月亮与六便士【中英字幕】

I could notbelieve that Strickland had fallen in love with Blanche Stroeve. I did notbelieve him capable of love. That is an emotion in which tenderness is anessential part, but Strickland had no tenderness either for himself or forothers; there is in love a sense of weakness, a desire to protect, an eagernessto do good and to give pleasure -- if not unselfishness, at all events aselfishness which marvellously conceals itself; it has in it a certaindiffidence. These were not traits which I could imagine in Strickland. Love isabsorbing; it takes the lover out of himself; the most clear-sighted, though hemay know, cannot realise that his love will cease; it gives body to what heknows is illusion, and, knowing it is nothing else, he loves it better thanreality. It makes a man a little more than himself, and at the same time alittle less. He ceases to be himself. He is no longer an individual, but athing, an instrument to some purpose foreign to his ego. Love is never quitedevoid of sentimentality, and Strickland was the least inclined to thatinfirmity of any man I have known. I could not believe that he would eversuffer that possession of himself which love is; he could never endure a foreignyoke. I believed him capable of uprooting from his heart, though it might bewith agony, so that he was left battered and ensanguined, anything that camebetween himself and that uncomprehended craving that urged him constantly to heknew not what. If I have succeeded at all in giving the complicated impressionthat Strickland made on me, it will not seem outrageous to say that I felt hewas at once too great and too small for love.

But I supposethat everyone's conception of the passion is formed on his own idiosyncrasies,and it is different with every different person. A man like Strickland wouldlove in a manner peculiar to himself. It was vain to seek the analysis of hisemotion.

我不能相信思特里克兰德会爱上了勃朗什·施特略夫。我根本不相信这个人会爱上一个人。在爱这种感情中主要成分是温柔，但思特里克兰德却不论对自己或对别人都不懂得温柔。爱情中需要有一种软弱无力的感觉，要有体贴爱护的要求，有帮助别人、取悦别人的热情——如果不是无私，起码是巧妙地遮掩起来的自私；爱情包含着某种程度的腼腆怯懦。而这些性格特点都不是我在思特里克兰德身上所能找到的。爱情要占据一个人莫大的精力，它要一个人离开自己的生活专门去做一个爱人。即使头脑最清晰的人，从道理上他可能知道，在实际中却不会承认爱情有一天会走到尽头。爱情赋予他明知是虚幻的事物以实质形体，他明知道这一切不过是镜花水月，爱它却远远超过喜爱真实。它使一个人比原来的自我更丰富了一些，同时又使他比原来的自我更狭小了一些。他不再是一个人，他成了追求某一个他不了解的目的的一件事物、一个工具。爱情从来免不了多愁善感，而思特里克兰德却是我认识的人中最不易犯这种病症的人。我不相信他在任何时候会害那种爱情的通病——如醉如痴、神魂颠倒；他从来不能忍受外界加给他的任何桎梏。如果有任何事物妨碍了他那无人能理解的热望（这种热望无时或止地刺激着他，叫他奔向一个他自己也不清楚的目标），我相信他会毫不犹疑把它从心头上连根拔去，即使忍受莫大痛苦，弄得遍体鳞伤、鲜血淋漓也在所不惜。如果我写下的我对思特里克兰德的这些复杂印象还算得正确的话，我想下面的断语读者也不会认为悖理：我觉得思特里克兰德这个人既伟大、又渺小，是不会同别人发生爱情的。

但是爱情这个概念，归根结底，因人而异；每个人都根据自己的不同癖性有不同的理解。因此，象思特里克兰德这样一个人一定也有他自己的独特的恋爱方式。要想分析他的感情实在是一件徒然的事。

Blanche Stroevewas in the cruel grip of appetite. Perhaps she hated Strickland still, but shehungered for him, and everything that had made up her life till then became ofno account. She ceased to be a woman, complex, kind and petulant, considerateand thoughtless; she was a Maenad. She was desire.

