Your Confident Self

Wondering what the pressure is that you feel all the time? It's the pressure of living a lie. Here is a quick quiz that will let you know if you're living a lie. Just answer these questions honestly to get the answers you need.

In this episode I ask 7 quick questions to help you determine if you're under pressure due to living a lie. Then I look at why you might be doing that and benefits you'll get from cutting that out. :)

The weight of being a fake person can be overwhelming. Think about how much energy you would expend trying to be the perfect manager, wife, daughter, role model, super hero, sibling, etc. As the pressure builds from outside to conform, your own authentic self begins to feel trapped and miserable, like a caged tiger in the zoo pacing back and forth, plotting how to be free.

If you have been living a lie in order to please others, you owe it to yourself to start taking action to live a more authentic life in which your true self can shine through.

Get your free authenticity exercise at https://allegrasinclair.com/074 to figure out where you're living a lie so you can relieve the pressure and show up as yourself.

What if I told you there are 9 character traits that super motivated women possess? Because that is what I'm telling you. These traits help them stay motivated in order to accomplish what's important to them. If you are missing any of these traits, now is a great time to identify the gap and make a plan to close it.

1. Motivated women have a purpose
2. Motivated women are brave
3. Motivated women take time to reflect
4. Motivated women take time to celebrate

Learn the rest of the character traits in this week's episode.

You can get the free Take Back Your Work Week cheat sheet at https://allegrasinclair.com/073. Don't lose motivation in your career, take back control.

Full show notes for this episode are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/073

We admire women that never seem to give up. But while we're admiring them it makes us a bit sad because we realize that we give up far too quickly. It’s not something we’re proud of, and we're haunted by the idea of how much more we could have accomplished with just a little more determination.

Most women have no idea why they give up quickly, but this behavior is something you can definitely change. The first step is to gain some insight into why women give up before they succeed.

In this episode I look at 1 big reason and 5 smaller reasons why women give up before they become successful. You can find your reason and create a plan to be successful in spite of it.

Full show notes are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/072

If you harness the power of saying no you can avoid the problem of over-committing. That's when you make a commitment. Then you make another. Before you know it, you're making yet another commitment. It’s a never-ending cycle.

You overcommit to your job, your friends, colleagues, social causes, family, etc. These commitments add hundreds of hours and stress to your already over-scheduled life.

One of the most important things to remember is that time is finite. No matter how hard you try, you'll never have enough time to do everything. However, once you truly accept that you can't do it all, you can begin to prioritize your time.

Doing this gives more opportunities to do the things that you really want to do, rather than the things that you feel you should do. Spending quality time with family and friends, achieving goals to improve your future, and just having time to yourself are prime examples.

In this episode I look at:

• The benefits of saying no
• How saying no helps you be more successful
• Why women don't say no
• How saying no is easier when you're confident
• How to determine when you should say no
• How to say at work
• Ways to say no everywhere

Saying no won't be easy at first. For some people, it may never be simple, but you have your own health and well-being to consider. The people who care about you will more than likely understand. When dealing with acquaintances, if they don't understand, it's probably better to limit your time with them, if possible.

Remember, saying no does not make you a bad or selfish person. On the contrary, it generally makes you healthier and happier. More importantly, saying no doesn't mean you can't help those who you really want to help. After all, everyone needs help at one time or another. In the words of Tim Ferriss, "What you don't do determines what you can do." It's totally up to you!

Podcast on setting healthy boundaries

Punch Fear in the Throat Mug

Show notes are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/071

Chelsey Brooke stops by the podcast to tell us about the rise of the powerful introvert. Introverts are often misunderstood and mis-labeled by people who don't understand the personality type. Often people think introverted women are boring or stuck-up because of the way they show up in the world. Those people couldn't be more wrong! Powerful introverts are fabulous and this episode outlines how we can shine in the workplace and increase our confidence.

