Your Kids Don’t Suck: Cultivating Closeness with your Kids through Non-Coercive, Conscious Parenting

S3EP13 — In this powerful episode, Cara and Rythea sit down with Josh Connolly, bestselling author of It’s Them, Not You: How to Break Free from Toxic Parents and Reclaim Your Story. Josh has become a leading voice in the mental health world, known for his no-nonsense approach to healing family trauma and supporting those affected by parental alcohol issues and toxic parents.

Together, they discuss the importance of simple, direct language when addressing painful family dynamics—and how that clarity can be life-changing for children. Josh opens up about becoming a father at a young age, and shares how he came to terms with his own traumatic childhood and how that has shaped both his parenting and sense of self. The conversation also explores somatic practices (aka: anything that brings you INTO the body) as a gateway to emotional connection, especially for those socialized as boys who were taught to disconnect from feelings.

This episode could be especially powerful for parents who have struggled with male conditioning. Josh talks about self-protection and reactivity as a response to being raised male, being forced to shut down and mask, and finding intense relief from facing the lie and harm of that path.

Key Topics:

• Understanding yourself as a highly sensitive person
• Supporting boys and men to feel and express their emotions
• Explaining what somatic practices are
• Healing from toxic parents or a dysfunctional childhood

Josh’s grounded presence and emotional honesty offer an accessible invitation to anyone ready to rewrite their story or anyone dealing with a complicated and abusive past. Whether you’re a parent or an adult child looking to heal, this episode serves as both a resource and an inspiration to repair from a place of self-trust.

Purchase Josh’s Book: https://www.joshconnolly.co.uk/

Follow Josh on IG @josh_ffw

Support YKDS https://buymeacoffee.com/yourkidsdontsuck

It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents.

Rate & Review

Share your thoughts! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.

S3EP12 — A deeply honest episode where Cara and Rythea dive into the nuanced world of non-coercive parenting through the lens of Internal Family Systems, Parts Work Therapy, and Inner Bonding. They unpack what it means to parent in the moment while working with merged parts—protective internal voices that take over when we're triggered, especially by our kids.

This episode explores the uncomfortable but powerful truth: sometimes we see our child as our abuser. Cara and Rythea get real about how this perception emerges, how it relates to unhealed trauma, and how those reactive parts are trying—however messily—to protect us.

Cara and Rythea share real-life examples when their children activated them, and how they identified and engaged with the parts that took over. They talk about what it’s like to notice in real time when you're not in your Self and how to compassionately return.

Key Topics

• Understanding merged parts and protectors
• Tools for recognizing when you're not in Self and how to return
• Projecting past trauma onto your child
• The healing potential of seeing your protectors as helpers, not enemies
• Cultivating Self-Energy
• Dismantling parental shame and reconnecting to our children

This work isn’t about parenting perfectly. It’s about parenting from presence, about having a relationship with yourself so that you can have an authentic connection with your child. By integrating your own protective parts, you make space for your Self-Energy to lead—and from there, all relationships, especially with your kids, become more truthful and safe.

Resources

• Meditations by Dick Schwartz https://insighttimer.com/drrichardschwartz

• The One Inside podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-one-inside-an-internal-family-systems-ifs-podcast/id1460334766

• Inner Bonding https://www.innerbonding.com/

Book with Rythea calendly.com/rythea

Book with Cara calendly.com/caratedstonetherapy

Support https://buymeacoffee.com/yourkidsdontsuck

It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents.

Rate & Review

Share your thoughts! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.

S3EP11 — We sit down with our social media manager/helper/everything-assistant, Joey D’Angelo, who shares their relationship with our work on the podcast. Joey is not a parent, but is full of childlike wonder and endless compassion, and has been on a recovery journey which includes reparenting herself. What happens when we turn the principles of mutual respect, emotional regulation, and co-regulation inward?

Joey shares the impact of their upbringing and how that led to their development of Borderline Personality Disorder (aka Emotional Dysregulation), and their journey through BPD recovery, re-building self-trust, reparenting, and applying conscious parenting methods to heal inner wounds. Together we explore reparenting through the lens of collaborative parenting—without parenting any children.

