Your Life on Purpose

Wake Up in 60 Seconds

It’s amazing how the mind works, right? One moment we can be angry and pissed off; in another, happy and gregarious.

One moment we can sick; In another, healthy.

Take, for instance, the last time I acted on stage. I had just come down with a delicious case of the flu and couldn’t hold down my lunch for the life of me. My roommates stayed far away from me lest they too come down with this stomach bug.

How, for the life of me, would I play a carefree and bubbly college student on stage that night? And the kicker… my character was the proverbial 30-year old who still lived at his parents’ home and comes home drunk to devour a plate of cold Spaghettios live on stage.

Yes, a plate of cold spaghetiios. Now, if you don’t know what spaghettios are, imagine finding a very old can of spaghetti with meatballs and tomato sauce. Not exactly the kind of thing you want to eat or even see when you’re down with the flu.

Minutes before the spotlight would shine on me that night, I imagined all the terrible scenarios that could happen on stage as I tried to hold down my character’s late night supper.

I Inhaled deep

I breathed deep and steady for 60 seconds and did what I would always do before a performance. I said a quick prayer to my Nanas, imagined them in the audience watching me, and visualized my best performance.

The lights went up. I came on stage. And before I knew it, there I was bowing before the audience feeling healthy and happy with that high that all actors know comes after a performance.

Exhale

The applause died down and with my first step off the stage, I transformed back into my terribly sick self.

How could this be? I thought to myself. One minute, I’m sick. The other, I’m healthy, and then I’m sick again?!

Sam Harris tells us that the answer may be as simple as one breath. In his book Waking Up Harris says: “How we pay attention to the present moment largely determines the character of our experience and, therefore, the quality of our lives."

“How we pay attention to the present moment largely determines the character of our experience and, therefore, the quality of our lives."

This reminds me greatly of one of my favorite quotes by Aristotle: “We are what we repeatedly do.”

We become the snowball of our daily decisions.

Join me in trying this:

For the next 60 seconds, press pause on whatever mindset you currently have. If you are driving, of course, please make sure to stay focused on the road.

Take a deep inhale for four seconds followed by a deep exhale for four seconds. Repeat, starting the inhale in the deep bottom of the belly and rising it to the back of the shoulder blades. Exhale, coming back down.

Continue to breathe this way as you look around for a bit of beauty in front of you: the sunlight as it glistens off the petal of a flower, the bee that defies physics and hovers above a flower’s stamen, or a coworker or loved one who brings you joy.

Turn now to think of one bad thing that is not happening to you. You are not losing a limb. You are not running downstairs because of a missile attack. Your house is not on fire. You are not running out of water. You are not alone. And on and on and on.

You have abundant joy in your life, in this moment, in this breath.

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Let me tell you a secret: When I woke up this morning, I felt lethargic and jet lagged and quickly thought of all the work I need to do, the errands that need to be done, the commitments I made to those I love, the mountain of things that I keep saying I will get to one day but never do.

In my first moments of waking up this morning, I felt defeated. Instead of focusing on the abundance of joy in my life, I focused in on the negative.

So, I shuffled over to my pour-over, fed Yoda the Cat, and took a few breaths. And in those breaths, I realized I was choosing to be unhappy.

Right now, as I type this message to you, I’m choosing to be happy.

What are you choosing right now?

Since it’s the beginning of a new season, I  think it’s only right that this episode dives into a very deep and personal story of mine: one that I haven’t shared public before. One that took me four years to be able to tell anyone besides my wife. I’m talking about one of the biggest upsets in my life.

I’m drinking a hot cup of coffee on this fall-like day in New York and if coffee is your thing, grab your cup and join me.

All right, here we go. The story I’m about to tell you involves a job interview at both Apple and Stanford in the spring of 2014 that rose my spirits to the heights of Mt. Everest and quickly slammed them down into the Pit of Sarlacc. And for those who don’t know what the Pit of Sarlacc is...well, it’s the terrible toothed sand monster that digests a human for 10 thousand years.

But first, let’s go back...

