We each have different bents; what’s important to us many times looks different for each spouse – a clean house, an organized garage, etc.  There will be plenty of trials in life that you have no control over so why not just strengthen the areas you DO have control over?  Join me today as I discuss some practical tools in loving your spouse through actions and filling in the gaps with grace.  We may not always be drawn to serve or lift each other up, but we find that sprinkling undeserved favor into our most important relationships brings life to everyone involved.

Show Highlights

1. How do I, as a man, know that the house is messy?  My wife says she needs help, but I don’t know what to do.
   1. Different environments, different bents.
   2. Specificity drives accountability; accountability drives performance.
   3. Ask for a checklist.  Ask for responsibility on specific spheres, and for your spouse to train you on what he/she would like you to do.
   4. Vague instructions give ambiguous results.
2. Can you explain “Fill in the gap with grace”?
   1. Give the benefit of the doubt
      • If there are two possible ways to interpret something, and one way least condemning of the other person, do your best to assume the best.
      • Most actions weren’t taken to specifically hurt you.
        • Often our stupid and sinful actions are a result of Focalism.  Focalism (sometimes called the focusing illusion) is the tendency for people to give too much weight to one particular piece of information when making judgements and predictions.  By focusing too much on one thing (the focal event or hypothesis), people tend to neglect other important considerations and end up making inaccurate judgments as a result.
      • Even if actions were specifically to hurt you, rather than being angry or vindictive, we should be curious.
   2. Remember Galatians 6:1-5.  Our aim is restoration.
   3. Grace is undeserved favor.
      • Sprinkle undeserved favor into your most important relationships
      • As a child of God, you are an agent of reconciliation.
      • It’s about seeking to love, serve, and lift each other up; it’s about striving to give more than what’s deserved.

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Specificity drives accountability; accountability drives performance.
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If there are two possible ways to interpret something, and one way least condemning of the other person, do your best to choose the least condemning interpretation.
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Behavior should make us curious.
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Sprinkle undeserved favor into your most important relationships.
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Resources Mentioned

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