What do a counterfeit cash scheme, a Target return counter, and a doomed diamond heist have in common? Absolutely terrible decision-making—and that’s exactly what’s waiting for you in this episode of The Shallow End.

JG and Lindsay dive headfirst into two wildly absurd true crime stories that prove sometimes the biggest threat to criminals… is themselves. First, a man in Augusta, Georgia attempts to return a printer—only to accidentally leave behind sheets of freshly printed counterfeit money inside. What follows is a slow-motion unraveling of one of the least thought-out crimes imaginable, all thanks to a diligent retail employee and one very talkative machine.

Then, things somehow get even worse. Meet Leroy and Marcy, two aspiring jewel thieves whose meticulously unmeticulously planned heist ends with smashed glass, a panicked escape, and a fateful elevator ride straight into disaster. With stolen diamond rings, a broken getaway plan, and one unforgettable attempt to hide evidence (yes… inside a human body), this story spirals into one of the most spectacularly botched robberies you’ll ever hear.

Along the way, the team shares outrageous customer service horror stories—including attempted double refunds, questionable return logic, and the kind of retail chaos that makes you wonder how humanity functions at all.

This episode is packed with laugh-out-loud moments, unbelievable true stories, and a reminder that crime doesn’t pay… especially when you forget the evidence in the printer.

In this episode:

If you love hilarious true crime, ridiculous criminals, and stories that make you feel just a little bit smarter by comparison, this episode is for you.

Listen now—and remember: make good choices… your life might depend on it.

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Because even chaos takes a holiday… It’s a Shallow End classic.

Due to Easter weekend, we’re cracking open the vault and re-releasing one of our all-time favorite episodes—and trust us, it’s worth resurrecting.

JG dives headfirst (as one does) into the spectacularly ridiculous sinking of a World War II Nazi U-Boat—because sometimes history isn’t just tragic… It’s unintentionally hilarious. Meanwhile, Lindsay asks an important question that absolutely no one should be qualified to answer: Can you coach a Little League team all the way to the World Series… and still find time to rob 13 banks? (Spoiler: apparently, yes.)

It’s incompetence, ambition, bad decisions, and baffling life choices—all wrapped up in one beautifully broken episode.

If any defects in this episode are discovered, do not attempt to repair them yourself. Please return to an authorized Shallow End service center… or just laugh and let it happen.

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What happens when criminals make every possible wrong decision… and then double down?

In this episode of The Shallow End, we dive headfirst into a series of real-life stories that prove you don’t need a mastermind to commit a crime—sometimes all you need is spectacularly bad judgment.

First, meet Darren Kimpton—a burglar having what can only be described as an aggressively terrible day. After botching one break-in and leaving behind a literal trail of blood (yes, DNA included), he decides the logical next step is… to try again. What follows is less of a crime and more of a live-action surrender.

Then, things shift from clumsy crime to courtroom chaos. A woman named Kimberly Carroll attempts to attend a virtual court hearing via Zoom—while driving. What unfolds is a painfully awkward, wildly viral moment involving a skeptical judge, a very obvious lie, and one of the most expensive car rides imaginable.

Plus, listener stories that will make you question how anyone boards the wrong plane—and doesn’t realize it until takeoff.

This episode is packed with:

Dumb criminal fails (the kind that practically solve themselves)

Viral courtroom moments you have to hear to believe

Absurd real-life stories that feel scripted… but aren’t

The kind of humor that makes you grateful you’re not that person

If you love true crime with a comedic twist, unbelievable real-life mishaps, and stories where everything goes wrong in the most entertaining way possible—welcome to The Shallow End.

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What starts as a routine flight out of Mogadishu turns into one of the strangest “instant karma” stories you’ll ever hear… when a man in a wheelchair boards a plane with a deadly secret—and what happens next defies every expectation. This is a true story of chaos, survival, and a twist so unbelievable it sounds fictional… but isn’t.

Then, we head to Clearwater, Florida—because of course we do—where a karaoke night goes completely off the rails. One man waits patiently for his moment in the spotlight… until a broken karaoke machine pushes him into a decision that lands him in handcuffs instead of the chorus.

Plus: a listener story featuring a literal “Rick Roll” (gravity-assisted), and a reminder that sometimes the most dangerous place on Earth… is an open mic night.

In this episode:

A real-life airplane bombing attempt with a bizarre outcome

A Florida karaoke meltdown involving a gun (yes, really)

Listener humiliation at a Rick Astley concert

The fine line between performance art and public disaster

If you love true dumb criminal stories, unbelievable real-life events, and dark humor with a twist of “what did I just hear?”—welcome back to The Shallow End.

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Episode 200 dives headfirst into the absurd with a milestone celebration you won’t forget—whether you want to or not. From a hilariously ill-conceived ‘nude episode’ kickoff to a real-life criminal mastermind who tried to improve his own wanted poster with a better selfie, this installment is packed with bizarre true stories, dumb decisions, and the kind of strange-but-true moments that define The Shallow End.

You’ll hear about a fugitive who critiqued his own mugshot (and helped police catch him), a cyclist whose road rage backfired spectacularly thanks to dashcam footage, and the everyday weirdness that turns minor incidents into unforgettable chaos.

If you love ridiculous crimes, unbelievable true stories, and laugh-out-loud commentary on human behavior, this episode delivers. Jump in—just maybe keep your pants on.

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On this episode of The Shallow End, the guys dive headfirst into two stories that prove reality is often stranger—and far funnier—than fiction. First, a bizarre crime spree in Gwinnett County, Georgia where a man allegedly attempted a series of car thefts while wearing nothing but a tablecloth and fuzzy blue slippers, turning a routine police chase into one of the strangest wardrobe choices in criminal history. Then the conversation shifts to a surprisingly controversial business experiment in New Jersey, where Girl Scout cookies were briefly sold outside a cannabis dispensary, creating the perfect collision between entrepreneurial scouts and customers experiencing the legendary munchies. Add listener mail about unfortunate names and the hosts’ signature humor, and you’ve got a hilarious mix of weird news, bizarre crimes, strange stories, and odd moments from everyday life that only The Shallow End could deliver.