But perhapsthis is very fanciful; and it may be that she was merely bored with her husbandand went to Strickland out of a callous curiosity. She may have had noparticular feeling for him, but succumbed to his wish from propinquity or idleness,to find then that she was powerless in a snare of her own contriving. How did Iknow what were the thoughts and emotions behind that placid brow and those coolgray eyes?

But if onecould be certain of nothing in dealing with creatures so incalculable as humanbeings, there were explanations of Blanche Stroeve's behaviour which were atall events plausible. On the other hand, I did not understand Strickland atall. I racked my brain, but could in no way account for an action so contraryto my conception of him. It was not strange that he should so heartlessly havebetrayed his friends' confidence, nor that he hesitated not at all to gratify awhim at the cost of another's misery. That was in his character. He was a manwithout any conception of gratitude. He had no compassion. The emotions commonto most of us simply did not exist in him, and it was as absurd to blame himfor not feeling them as for blaming the tiger because he is fierce and cruel.But it was the whim I could not understand.

如饥似渴的欲念毫不留情地把勃朗什·施特略夫抓在手里。也许她仍然恨着思特里克兰德，但是她却渴望得到他，在这以前构成她生活的那一切现在都变得一文不值了。她不再是一个女性了，不再是一个性格复杂的女性——既善良又乖戾，既谨慎又轻率；她成了迈那德①，成了欲念的化身。

①希腊神话中酒神的女祭司。

但是也许这都是我的臆测；可能她不过对自己的丈夫感到厌倦，只是出于好奇心（并无任何热情在内）才去我的思特里克兰德。可能她对他并没有特殊的感情，她之屈从于思特里克兰德的欲念只是由于两人日夜厮守、由于她厌烦无聊，而一旦同他接近以后，却发现陷入了自己编织的罗网里。在她那平静的前额和冷冷的灰色的眼睛后面隐匿着什么思想和感情，我怎能知道呢？

然而，尽管在探讨象人这样无从捉摸的生物时，我们什么也不敢肯定，但对于勃朗什·施特略夫的行为还有一些解释是完全说得通的。另一方面，我对思特里克兰德却一点也不了解。他这次的行为与我平日对他的理解格格不入，我苦苦思索，无论如何也无法解释。他毫无心肝地辜负了朋友对他的信任，为了自己一时兴之所至，给别人带来莫大的痛苦，这都不足为奇，因为这都是他性格的一部分。他既不知感恩，也毫无怜悯心肠。我们大多数人所共有的那些感情在他身上都不存在；如果责备他没有这些感情，就象责备老虎凶暴残忍一样荒谬。我所不能解释的是为什么他突然动了施特略夫的念头。

I think in somecurious way the horror which she felt for him was a transference of the horrorwhich she felt for herself because he so strangely troubled her. His appearancewas wild and uncouth; there was aloofness in his eyes and sensuality in hismouth; he was big and strong; he gave the impression of untamed passion; andperhaps she felt in him, too, that sinister element which had made me think ofthose wild beings of the world's early history when matter, retaining its earlyconnection with the earth, seemed to possess yet a spirit of its own. If heaffected her at all, it was inevitable that she should love or hate him. Shehated him.

And then Ifancy that the daily intimacy with the sick man moved her strangely. She raisedhis head to give him food, and it was heavy against her hand; when she had fedhim she wiped his sensual mouth and his red beard. She washed his limbs; theywere covered with thick hair; and when she dried his hands, even in hisweakness they were strong and sinewy. His fingers were long; they were thecapable, fashioning fingers of the artist; and I know not what troublingthoughts they excited in her. He slept very quietly, without a movement, sothat he might have been dead, and he was like some wild creature of the woods,resting after a long chase; and she wondered what fancies passed through hisdreams. Did he dream of the nymph flying through the woods of Greece with thesatyr in hot pursuit? She fled, swift of foot and desperate, but he gained onher step by step, till she felt his hot breath on her neck; and still she fledsilently, and silently he pursued, and when at last he seized her was it terrorthat thrilled her heart or was it ecstasy?

