This week on Real Talk with Rachael I’m chatting with my friend Rebekah Moes about her personal journey with infidelity in her marriage and God’s power of redemption. Bekah is a Jesus-loving mom-of-five from the DFW area. She and her husband Nick co-founded Family of Hope, a non-profit web-based resource for couples in crisis. Their podcast unFAITHFUL: redeeming infidelity reaches couples recovering from infidelity all over the world. Bekah is passionate about sharing her story and breaking the silence on a lonely road that many couples walk. She believes a healthy “we” starts with a healthy “me,” and knows that journey very well. She loves talking to women about how to live overflowing, Spirit-empowered lives first at home, and then in every sphere of influence.

Key Points from Our Conversation:

• Rebekah initially believed her husband’s pornography addiction was a “struggle” that would resolve itself after marriage, but after things worsened it became clear it was a heart issue.
• Think of marriage as a mirror – your spouse reflects yourself back to you. “My spouse is not the problem, my spouse reveals the problem in me.”
• If you’re going through a difficult season in your marriage, focus on finding your identity and self-worth, not casting blame.
• When you numb one thing, you also become to other things, but it’s okay to be present in your numbness. Be exactly and fully where you are.
• The process to stop numbing is long and slow, but “you don’t need all the steps, just the next one.”
• The wound created by infidelity is unique and will require a support system from professionals and trusted friends. Regardless of if your spouse is ready to change, the first step is getting help for yourself. You can start with a trusted friend or pastor, but get counseling.
• Any place there’s secrecy is a red flag. Ask what’s behind the secrecy – what are they/you afraid of? What’s keeping us from being fully open to one another?
• “A healthy we starts with a healthy me.”
• You can’t control your spouse, but you can set boundaries – boundaries are not an attempt to control someone else, but rather an attempt to protect yourself.
• Not every spouse is going to choose the right path, but God’s healing is available regardless of how your spouse responds. “The hope is not in saving the marriage, the hope is in your life with the Lord and all of the future He has for you.”

Resources Mentioned:

Gateway Church Conflict in Marriage resource The Affair Recovery Center

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