Zero Doinks: World's Weirdest Chicago Bears Podcast

Season five of Zero Doinks is underway and the Bears are so back. We dive into the huge trade of the number one pick to Carolina for a haul that includes WR DJ Moore. Should we apologize for our level of arousal? What do we want to see at pick nine, now? SO many picks. But that's not even the news of the day, now that free agency is wet and wild and GM Ryan Poles has struck on (at least) three new starters during day one. What are the biggest remaining needs? Who's left out there? What are our NFC North rivals up to? How annoying is Aaron Rodgers? Plus tons more, including March Madness chatter with our tradition of Dave Madness arriving this week. Greasetank Frank pops in for an autosports update during his Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks segment.

0:00 - 2:39 - Intro sound, including a beautiful song by Rick Feelsmen (inspired by The Beatles) and a brief song nugget by Bill Doinks (thanks, Bee-Gees)

2:39 - 9:46 - What's on tap tonight. We try to wrap our minds around our new AI-generated logo.

9:46 - 41:45 - Bears Trade #1. What do the boys think about Ryan Poles's trade of the top pick in the 2023 NFL draft? DJ Moore opinions, future draft ideas at number nine and beyond, etc.

41:45 - 74:18 - Free agency. Day one of free agency has wrapped and the Bears have three, maybe four, new starters. Who is left, what are our rivals doing, what's wrong with Aaron Rodgers. 

74:18 - 96:26 - B1G Minute/March Madness. We are days away from the 2023 NCAA tourney kicking off. How does Bill feel about his Illini? Who are our picks to click? How many beers will be consumed at Dave Madness?

96:26 - 111:25 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank takes us around the world of autosports.

111:25 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Baseball, Toffee, Apple TV talk.

The NFL season has come to an end and so shall Season 4 of Zero Doinks, but not before an explosive season finale. Rick Feelsmen and Coach Cuse join Dan and Bill Doinks in a special subterranean location in the suburbs of Chicago and a lot of ground is covered and Hamm's are consumed. Will additional special guests adorn your ears? A new musical tune? Jump in below to find out.

0:00 - 01:42 - Intro, including a taste of the Doinks boys honoring a classic Billy Joel tune.

01:42 - 03:32 - What's on tap tonight?

03:32 - 41:33 - Super Bowl review, Bears off-season preview. The Bears are on the clock, can you believe it? But first we'll wrap up some Super Bowl thoughts. Is this the biggest off-season in Bears history? We sure think so. Plus "Keep an Eye on Dan" makes its final appearance of the season, and Rick has something up his sleeve for Dan Doinks. A voice from the S4 season debut pops in late.

41:33 - 78:46 - Hamm's N Bread. America's favorite gambling segment takes its usual twists and turns, as Rick Feelsmen gives us all a live version of his weekly award-winning segment "Hamm's N Spreads." Rick received his reward for his S4 contributions and a very naughty man joins us from overseas. What are the boys going to gamble on during the offseason? They have an idea or two.

78:46 -99:32 - B1G Minute. Consider this a March Madness preview. Which of our beloved teams are going to go dancing? Where's the party going to be this year and do we even want our squads playing during it? Plus what in the world is TT Elite and why are we addicted so quickly?

99:32 - 112:24 - Gray Balls. General Manager and small forward/Coach Cuse gets grilled on the odds of our 35+ intramural basketball team's chances in this year's playoffs. The gifts keep flowing as Coach Cuse accepts a token of our appreciation for putting together a championship squad.

112:24 - 128:35 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank is back as autosport season hath arrived. Whether you are an expert or a novice, let Greasetank guide you through Indycar, Nascar and Formula 1. You won't regret a minute.

128:35 - 145:07 - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Let's ignore baseball for the moment because who cares. Everton is still playing. Rick has an answer for the unwelcomed UFOs. Plus whatever else is on our mind after a night of beers.

145:07 -END - Outro Best of Season 4. Enjoy the sounds of Season 4 plus a full-length version of Tony Doinks and the boys doing Billy Joel a'capella.