我想，她对思特里克兰德的恐惧是她对自己的恐惧的一种奇怪的移植，因为他叫她迷惑不解，心烦意乱。思特里克兰德生得粗野不驯，眼睛深邃冷漠，嘴型给人以肉欲感，他的身体高大、壮硕，这一些都给人以热情狂放的印象。也许她同我一样，在他身上感到某种邪恶的气质；这种气质使我想到宇宙初辟时的那些半人半兽的生物，那时宇宙万物同大地还保持着原始的联系，尽管是物质，却仿佛仍然具有精神的性质。如果思特里克兰德激发起她的感情来，不是爱就是恨，二者必居其一。当时她对思特里克兰德感到的是恨。

接着我又想象，她日夜同病人厮守，一定逐渐产生了一种奇怪的感情。她托着病人的头喂他食物，他的头沉甸甸地倚在她手上；在他吃过东西以后，她揩抹他的富于肉欲的嘴唇和火红的胡子。她给他揩拭四肢，他的手臂和大腿覆盖着一层浓密的汗毛。当她给他擦手的时候，尽管他病得非常虚弱，她也感觉得出它们如何结实有力。他的手指生得长长的，是艺术家那类能干的、善于塑造的手指。我无法知道它们在她心里引起什么样慌乱的思想。他非常宁静地睡在那里，一动也不动，几乎和死人一样，他象是森林里的一头野兽，在一阵猛烈追猎后躺在那里休息；她在好奇地猜测，他正在经历什么奇异的梦境呢？他是不是梦到了一个林泽的女神正在希腊的森林里飞奔，森林之神塞特尔在后面紧追不舍？她拼命地逃跑，双腿如飞，但是塞特尔还是一步一步地离她越来越近，连他吹在她脖子上的热辣辣的呼吸她都感觉出来了。但是她仍然一声不出地向前飞跑，他也一声不出地紧紧追赶；最后，当她被他抓到手里的时候，使她浑身颤抖的是恐惧呢，还是狂喜呢？

But the bed Imade up for myself was sufficiently uncomfortable to give me a wakeful night,and I thought a good deal of what the unlucky Dutchman had told me. I was notso much puzzled by Blanche Stroeve's action, for I saw in that merely theresult of a physical appeal. I do not suppose she had ever really cared for herhusband, and what I had taken for love was no more than the feminine responseto caresses and comfort which in the minds of most women passes for it. It is apassive feeling capable of being roused for any object, as the vine can grow onany tree; and the wisdom of the world recognises its strength when it urges agirl to marry the man who wants her with the assurance that love will follow.It is an emotion made up of the satisfaction in security, pride of property,the pleasure of being desired, the gratification of a household, and it is onlyby an amiable vanity that women ascribe to it spiritual value. It is an emotionwhich is defenceless against passion. I suspected that Blanche Stroeve'sviolent dislike of Strickland had in it from the beginning a vague element ofsexual attraction. Who am I that I should seek to unravel the mysteriousintricacies of sex? Perhaps Stroeve's passion excited without satisfying thatpart of her nature, and she hated Strickland because she felt in him the powerto give her what she needed. I think she was quite sincere when she struggledagainst her husband's desire to bring him into the studio; I think she wasfrightened of him, though she knew not why; and I remembered how she hadforeseen disaster. 

但是我给自己安设的床铺却很不舒服，整整一夜我也没睡着，只是翻来覆去思索这个不幸的荷兰人对我讲的故事。勃朗什·施特略夫的行为还是容易解释的，我认为她做出那种事来只不过是屈服于肉体的诱惑。她对自己的丈夫从来就没有什么感情，过去我认为她爱施特略夫，实际上只是男人的爱抚和生活的安适在女人身上引起的自然反应。大多数女人都把这种反应当做爱情了。这是一种对任何一个人都可能产生的被动的感情，正象藤蔓可以攀附在随便哪株树上一样。因为这种感情可以叫一个女孩子嫁给任何一个需要她的男人，相信日久天长便会对这个人产生爱情，所以世俗的见解便断定了它的力量。但是说到底，这种感情是什么呢？它只不过是对有保障的生活的满足，对拥有家资的骄傲，对有人需要自己沾沾自喜，和对建立起自己的家庭洋洋得意而已；女人们禀性善良、喜爱虚荣，因此便认为这种感情极富于精神价值。但是在冲动的热情前面，这种感情是毫无防卫能力的。我怀疑勃朗什·施特略夫之所以非常不喜欢思特里克兰德，从一开始便含有性的诱惑因素在内，可是性的问题是极其复杂的，我有什么资格妄图解开这个谜呢？或许施特略夫对她的热情只能刺激起，却未能满足她这一部分天性，她讨厌思特里克兰德是因为她感到他具有满足她这一需求的力量。当她拼命阻拦自己丈夫，不叫他把思特里克兰德带回家来的时候，我认为她还是真诚的；她被这个人吓坏了，尽管她自己也不知道为什么要怕他。我也记得她曾预言过思特里克兰德会带来灾难和不幸。