Key Topics:

• What is reparenting is, and how to recover our inherent self-trust
• Learning new relational languages that are non-coercive, and how this neurological rewiring is challenging in the short term, but will create more peaceful relationships in the long term.
• How collaborative parenting principles—like connection over correction—apply to self-growth and personal healing
• Practical ways to nurture your inner child with empathy and patience
• The challenges and breakthroughs of unlearning harsh self-talk and internalized criticism

Whether you're a parent or not, this conversation offers powerful insights into healing, self-trust, and cultivating an internal environment of love and understanding.

Joey is a gender non-conforming, neurodivergent queer in their mid-30s. They are a white, AFAB non-parent, single person who has a value system rooted in understanding intersectionality and developing communities where equity precedes privilege. They worked in film and TV for 7 years, ran their own business between 2018 and 2021, and have worked in events, marketing, and social media for over a decade. Joey lives with Borderline Personality Disorder (also referred to as Emotional Dysregulation) in Toronto, Canada and is actively involved in justice for people who are insecurely housed, and their BPD diagnosis has completely shifted the way they care for themself, offering a North Star that's rooted in balance, comfort, and fun.

Get in touch with Joey: Instagram, TikTok, YouTube: @hi.itsjoey

Website: www.joeydangelo.squarespace.com

S3EP10 — As non-coercive, collaborative parents, how do we move through self-blame and really trust our child’s process?

In this episode, Cara supports Rythea to explore the trigger of being helpless over her daughter’s pain. Rythea unpacks, in real time, patterns of self-hatred and self-blame that are tied to underlying beliefs around parenting and self-worth. Rythea, with Cara’s facilitation, models a process of expressing the unbearable feelings around keeping her child safe, happy, and healthy. This episode takes you through the healing process of a parent taking responsibility for her own triggers, memories, and conditioning, in the face of things she cannot control as a parent.

The friendship between Cara and Rythea, as well as their knowledge as therapists, guides this episode into places listeners rarely get to see and hear on a parenting podcast.

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It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents.

You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

Book with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapy

Book with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession

Rate & Review:

Enjoyed this episode? Leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.

S3EP9 — Amanda Diekman is the author of Low-Demand Parenting, to explore the intersection of PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), neurodiversity, and low-demand parenting.

Key Topics:

• What PDA is and is not – Understanding PDA as a profile rather than a diagnosis, and clearing up common misconceptions.
• Why PDA is widely discussed today – How awareness of PDA has grown and why so many neurodivergent families relate to this profile.
• The Low-Demand Parenting approach – What it means to shift from high expectations to a more supportive, flexible, and attuned style of parenting.
• How a low-demand lifestyle works in practice – Real-life applications and examples of reducing demands to create a more peaceful home.
• The importance of practicing low-demand living for yourself – Why parents must first extend grace and compassion to themselves in order to do the same for their kids.
• Parenting trauma and nervous system healing – How our past experiences shape the way we parent, and the ways we can regulate and heal our nervous systems to show up more fully for our children.

If you’ve ever felt like traditional parenting advice doesn’t fit your neurodivergent family, or if you’re struggling to support a child who resists demands, this episode is for you. Amanda offers compassionate, insightful guidance on how to shift from a high-pressure, compliance-based dynamic to one that fosters connection, trust, and emotional safety.

Amanda Diekman is an autistic adult, parent coach, and author in the neurodiversity space. Amanda runs a successful coaching practice for parents of neurodivergent children including online courses and a vibrant membership community. She lives with her husband and three neurodivergent children in an intentional community in Durham, NC.

Find Amanda Diekman’s work at:

https://www.amandadiekman.com

@lowdemandamanda

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It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents.

You can donate to this podcast by going to https://buymeacoffee.com/yourkidsdontsuck

Book with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapy

Book with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession

Join Rythea's support group: https://buymeacoffee.com/rythealee

Rate & Review:

Enjoyed this episode? Leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.