The snow had melted, the trees had begun to bud, and Apple sent me an email.  It was 2014. They’d like to fly me out to Cupertino to their headquarters, the email read, to meet with their education marketing team for a position I’d be great for.

Now, to step back a minute, it’s important to understand my love for Apple. Yes, the products are sleek and sexy, but my fascination with Apple was nil compared for my adoration for Steve Jobs.

Jobs was the epitome of success in my mind’s eye (setting aside his cruel temperament later exposed through Isaacson’s brilliant biography). I deeply related to Jobs: we both were adopted, we both grew up in a modest poor family without a well of money, and we both found meditation to be a source of empowerment in our teenage years.

“Well, this is interesting,” I thought as I scanned the email again to make sure it didn’t come from some 3-party scammer.

Realizing it was legit, I shared the news with my wife and in a state of ecstasy began planning my trip to California.

I loved teaching. I loved my podcasting and writing ventures. I loved living in New York. But, yes, I would leave all that behind for this dream job.

Around the same time of Apple’s email, I also received news from Stanford. I made it into the final round for an education fellowship on their design team. A colleague at Stanford recommended that I apply since I had shown great promise in my writing and the first podcast I created, The Transforming Education Podcast.

Eager to grow my impact in education, I packed my bags and flew off to California.

After starting up my rental car, I quickly headed over to Stanford and then Apple headquarters to get a taste of what may possibly be to come.

I immediately fell in love with Northern California’s meandering coastline and giant trees and did exactly what one shouldn’t do this early in the game: I found the perfect little home to rent for my wife, Yoda the Cat, and myself.

The interview at Apple was grueling -- six hours of back-to-back meetings -- but I walked out confident I had best displayed my talents and love to transform education.

A move to Northern California seemed imminent and I flew home, eager to share the news with my wife.

But when I walked into the door, I felt what Dicken’s must have felt when he wrote: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom…”.

My wife’s battle with Lyme Disease had grown more intense. Her fatigue increased, brain fog clouded her mental acuity, and our insurance had rejected IV antibiotic treatment. We’d have to cover the 10k/month treatment out-of-pocket if we wanted to continue.

Regardless of whether Apple or Stanford asked me to join their team, we couldn’t leave our support system in New York. Our team of doctors lived there and I relied on my in-laws to drive my wife to appointments when I couldn’t take time off of work and her body grew too weak to drive.

Two weeks passed by before I heard the news. I had come in second place at Apple and Stanford’s board rejected my application because I hadn’t filed as a non-profit.

It’s hard to explain my mental state at this moment. Emotionally, I was crushed. My self-esteem plummeted. Logically, I was relieved. Deep inside, I knew I would have to reject any job proposals and now no longer would have to worry about how this decision would affect my marriage.

Even though the sun shined brightly that summer, I struggled to keep the light inside. The teaching job I once loved now seemed nil compared to what I could have done at Stanford or Apple.

Meditation, yoga, writing -- these mindful tools kept me afloat.

Two years would pass before I learned the lesson in all of this. I learned the art of letting go and surrendering to the results.

The Art of Letting Go

Practice letting go of any results and continue to focus on giving 110% of your effort. It’s a way of living where you give everything in life your best effort and then practice being content with the results.

It’s like training for the Super Bowl and running your best 40yd dash and being content if all that effort leads to a new personal record instead of an NFL-draft pick.

It’s like tending to a field to grow this year’s harvest and when a flash flood destroys the year’s profits, being content that you have enough food to provide sustenance to your family.

It’s like giving it your best in a job interview and being content if you don’t get the job.

It’s knowing that there’s a greater lesson at play and there’ s something to learn in all the results of all actions.

The Art of Surrendering

To be clear, you define what surrendering means and just so you know, I struggle with surrendering to this day.

At its core, surrendering just means acknowledging that there’s a great energy at play. There is something greater than ourselves in this game of life. And we are not in control of the timeline.

I’ve found that when I surrender I allow myself to see the once-hidden lessons.

When I surrender, I allow myself to let go and be free.

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Now,

What about you? This is the lesson I learned through this roller coaster in my life, but I’d honestly love to learn from you.

What lessons have you learned from the dark times in your life?