"If I'donly waited, perhaps it would have gone all right. I shouldn't have been soimpatient. Oh, poor child, what have I driven her to?"

I shrugged myshoulders, but did not speak. I had no sympathy for Blanche Stroeve, but knewthat it would only pain poor Dirk if I told him exactly what I thought of her.

He had reachedthat stage of exhaustion when he could not stop talking. He went over againevery word of the scene. Now something occurred to him that he had not told mebefore; now he discussed what he ought to have said instead of what he did say;then he lamented his blindness. He regretted that he had done this, and blamedhimself that he had omitted the other. It grew later and later, and at last Iwas as tired as he.

"What areyou going to do now?" I said finally.

"What canI do? I shall wait till she sends for me. "

"Why don'tyou go away for a bit?"

"No, no; Imust be at hand when she wants me. "

For the presenthe seemed quite lost. He had made no plans. When I suggested that he should goto bed he said he could not sleep; he wanted to go out and walk about thestreets till day. He was evidently in no state to be left alone. I persuadedhim to stay the night with me, and I put him into my own bed. I had a divan inmy sitting-room, and could very well sleep on that. He was by now so worn outthat he could not resist my firmness. I gave him a sufficient dose of veronalto insure his unconsciousness for several hours. I thought that was the bestservice I could render him.

“要是我多等些日子，也许就不会发生什么事了。我真不应该这么耐不住性子。啊，可怜的孩子，是我把她逼到这一地步啊！”

我耸了耸肩膀，但是没有说什么。我对勃朗什·施特略夫一点也不同情，但是我知道，如果我把实话告诉可怜的戴尔克，只会增加他的痛苦。

这时候他已经疲惫不堪，无力控制自己，所以只顾滔滔不绝地说下去。他把那场风波中每人讲的话又重复了一遍。他一会儿想起一件忘记了告诉我的事，一会儿又同我讨论起他当时该说这句话，而不该说那句话。他为自己看不清问题感到万分痛心，懊悔自己做了某件事，责怪自己没有做哪一件。夜渐渐深了，最后我也同他一样疲劳不堪了。

“你现在准备做什么？”我最后问他说。

“我能够做什么？我只能等着她招呼我回去。”

“为什么你不到外地去走走呢？”

“不，不成。如果她需要，我一定要叫她能够找到我。”

他对于眼前该怎么办似乎一点主意也没有。他没有什么计划。最后我建议他该去睡会儿觉，他说他睡不着，他要到外面去走个通宵。当然，在这种情况下我决不能丢下他不管。我劝他在我这里过夜，我把他安置在我的床上。在起居间里我还有一只长沙发，我可以睡在那上面。他这时已经精疲力竭，所以还是依着我的主意上了床。我给他服了一些佛罗那，叫他可以人事不省地好好睡几个钟头觉。我想这是我能够给他的最大的帮助了。

"Icouldn't believe it. It seemed so improbable. She couldn't bear the sight ofhim. It was more than improbable; it was incredible. I thought it was merelyjealousy. You see, I've always been jealous, but I trained myself never to showit; I was jealous of every man she knew; I was jealous of you. I knew shedidn't love me as I loved her. That was only natural, wasn't it? But sheallowed me to love her, and that was enough to make me happy. I forced myselfto go out for hours together in order to leave them by themselves; I wanted topunish myself for suspicions which were unworthy of me; and when I came back Ifound they didn't want me -- not Strickland, he didn't care if I was there ornot, but Blanche. She shuddered when I went to kiss her. When at last I wascertain I didn't know what to do; I knew they'd only laugh at me if I made ascene. I thought if I held my tongue and pretended not to see, everything wouldcome right. I made up my mind to get him away quietly, without quarrelling. Oh,if you only knew what I've suffered!"

