The Shallow End

A teenage robber walks into a convenience store on Christmas Eve, waves a gun around, and demands money. Unfortunately for him, the man behind the counter has a few surprises of his own. Meanwhile, a Wisconsin woman decides she's going to become a substitute teacher. No credentials. No authorization. No apparent interest in actually teaching. What could possibly go wrong?

This week on The Shallow End, Jethro and Lindsay bring you two astonishing true stories of terrible decisions, spectacularly misplaced confidence, and consequences nobody saw coming.

First, it's Christmas Eve 2017 in Leicester, England, where a cocky 17-year-old armed robber decides to terrorize a neighborhood convenience store just before closing time. What he doesn't know is that the store's owner, a father of two, happens to be a trained karate black belt. Within seconds, the would-be criminal discovers that threatening the wrong person can lead to a very long night on the floor of a grocery store. It's a spectacular case of instant karma, complete with flying potato chips, a desperate plea for mercy, and a Christmas miracle nobody ordered.

Then, we head to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, where a 23-year-old woman allegedly walks into her former high school and convinces administrators she's a substitute teacher. Once inside the classroom, her bizarre behavior leaves students stunned and parents furious. Racial insults, inappropriate questions, and an astonishing explanation for why she did it all turn this case of fake teacher impersonation into a serious school security scandal.

Plus, a listener shares the unforgettable story of a backyard sword fight that went horribly wrong, proving once again that live weapons, amateur reenactments, and The Phantom of the Opera are not necessarily a winning combination.

Armed robbery gone wrong. Instant karma. Fake teachers. Backyard sword fighting. It's another trip into the shallow end of the gene pool, where questionable judgment meets painfully predictable consequences.

Join Jethro and Lindsay for The Shallow End, the comedy podcast celebrating real people making spectacularly bad decisions.

Make good choices. Your life might depend on it.

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A bank robber disappears inside a 21-story apartment building while police close in. A short time later, he turns up badly injured in the basement—with the stolen cash still on him. His escape involved one of the worst plans in criminal history: a garbage chute, a 210-foot fall, and an astonishing amount of luck.

Then, Polaroid was once one of America’s most innovative companies, transforming photography by letting people hold a picture in their hands just moments after taking it. So how did a company that dominated instant photography and generated billions in sales end up bankrupt just a decade later? Lindsay and Jethro trace the remarkable rise, spectacular fall, and unlikely resurrection of Polaroid—and the technology that nearly killed it before helping make it cool again.

Plus, a listener discovers that karma, bath towels, garage doors, and security cameras can be an especially unforgiving combination.

It’s another trip into the wonderfully questionable side of human decision-making on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth.

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This week, The Shallow End opens the mailbag—and apparently our listeners have been making questionable decisions all over the world.

First, a listener in Germany discovers that noise-canceling earbuds work perhaps a little too well when a forgotten pot of rice bursts into flames. Then an innocent RV hookup mistake turns into one of the most horrifying sewage-related experiences ever submitted to the show. There are unfortunate names, childhood attempts to become part tiger shark, a geography lesson involving the surprising location of Alaska, and an encounter with poison ivy that ends with a very unusual doctor’s recommendation.

But the centerpiece may be an Arizona hiking trip that becomes a master class in escalating bad decisions: an 80-pound backpack, brutal sunburn, an unfortunately placed tent, dozens of wasp stings, tequila, a mysterious bagel thief, a badly gashed foot, and some improvised wilderness surgery involving mint-flavored dental floss.

It’s a special listener-mail edition of The Shallow End, proving once again that our audience doesn’t merely visit the shallow end.

Some of you appear to have taken up permanent residence.

Listen now—and please, make good choices. Your life might depend on it.

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Some bad ideas take careful planning. Others apparently require a counterfeit money operation, Abraham Lincoln’s corpse, and absolutely no consideration for how much a lead-lined coffin weighs.

This week on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, we travel back to 1876 for one of the strangest criminal schemes in American history: a gang of counterfeiters who decided the solution to their business problems was to steal Abraham Lincoln’s body and hold it for ransom. Unfortunately for them, their crew was crawling with government informants, their getaway plan had a few minor flaws, and even the Secret Service and Pinkerton detectives managed to make the night more chaotic than necessary.