S3EP8 — Let's get into the practical side of non-coercive, collaborative parenting (NCC) — how to guide children without control, how our triggers shape our reactions, and why guiding our kids is an essential part of the philosophy (even though many NCC parents struggle with it).

We start by checking in on how we’ve been doing lately and explore how our personal triggers challenge us to reframe our children's behaviors instead of reacting from old conditioning.

We also read a listener’s question and discuss how to use play as a way to guide young children—shifting away from control while still offering structure and support. Many NCC parents worry about being too controlling, but collaboration doesn’t mean a lack of guidance. We talk about what true collaboration looks like and how it differs from permissiveness or coercion.

This episode is full of real-life insights, practical examples, and compassionate reframing for parents trying to walk the fine line between honoring their child's autonomy and offering the guidance they need.

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It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents.

You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

Book with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapy

Book with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession

Rate & Review:

Enjoyed this episode? Leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.

S3EP7 — Vivek Patel is back in a paradigm-shifting episode where we explore the transformative power of parenting as a spiritual practice. Together, we dive into the profound ways parenting forces us to confront our deepest blocks, triggers, and fears. From sleepless nights to moments of deep connection, this episode unpacks how the challenges of raising children can lead to unparalleled personal growth and spiritual evolution. Whether you're a seasoned parent or just starting out, this conversation will inspire you to reframe the difficulties of parenting as opportunities for transformation and collaboration.

Key Takeaways:

• You can’t avoid the challenges of parenting, but you can learn to meet them with curiosity, compassion, and openness.
• By focusing on the essence of your child, you create a foundation of connection, trust, and collaboration.
• Spiritual growth in parenting doesn’t mean being perfect; it means showing up authentically, repairing when needed, and learning as you go.
• Non-coercive parenting isn’t about "letting kids do whatever they want"—it’s about creating a partnership that honors everyone’s needs.

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It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents.

You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

Book with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapy

Book with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession

Rate & Review:

Enjoyed this episode? Leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform! Your feedback helps us reach more parents looking to embrace collaborative, non-coercive parenting.

S3EP6 — Do you ever feel like your child makes you become a person you vowed you would never be? Have you noticed that you act like a version of yourself you don’t recognize in regular life? This is because we have parts - internal parts that get triggered by your kids and by feeling helpless as a parent. We go into parts of ourselves from childhood that rear up from our past and cause us emotional responses we often don’t understand. It can be very overwhelming and daunting.

In this episode, Rythea and Cara, both therapists and parents, explore how the Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work model can be applied to parenting. They discuss practical ways to navigate resistance and anger—both in ourselves as parents and in our children when they are triggered.

Cara shares her personal challenges with being woken up at night by her child, offering an honest look at how difficult moments can bring up our own parts that need care and validation. Together, they unpack the importance of processing emotions through validation rather than bypassing or suppressing them.

The conversation highlights the ongoing work of non-coercive, collaborative parenting: letting go of control, leaning into connection, and leading with validation, empathy, and trust. If you’re looking for ways to show up for your child while navigating your inner world, this episode is for you.

Key Takeaways

• IFS in Parenting: Using parts work to understand your triggers as a parent can help you show up more calmly and effectively for your child.
• Working with Resistance: Recognize and validate the protective parts in you and your child rather than reacting with frustration or coercion.
• The Power of Validation: Processing emotions often requires the simple but profound act of acknowledging and validating feelings—both your own and your child’s.
• Collaborative Parenting Principles: Letting go, leaning in, and leading with connection and empathy fosters trust and growth in the parent-child relationship.It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuckBook with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapyBook with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession

S3EP5 — Researcher and parent Ash Lowenthal is here to discuss their PhD work on trauma-informed care and non-coercive, collaborative parenting. Ash shares their passion for challenging systems that perpetuate trauma and explores how these principles can inform parenting journeys.

