Your Marriage Matters

5 Ways to Make a Great Marriage--#028

Welcome!  Our topic today came from a discussion we had on a car trip recently as we returned from visiting family.  We began talking about what it takes to make a great marriage, and then we made a list and condensed it down to five basic tips.  Again, sometimes it’s difficult to have these conversations, but the results are worth the work.  Join us!

Now it’s homework time!  Your assignment is to look at the five things and rate yourself from 1-5.  As a couple, then pick one thing to work on and improve.  You won’t regret any time you put into improving your relationship.  Give it a try!

Listener Question of the Week:  My future spouse does not like my friends.  What do I need to do about it?

Welcome to another show about SEX!  Last week’s show dealt with thoughts and attitudes stemming from the past; this week’s focus is on the future.  Yes, this is another difficult conversation to have, and it requires openness and transparency.  Learning to talk about sex with your spouse in a direct and positive manner is crucial for your relationship!

Here is the question:  What are your thoughts and desires for sex in your marriage, and what hesitations and reservations about sex do you have?

Consider the following in your discussion:

“Women need to feel loved to have sex, and men need to have sex to feel loved.”

So, what can you expect to gain from this conversation?  You can expect open communication, great sex, and a deep emotional and physical relationship. Aren’t those things we all desire within our marriages?  Join us for the conversation!

Listener Question of the Week:  How do you bring up a difficult question and make it a productive conversation?

Welcome to the show!  Our topic for the last two weeks has been MONEY; now we are moving on to a new topic---SEX.  Do we have your attention?  Join us for the conversation!

We urge you to HAVE the difficult conversation to improve your relationship.  We all know that sex and intimacy are huge issues in marriage, and that culture and past experiences are monumental in determining our attitudes about this topic.

Here’s the question to spark your conversation:  What beliefs and events from your past have most influenced your sexual behaviors and attitudes?

Each partner should write down what they believe and value about sex, then share and discuss.  If you take the time to get to the heart of what you think and believe, then you will have a full picture of your experience and values about sex and intimacy.  Your relationship will improve and you won’t regret the time invested in the discussion.  Join us for more!

Listener Question of the Week: How much should I disclose about previous relationships with my future spouse?

Hey, Gang!  Welcome to Part 2 of our MONEY episode.  In last week’s show, we discussed the “How To’s” of money management in marriage; think of it as the logical aspect of money.  This week, we are discussing the beliefs and values you have about money; this is the harder conversation to have because it’s more about the emotional connection we have to money.

Use the following questions with your spouse to direct your conversation about money:

Listener Question of the Week:  I work hard for my money, and I do not want my fiance to tell me how to spend it.  How do I handle this problem?

Fun Question of the Week:  What gifts do you like to receive from me?

Welcome to another episode!  Our topic today is a tough one that MUST be addressed early on in a marriage (and even before marriage)-----MONEY!  Today’s episode will be Part 1 about the “How To’s” of confronting this issue.  Part 2 will focus more on Beliefs/Attitudes about money and spending.

Your assignment is to LIST THREE GOALS RELATED TO HOW YOU WILL MANAGE MONEY THAT SHOULD BE COMMUNICATED BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED.

There are two main issues to consider:

Make the following questions part of your conversation:

Identifying strengths and weaknesses in regards to financial resources can help us look at strengths and weaknesses in other areas as well.  This area of money can cause tremendous stress, so have the conversation NOW to prevent more problems LATER!  Thanks for joining us today!

LISTENER QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  We both are not good at handling money, and we need to make some drastic changes to the way we spend money.  What is the best way to NOT live paycheck to paycheck?

FUN QUESTION OF THE WEEK:  What is your favorite store?

Consider the following questions about communication:

Your assignment this week is to rate yourself and your spouse (gently!) from 1-10 on communication skills, both as a speaker and a listener.  Self-assessment is the way to identify your limitations and find a path to improvement!

