Read this like you would that Billy Joel song (but like, without the cadence). Ready? SUKI WATERHOUSE DOESN'T WASH HAIR WITH COKE, ZOSIA MAMET FEEDS KALEY CUOCO'S MOM'S HORSE SWEDISH FISH, KATE PRICE LOST HER DOG (AND FOUND HIM), ASIAN DOLL DIDN'T KNOW SHE WAS WANTED (BY THE POLICE), SHOULD TIMMY ATTEND NIKKI REED'S PHOTOG EXHIBIT Y/N?, SEEMINGLY SEEMINGLY SEEMINGLY! BELLA POARCH DIVORCES SECRET HUSBAND, CHER DATES AMBER ROSE'S EX, SUMMER WALKER AND LARRY ARE FINISHED, GABBY WINDEY AND ERICH SCHEWER SPLIT, RITA ORA'S SISTER LOOKS GREAT!

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