You, Me and the Family Tree - A Family Constellation Podcast

Episode 17: Adolescence — Standing Behind Our Children as They Grow
with Suzi Tucker

What does it mean to support our children without holding them back?

In this conversation, Suzi Tucker and I explore adolescence as a bridge between childhood and adulthood—a time of experimentation, uncertainty, belonging, and becoming.

We talk about growth as a messy and often "sloppy" process, the challenge of allowing our children to discover their own strengths and capacities, the search for belonging, and why we don't need to fully understand our adolescents in order to love them.

As a mother of three teenagers, I really appreciate this conversation.

Not easy to apply, but who said life is easy.

I especially value the reminder that we don't need to fully understand our children in order to love them, trust them, and stand behind them as they grow.

Connect with Suzi Tucker:
www.suzitucker.com

Connect with Iris Shaham:
www.irisconstellations.com

© 2026 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Episode 16: Menopause — A Movement Toward Freedom
with Suzi Tucker

Menopause is a subject very close to my heart.
As a woman in my fifties, I find myself living the questions that menopause brings—
through the body, emotions, relationships, identity, and the changing sense of self that can emerge during this stage of life.

In this conversation, I’m joined again by the wonderful Suzi Tucker—an international Family Constellations teacher, writer, and public speaker .

Together, we explore menopause, a change in life.

We speak about:
– Menopause as a threshold and a “change of life”
– Aging, visibility, beauty, and the female body
– Symptoms, hot flashes, mood changes, and the nervous system
– Freedom, creativity, and contribution later in life
– The idea of “befriending” our symptoms rather than fighting them
– Lineage and generations in Family Constellations work

Toward the end of the conversation, I ask Suzi:
What is a good sentence for a woman in this stage of life to say to herself while looking in the mirror?

Her answer:
“I am grateful that I am here.”

Connect with Suzi Tucker:
https://www.suzitucker.com

Connect with Iris Shaham:
https://www.irisconstellations.com

© 2026 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Episode 15: Sitting by the River — On Time and Timing with Suzi Tucker

To be in accord with time—what does it mean?

In this spacious conversation with Suzi Tucker—a teacher, writer, and long-time voice in the field of Family Constellations—we explore the concept of time and timing.

We speak about:

– The feeling of not enough time vs. the possibility of plenty
– Letting time hold us, instead of trying to hold it
– Timing as attunement—especially in working with others
– The importance, in constellation work, of establishing with the client a sense that we have all the time in the world

Synchronicity also comes in—
a quiet mystery I don’t fully understand, but trust.

What is your relationship with time?

Do you feel in accord with it—
or is there not enough… or maybe plenty?

Connect with Suzi Tucker:
https://www.suzitucker.com

Connect with Iris Shaham:
https://www.irisconstellations.com

© 2025 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Episode 14: Supervision in Constellation Work — with Bill Mannle

What happens when, as facilitators, we don’t know what to do?

In this conversation, I’m sitting with Bill Mannle—a psychotherapist and international Family Constellations facilitator who integrates Gestalt, Family Constellations, and attachment theory in his work.

We explore supervision—not as correction, but as a place where the facilitator is held.

Bill shares how he came into constellation work, who he learned from, and how his path unfolded. We speak about what supervision means to him, how he offers it, and what he listens for.

We also touch on the language of the body, and how much can be seen when we learn to pay attention.

For me, this is a really important topic. Unlike other methods where supervision is required, here we choose it—and I believe it is crucial.

We speak about:
– Not knowing
– The inner world of the facilitator
– Blind spots
– Doing our own work

A question I’m still sitting with:
What is it that we are really asking for when we come to supervision?

You, Me & the Family Tree — A Family Constellation Podcast by Iris Shaham

To join a group or work with me:
[email protected]

Connect with Bill Mannle:
https://www.billmannle.com

© 2026 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Episode 13: Rituals in Family Constellations with Bill Mannle

What is a ritual—and when does it actually help in Family Constellation work?

In this conversation, I’m joined by Bill Mannle.

Bill is a psychotherapist and international Family Constellations facilitator. He integrates Gestalt, attachment theory, and systemic work in a grounded and experiential way.