Key Topics:

• Parallels between non-coercive parenting and trauma-informed care in professional settings.
• Why traditional "authoritative" parenting often falls short compared to collaborative methods.
• Evidence supporting non-coercive approaches in fostering resilience and emotional safety in children.
• Practical strategies for integrating trauma-informed principles into everyday parenting.
• Research gaps in "gentle parenting" and why it may not always meet its promises.

References:

• Harris & Fallot (2001): Dynamics between service providers and users can mirror abusive relationships. Envisioning a trauma-informed service system: A vital paradigm shift.
• Lowenthal (2020): Implementation of trauma-informed care in child- and youth-serving sectors. International Journal of Child and Adolescent Resilience.
• Durrant & Stewart-Tufescu (2017): Defining discipline in the era of children's rights. The International Journal of Children’s Rights.
• Curran & Hill (2022): Impact of parental expectations and criticism on perfectionism. Psychological Bulletin.
• Fuentes et al. (2022): Parental warmth without strictness fosters adolescent empathy and self-concept. Frontiers in Psychology.
• Garcia et al. (2020): Parenting warmth and psychosocial adjustment across generations. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health.

For access to these articles (often behind paywalls), email Ash, and they’ll provide a PDF version.

Connect with Ash:

• Email: [email protected]
• Instagram: @ash.lowenthal

We (Rythea and Cara) are white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Our perspectives are limited. We are committed to featuring guests from diverse lived experiences to reflect the realities of a broader parenting community. 25% of proceeds from this podcast go to creators of color who have shaped our work.

Rate & Review: Your feedback helps us reach more families who are parenting with presence, resistance, and love. Let us know what this episode stirred in you.

What can happen when two friends (who happen to be therapists) support each other to explore wounds and triggers with the intention of becoming a more loving parent? What does the process of tracking our triggers back in time look like? What does it mean to love the child we once were?

In this episode of Your Kids Don’t Suck, Rythea supports Cara as she navigates recent feelings of low-level anxiety, gently guiding her through these sensations using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework. Together, they uncover how Cara’s current worries around parenting link back to her inner child’s past experiences, where autonomy was frequently disrespected. As Cara witnesses her 2 year old now, who was assigned female at birth, growing into an independent young person, she feels echoes of her own confusion, fear, and vulnerability from childhood.

Through their candid conversation, Rythea helps Cara see how these unprocessed parts of herself are reawakened in her parenting, leading to worries about her child’s safety and independence that are, in fact, deeply rooted in her own experiences. This powerful episode delves into the complexity of parenting while carrying unhealed parts from our past, revealing how these fears and anxieties often stem from the ways we were left alone or felt afraid in our formative years. Listeners will resonate with the theme of self-compassion as Cara and Rythea explore how parents can become more aware of when they’re projecting past experiences onto their children. They also discuss practical strategies for recognizing and calming these inner parts, helping listeners to parent from a place of clarity and presence rather than reactivity and fear.

Key Takeaways:

- How IFS parts work can help parents separate their past experiences from their current parenting challenges.

- Understanding how unresolved childhood feelings can fuel anxieties about our children’s independence.

- Tools and strategies to recognize when fears about our kids are rooted in our own experiences.

- The importance of self-compassion and curiosity when exploring inner parts and past wounds.

Tune in for an episode that will leave you feeling understood, inspired, and ready to bring greater mindfulness into your parenting journey.

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It’s important and essential to put our voices (Rythea and Cara) in a context. We are two white, cis-gender, straight, middle-class women living with financial and societal privilege. Because of this, our perspectives are limited and do not reflect the realities of all our listeners. This podcast will feature guests with expertise around conscious parenting who differ in gender, race, class, abilities, sexual orientation, and histories from us, to broaden the conversation and reflect the lives of as many people as possible. 25% of the proceeds of this podcast will go to creators of color who have been mentors and influences on our work and in our growth as parents. You can donate to this podcast by going to https://linktr.ee/yourkidsdontsuck

Book with Cara: calendly.com/caratedstonetherapy

Book with Rythea: rythea.com/supportsession