Then he told meagain of his asking Strickland to go. He chose his moment carefully, and triedto make his request sound casual; but he could not master the trembling of hisvoice; and he felt himself that into words that he wished to seem jovial andfriendly there crept the bitterness of his jealousy. He had not expectedStrickland to take him up on the spot and make his preparations to go there andthen; above all, he had not expected his wife's decision to go with him. I sawthat now he wished with all his heart that he had held his tongue. He preferredthe anguish of jealousy to the anguish of separation.

"I wantedto kill him, and I only made a fool of myself. "

He was silentfor a long time, and then he said what I knew was in his mind.

“我不相信，我认为这是不可能的。她那么讨厌这个人。这种事根本不可能，简直不能令人相信。我本来以为这是我的嫉妒心在作祟。你知道，我一向是非常嫉妒的，但是我训练了自己，从来不表现出来。她认识的每一个人我都嫉妒，连你我都嫉妒。我知道她不象我爱她那样爱我。这是很自然的，不是吗？但是她允许我爱她，这样我就觉得幸福了。我强逼着自己到外面去，一待就是好几个钟头，让他们两人单独在一起。我认为我这样怀疑她降低了我的人格，我要惩罚自己。可是当我从外面回来以后我发现他们并不需要我——思特里克兰德需要不需要我倒没关系，我在家不在家对他根本无所谓，我是说我发现勃朗什并不需要我。当我走过去吻她的时候，她浑身一颤。最后我对这件事已经知道得千真万确，可是又不知道该怎么办。我知道如果我大吵大闹一场，只能引起他们的嘲笑。我认为如果我假装什么都没看到，并不把这件事挑明，也许事情就过去了。我打定主意悄悄地把他打发走，用不着吵架。咳，要是我能告诉你我心里那个痛苦劲儿就好了！”

接着他把叫思特里克兰德搬出去的事又说了一遍。他很小心地选择了一个时机，他尽量使自己的语气显得很随便，但是他还是无法克制自己。他的声音颤抖起来，本来想说得亲切、逗笑的话语却流露出嫉妒的怒火。他没有想到自己一说，思特里克兰德就同意了，而且马上就收拾起东西来。最出乎他意料的是，他的妻子也要同思特里克兰德一起走。看得出来，他非常懊悔，真希望自己继续隐忍下去。比起分离的痛苦来，他宁愿忍受妒火的煎熬。

“我要杀死他，结果却徒然使自己出丑。”

他沉默了半晌，最后他说出的我知道是郁积在他心里的话。

"I loveher so much better than myself. It seems to me that when vanity comes into loveit can only be because really you love yourself best. After all, it constantlyhappens that a man when he's married falls in love with somebody else; when hegets over it he returns to his wife, and she takes him back, and everyonethinks it very natural. Why should it be different with women?"

"I daresay that's logical, " I smiled, "but most men are made differently,and they can't. "

But while Italked to Stroeve I was puzzling over the suddenness of the whole affair. Icould not imagine that he had had no warning. I remembered the curious look Ihad seen in Blanche Stroeve's eyes; perhaps its explanation was that she wasgrowing dimly conscious of a feeling in her heart that surprised and alarmedher.

"Did youhave no suspicion before to-day that there was anything between them?" Iasked.

He did notanswer for a while. There was a pencil on the table, and unconsciously he drewa head on the blotting-paper.

"Pleasesay so, if you hate my asking you questions, " I said.

"It easesme to talk. Oh, if you knew the frightful anguish in my heart. " He threwthe pencil down. "Yes, I've known it for a fortnight. I knew it before shedid. "

"Why onearth didn't you send Strickland packing?"

