murdered by our sound issues on this one. Just accept our apology and enjoy the show!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1 hr
  • A Beautiful Flower of Resentment w/ Rachel Fisher
    Won't You Be My Killer is back with its 17th installment and wouldn't you know it, it's another murderous day for a podcasting. This week, your friendly neighborhood victim and host, Evan Kessler, welcomes a member of his original LA crew, podcaster extraordinaire Rachel Fisher (Hollywood Crime Scene, Bitchslap) to the stabbing couch (it's like the casting couch but for murdering the host). Death is in the air, but before our host hypothetically exhales his final breath, there'll be discussion of "deep-seeded" beliefs about the phrase "deep-seated," the mystery of where the Hot Ones guy came from, and just how people make friends from a microblogging app. We've got gambling and spice and a murder plot worthy of a mid-budget thriller starring Ashley Judd. It's a podcasting day to get murdered, but you're safe as long as you listen to this latest episode.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1 hr 9 min
  • Hotel Ice Bath For Lady Liberty w/ Andrew Morton
    It's a murderous day for a podcasting. Who YOU gonna call for all your hypothetical murder podcast needs? "Won't You Be My Killer," of course. On episode 16 of the world's most dangerous podcast, your friendly neighborhood victim and host (Evan Kessler) ventures outside the comedy community to find the next would-be executioner on this weekly you-dunnit. Andrew Morton (StabGab Podcast) joins us from Brooklyn, via the magic of laptops and internet connections, to turn his friend of 20-plus years into a bloody mess. It's not all gore from the get-go as the two old dawgs discuss the nuances of assuming friendship compatibility, the best way for a nation to utilize its illusionists – and the groundbreaking compromise that brought peace to a brief period of trivia night turmoil. OR DID IT?!?! All it takes is one festering resentment to drive one man to murder and for another man to have a target on his back, but it takes a village to truly get away with it. By the end of the episode you'll probably be asking yourself, "would Evan get along with David Copperfield?" Or maybe you'll have some completely different questions. Either way, it's a podcasting day to get murdered.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1 hr 8 min
  • Naked With A Chainsaw w/ Kelly McInerney
    It's a murderous day for a podcasting, so, if you want to hear someone describe their plan to hypothetically do in the host of a podcast, well then you've come to the right place on the internet. Kelly McInerney (Comedy Bingo, Speakeasy Sketch, IMDweed) joins your friendly neighborhood host and victim (Evan Kessler) this week to indulge in her version of the ultimate deranged act of friendship. A huge horror movie fan herself, Kelly tells the pod about her favorite scary movie of all time, what she thinks makes for a good onscreen murder, and how she's trying to enhance her vocabulary while staving off brain rot. We've had pleasure cruises and days at the beach on previous episodes, but in this the 15th installment of "Won't You Be My Killer"," we're gonna get grisly with it, in a scene much too gruesome not to be flagged for removal by sensitive social media mods. It's a podcasting day to get murdered and you're about to be a witness.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    49 min
  • A Real Andy Kaufman Situation w/ Kevin Anderson

    It's a murderous day for a podcasting and your friendly neighborhood host and victim, Evan Kessler, finally figures out the best way to describe the podcast. It's "the best hypothetical murder podcast around." Glad we got that out of the way. Joining Evan this week is the one of many, Kevin Anderson (Bleak in Review podcast, the Avatar 2 comedy show, Knights of the Rhyme Table), making his maiden appearance after being referenced as a "friend of the show" more than once on previous episodes. The decade-long friends discuss the whole point of existence, whether or not there's more than one guy with a Cybertruck in the San Fernando Valley, and what you should expect if any mascot comes to your front door. With all that lighthearted conversation out of the way, our guest finally gets to lay out his plans to take our host down for the dirt nap. When it's all said and done, someone or something will end up decaying like a struggling franchise and it's more than likely our host. What can we say, it's a podcasting day to get murdered, this episode and every episode on "Won't You Be My Killer?"


    Stay tuned until the end of the show to find out how you can contribute a hypothetical murder plan to an upcoming episode of the show!

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

    1 hr

About Won't You Be My Killer?

From the publisher's feed

On "Won't You Be My Killer," a potentially-true, crime podcast, your friendly neighborhood victim and host Evan Kessler explores his own future demise at the hands of his comedian friends, on a show…