We begin with a simple question—what is a ritual?—and from there, something deeper unfolds.

We speak about the difference between ritual and habit, how rituals help settle the body and bring people into the room, and why they can be especially supportive when working with trauma.

We also explore the role of structure—beginning, middle, and end—and how this can create safety, while keeping the client in charge of their own process.

Bill shares examples from his work, including the interrupted reaching movement, a “coming home” process with the younger self, and how he approaches work when there is deep trauma.

This is a grounded conversation about presence, discernment, and the subtle ways we support what unfolds.

I’m curious what you notice as you listen.

Connect with Bill Mannle:
https://www.billmannle.com

Connect with Iris Shaham:
https://www.irisconstellations.com

© 2025 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

Episode 12: The Art of Evocative Questions with Suzi Tucker

What if a question is not meant to give an answer—but to open a door?

In this conversation with Suzi Tucker, we explore the art of evocative questions and the power of a good question.

Suzi is a teacher, writer, and long-time voice in the field of Family Constellations, and she shares how she approaches her work as a collaboration, where the client is the guide.

We speak about listening, timing, and what it means to ask from what is already present rather than from assumption or interpretation.

We also touch on some of the unique questions Suzi brings into her work, like: Who sits with you at the kitchen table?, one word for your mother or father, and how old are you?—questions that don’t push for answers, but open something.

Toward the end, we bring this into everyday life —how we ask our children about their day, and what helps a real connection happen.

After our conversation, Suzi shared this quote from her upcoming book, Take Every Step: A Work in Progress (coming this summer), which feels very connected to what we explore here:

“In the universe,
there are things that are known,
and things that are unknown,
and in between there are doors.”
— William Blake

Connect with Suzi Tucker:
https://www.suzitucker.com

Connect with Iris Shaham:
https://www.irisconstellations.com

© 2025 You, Me & the Family Tree. All rights reserved.
This content may not be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted without permission.

Episode 11: Primary and Secondary Emotions with Suzi Tucker

Suzi Tucker reminds us that we are complex human beings, yet emotions are often simplified, judged, or silenced. In this episode, she explores primary emotions—those that naturally flow through us—and secondary emotions, the patterns that get stuck, circle back, or weigh us down. We also touch on the importance of letting children express their feelings, emotions in women’s cycles, and the appearance of depression.

This conversation invites awareness, reflection, and holding space for yourself and others. When emotions keep repeating, it’s often a secondary feeling inviting attention.

Such an important conversation! Feel free to share what came up in you.

Connect with Suzi Tucker: https://www.suzitucker.com
Connect with Iris Shaham: https://www.irisconstellations.com

© 2025 You, Me, and the Family Tree

#PrimaryEmotions #SecondaryEmotions #EmotionalAwareness #FamilyConstellations #SuziTucker #PersonalGrowth #IrisShaham #Depression

Episode 10: The Knowing Field
with Bertold Ulsamer

What is the Knowing Field — and how do we stay grounded in the presence of something we cannot fully understand?

In this final episode of our five-part series with Bertold Ulsamer—author, teacher, and direct student of Bert Hellinger—we explore one of the most intriguing aspects of constellation work.

Bertold reflects on why he still calls it a mystery, as Bert Hellinger did, and how the term “Knowing Field,” later introduced by Albrecht Mahr, gives language to something many facilitators experience but cannot fully explain.

We dive into questions like: Is this field inside us or outside us? Do we use it—or does it use us? Toward the end, Bertold shares a powerful reflection on searching and longing: when we search for answers, teachers, or even gurus, what are we really seeking? Knowledge—or it is actually deeper longing, connected to our parents?

This conversation is for therapists, facilitators, and anyone curious about what moves beyond the personal in constellation work. I hope you find it meaningful and supportive.

