Zero Doinks: World's Weirdest Chicago Bears Podcast

Stop me if you've heard this one before - the Bears went into Green Bay for a nationally-televised night game and they left with a loss, giving their fanbase an uneasy feeling and continued inferiority complex. The boys won't dwell on Sunday night's thrashing too much as it's Texans week which means the return of a bearded Lovie Smith. So much Pinocchio and donkey talk. We ask the questions you're dying to have answered.

Intro. Thank you Bo Burnham for your inspiration for the intro song Kmet, starring Tony Doinks, Rick Feelsmen, Bill Doinks and Coach Cuse.

What's On Tap Tonight. Is this the new Guy Fieri chat area?

Paying Our Bills.

Green Bay Review. We try not to dwell.

Texans Preview. Lovie's back in town.

Bears Fantasy Corner. Who are the Bears offensive weapons of choice this week?

Hamm's N Bread. Rick Feelsmen (1-5) is back with a boatload of hot picks. Pinocchio ended up capturing our imagination in this segment.

B1G Minute. Illini and Gophers appear the head of the class.

Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank as only he can.

Where Can You Find Us. 

Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. A touch of Toffees and White Sox. Gambling story for the ages. Lots of sound to close it out.

The undefeated Chicago Bears head to Green Bay this Sunday night in front of a crowd of mostly ugly people and we can't wait to get into it. Will Coach Flus ever lose? Will Aaron Rodgers be wasted out of his gourd? How often does Matt LeFleur get his hair cut? I think it's time for the Bears to take the North and never give it back, don't you? Plus our HOT fantasy picks of the week, Rick Feelsmen's hot hot gambling picks of the week, our thoughts on the B1G and college football, Greasetank's take on autosports and tons more.

0:00 - 03:30 - Introduction including 670 The Score's Dan Bernstein and a new tune inspired by Phoebe Bridgers (s/o Daughter of Bill Doinks and Coach Cuse).

03:31 - 08:52 - What's on tap tonight? Guy Fieri got things off to a super weird start.

08:53 - 10:14 - How can you become the next Zero Doinks?

10:15 - 35:41 - Packers Preview. Dan Pompei still writes trash game reviews. Lots of priest talk here for some reason. How do we feel going into Sunday night?

35:42 - 43:31 - See Me After Class. This segment first aired in season three, it feels like an appropriate time to revisit one reason why Aaron Rodgers is such a weasel and why we dislike him so. Some of this sounds a bit outdated with the NFL protocols at the time but you get the point.

43:32 - 52:41 - Bears Fantasy Corner. John Lithgow gets us way off track.

52:42 - 1:17:12 - Hamm's N Bread. America's favorite gambling segment with resident shark Rick Feelsmen popping in for his three (or four?) hot picks during his segment within the segment, Hamm's N Spreads.

1:17:13 - 1:36:55 - The B1G Minute. The Big Ten clearly runs through Champaign this year. Sorry, Arby's, we didn't mean it.

1:36:56 - 1:41:24 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank gives us a lesson in autosports expertise. Save the date for his upcoming personal race!

1:41:25 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. Mini hits of Toffees Corner and Hamms N Ted as soccer ramps back up (once the Queen gets buried) and baseball's pennant race hits a fever pitch. Lots of random sound to finish off the ep. Thanks for listening!

The boys of Zero Doinks needed to immediately talk about the incredible Week 1 upset by our beloved Bears over the seven point favorite San Francisco 49ers. 16 wins away from perfection. Enjoy this bonus reaction episode. Bearssssss.

Finally, real football is here, and Dan & Bill Doinks are here to get weird with it. Are the boys still glowing from JF1's preseason performance against Cleveland? Any hot thoughts about the final 53 or depth chart? Sweaty Ted is retiring, hallelujah! So much hot content this ep, including the return of both Rick Feelsmen and Greasetank Frank.

0:00 - 2:52 - Intro Song "Sunday I'm in Love" with Daughter of Bill Doinks.

2:52 - 5:13 - What's on tap tonight?

5:14 - 32:45 - Bears Roster Chit Chat. Wow, JF1 was hot during the last preseason game, huh? Lots of roster changes at the bottom of the 53. Depth chart thoughts, especially the o line. Ted Phillips and Arlington Heights chatter. 

32:45 - 57:21 - 49ers Week 1 Preview. Dan Doinks takes us on a tour of San Francisco. Is Dan going to the game? What position would Jesus play?

57:21 - 1:05:15 - Bears Fantasy Corner. A fresh season of Dan and Bill giving their single best play for fantasy football.