Chelsey is so passionate about introverts because she is one! So her interest in increasing confidence as an introvert came out of her own difficulties. Introverts often feel awkward and out of place in social situations and have anxiety about small talk or being in large groups. And the advice to "get out of your shell, speak up and stop thinking so much" isn''t helpful and doesn’t work.

• The strengths of being exactly who you are. Some people can go their whole lives without figuring that out.
• What's wrong with the dictionary definition of an introvert?
• The hurtful labels that people use to describe introverts.
• Was there an event that helped Chelsey figure out she was different and unique?
• The ingredients in a confidence milk shake.
• How to use introversion as an advantage not a weakness.
• How to be a powerful introvert

Show notes can be found at https://allegrasinclair.com/070

Today we will look at 10 ways to stop your critics from stealing your dream. I never wanted to be a cop but I do love those shows. I’m fascinated by the techniques they use to prevent crimes. So I’m going to apply some of that investigative wisdom to protecting your dream.

Have you ever gotten excited about doing something, only to be shot down by the people that you thought would support you? It happens all the time.

Maybe you decided you wanted to train for a marathon, only for some super helpful person to reminded you that you’re not athletic and quit the last few things you tried. Or, maybe you wanted to start a business, only to be told that most businesses fail. Then you’re told that you shouldn’t bother, because you don’t have any business experience anyway. These old stories do not serve you.

Life is full of critics. The more you try to accomplish, the more people you’ll have trying to stop you in one way or another.

1. Understand the real reason for their criticism. When you try to be more than you are, it makes the people in your life uncomfortable. They’re used to you being a certain way. It also bothers them that you might become successful while they’re too afraid to change. No one wants to justify their own mediocrity.
2. Avoid reacting. People are only rewarded for trying to hold you back if you quit or if you get upset. Stick to your plan and avoid responding in an emotional way. Just ignore them and keep on going.
3. Consider keeping your big plans to yourself. While many success gurus recommend announcing your grand plans to the world as a means of holding yourself accountable, studies show that this hurts more people than it helps. When you let the world know what you want to accomplish, the critics crawl out of the woodwork.
4. Avoid dwelling on the criticism. There’s no reason to sit around and stew over it. Let it go and put your attention on something that is either useful or enjoyable.
5. Consider the source of criticism. If Stephen King has something to say about your horror novel, you’d be wise to listen. If your Uncle Joe, the plumber, is criticizing your plans for being an architect, why would you listen?
6. Find the right people to “criticize” you. Find the right critics. These are often referred to as “mentors.” Find an expert that’s willing to take a look at what you’re doing and provide useful advice. The right mentor can save you a lot of time and speed up your success.
7. Become even more focused. Use criticism as motivation to focus and work even harder. Show everyone what you can do. Have the last laugh.
8. Find people who truly support you. Most people wish they had more friends. What people really need is just a couple of friends that truly want the best for you. Bette Midler won Emmys, Grammys, Golden Globes, and many other awards. She stated that the hardest part of winning any of her awards was finding someone that was truly happy for her.
9. Cut the critics out of your life if you can. If you have things you want to accomplish, there’s no room for those who are trying to stop you. You might be hesitant to cut your critical mom out of your life, but there’s no reason to hold onto the negative friend that you’ve rarely seen since high school.
10. Change the subject. Get your critic talking about themselves or something going on in their own life. They may soon forget about yours altogether.

Remember that most people choose comfort over growth, but they’re secretly frustrated with themselves because of it. Your choice to live a bigger life is an unpleasant reminder to your critics that they settled. Avoid allowing their issues to derail your dreams.

Follow those dreams and go on to live the life you desire!

Show notes are available at https://allegrasinclair.com/069

Support the show at https://allegrasinclair.com/coffee

When most of you started your professional journeys you likely thought your most important responsibility was managing yourself and your work tasks. Over time, the most successful among you learned managing your manager had a much bigger impact on career success.