I took a bit of a sabbatical from the podcasting world to focus on other ventures and am so excited to be back here with you.

I just poured a cup of coffee and if coffee is your thing, grab your cup and join me.

It’s summer time and just before recording this session, I listened to the New York morning orchestra: traffic hummed in the distance while birds and crickets sang in harmony.

Simple everyday things that add spark into my life.

To my right, however, I see yet another garbage bag full of stuff. Stuff that no longer gives me spark.

Since flying back from San Diego, I’ve filled my car with more garbage bags and boxes than I knew was possible. Books, clothes, paintings, cups, plates, bikes — these are just a few of the items I’ve said good-bye to.

Why?

For starters, it’s because I’ve lived out of a suitcase for four weeks while house sitting in San Diego and realize just how little I actually need in my life.

Second,It comes down to one simple question: Does this add spark to my life?

In her bestselling book The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, author Marie Kondo asks us this question and it’s amazing to me just how often I’ve said “No” when asking myself it.

And now, I challenge you to ask the same question: What adds spark to your life?

Try this,

Spend just 30 minutes going through your possessions and ask yourself if they add spark in your life. Consider, as well, your relationship and daily habits. If they don’t, consider donating them to a local charity, recycle them, or if need be, make their new home the garbage can.

Consider this: we live in a tremendous world of abundance. Just the mere fact that you are reading this on a computer or a smartphone is extraordinary when just a generation ago only Star Trek could fathom such technological gadgets.

Food, clothes, housing space, cars, gadgets — these are just a few of the many items we collect over the years.

And it’s so hard to let go of these items. Why? Because of emotional attachment.

For instance, one item I couldn’t let go of is my old 35mm camera. Full of dust, my Minolta hasn’t been used since the darkroom in college. But I just couldn’t give it up….yet. It holds so much sentimental value in my life. This camera and the photography classes I took literally opened my eyes to see the world through a new frame. It helped me tilt the way I look at things.

But does it add spark to my life? No, not anymore. So, yes, it will be donated to my local high school’s film class for a starry-eyed teen to utilize.

What mostly adds spark to our lives? For me, it turns out it’s the simple things like this hammock I now sit in, my “Be Good to People” mug gifted by Tim McDonald, and the people I hold close to my heart.

What about you? What adds spark to your life?

It’s amazing how much we can declutter with this one simple question.

When I sit down to write, podcast, or create a lesson plan, my intention is to add spark to the lives of those whom my work reaches.

I’m proud to say that in the past couple of weeks, it appears that the meditations I created have added spark to many lives around the world. In these few days, over thousands of people have started their morning listening to one of the meditations. Want to tune into them? You can listen to them for free on Insight Timer or download them at yourlop.com

Ladies and gents, that does it for episode 1 of season two. I’m so happy to be back and appreciate you for listening and sharing a part of your day with me.

If ever you wish to say hello or ask me a question, just send me an email at [email protected].

All right change makers. I have little bit to share some news with you. When I first launched this podcast in May of 2015, I had no idea it would garner such attention and pull together some of the most passionate and happy people I’ve have ever met.

In June when I started getting emails from people thanking me for starting this podcast, I knew I had to pick it up and turn it into a daily podcast.

And I did just that. I didn’t know if I could do it, but trusted in myself that I’d find a way to make it happen.

It’s been 50 episodes and nearly 50,000 have tuned in. Over 200 hundred people have reached out to me directly and shared their stories.

From a brilliant yoga teacher in Canada to an almond farmer in California, I’ve somehow tapped into a network of truly incredible people who don’t want to just settle. We want to suck out the marrow in life as Thoreau would put it and live so as we’re not just existing, but we’re living. We’re learning. We’re growing.

We’re walking down our heroic paths and following the beat of a heart trusting that the dots will connect in the future.

It’s a beautiful way to live.

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My path has certainly changed since I started Your Life on Purpose. You’ve all given me such inspiration and because of you all I’ve pushed myself as a writer. Because of you all, my words and our message have been featured on The Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, Collective Evolution, and will soon be featured on Mind Body Green.

