Episode 192 of The Shallow End delivers three perfectly unhinged true stories that prove human decision-making collapses completely under mild pressure.

First, police in the UK respond to a routine burglary investigation—only to discover their suspect hiding inside a washing machine. Not running. Not mid-cycle. Just vibrating slightly with shame. When officers lift the lid, the man doesn’t flee or panic… he politely waves. Because of course he does.

Then, listener Ben from Springfield, Massachusetts shares his own bizarre brush with human nonsense after arriving at his riverside boathouse to discover his entire dock has vanished. Security footage later reveals two strangers and a dog untying it, floating it upstream, and casually tying it to a tree—apparently deciding the dock needed a change of scenery.

Finally, we head to Tulsa, Oklahoma, where a rejected liquor purchase escalates into an armed robbery using an 1850s derringer, also known as a “muff pistol.” Pajama pants, hoodie, antique firearm, and stolen IDs—because if you’re going to commit a crime, you might as well do it with Civil War flair.

No one is hurt. No high-speed chases. Just grown adults, questionable choices, and appliances that were never meant to be safe houses.

Lesson of the week: appliances are not hiding places, docks are not community property, and blunderbusses do not improve your odds.

You’re in The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth—where confidence routinely outruns planning.

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