1:05:15 - 1:35:01 - Hamm's N Bread. A look inside the odd mind of exclusive gambling shark + sharp Rick Feelsmen (he's not dead!). What does Vegas think about the Bears-49ers game? Any other games catch our eye?

1:35:01 - 1:37:24 - How can you be the next Zero Doinks?

1:37:24 - 1:52:39 - B1G Minute. Gophers and Illini are back in action.

1:52:39 - 1:57:11 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Greasetank Frank shows his knowledge and grit regarding all things autosports.

1:57:11 - 1:57:48 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

1:57:48 - END - Let's Wrap this M'Fer Up. The new home for Toffee's Corner and baseball talk and other musings.

The boys wrap up their preseason slate of episodes with the return of Dan Doinks from Hawaii. How tan do we think his unmentionables are? Still pretty paste-y? Anywho, the Seahawks were no match for the Bears in preseason game two as they remain on top of the NFC North for a second-consecutive week. What are our feelings on Roquan ending his "hold-in" and playing out the final year of his rookie contract? Tons more, including the Big Ten Minute as Hugh Robertson and the Fighting Illini kick off their 2022 season this weekend versus Wyoming. We are so close to real football, baby. Plus we have a new Hawaiian business idea that is an absolute home run.

0:00 - 03:52 - Intro with new tune to deceased Fan N Egg Phil in Indiana, "Phil's In Heaven." Happy 40th birthday in the clouds.

03:52 - 09:47 - What's on tap tonight?

09:48 - 11:10 - How can you be the next Zero Doinks via Anchor?

11:10 - 41:06 - Bears Chitter Chatter. Ro Smith is back, somewhat reluctantly. Most of the Bears starters will be playing at least half of the final preseason game. What does Dan think about the likely Week 1 starting offensive line? Have the boys recovered from the release of BoPete Keyes? Other NFL thoughts, including Phil's boy Mitch.

41:06 - 41:43 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

41:43 - 65:06 - B1G Minute. Hugh Robertson's Illini have another Week 0 game, this time hosting Wyoming. Northwestern-Nebraska get it going.

65:06 - END - Let's wrap this M'Fer up. Everton bad? Manti Te'eo documentary opinions. Eating hot dogs in odd ways.

With Dan floating from Hawaiian isle to isle, it's the beautiful and talented Darren from Dublin taking his considerable seat this week, though you'll hear a splash of a sun-soaked Dan Doinks from time to time. We re-visit the Bears hot hot hot preseason debut versus the Chiefs. Which players stood out? Why did Eberflus look a little awkward on the sidelines? Is there tangible JF1 progress? Darren has a plan to overtake the Packers and gives his 10,000 mile view of what to expect out of the 2022 Bears. Some EPL talk as Villa stuck a sword in the heart of our Everton boys. Plus much much more, including a new tune about a LB needing some love. 

The boys of Zero Doinks cannot believe the preseason hath arrived. It's August, it's football season, and wow does that make this podcast extraordinarily randy. Matt Nagy is soon to return to Soldier Field as a Chiefs assistant coach. Can't imagine his welcome will be warm. Plus camp is a week in - what are our expert observations based solely off of Twitter updates? Dan is going out of town - will he be able to gamble on the Toffees EPL debut this weekend?

The ladies of Zero Doinks are back as Jordan and Kristen Doinks return to the show for the first time since 2020. Hubba hubba. Seems like a perfect time for some Chicago Bears Hot or Not with these two foul-mouthed pirates, wouldn't you say? We think you're going to enjoy this.

Eberflus is a bad boy, but will his roster's lack of overall talent be giving him a spanking come December? We talk about Flus's first experience with the squad, including one missed OTA practice, or what the Tribune's beat reporters describe as a "misstep by the regime." We also try to balance realism about the 2022 Bears while not trying to be too cynical since we're 40ish and crabby. Grease Tank pops in for some "Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks" plus Dan might be running a brothel in his attic.

0:00 - 01:40 - Intro with a small song addition.

01:40 - 04:05 - What's on tap tonight?

04:05 - 49:12 - Bears chitter chatter. Flus is so naughty. The dudes looked red hot at the Bears gala (did you see Pablo? Hubba hubba). JF1 is a baseball star and hopefully a football one. We love the Bears but it's okay to admit they might stink this year. Dan has weird stuff going on in his attic.

49:12 - 50:32 - How can you be the next Zero Doinks?

50:32 - 56:49 - Dipsh!ts and Dipsticks. Grease Tank gives us the latest hot hot autosports news.

56:49 - 57:26 - Where can you find us on the interwebs?

57:26 - 86:54 - Let's wrap this m'fer up. Tony La Russa is the worst.

86:54 - END - random sounds