Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

A 94-year-old American woman is celebrating more than four decades of working at McDonald's restaurants. Until, she gets turned into a Quarter pounder with cheese.

Miami Beach Police Department has purchased Two Drones. just in time for spring break.

Huma Abedin says she’s working hard on her marriage with Anthony Weiner. But, not as hard as Carlos Danger is working on sexting teens.

RESEARCHERS have uncovered the real secret to making your job suck less, by making your spouse suck more.

A Stray wCat that Wandered Into Nursing Home recieved a Permanent Job Offer. He’ll be there 9 times longer than the residents.

A report has stated that Robots could take over 38 percent of US jobs within about 15 years, As of now they have take over 100% of jobs in the bedroom.

A Florida wild fire started by book burning destroyed at least 10 homes. And trees used for making more books.

1 in 4 people believe robots would make better politicians. The other three were robots.

Hillary Clinton has a Whiskey Named After Her As a Tribute to Women in History. Tasters described the flavor as old and bitter.

These are the jokes for March 28, 2017. I’m James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

A recent study has found that College football players lack sufficient vitamin D while college cheerleaders are almost always full of it.

According to a new study, Following GPS or satnav instructions turn off part of the brain that is normally used for navigation. While consuming alcohol, just shuts off the entire brain.

An Expert Claims that selfies Are Giving People Head Lice while SnapChat is giving people STDs.

President Trump has Signed a Bill Authorizing NASA Funding for Mars Exploration. As always he will privately fund any explorations of Uranus.

Arkansas has Split Its Shared Holiday For Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert E. Lee. From now on they will be know as Ebony and Ivory Days.

Tom Brady's Stolen Super Bowl Jersey has been found in Mexico. Finally a deportation everyone can get behind.

Tiffany Trump wants to go to Law School she thinks she has a great shot since she graduated top of her class from Trump University.

Hillary Clinton says she's 'ready to come out of the woods. Now everyone wants to now when she’ll be ready to come out of the closet.

These are the jokes for Rob and Slim Show on March 22, 2017. I’m James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

New research has found a link between mental illness and infections caused by a group of bacteria commonly found in cats and other animals. After hearing the results of the study men everywhere said Duh.

The National WWI Museum and Memorial has created over 500 Great War GIFs for every occasion. Because nothing says thank you for your service more than teenagers posting your worst life experience as memes on Reddit.

7-Eleven has announced that they are opening a drive-thru taco restaurant. They claim it’s the fastest way to get tacos, a Slurpee, and Diarrhea.

Krispy Kreme is running a promotion where they’re giving away free doughnuts to everyone who shows a COVID-19 vaccination card through the end of 2021. In other news Diabetes related deaths among people with the COVID-19 vaccination are on the rise.

KFC is partnering with Meals on Wheels America to help provide meals to homebound seniors in need. So already lonely seniors will be sure to be alone when they have a massive heart attack after eating their delivered KFC.

A New Jersey woman who created a free library in front of her home says town told her to take it down. The town said that they could not consider it a actually library because there was no one peeing between the shelves and no homeless people were encamped outside.

These are the jokes for March 29, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

I wanted to drop an episode to let you know I uncovered some news jokes I’ve never done before so you’ll see some EXTRA episodes popping up in your stream. So please enjoy them, like, subscribe, and give me a review of the show.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

Two men claim they're the rightful owner of a $1.9 million Ferrari. A Judge has said if they can’t work it out, he will cut in in half so they can each own the Ferrari.

Half-ton of marijuana valued at over $8 million was found by dog on routine traffic stop. And that was just what Joe Rogan had in his pocket.

A Virginia man’s Airbnb stay took a turn after he discovered a concealed room behind his air vent. The room wasn’t anything sinister just where they kept President Biden between photo ops.

A fitness center in Florida has introduced hens and roosters to its yogi sessions. Guests can have chickens walk, peck, poop, and lay eggs while they perform yoga and then after the session decide which one will be lunch.

Australian police fined a toddler and his father after the toddler steered the father’s car around a car park. The police became suspicious that the child was not old enough to drive when he tried to buy diapers and formula in a drive thru.


These are the jokes for March 22, 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

Nicholas Cage married his 26-year-old girlfriend Riko Shibata in Las Vegas. It was another role that he acted in that no one believed.

A Dutch survey found that young people are spending half of their stimulus checks on stocks; the rest was taken by their parents for rent.

Scientists discovered what they are calling the “Lamborghini” of chariots in the ruins of Pompeii. The chariot has already been excavated and pimped by Xzibit.

Tinder has reported that dating profiles with the words “covid vaccinated” and “fully vaccinated” have made those profiles more desirable. While posting a nude with an “I Voted Sticker” has shown to get your profile shared on Parler.