Could Week 18 have gone any better? Bears end up with the #1 pick of the 2023 draft thanks to Lovie Smith's Texans stunning win over Indy. The Packers lose a shocker at home to Detroit to knock them out of the playoffs, while the Lions have to watch Seattle sneak into the number one seed thanks to a tiebreaker. The regular season is over, thank the sweet lord, and it's time to look to the off-season as well as glance at what is a pretty wide open playoff bracket. Rick Feelsmen pops by for his latest HOT picks (he's 7-2 over the last three weeks) as the boys project the playoff field, wrap up the first year of Eberflus/Poles and talk about initial thoughts about what to do with pick number one.

0:00 - 01:23 - Intro led by a voice Bill Doinks wish he had, John Legend

01:23 - 03:28 - What's On Tap Tonight?

(a brief word from our sponsor (via Spotify))

03:28 - 46:08 - Wrapping up the regular season, time for Poles to cook. The NFL runs through Chicago in the first time in forever and we couldn't be more here for it. We relish the demise of the Green Bay Packers and start thinking about what we'd like the Bears to do with pick #1.

46:08 - 73:35 - Hamm's N Bread. What are our playoff predictions? Rick Feelsmen and his scorching hot picks stops in.

(a brief word from our sponsor (via Spotify))

73:35 - 92:28 - Let's Wrap This M'Fer Up. Not much to talk about with the college football title game but we dive so deep into NFL teams looking for coaches named Harbaugh or Payton.

92:28 - END - Best of S4, to date. Almost 17 minutes in heaven.

One (pointless?) game to go this weekend against the Vikings. To play Fields or to sit him out, that's one of the questions on our mind. We don't really acknowledge the Lions game because who cares. We, along with Bears Nation, are huge Lovie Smith fans this weekend as the Texans can gift wrap the top pick to Chicago, assuming the Bears don't light Minnesota up on Sunday for reasons unknown. We spray to all fields, including Joe Ratzinger, Kevin Warren, ping pong, an obscure Minneapolis law and of course our concern over Buffalo safety Damar Hamlin. Two episodes left in Season 4 after this one, lovebugs. 

After a loss to Josh Allen and the Bills, coupled with a Lovie Smith Texans W, with two games left the Bears are half a game out of a shot at the number one pick in the 2023 NFL draft. First, Dan Campbell and his considerable body awaits JF1 and the hapless Bears. We'll chat about things, including Pinocchio (again), our declining numbers in India, Dan Pompei's stupid weekly column and the whole process of rebuilding/soft-tanking.

Justin Fields more than held his own against the 13-1 Philadelphia Eagles, throwing to a WR group who should probably not be in the league. He is and always has been the chosen one. Is there a button to sim to the end of the season? We'd like to press it. Alas, Josh Allen is coming to town on Christmas Eve to shove all sorts of things into and around our sacks as there are but three weeks left until a critical offseason for GM Ryan Poles. 

The boys are well-rested after a bye week and they only have a few words to say about the latest Bears-Packers game. Dan flip flops for the first time regarding how the 2023 NFL Draft board is shaping up, which is shocking as a "not a big mock draft" guy. Jalen Hurts and the Eagles visit this weekend which gives us all a glimpse as to what Justin Fields is going to look like next year. Rick Feelsmen pops in with a new tune and lots of hot picks. Bowl season is upon us soon as the Illini, sans a defensive coordinator, gear up to face the devastated Mississippi State squad fresh off of the tragic loss of Mike Leach. Plus tons more.

Lots of surprises this episode as the boys do a little reversal of roles from time to time. Did the Jets game really happen? One of the boys might need to game explained to him, we shall see. Aaron Rodgers seems to be being chased out of GB by Packers' fans - will this be the last time he suits up at Soldier Field? Feel like we asked that same question last year. Plus college football's regular season has wrapped - how did the Illini and Gophers end up? Tons more, including new tunes courtesy of two Fans N Eggs. 

Welp, the homecoming to Georgia didn't quite go as planned for Justin Fields as he left with another loss and a painful left shoulder. Will he play this week? This year? Should he? Are we going to watch Bears-Jets if he isn't playing? So many questions this episode, including "Does Zero Doinks have a Wikipedia page and if not, why not?" The highlight of these Bears games is probably the Zero Doinks boys losing their cool over Dan Pompei's observations and seeing if Dan Doinks can guess Tweets correctly during "Keep an Eye on Dan." Rick Feelsmen pops in for his three hot picks of the week. Greasetank summarizes 2022's racing season in what may or may not be his last appearance of this year (we hope not). Plus tons more, including a Thanksgiving weekend filled with B1G rivalry games.