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Hi guys, welcome back to Podcast and Chill. I'm Gwen
And I'm Leo.
Leo, tell me, have you ever felt that nagging self-doubt when you're trying to speak a foreign language? Like the words are in your head, but they're playing hide-and-seek.
Oh, Gwen, self-doubt is my middle name when it comes to speaking a foreign language. And I bet a lot of our listeners out there are nodding along right now.
Right? You're trying to keep up with a native speaker. Your mind's racing to translate, or you stumble over a pronunciation.
And then the big question hits, "Why am I not fluent yet?" It makes you question your effort, your intelligence, everything.
But what if I told you that this very expectation of achieving fluency might actually be sabotaging your progress?
Wait, what? So fluency is the villain?
It sounds counterintuitive, I know, but even Steve Kaufman, a polyglot who's learned 30 languages, advises against it. Don't aspire to fluency.
That sounds insane.
What's even more insane is that his sustainable learning approach doesn't ask you to memorize vocabulary or understand every conversation 100%. To get good at it...
Now you have my full attention.
So, stick around, folks. Today, we're uncovering the psychology of fluency and why chasing it might be holding you back.
This might just completely change how you approach learning not just English, but any language.
As a language learner myself, I've been wondering why people get so caught up with being perfect or sounding like a native speaker.
Great question, Leo. What you're talking about is that all-or-nothing mindset. What's up with that anyway? Why do we treat language learning like it's all or nothing?
That kind of thinking usually comes from a few places.
Like where?
Let's start with school.
Really? How so?
Think about it, Leo. From a young age, we're trained to think in terms of scores and grades.
Uh, I know what you mean. You either get an A or you don't. You're either good at English or you're not.
Yep. There's very little room for the messy middle. Progress that doesn't show up on a report card gets ignored.
I feel that in my bones. It's like school taught me that if you're not the best, you're basically a potato.
Yeah. Add to that, people compare themselves to others who speak that language really well.
Yeah. It's so easy to feel like you're not good enough just because someone else sounds fluent.
But who knows what it took for them to get there? Comparing your day one to someone else's year five is just not fair.
Wait, that's literally something I said in the previous episode.
I know. I liked it so much I stole it. Anyway, another big part of the problem: perfectionism.
How does that play in?
Perfectionism makes you set crazy high expectations, leading to a constant dread of falling short in the eyes of others.
Gwen, now I know exactly where that fear of being judged comes from. From me.
Yeah, you've always been an almost perfectionist.
Guilty as charged. Wanting to be fluent is totally fine. But expecting to be fluent like a native speaker, that's not realistic.
Why not?
Because there's no one native version of English. People speak it all over the world with different accents, slang, and styles.
Right? A Londoner doesn't sound like someone from New York or Sydney or Dublin.
And on top of that, language keeps changing. What was correct 20 years ago might sound outdated today. Preach, new slang, new phrases, and even grammar rules shift. It's like trying to hit a moving target. Plus, even native speakers mess up. They break grammar rules all the time without realizing it.
For real. Native speakers use slang and make grammar mistakes, and nobody cares.
So, if they don't speak perfectly, why do we expect you to? Setting that kind of standard is just asking for burnout.
But if I don't aim high, I worry I'll lose motivation.
Effort matters, of course, but chasing perfection can do more harm than good.
Like what?
For starters, it creates a ton of stress and makes you terrified of messing up.
Yeah. Every sentence starts to feel like some kind of performance.
Yeah. Then you get anxious, second-guess yourself, and stop taking risks.
Gwen, the curse of being a perfectionist.
Sounds familiar. Been there, done that. I've spent hours replaying awkward conversations in my head, cringing at every little mistake. It's exhausting.
And that stress, it can make people quit early.
No lie. If you feel like you'll never reach the native level, what's the point, right?
It's like signing up for a marathon and being told you need to finish in under 2 hours on your first run.
I'd give up before mile one.
And when you chase that impossible standard, you might give up early, feel anxious all the time, or miss the joy of small wins.
You're right. We're so busy chasing this perfect fluency that we don't even notice the real progress...
Like understanding a podcast or having a conversation.
Or just ordering a coffee without panicking.
