Ok. NOW Saul is king, I guess. So there is your happy ending to the story. Nothing could possibly-- What's that? God's already done with him? Ughhhhhh...

Saul pisses off the all powerful Lord by cooking meat without a license. Samuel pulled him over and cited him for sacrificing without bribing a priest. Thus our God of Love passes judgement like a coked out squirrel.

Saul's son, Jonathan, carries out a plan so vague the Philistines never saw it coming and he deals a massive defeat to them. Then he eats some honey and his dad decides to kill him. Because that makes sense. Thankfully apparently everyone stops him.

And Samuel gives a retirement speech. Israel got him a gold watch and a bottle of whiskey. Too bad he lost his pension in the financial collapse of 1170 BC. 

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