A new United Nations report found that 17% of the food produced globally each year is wasted. It turns out none of the parents threatening to send their children’s food to Africa has ever followed through.

The world's first 3D-printed school is planned for Madagascar. Unfortunately due to permit issues, once it’s built they’ll have to move it, move it.

University researchers have found that conversations between people usually do not end when either partner in the conversation wants them to end. Researches recommend that people no longer communicate outside of texts.

These are the jokes for March, 15 2021. I’m James Creviston you can find me on YouTube and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

White House Unveiled Melania Trumps Official FLOTUS Portrait, the photo has been touched up more than any woman Trump has had alone.

So many journalists have been killed in Mexico this year that one newspaper is shutting down in other news a paper of just obituaries is really taking off.

Reports show that Elizabeth Warrens office paid female staffers 71% of what male staffers made in 2016. As they only worked 71% of each month.

Arctic Ground Squirrels Re-Experience Puberty Every Spring. Which explains why they always have a high pitched voice.

A group of High school journalists investigated a new principal's credentials forcing her to resign. When asked about it, she took off her mask and said “And I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for those meddling kids.”

Man infected with pig disease in freak laboratory accident, it was reported he got it by sowing his oats.

A Cannibalism Study has Found that People Are Not That Nutritious and that American are high in fat.

An Undocumented Man Whose Wife Voted For Trump Has Been Deported. On the bright side he saved money on the divorce.

These are the jokes for April 11, 2017. I’m James Creviston you and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

A Santa lookalike has been arrested in Florida for selling cocaine, because to him everyday is a snow day.

Nearly half the students at a high school in Pennsylvania have been given suspension notices for missing too much class time. They aren’t worried as all of them have been pre accepted to Trump University.

A Pennsylvania based company has come up baby-sized high heels. Making learning to walk, twice as hard as normal.

A recent survey has found that more, older women are drinking hard, but only because their college aged boyfriends think it’s hot.

The worlds oldest DJ is still spinning at age 82. I really thought Moby was much younger.

Washington D.C. is among first in the nation to require child-care workers to get college degrees. So far they have been flooded with resumes from Carlos Danger.

The US government no longer lists the Manatee as endangered. Turns out that without fat shaming their suicide rates drop.

A tornado in Tennessee has exposed a pot growing operation. If only the tornado would have puff, puff, passed over his house.

Russians Say They Want Alaska Back, Democrats are willing to negotiate as long as Russia claims the Palins.

These are the jokes for April 4, 2017. I’m James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

A 94-year-old American woman is celebrating more than four decades of working at McDonald's restaurants. Until, she gets turned into a Quarter pounder with cheese.

Miami Beach Police Department has purchased Two Drones. just in time for spring break.

Huma Abedin says she’s working hard on her marriage with Anthony Weiner. But, not as hard as Carlos Danger is working on sexting teens.

RESEARCHERS have uncovered the real secret to making your job suck less, by making your spouse suck more.

A Stray Cat that Wandered Into Nursing Home recieved a Permanent Job Offer. He’ll be there 9 times longer than the residents.

A report has stated that Robots could take over 38 percent of US jobs within about 15 years, As of now they have take over 100% of jobs in the bedroom.

A Florida wild fire started by book burning destroyed at least 10 homes. And trees used for making more books.

1 in 4 people believe robots would make better politicians. The other three were robots.

Hillary Clinton has a Whiskey Named After Her As a Tribute to Women in History. Tasters described the flavor as old and bitter.

These are the jokes for March 28, 2017. I’m James Creviston and this is You Already Know.

Welcome to You Already Know, the podcast with jokes about news you already know. My name is James Creviston and I am a comedian in Los Angeles. Here are this weeks news jokes.

A Florida man has been charged with giving illegal butt injections that left a woman in the hospital. He is now getting similar injections in prison.

The LA Sherrifs Dept. Wasted 100K on Gold Belt Buckles. Even more wasteful was the matching gold watches.

The Chicago River Has Been Dyed Green for St. Patricks Day. Making it even healthier than Flint water.

A Man has died while charging his iPhone and using it in the bath. It was the first and last time the iDead feature was used.

Eddie Murphy is reportedly working on a 'Coming to America' Sequel. It’s called Deported From America.

A Man has been arrested for pleasuring himself at McDonald's. In other news McDonalds is introducing a Happy Ending Meal.

Dog the Bounty Hunter has become the victim of crime. And his barber was charged with committing it.

A Kentucky Woman was arrested after entering the Hall of Justice with a loaded gun and a bottle of rum. She was also heard singing Yo Ho Yo Ho, A pirate’s life for me.

A Blind woman says she and her guide dog were kicked off plane. Or at least what smelled like a plane.

These are the jokes for March 21, 2017. I’m James Creviston and this is You Already Know.