Trying to talk to your boss can be intimidating, uncomfortable and awkward. But if you know the right way to approach your manager, you can not only survive the conversation, you can thrive in your workplace.

Effective communication with your manager is critical for a number of reasons. If you want to ask for a raise or get support for a new project or initiative, communicating effectively increases your chances of success.

If you don't know your boss' schedule, you risk approaching her when she's not receptive. There are times when she's more stressed and times when she's more relaxed, so focus on talking with her at her convenience. Pay attention to her signals and respect her time boundaries.

Haven't you had this happen? You're racing out of your office, late for a meeting and somebody stops by to 'ask a quick question'. You explain tactfully that you don't have a minute, but they don't listen to you and keep pushing forward. How does that taste? You could care less what they're saying because you don't have time to listen. If they are asking a question, they are likely to get a no. Don't be that person.

Don't walk into an 'asking' conversation cold. An asking conversation is when you want something specific--a new position, additional staff, time off, etc. If you are emotional about your request, rehearse the conversation. Think about how your manager might respond and think through how those responses could make you feel.

The key here is not to just walk through getting exactly what you want. What if your judgment is questioned? What if the answer is no? I am not telling you to plan to fail, I am asking you to be professional and consider all the possibilities. Thinking about the results that might make you emotional gives you a chance to experience those emotions in private BEFORE you talk to your manager. You are not a robot, emotions are part of life, but you can choose where to have an emotional response to the subject.

One way to get your boss' attention is to know what's going on in your industry. Staying knowledgeable can help you get ahead and make your conversation with your boss more impressive. And, your boss is more likely to remember the conversation in a positive way.

Ways to stay up-to-date with industry trends include:

• Reading industry trade magazines
• Talking with others in the same profession
• Attending conferences and listening to speakers
• Keeping up with the news

Everything about how you communicate with others illustrates who you are and your feelings about them and yourself. When it comes to managing your manager, your voice, speech, and word choice demonstrate how well you get along with others. Learn to take advantage of strong communication skills to demonstrate your competence and confidence.

When communicating with your manager:

1. Use the tone of your voice to show self-assurance. Maintaining a pleasant tone of voice, even in stressful situations, shows that you can handle pressure. A calm tone will make you appear much more confident.
2. Choose your volume wisely. Projecting too loudly is never a good look at work. Sometimes we raise our voices if we're afraid we won't be...

Confident women should refuse to do certain things. Why? Because their strengths lie in focusing on the right things and ignoring the wrong ones.

Confident women do and think certain things, but they also avoid thinking and doing certain things. If you want to have more confidence, consider avoiding these things, too. It’s easier to climb a mountain without carrying a rock. Drop the habits and other behaviors that burden your ability to feel confident.

Without these obstacles getting in your way, you’ll create a new ceiling for your confidence. Make it as easy as possible to have confidence in yourself.

​You can’t feel confident and say negative things to yourself. If you want to feel positive about yourself, it helps to have a positive inner dialogue. Negative thoughts drain away positive ​energy, including the positive feelings that come with confidence.

​Complaining is insidious. It suggests that you can’t fix the challenges in your life. Instead of complaining, work on a solution. Know in your heart that you can handle any challenge in your life and then do it without taking it to death.

​People that lack confidence need 100% certainty. Those that are confident can take action with far less than complete information. 70% is usually enough to get started. Be confident and get busy.

​Luck is for those without the confidence to take responsibility. Wish, hope, or pray all you like, but keep moving your feet. Confident people will take luck when they get it, but they don’t rely on it. They know they will succeed without it.

​Be confident that you have a good plan and are capable of executing it. Let everyone wonder what you’re doing instead of worrying about what they’re doing. If you are focusing on others who is focusing on your dreams and goals?

​Show up big, bold, colorful, confident, bad-a**, etc. Don't betray yourself by shrinking from your big moments. When you are feeling yourself, let it show. Let your walk, the way you stand, the seat you choose, etc. let the room know how you feel about yourself. Don't hunch, apologize, whisper or indicate that you don't want to make a fuss. SHOW UP.