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In this episode of The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, two unbelievable real-life stories prove that sometimes the most ridiculous headlines are absolutely true.

First, we head to Skull Valley, Arizona, where a sheriff’s deputy responds to a strange crash and discovers a driver who insists he’s “totally perfect”… despite crashing into a guardrail and somehow getting his finger stuck inside a can of White Claw hard seltzer. The situation only gets worse when authorities determine the driver is well beyond the legal alcohol limit—earning himself one of Arizona’s rare “super extreme DUI” charges. It’s a bizarre collision of questionable decisions, desert highways, and the world’s least helpful beverage container.

Then the story shifts from roadside chaos to the friendly skies with the surreal case of Svetlana Dali, a woman who has repeatedly managed to board international flights without a ticket, boarding pass, or passport. Yes—she simply blended into boarding groups and walked onto planes headed across the Atlantic. Not once… but multiple times. How does someone bypass airport security, TSA checkpoints, and airline gate agents to become a transatlantic stowaway? The answer may reveal something deeply strange about how security—and human behavior—actually works.

Along the way, Schnebly and Toth wander into their usual philosophical territory, including why airports make perfectly innocent travelers feel like criminals, how confidence can get you almost anywhere, and why every trip through TSA feels like a scene from a dystopian thriller.

From White Claw–related highway chaos to international airline stowaways, this episode explores the strange places where human behavior meets unbelievable circumstance.

Welcome to The Shallow End, where true stories prove that reality is often stranger—and far funnier—than fiction.

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In this episode of The Shallow End, Jethro and Lindsay dive headfirst into two true crime stories that feel less like reality and more like a stress dream fueled by bad decisions and poor time management.

First up: a record-setting criminal spree that unfolded during a single nine-hour Greyhound bus layover in Nashville. One man somehow managed to cram 11 felonies into less time than most people spend binge-watching a season of television—including arson, armed robbery, carjacking, Walmart shopping on stolen credit cards, a hotel robbery carried out in a disguise, and a final attempt to evade police by hiding inside industrial equipment. It’s a bizarre, fast-moving case that raises an important question: how much trouble can one person get into before missing their bus?

Then, the show turns to a workplace dispute that escalated far beyond anything HR could possibly handle. At a Popeyes restaurant in North Carolina, an argument between managers over burned biscuits ended in gunfire. What began as a kitchen disagreement spilled outside, resulting in a shooting, attempted murder charges, and a reminder that sometimes the smallest conflicts carry the most catastrophic consequences.

Along the way, Jethro and Lindsay riff on free will, crime efficiency, poor impulse control, and why absolutely no one should be committing felonies by the hour. As always, the stories are real, the reactions are unfiltered, and the humor is just dark enough to make you question whether you should be laughing—right before you do.

If you enjoy true crime stories where everything spirals wildly out of control, criminal logic collapses under its own weight, and bad decisions stack up at alarming speed, this episode of The Shallow End delivers.

No felonies. No burned biscuits. Make good choices.

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In this episode of The Shallow End, Florida once again proves it’s not just a place—it’s a mindset.

First: a birthday fishing trip off the coast of Florida takes a sharp turn when a six-foot lemon shark becomes an unwilling Instagram prop. What starts as a triumphant catch turns into a 911 call, a tourniquet, and a helicopter ride—because nothing says “memories” like underestimating a living torpedo with teeth.

Then: a peaceful Sunday morning pickleball match inside a gated country club spirals into what police reports describe as a full-blown melee. A rules dispute over “the kitchen,” a paddle repurposed as a weapon, multiple injuries, felony charges, and the sobering realization that pickleball rage is, somehow, very real.

Along the way, the guys unpack performative confidence, the curse of documentation, the strange logic of bad ideas that begin with “watch this,” and why the universe seems to take personal offense the moment a smartphone enters the equation. There’s also a listener email that derails the show into an unexpectedly deep debate about logic, grammar, and whether the phrase “pour yourself a strong one and buckle up” accidentally implies a felony.

It’s a classic Shallow End episode: wild true stories, dry humor, sharp observations, and a gentle reminder that nature, sports, and sharks do not care if it’s your birthday.

Make good choices.

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In this episode of The Shallow End, the universe appears to clock in early and enforce consequences with zero paperwork.

Schnebly and Toth break down a surreal Milwaukee incident in which a man attempting to set a Cadillac Escalade on fire instead ignites his own pants—an act of instant karma caught entirely on surveillance video. What begins as felony-grade arson collapses into slapstick physics as flaming trousers, panicked decision-making, and a perfectly timed police cruiser converge in what may be the most efficient arrest on record.

From there, the episode widens into a greatest-hits reel of bad ideas and questionable judgment. A listener email recounts a sober college sledding adventure that ends with injuries, hospital visits, and the realization that alcohol isn’t always required to make terrible choices. The hosts share their own youthful snow-related miscalculations, proving once again that age and common sense rarely arrive together.

The episode also dives into a Texas burglary attempt that goes sideways when a man breaks into a car dealership, injures himself on the glass, calls 911 for help, and—while waiting for first responders—helps himself to candy from a sales desk. Because of course he does.

Equal parts dumb criminal behavior, misfired confidence, and real-world absurdity, this episode is a reminder that when plans collapse, they often do so loudly, publicly, and on camera.

Make good choices. Don’t play with fire. And for the love of God, don’t try to outrun your own pants.

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