Over 100,000 people have read my work this summer. And while I didn’t make a cent off of those words, let me tell you something.

Having 10,000 people read an article of mine, having over 1000 people a day tune into Your Life on Purpose podcast, and receiving emails from people sharing their own heroic journeys has paid me more than any paycheck could ever cover.

And I just got asked to do a writing workshop at a major yoga festival in Arizona, United States in the spring of 2016.

And for that, I thank you for making these dreams come true and joining me.

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I’ve reached a turning point in my heroic journey and need to venture down the path that’s calling me. It’s a path that blends my passion for teaching, for writing, while also doing the right thing and maintaining my responsibilities as a loving husband, passionate teacher, and global citizen.

I’ve often said that time is our most valuable commodity. And I need to be wiser with how I spend my time.

Which is why I need to press pause on the podcast for now and focus on my writing and teaching.

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I have a group of students who are eagerly waiting for me to begin my writing and communications course and I have beautiful ideas of how to help them activate the hero within them to live remarkably.

Being a good teacher takes a lot of time and effort, and I don’t want to be an ordinary teacher. My students deserve an extraordinary teacher.

I have a wife who I love dearly who is suffering from Lyme Disease and needs my help. She deserves a loving husband.

But I know I also have you all and you all deserve an extraordinary podcaster who creates motivating content.

I don’t ever want to deliver mediocre content to you which is why I am pressing pause on the podcast.

Pressing pause will allow me to focus on my writing, be a stellar teacher, and also be a loving and supportive husband.

It will also allow me to work when time is available on season 2 of Your Life on Purpose. I honestly don’t know what it will look like, but my intuition tells me I will create 10 ten minute episodes at a time and deliver them in seasons much like a television series.

I hope this works for you and when season 2 does start, you welcome me back into your lives.

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If you’re just tuning in to the show for the first time, please enjoy the last 49 episodes. I’ve shared with you tips to connect the dots between school, your passion, and what the world needs all in under ten minutes.

I’ve shared with you advice I’ve received from some of the most brilliant minds I’ve interviewed including Seth Godin, Scott Harrison from Charity : Water, and the gender sociologist Jean Kilbourne among many others.

I hope you go through the past episodes and don’t just listen to the tips I share, but rather live them out.

We could spend our whole lives reading a book and never live one ourselves.

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So, as I sign off here and take a break to work on my writing, I invite you all to join my weekly newsletter which I will most definitely continue. I send out on email every Sunday morning that includes tips and such that I learn from my own life along with the future interviews that I have planned over the next couple of months along with updates on Your Life on Purpose.

I have extraordinary dreams for Your Life on Purpose. Imagine bringing us all together for heroic workshops and writing sessions all around the world and you can start to see what I’m talking about.

I leave you all with the one tidbit of advice that Radhanath Swami said to me. He said, we can spend our lives focusing on the little fish — the little things that come up in life — but, it takes focus and patience to wait for the big fish and focus on the things that matter most in our lives. But to focus on the big fish, we have to let the little fish swim by.

This past weekend at Omega Institute, I had the privilege to listen to the words and sing with some of the happiest people I have ever met in my life.

And I learned something that I’d like to share with you to start this episode. It’s simple and it’s only one question.

When you strip away everything — all the fat — all the things that don’t matter — what is the narrative that you’re telling yourself? What is the story you’re telling yourself?

I found myself at breakfast and joined in on a passionate conversation about writing and life. When it came to my turn and someone asked me “What do you do, Mark?” I hesitated like always because I hate getting asked that question. Which I’m not quite sure really why.

I said what I always do: “I write and I teach writing.” If they ask for more, I tell them that I run an online platform called Your Life on Purpose.

But here’s where I learned something interesting about myself.

I asked Susan, the woman to my left, how we can find the narrative that we’re secretly telling ourselves. For instance, one woman had explained how she realized that she was telling herself that she’s worthy of abuse (which is why she was still in an abusive relationship); another woman said that she told herself that she’s not worthy of greatness.

Interesting, right?

So, of course, I wanted to know what narrative I’m telling myself. Because I didn’t really know.

