Jon Sable, Freelance #16 (1984)

Jon Sable (possibly a distant relative of Silver Sable) is a hitman-for-hire that specializes in Godkiller firearms and having sex with jewel thieves in Frank Lloyd Wright-designed homes. He’s such a good freelance hitman that he built a physical representation of HOGAN’S ALLEY on the NES in his own home. 

In this particular issue, Jon and Maggie The Jewel Thief rescue the formula for Coca-Cola from a group of nerds and shoot the leader to death with foot-long bullets.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

The Next #1 (2006)

THE NEXT is DC’s stab at a mid-80s low budget teenage movie premise about gnarly dudes and dudettes screwing with the space-time continuum, presented thru the filter of 1999 MTV Spring Break but released in the mid-2000s. The aforementioned teenagers and their translucent dog show up in our timeline, cause a young woman to get hit by a bus, only to be revived by a group of dead presidents. There’s also an unrelated space-time rip that Superman goes full Mr. Miyagi on while Metron watches because if you’re looking to launch your hip new heroes, its best to have the laziest member of the New Gods on board. 

There’s also a spot in here where character actor Luis Guzman received the Tongan Death Grip.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

Supreme Power #16 (2005)

SQUADRON SUPREME is one of those Marvel properties that they keep trying to get to work — and it DOES to a point — but it never feels bigger than you would think it is. Here’s another take on it where Hyperion is raised by the government, Doctor Spectrum makes out with amphibious telepaths and Whizzer has a holographic mother. Special appearance by comedian and character actor Ken Marino.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

Comics’ Greatest World: Out Of The Vortex #1 (1993)

Oh man, time for some Dark Horse comics! In this offering, an alien in a dope-looking outfit appears out of nowhere in a military base located in Cinnabar Flats, Nevada. “Cinnabar” makes us think of cinnamon which is appropriate because our alien guy (Vortex the Heretic) encounters opposition in the form of space spartans carrying electric Eggo waffles. When it's all said and done, a big bubble of lethal toothpaste envelopes the base while our alien antihero makes a brave Army lieutenant his “space secretary.”

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

Team Titans #4 (1992)

TEAM TITANS is a superhero team held up by the premise that Donna Troy’s son put chemical additives in our food around the turn of the century and made us all dummies so that we’d accept his genocide campaign. Sounds terrible but on the bright side, this gimmick stuff gave kids superpowers and, in a ploy to stop this tragedy from happening, travelled back in time to start a rock band in SoHo. We also get the love child of Kalibak and former World Champion Sheamus threatening a muscular 10yr old in the MoMa. Thank goodness for ZERO HOUR cleaning this all up for us.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

Powerline #4 (1988)

We kickoff an ongoing experiment during these quarantine times as we go through a random selection of books purchased online from Mile High Comics here in Denver. Hopefully, we won’t have to get thru all of these so that we can resume purchasing dollar comics from physical bins.

What we have this week is POWERLINE, a dreary book about two teens with strangely complementary powers thrust into the spotlight via some Lou Perlman manager fellow, packaged as teen heroes. They are joined by their mustachioed uncle who has the power to have a metal hands, best used for disemboweling lizard men. One of these kids looks like Joe Piscopo while the girl has Chris Jericho circa 2004 hair.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

The Mighty Thor #246 (1976)

Instead of self-quarantining himself with Quarter Pounders and Errol Flynn films, Thor opts instead to disrupt a Latin American revolution because he saw that his buddy Firelord was there. Later, Thor no-sells Jane Foster disrobing and ends up getting hypnotized so overall, not a good time.

Meanwhile in Asgard, Balder the Brave looks to depose Odin for banishing loyal soldiers to Cincinnati.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

World’s Finest #110 (1960)

In the further adventures an insane billionaire and his alien madman friend, Bats and Supes encounter an alien who is trying to run a real estate scheme on an asteroid by miniaturizing attractions across the galaxy and starting up his own Epcot Center gimmick (but in SPACE)

Things go from worse to even worse when said alien entrepreneur absorbs part of Robin’s life essence into his mirror stomach and Batman has to drive the Batmobile in reverse to save him. Meanwhile, Superman punches a bunch of holes in a community water line because he’s an idiot.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

RoboCop [vol 2] #12 (1991)

In keeping with the apocalyptic vibes of the now, we check in with Marvel’s take on the RoboCop expanded universe which also includes H.E.R.B.I.E., that Rigellian Recorder who once got drunk with Galactus and Paulie’s sexy robot from ROCKY V.

Bear witness as RoboCop vaporizes a limo driver with cyborg indigestion, fights off exoskeletons with human heads and has a series of existential moments with his mechanical kin.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]

The Brave and The Bold # 147 (1979)

Batman teams up with Supergirl to take down a bunch of sun-worshipping jobbers lead by comic book’s worst person Doctor Light. Somehow, these guys stuck a giant cannon on a Wayne Enterprises satellite when Bruce was taking a dump or something. 

Also, Batman is SO TOUGH he survives a brief float-around in actual outer space. He’s the toughest man alive.

Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at [email protected]