“我爱她远远超过了爱我自己。我觉得，在爱情的事上如果考虑起自尊心来，那只能有一个原因：实际上你还是最爱自己。不管怎么说，一个结了婚的男人又爱上别人并不是什么希罕事，常常等他的热劲过去了，便又回到他妻子的身边，而她也就同他和好如初了。这种事谁都认为是很自然的。如果男人是这样，为什么女人就该是例外呢？”

“我承认你说的很合乎逻辑，”我笑了笑，“但是大多数男人都不是这种心理，要他们这样对待这件事是办不到的。”

在我同施特略夫这样谈话时，我心里一直在想，这件事来得过于突然，叫我迷惑不解。不可能想象，事前他会一直蒙在鼓里。我记起了我曾看到的勃朗什·施特略夫的奇怪眼神，可能她已经模糊地意识到自己的感情，自己也被震骇住了。

“在今天以前难道你一点也没有猜疑过他们两人之间有什么事吗？”我问他道。

他并没有马上回答我的问题。桌子上有一支铅笔，他拿起来在吸墨纸上信手画了一个头像。

“要是你不喜欢我问你这个问题，你就直说吧，”我说。

“我把话说出来心里反而痛快一些。咳，要是你知道我心里有多么痛苦就好了，”他把手里的铅笔往桌上一扔。“是的，我从两个星期以前就知道了。在她自己还不明白是怎么回事以前我就知道了。”

“那你为什么不把思特里克兰德打发走呢？”

I kept silencefor a little while, thinking of what Stroeve had told me. I could not stomachhis weakness, and he saw my disapproval. "You know as well as I do howStrickland lived, " he said tremulously. "I couldn't let her live inthose circumstances -- I simply couldn't. "

"That'syour business, " I answered.

"Whatwould you have done?" he asked.

"She wentwith her eyes open. If she had to put up with certain inconveniences it was herown lookout. "

"Yes; but,you see, you don't love her. "

"Do youlove her still?"

"Oh, morethan ever. Strickland isn't the man to make a woman happy. It can't last. Iwant her to know that I shall never fail her. "

"Does thatmean that you're prepared to take her back?"

"Ishouldn't hesitate. Why, she'll want me more than ever then. When she's aloneand humiliated and broken it would be dreadful if she had nowhere to go. "

He seemed tobear no resentment. I suppose it was commonplace in me that I felt slightlyoutraged at his lack of spirit. Perhaps he guessed what was in my mind, for hesaid:

"Icouldn't expect her to love me as I loved her. I'm a buffoon. I'm not the sortof man that women love. I've always known that. I can't blame her if she'sfallen in love with Strickland. "

"Youcertainly have less vanity than any man I've ever known, " I said.

我沉默了一会，思索着施特略夫对我讲的事情。我无法忍受他这种懦弱，他也看出来我对他这个做法不以为然。

“你跟我知道得一样清楚，思特里克兰德过的是什么日子，”他声音颤抖着说，“我不能让她在那种环境里过活——我就是不能。”

“这是你的事。”我回答。

“如果这事叫你遇上，你会怎么做？”他问。

“她是睁着眼睛自己走开的。如果她不得不吃些苦头，也是自找。”

“你说得对，但是，你知道，你并不爱她。”

“你现在还爱她吗？”

“啊！比以前更爱。思特里克兰德不是一个能使女人幸福的人。这件事长不了。我要让她知道，我是永远不会叫她的指望落空的。”

“你的意思是不是说，你还准备收留她呢？”

“我将丝毫也不踌躇。到那时候她就会比过去任何时候都更需要我了。当她被人抛弃，受尽屈辱，身心交瘁，如果她无处可以投奔，那就太可怕了。”

施特略夫似乎一点也不生她的气。也许我这人太平凡了，所以对他这种没有骨气竟有一些恼火。他可能猜到我的想法了，因为他这么说：

“我不能希望她象我爱她那样爱我。我是滑稽角色。我不是那种叫女人钟情的男子汉。这一点我早就知道。如果她爱上了思特里克兰德，我不能责怪她。”

“我还从来没见到过有谁象你这样没有自尊心的呢，”我说。

He looked round his studiowearily; he had loved it because her presence had made it gay and homelike; heshut his eyes for an instant; then he gave her a long look as though to impresson his mind the picture of her. He got up and took his hat.