And then I learned that I was telling myself…I’m not a real writer.

When the people at breakfast started asking me about what I write about, I started by saying that “I’ve written a few e-books, but haven’t been traditionally published yet.”

I also said “I write for The Huffington Post, Elephant Journal, and other large media sites, but I don’t get paid to do it.”

Susan helped me see that I’m talking myself out of being a writer. She said, I am a writer. I just need to tell myself that.

Interesting, right?

Throughout my life I’ve learned that I will always feel like I need another degree, another certification, or to make money from something to feel as if I am good enough to be a master. This is toxic thinking.

Because I’ve learned that a master is not a teacher. A master is a student. And to master something means to constantly learn and work at becoming better at something.

I mean….I’ve been teaching writing and communications for over ten years, am being asked to do writing workshops throughout the world, and have other writers ask me for tips to gain access to and write for large media sites.

Over 10,000 people read my last piece.

But I still found myself not calling myself a real writer when I introduced myself. That was the story I was telling myself.

What’s the story that you are telling yourself? Strip away all the fat and dig deep and try to find it. Pay attention to how you introduce yourself and what you say about yourself when meeting others.

Last night, I took part in a kirtan ecstatic chant led by the Grammy-award nominee Krishna Das then camped under the stars.  For those who don’t know what kirtan is, my  beginner understanding is that it’s a call and response type of singing that aligns vocal sounds to our chakras.

I don’t really know the ins and outs, but what I do know is that it makes me feel really good and keeps me on the positive. And that my friends is a good thing, right?

Krishna Das and Radhanath Swami  talked a bit about the ripple effect and the collective consciousness. Like others have said before — including the Dalai Lama — the way we react to external stimuli (good and bad) directly influences those around us. 

Some have even gone so far to say that our energy transmits a ripple throughout the ether, so that even people you don’t come in contact with are influenced by your energy. Interesting, right?

All that aside, there’s tremendous power in projecting an optimistic and positive mindset when our dots don’t really line up the way we had planned.

Dr. Wayne Dyer puts it nicely. He says, “Initiate a habit of choosing thoughts and ideas that support feeling good and powerful, and that elevate you to a higher level of consciousness"

So here are three thoughts to consider to help keep it on the positive and elevate your consciousness.

1. Meet Negativity w/ Love

The other day, I witnessed an employee at a friend’s company grow red in the face when on the phone with her boss. When the call ended, she cursed and verbally expressed (at a decibel well beyond what’s necessary) how annoyed she was at her boss for not scheduling meetings more effectively. Her negativity was nearly impossible to ignore.

Her negativity immediately changed the culture in the room and my shoulders grew tight. I walked out of the room because I just didn’t want to be around that kind of negativity. How rude to steal away other people’s happiness, I thought. 

Then, I remembered what Ram Dass talks about in Be Love Now. He says to embrace all things with love. In times like these, try to understand that perhaps this person has had a really tough day. Or perhaps they have suffered a lot of loss in their life that led them to be quite negative. Or perhaps they just don’t have a lot of loving positive people surrounding them in life. Point being... offerloving kindness in place of feeding negativity.

2. Frantic Energy Helps No One

Dr. Deri Joy Ronis writes in Bridging the Gap to Peace: From a New Way of Thinking Into Action that “Frantic mental or nervous physical energy serves no purpose in helping us get beyond the very things that frustrate us.”  She adds that not being at peace isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but a signal that we need change and should pay attention to it.

Trust me — I understand how it’s far easier to say this than practice it. I constantly struggle to recognize my pitta fire energy and douse it with water when I need to chill out. Sometimes, however, when “crap hits the fan” — so to speak — it’s a lot easier to scream, shout, and be frantic. 

But it won’t really get me anywhere. 

In yoga, it’s often taught to dig deep into emotions and experience them so that you can understand them better. So, the next time you feel a deep surge to getfrantic, dig into that emotion and really feel it. Indulge a bit. If you want to scream, really scream. Do what Angelina Jolie has said to work and scream in a pool so it doesn’t bother anyone. Just fully feel your sadness, anger, or jealousy and experience it without doing any harm to others. 