Guest: Bertold Ulsamer
Host: Iris Shaham

🔗 Links & Resources

Bertold Ulsamer
Website: https://www.ulsamer.com/startseite/
Email: [email protected]

Digital Course
Integrated Trauma Therapy (facilitated by Bertold Ulsamer)
https://iris-savir.systeme.io/integrated-truma-therapy

Books by Bertold Ulsamer
How to Heal Old Wounds and Draw New Strength
https://www.amazon.com/Heal-Wounds-Draw-Strength-Constellations-ebook/dp/B0DMSNFZLV

Make Peace with Your Parents
https://www.amazon.com/Make-Peace-Your-Parents-Reconciliation/dp/B08FP9R4TK

Host – Iris Shaham
Website & Podcasts: https://www.irisconstellations.com/podcasts
Email: [email protected]

© 2026 You, Me, and the Family Tree. All rights reserved.

#FamilyConstellations
#KnowingField
#BertoldUlsamer
#BertHellinger
#SystemicConstellations
#SystemicTherapy
#FacilitatorDevelopment
#TransgenerationalHealing
#TherapeuticPresence
#SearchingAndLonging

Episode 9: When the Facilitator Feels Lonely
with Bertold Ulsamer

Part four of a special five-part series with Bertold Ulsamer—author, teacher, and elder in the field of Family Constellations, and a direct student of Bert Hellinger.

This episode speaks to anyone who holds space for others—therapists, facilitators, teachers, guides, and helping professionals. Together, we explore the loneliness that can arise from the role, the risk of burnout, and what supports us in staying grounded, human, and present in the work.

Bertold and I reflect on the inner life of the facilitator, the roots of these challenges, and how doing our own work helps us stay resilient while holding space for others.

This is one of my favorite conversations, and I warmly recommend it to anyone engaged in relational, therapeutic, or facilitation work.

Guest: Bertold Ulsamer
Host: Iris Shaham

Bertold Ulsamer
Website: https://www.ulsamer.com/startseite/
Email: [email protected]

2026 International Seminar (Bucharest)
Men and Women – Love and Struggle
https://bertold-ulsamer.ro/

Digital Course
Integrated Trauma Therapy (facilitated by Bertold Ulsamer)
https://iris-savir.systeme.io/integrated-trma-therapy

Books by Bertold Ulsamer
How to Heal Old Wounds and Draw New Strength
https://www.amazon.com/Heal-Wounds-Draw-Strength-Constellations-ebook/dp/B0DMSNFZLV

Make Peace with Your Parents
https://www.amazon.com/Make-Peace-Your-Parents-Reconciliation/dp/B08FP9R4TK

You, Me, and the Family Tree
Host: Iris Shaham
Podcast & Website: https://www.irisconstellations.com/podcasts
Email: [email protected]

© 2025 All rights reserved.

Episode 8: Professional Success, Money & the Family Tree

with Bertold Ulsamer

Have you ever wondered how much of your professional success—and your relationship with money—comes from your family system?

In this episode, I’m joined by Bertold Ulsamer, author, teacher, elder in the field of Family Constellations, and a direct student of Bert Hellinger, for part three of our five-part series.

We begin with professional success and allow the conversation to unfold into money, family roots, inner conflict, responsibility, and becoming an adult. Together, we explore why success can feel blocked or unconsciously sabotaged, and how constellation work supports the movement from victimhood into adulthood.

You’ll also experience a guided exercise for integrating two inner voices in conflict, along with reflections on Bertold’s own professional journey.

If you’re curious about the deeper systemic roots of success and money, this episode is for you.

Bertold Ulsamer
Website: https://www.ulsamer.com/startseite/
Email: [email protected]

2026 International Seminar (Bucharest)
Men and Women – Love and Struggle
https://bertold-ulsamer.ro/

Digital Course
Integrated Trauma Therapy (facilitated by Bertold Ulsamer)
✨ Special January discount available — reach out to me to receive the coupon code
https://iris-savir.systeme.io/integrated-truma-therapy

Books by Bertold Ulsamer
Professional Success and the Family Roots
https://www.amazon.com/Professional-Success-Family-Roots-Constellations/dp/B085RS9N63

Make Peace with Your Parents
https://www.amazon.com/Make-Peace-Your-Parents-Reconciliation/dp/B08FP9R4TK

Host – Iris Shaham
Podcast & Website: https://www.irisconstellations.com/podcasts
Email: [email protected]