"No; I'll go. "

"You?"

She was startled. She didnot know what he meant.

"I can't bear to thinkof you living in that horrible, filthy attic. After all, this is your home justas much as mine. You'll be comfortable here. You'll be spared at least theworst privations. "

He went to the drawer inwhich he kept his money and took out several bank-notes.

"I would like to giveyou half what I've got here. "

He put them on the table.Neither Strickland nor his wife spoke.

Then he recollectedsomething else.

"Will you pack up myclothes and leave them with the concierge? I'll come and fetch them to-morrow." He tried to smile. " Good-bye, my dear. I'm grateful for all the happinessyou gave me in the past. "

He walked out and closed thedoor behind him. With my mind's eye I saw Strickland throw his hat on a table,and, sitting down, begin to smoke a cigarette.

他疲惫不堪地环顾了一下自己的画室；他喜爱这间画室，因为她的存在，这间屋子显得那么美好，那么充满了家庭气氛。他把眼睛闭了一刻，接着他的目光在她身上逗留了好一会儿，似乎想把她的图像永远印记在脑中似的。他站起来，拿起了帽子。

“不，叫我走吧。”

“你？”

她吃了一惊。她不明白他是什么意思。

“想到你要生活在那样一间肮脏可怕的阁楼里，我受不了。不管怎么说，这个地方既是我的家，同样也是你的家。你在这里会过得舒服些。至少你用不着受那种最可怕的罪了。”

他走到放钱的抽屉前边，从里面拿出几张钞票来。

“我把我这里的一点钱给你一半吧。”

他把钱放在桌子上。思特里克兰德和他的妻子都没有说什么。

这时他又想起一件事来。

“你好不好把我的衣服理一理，放在下边门房那儿？我明天再来取。”他苦笑了一下。“再见，亲爱的。你过去给了我那么多幸福，我感谢你。”

他走了出去，随手把门关上。在想象中，我看到思特里克兰德把自己的帽子往桌上一扔，坐下来，开始吸一支纸烟。

"I'm not going to askyou to change your mind, but I want you to listen to me for a minute. It's thelast thing I shall ever ask you. Don't refuse me that. "

She paused, looking at himwith those reflective eyes of hers, which now were so different to him. Shecame back into the studio and leaned against the table.

"Well?"

Stroeve made a great effortto collect himself.

"You must be a little reasonable.You can't live on air, you know. Strickland hasn't got a penny. "

"I know. "

"You'll suffer the mostawful privations. You know why he took so long to get well. He was halfstarved. "

"I can earn money forhim. "

"How?"

"I don't know. I shallfind a way. "

A horrible thought passedthrough the Dutchman's mind, and he shuddered.

"I think you must bemad. I don't know what has come over you. "

She shrugged her shoulders.

"Now may I go?"

"Wait one secondlonger. "

“我不是要你改变主意，我只是求你再听我说几句话。这是我要求你的最后一件事了。不要拒绝我吧。”

她站住了，用她那沉思的眼睛打量了他一会儿，她的目光现在变得那么冷漠无情了。她走回到画室里，往桌子上一靠。

“说吧！”

施特略夫费了好大劲才使自己平静了一点。

“你一定要冷静一些。你不能靠空气过日子啊。你知道，思特里克兰德手里一个钱也没有。”

“我知道。”

“你吃不够吃，喝不够喝，会吃尽苦头的。你知道他为什么这么久身体才恢复过来？他一直过着半饥不饱的生活啊！”

“我可以挣钱养活他。”

“怎么挣钱？”

“我不知道。我会找到个办法的。”

一个极其恐怖的想法掠过这个荷兰画师的心头，他打了个哆嗦。

“我想你一定是发疯了。我不知道你被什么迷住了。”

她耸了耸肩膀。

“现在我可以走了吗？”

“再等一秒钟。”