The next time this emotion arises, it will be easier to recognize it and make a choice. You’ll be able to choose whether or not to go down that path. More often than not, it will get easier to say “no, thank you. I don’t need to go down that path.” 

Another helpful trick here is a simple breathing exercise where you breathe in the mantra “I am a mountain” and breath out “I meet my vulnerability with love.” 

3. Where’s Your Positive Fuel?

Having a positive mindset doesn’t mean being ignorantly optimistic. It means making a choice to place your focus on the positive with the understanding that negativity does little to get you anywhere. 

After college, a lot of us lose our optimistic fuel. 

In college, most people are quite happy. Academia most definitely is a stressful environment, but, for the most part, days are filled with people who are activity pursuing their dream career and having lots of positive social interaction and meaningful discussions.

After college, a lot of us enter into  what’s often called the daily grind. Perhaps you’re working a job that doesn’t fuel you because you have a responsibility to bring in income to provide for your family. That, I’d argue, would be the majority of the over-educated employees working at jobs far below their skill after the 2008 economic crisis. 

Just like you’d fill up your car on your daily commute, think about where you’re filling your positive fuel tank. Actively seek out positive people at work, have a weekly in person or digital meet up with a positive mastermind group, or read material that focuses on the positive (i.e. not the newspaper). 

We’re animals, let’s not forgot. We are an effect of our habitat. What makes us quite different from other animals, however, is that we have a choice to choose our habitat and those we invite to share it with us.

We have a choice on where to focus our attention. At Omega Institute, Radhanath Swami used the analogy of a crane. He said, like a crane, we have the choice to go after big fish or go after the little fish. Big fish satisfy us far more than little fish, but if we just choose to go after the little fish, we can never focus on the big fish. If we choose to focus on the negative annoyances in life, we can so easily ignore what really matters. And that, Radhanath Swami states, is to try to live out the best version of ourselves through loving kindness. 

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What are your thoughts? Like always, I’d love to hear what you think. How do you keep it on the positive? Just hit reply and say hello. 

 5 Reasons to Unplug 

The crimson Costa Rican sun dipped beneath cerulean blue Pacific as I peered out from the yoga studio atop Blue Spirit mindfulness center in Nosara, Costa Rica. 

Perched high on a cliff, I flexed by quadricep and stood firm in Warrior Two in this yoga studio that looks like a bird’s next nestled atop a jungle canopy. 

Howler monkeys screamed through the air and birds of paradise soared at my eye level -- majestic and graceful in their freedom. 

Time seemed to stand still and it felt like an endless summer. 

How I came to find myself at Blue Spirit on a yoga retreat is a story for another time, but there I was in a yoga retreat led by Amy Dannheim and Dawn Feinberg: two hardcore and loving yoginis from Miami. 

I came to Blue Spirit, not to vacation, but rather to level up my life. The word “vacation” burns my vocal chords. It’s acid for my soul. I don’t believe in vacations. I don’t want to vacate my life. I want to enhance my life. 

And unplugging for a week on this endless summer retreat did the trick. I unplugged (mostly...I’ll explain later), and here is what I learned. 

5 Reasons to Unplug (at least for a week)

Time Slows Down

I had just sat down for breakfast after another morning surf session and had a moment where I didn’t know what day it was. After just three days of no tv, no internet, and no phone calls, time felt like it was stuck in molasses. 

My days felt longer and each day felt like three: the morning, day, and night. 

By the time I went to bed, I felt such a rush of joy as I counted all the things I was grateful for that day. 

Writing (on paper), meditation, yoga practice, and meaningful conversations replaced TV and Internet. Never was I a passive observer of my day. I spent every minute intentionally and with awareness. 

Time is our most valuable currency. It’s worth far more than money or possessions. 

You (re) Connect to Nature

It’s so easy to get caught up in the rat race. I need to buy this, I need to complete this task, I need to fulfill this level of responsibility, I need to see this movie, and so on. 

Instead of watching my computer screen or the television, I watched the ants crawl up the tree trunk. An iguana who I affectionately named Eddie, meandered through the thick brush outside my nature studio. Hummingbirds hovered over flowers of paradise and drank their nectar.