​​We are too good at criticizing ourselves. What if you remind yourself of your successes and keep self-criticism ​to a minimum? Be your own best friend and supporter.

​Confident people don’t need a lot of attention from others. If you’re confident in yourself, you’ll be too busy taking care of your business to worry about whether or not others are paying attention. Only those lacking in confidence need attention and approval.

​There will be people who want to sabotage you. Don't give them the time ​or the place to do it. ​Unfortunately, there are a lot people in your life who don’t want to see your success rise too far above their own. If you want to maximize your self-confidence, it’s best to avoid these people as much as possible. I said they were in your life, not your circle.

​​Excuses are a way for those without confidence to justify quitting. If you’re confident, you don’t look for excuses. You look for solutions and then implement them. If you catch yourself making excuses, ask yourself why you’re doing it.

​​How confident are you? What would happen if you could become the most confident ​woman you know? The difference in your life would be staggering.

Confident ​women avoid certain things. If you want to be confident, it makes sense to avoid those same things. The question to ask yourself is 'How confident do you want to be?'.

Show notes available at https://allegrasinclair.com/066

Let's talk about how you gave up on the dream career you want. Once you have given up, what are you supposed to do next? First, a little background.

I ended a recent podcast episode by saying one of the most important things about hope is that it prevents you from giving up. (If you need to learn the basics of the power of hope, be sure to go back and listen to Episode 062.) I also pointed out that some people may have given up even though they aren't aware of it.

• The different forms of giving up
• If you have given up
• What to do if you gave up but you're ready to try again

Giving up can be disguised as:

• Making the best of the current situation instead of trying to make changes, i.e., telling yourself you really like staying where you are.
• Only showing up with 50% of yourself and 50%o f your potential, because that's good enough.
• Protecting yourself by expecting less out of life, acting as if you will feel less disappointment if you expect less from your life.
• Sabotaging yourself from doing bigger things i.e., missing the deadline to apply for a job or educationa; opportunity.
• Wallowing in self-doubt, playing the victim, so that giving up on your dream is not your fault.

1. Forget that you gave up on your dream career. Give yourself a little grace and forgive yourself for old decisions. When we know better, we do better.
2. Invest 30-40 minutes in remembering what your dream was, adapting it to your current situation, and picking 2 action steps you can take to move toward the dream and giving yourself a deadline.

You don't have to do this alone. If you have friends who are also living smaller than they are capable of, you could form a mastermind group or a sister circle and hold each other accountable for making changes. Today, not some day. Do I sound like this is urgent? Good, because it is.

Show notes can be found at https://allegrasinclair.com/065

When things suck it's hard to feel gratitude but I have 7 ways to feel gratitude that will help you get through it.

Gratitude is one of the most powerful emotions that you can experience. It connects you to what is really important in your life. It reminds you that as long as you’re breathing, everything is going to be okay. And it helps frame your day, your expectations, and your actions.

Life is unpredictable and occasionally things suck. Each day we're faced with situations that test our ability to behave with grace and deal with difficulties. It's easy to get angry, scared, or resentful and forget to be grateful for the good things in our lives.

Question: If we don't cherish and feel grateful for the good things we already have, how can we justify wanting more?

In this episode I look at 7 ways to feel gratitude:

1. Do something kind for someone else every day
2. Say thank you for little things
3. Establish a no-complaining zone
4. Re-frame your negative thoughts
5. Keep a gratitude journal
6. Donate your time or money or things
7. Create a '100 Things to Be Grateful For' list

Everyone struggles, gets stuck, and experiences difficulty. Next time you find yourself having a tough time, remember that crisis is also a wonderful growth opportunity. Embrace the challenge, enrich it with gratitude, and you’ll experience genuine growth.

Show notes available at https://allegrasinclair.com/064