Then, we attend a Pittsburgh wedding reception where “for better or worse” gets put to the test almost immediately. A riverboat wedding, an allegedly handsy groom, a pregnant waitress, an angry boyfriend, an off-duty state trooper, a school board member, a shattered car window, and three arrests combine to create one unforgettable wedding night.

Plus, a listener learns the hard way why garage doors, two-by-fours, and exposed nails should never be part of a DIY strategy.

History proves it once again: people have been making questionable decisions for a very, very long time.

The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth — where bad decisions make great stories.

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A homesick teenager makes the worst travel decision in aviation history: in 1965, Brian Robson had friends nail him into a wooden crate and ship him from Australia toward Wales as air freight. When the crate is rerouted to Los Angeles—and turned upside down—his 36-hour plan becomes a horrifying four-day ordeal.

Then, a legally blind, unlicensed Englishman with four bottles of wine in his system decides he absolutely must drive to Scotland. His navigation strategy? Follow the red taillights of a truck on the motorway… until he passes it.

Two spectacularly bad plans. Two remarkably lucky endings. This is The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth.

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A stolen SUV chase in Florida takes an unexpected turn when a herd of dairy cows decides to assist law enforcement—herding a fleeing suspect straight toward the fence and into custody. Then, a solo sailor attempting to cross the Pacific from California to Hawaii loses his mast, fuel, navigation, and eventually his fresh water… yet somehow survives for more than six weeks using PVC pipe, kayak paddles, oatmeal, and sheer stubbornness.

Plus: a listener’s lifelong, surprisingly consistent war with fire; a church mishap that looked suspiciously like an exorcism; and the deep-ocean phobia that makes even a cruise ship feel like a terrible idea.

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A man drifts 23 miles into the Mediterranean on an inflatable mattress, armed with little more than a piece of wood and a wildly misplaced sense of confidence. Then, an aspiring bodybuilder develops an unconventional training regimen involving steroids, zero exercise and up to 24 beers a day—before wandering away from the competition to visit a pub.

Plus, a listener learns why garage-door cables should never be cut with hedge clippers. It’s another collection of spectacularly poor decisions on this episode of The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth.

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A man goes looking for another drink and somehow ends up at the center of one of the most bizarre jewelry heists imaginable—complete with stolen construction equipment, a handful of gold, and possibly the least intimidating getaway vehicle in criminal history.

Then, a woman in New Zealand suffers cardiac arrest in a supermarket parking lot and is miraculously revived by a passing stranger. But while paramedics are fighting to save her life, someone else is hard at work making sure she doesn’t escape the consequences of overstaying the 90-minute parking limit.

Also, a listener shares an unforgettable story from his late uncle’s time as a Marine in Vietnam. It’s another collection of astonishingly poor decisions, bureaucratic absurdity, and the kind of true stories that could only be found in The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth.

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A stolen front-end loader leads Massachusetts police on the slowest “high-speed” chase in history—topping out at a blistering 15 miles per hour. Then, a Florida man escapes from a secure mental health facility using a stolen key card, locks the employees inside, and disappears for six days—despite already having 18 outstanding warrants.

Schnebley and Toth dive into two true stories featuring heavy machinery, questionable security, one missing Croc, an aging Jeep, and the kind of decision-making that keeps The Shallow End fully stocked. Dive in—the water is still dangerously shallow.

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A good alibi can keep you out of prison—unless it leads police directly to 84 packets of heroin. This week on The Shallow End, Jethro tells the story of a West Virginia bank robbery suspect who proved he was innocent by confessing to an entirely different crime.

Then, Lindsay heads to Florida, where a man allegedly steals $7,000 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets and repeatedly returns to the scene of the crime to cash them. When that brilliant plan fails, his evening somehow gets even worse.

Plus, a listener shares a painful lesson involving a fence-post driver, an emergency-room visit, and four staples to the head. Two true stories of criminal miscalculation, spectacularly bad decisions, and people who should have stopped several choices ago. Lifeguards Lindsay and Jethro are on duty, but the warning remains the same: stay out of the deep end.

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