Eddie and I even had a moment. He hobbled over to a small trickle of water and took a slurp then looked at me. So I took a slurp from my water bottle. We nodded to each other and then he went on his merry way.

As much as we don’t like to admit it, we’re animals. We’re right there on the food chain, catalogued in the animal kingdom with animals like Eddie. 

We may have opposable thumbs and the ability to phonetically create a sophisticated language, but at our roots and beyond our smartphones, we need food and water just like Eddie does.

Because we shop at massive supermarkets and never pick our fruits and vegetables or slaughter our meat, it’s easy to forget this. We depend on nature to supply our needs just like Eddie does.

You Learn to Think on Your Own

In a world where a drive to pick up mom to go to a coffee shop takes you by billboards and mass media marketing, it’s nearly impossible to ignore the messaging we received and are inundated with on a regular basis. 

Unplugging separates you, at least digitally, from being exposed to the many messages that like to tell us what to believe in, who to vote for, and what pill we should take to be thinner, happier, sexier, or have less pain. 

Jean Kilbourne, creator of the documentary series Killing Us Softly which explores the effect of marketing messages on adolescent women, famously shared that she is often told by people that they are not affected by marketing. When Jean looks at them though, they are often wearing something like a Gap t-shirt. 

You (re) Learn to Have Deep Conversations

We’re living a beautifully connected world that allows for anyone to connect from the four corners of the world. But as much as we are connected, we’re perhaps even more disconnected than ever before.

It’s too easy to not invest in a deep and meaningful conversation. When a conversation gets awkward, it’s far easier to move on to a new tweet, Snapchat, Periscope, Facebook, or Instagram post. 

160 characters is a lot less stressful than 30 minutes of eye contact. 

Deep and meaningful conversations help us as humans connect to one another and learn more about the human experience. They go deeper than a Facebook timeline which only posts the happy moments in life. They dive into the soul. 

And the human soul is quite a beautiful thing. 

By Subtracting, You Add So Much More to Your Life

By subtracting the things that don’t matter in your life, you add so much for to your life. But it’s tough to really tell what doesn’t matter in our lives when we’re in the midst of our daily, weekly, and yearly rituals. 

There’s always something to do or someone to take care of that makes it difficult to really focus on what you need. 

I’m no luddite as I love this beautifully connected world we live in, but just because an ad tells me I need the next new thing, that doesn’t mean that a new gadget will add anything of value to my life.

With the time to really sit down and reflect on my own, I was able to answer this question that I now share with you:

Are you living or just existing?

To live is not to collect things or scroll through Twitter. To live is to engage in experiences and suck out of the marrow in life as Thoreau would have put it. 

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But this is just my opinion and I’d love to hear yours. You can reach out to me at [email protected] or leave a comment below. 

A daily meditation practice helps one recognize their thought patterns. They learn to identify what is serving them, what is clearly not and how to live more in the present. After establishing a steady practice, practitioners take the lessons learned in meditation into their daily lives.

Deep in the heart of the Amazon lies a spirit vine that has caught the attention of medical researchers, shamans, and spiritual seekers for centuries.

Many questers start out seeking an external answer, but what many find out, however, is that their quest for their holy grail (so to speak) has taught them more about themselves than anything else.

Like always, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave them as a comment below or reach out to me on email at mark@y ourlop.com.

Sometimes there are moments in our lives that force us to redefine ourselves. A concrete wall can -- at times -- pop up just as we are joyfully walking down our heroic journeys.

And man....can this be frustrating or what?

Today I’m thinking about Redefining You and would like to share three tips to help you define yourself. 

Today’s mantra: “Trust in discovery. Be open to where your feet will land next." 

Whenever a concrete wall pops up in our lives, look carefully at the wall. If you look close, there's often a little arrow sketched into the wall pointing us in another (and often times more beautiful) direction. 

Or a beautiful new person meets you at the wall and takes you down a new path for a short time.

Or sometimes you can pull out your waist belt grappling hook and haul yourself over that wall if it’s not too high (childhood Batman fantasy anyone?).