Remember, COMMUNICATION IS A VITAL ISSUE THAT CAN BE THE #1 SOURCE OF PROBLEMS IN A MARRIAGE!  Join us for this important conversation!

LQOW:  Why does SHE want to know everything I’m thinking?

Fun Question of the Week:  What is your favorite quote?

In this episode of Your Marriage Matters, Jim and Christie discuss family size.  It's an important discussion to have before you get married, so you can understand your spouse's expectations.

In the end, it's a big decision to make and how many children you have can affect every area of your life.  Jim and Christie discuss all the aspects in this episode!

Welcome to YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS!  Our topic today is one that must be explored in every marriage; it’s the idea of CONFLICT RESOLUTION.  This topic cannot be dealt with merely on the surface level, but requires a deeper look at the issues and root causes.

What are the three biggest sources of conflict in your relationship?

To answer the question, ask yourself the following questions to begin the thought process:

Your assignment is to write down the three sources of conflict and irritation you have identified and have your spouse do the same independently.  Then, compare what you have each written.

  Are you on the same page?  Often, couples experience CONFLICT in agreeing on what the sources of CONFLICT really are!  You must do the HARD WORK involved in resolving conflict, and the conflict cannot be resolved until it’s identified.  We each must be willing to look inside ourselves and be willing to change the only person I can change—ME!

Listener Question of the Week: 

 How do I bring up a difficult question and make it a productive conversation?

Fun Question of the Week:

What is your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?

Welcome to the YOUR MARRIAGE MATTERS podcast!  We have been teaching a class at church, and our question today comes out of that class.

What are three things that make you feel intentionally loved?

We want you to start this discussion with your spouse.  Write your ideas down and talk them over together.  You will see what the other person needs to feel loved.  Sometimes it may be the seemingly smallest gesture that means a big deal to your partner!  Remember that not all love is communicated through words.  This discussion will help you focus on what is important in the marriage and how your marriage can keep thriving throughout the years!

Sometimes one spouse may feel unlovable—like they don’t deserve love because of their past failures or insecurities.  This feeling can be a big barrier, and, of course, its sources need to be identified and addressed.  For our marriage to thrive, we each have to be good at GIVING and RECEIVING love!

Listener Question of the Week:  Are words ALWAYS the best form of communication?

Fun Question of the Week:  Other than immediate family, who has had a big impact on your life?

Welcome to the Your Marriage Matters podcast #019 from the book, “101 Conversations Every Couple should have before they Marry.” This podcast explores how you will individually and together approach decisions related to religion and spiritual matters.

Conversations of the Week - What do you think is the biggest threats you bring to your marriage, and what are you willing to do about it?

This question takes the topic from last week about the threats to your marriage, and it makes it personal.  

Why is it important?

This gives you an opportunity to identify your SWOTs.  What are your Strengths, Weaknesses Opportunities and Threats?Once you know what they are you can deal with them.

It also creates a heightened sense of self awareness.  This allows you to focus only on your SWOTS.

What do we need to consider when we have this conversation?

The willingness to be vulnerable with your threats also creates a greater sense of intimacy.  Being a safe person for your partner to share their weaknesses will create deeper bonds.  

Once you make this investment in each other and look at the threats, you really build a deeper commitment to your relationship.  

Listener Question of the Week - Why can’t he just let me vent?

Sometimes we bring up conversations just to be heard.  We don’t want it to be fixed, and we don’t expect anything to be done about it.  The process of verbalizing the issue is therapeutic in itself.  

When venting starts, a guys should ask “do you want me to fix it or do you want to vent?”.  Once the answer is “just vent”, turn your “fix it” button off and just listen and be supportive.  

Determining whether you are there to fix it or just to listen and support will save both of you frustration.  

Fun Question of the Week - What’s your favorite part of Summer?

Christie likes the outdoor activities in the sun.

Jim loves the July 4th holiday and all the activities that go along with it.

We hope this is a great conversation and you spend the time to really understand your partner’s beliefs and attitudes.

Have a great week gang!

Jim & Christie