But when you can’t climb that wall, here are three tips to become aware of your new direction.

1. Stop Carrying So Much

Tim O’Brien has a beautiful book called The Things They Carried. It’s a brilliant look into what the soldiers in the Vietnam War carried with them both physically, emotionally, and mentally. 

Many of the story’s characters struggled to move forward in their lives until they learned to stop carrying so much. 

The art of letting go is not easy. I stink at it. 

As much as I pride myself on being a minimalist, I struggle to let go of things. I have gadgets, clothes, and other material things that I don’t need, but can’t for some reason donate to charity or recycle.

I have childhood memories that still challenge my daily positive outlook in life. It’s so hard to let go of these things, but by doing so they allow us to move forward in life. 

I recently met a yogini who after a terrible breakup of a long-term relationship, moved from California to Costa Rica and unplugged herself from the digital world ten years ago: no tv, no internet. She told me how much she added to her life when she subtracted the things that didn’t matter. 

I’m in the midst of redefining myself right now and honestly don’t have a clear plan of where this all will lead to. But I know that I need to keep exploring.

Almost all of the extraordinary people I’ve interviewed in my work have had this type of open mind when they choose to stride down their own heroic path. 

Joseph Campbell reminds us of following our bliss on our own individual paths: “When you follow your bliss... doors will open where you would not have thought there would be doors; and where there wouldn't be a door for anyone else.”

So I’m trusting in this openness. 

Ten years ago I entered into the teaching profession because I wanted to transform education and redesign the high school learning experience. I struck a concrete wall and am burnt out on trying to transform education. So I moved on and shifted instead of continuing to walk into a concrete wall. Because, well, continuing to walk into a concrete wall hurts. 

Five years ago I was on track for Team USA (and perhaps Olympic qualifying) in triathlon. Injuries and the unnecessary stress it put on ability to be a loving family member and husband forced me to redefine myself. 

Concrete wall.

Four years ago, my wife and I started our harrowing journey into persevering through chronic Lyme Disease that took my wife from running marathons to a wheelchair in just a few months. 

Concrete wall.

 My wife had to quit teaching because her body wouldn't allow her to do so. She redefined herself by writing her first YA fantasy novel and launching a boutique gemstone jewelry line that uses the healing properties of gemstones. (yes, I know...I'm a lucky guy ;)

Three years ago, I launched my writing career and started interviewing some of the greatest minds of our time. 

Since launching Your Life on Purpose two months ago, I’ve had over one hundred people reach out to via email to share their love and appreciation. Over 50,000 people have tuned in. 

And when I took The Purpose Manifesto message to my writing, my writing career has sky-rocketed. Over 10,000 people have read my recent articles on Elephant Journal. 

Anne Lamott said, “Don’t look at your feet to see if you’re doing it right. Just dance.” And so, I’m putting on my dancing shoes. 

You with me?

We’re a social species. On my LinkedIn profile, I use to have “Storytelling Animal” as my job title. In other words, I was calling myself “human.” But, I think only a few people got the joke. 

After landing an interview at Apple headquarters in 2014, Apple flew me to Cupertino to sit down with the executive team.  One of the many incredible executives there told me that he didn’t quite get “Storytelling Animal”. It sort of made me come off as an arrogant marketing guy who is such an animal at spreading a message.

Whoops.

We are a storytelling species. If you were to tap into your primal roots, you’d remember the days of sitting around the fire and sharing stories. 

But that doesn’t mean we’re good at communicating effectively. 

Sometimes our message can get so easily constipated and misinterpreted. Like the caveman, I sometimes grunt when I need to learn to use the correct words. 

That’s why I love languages. If I had one superpower in the world, it would be to be able to speak every language in the world (or universe).

Discovering new words and developing deeper semantics allow us to create new realms of understanding and create new language, especially because our realities are constructed (says the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis) by the words we use to construct our reality. 

New words -- new language --  can help us see the arrow that's scribbled on the concrete wall. It can even bridge new relationships and connect you to your tribe of people that will help you live extraordinary.

I’d love to hear from you and learn from your thoughts.