Some bad ideas take careful planning. Others apparently require a counterfeit money operation, Abraham Lincoln’s corpse, and absolutely no consideration for how much a lead-lined coffin weighs.

This week on The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth, we travel back to 1876 for one of the strangest criminal schemes in American history: a gang of counterfeiters who decided the solution to their business problems was to steal Abraham Lincoln’s body and hold it for ransom. Unfortunately for them, their crew was crawling with government informants, their getaway plan had a few minor flaws, and even the Secret Service and Pinkerton detectives managed to make the night more chaotic than necessary.

Then, we attend a Pittsburgh wedding reception where “for better or worse” gets put to the test almost immediately. A riverboat wedding, an allegedly handsy groom, a pregnant waitress, an angry boyfriend, an off-duty state trooper, a school board member, a shattered car window, and three arrests combine to create one unforgettable wedding night.

Plus, a listener learns the hard way why garage doors, two-by-fours, and exposed nails should never be part of a DIY strategy.

History proves it once again: people have been making questionable decisions for a very, very long time.

The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth — where bad decisions make great stories.

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A homesick teenager makes the worst travel decision in aviation history: in 1965, Brian Robson had friends nail him into a wooden crate and ship him from Australia toward Wales as air freight. When the crate is rerouted to Los Angeles—and turned upside down—his 36-hour plan becomes a horrifying four-day ordeal.

Then, a legally blind, unlicensed Englishman with four bottles of wine in his system decides he absolutely must drive to Scotland. His navigation strategy? Follow the red taillights of a truck on the motorway… until he passes it.

Two spectacularly bad plans. Two remarkably lucky endings. This is The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth.

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A stolen SUV chase in Florida takes an unexpected turn when a herd of dairy cows decides to assist law enforcement—herding a fleeing suspect straight toward the fence and into custody. Then, a solo sailor attempting to cross the Pacific from California to Hawaii loses his mast, fuel, navigation, and eventually his fresh water… yet somehow survives for more than six weeks using PVC pipe, kayak paddles, oatmeal, and sheer stubbornness.

Plus: a listener’s lifelong, surprisingly consistent war with fire; a church mishap that looked suspiciously like an exorcism; and the deep-ocean phobia that makes even a cruise ship feel like a terrible idea.

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A man drifts 23 miles into the Mediterranean on an inflatable mattress, armed with little more than a piece of wood and a wildly misplaced sense of confidence. Then, an aspiring bodybuilder develops an unconventional training regimen involving steroids, zero exercise and up to 24 beers a day—before wandering away from the competition to visit a pub.

Plus, a listener learns why garage-door cables should never be cut with hedge clippers. It’s another collection of spectacularly poor decisions on this episode of The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth.

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A man goes looking for another drink and somehow ends up at the center of one of the most bizarre jewelry heists imaginable—complete with stolen construction equipment, a handful of gold, and possibly the least intimidating getaway vehicle in criminal history.

Then, a woman in New Zealand suffers cardiac arrest in a supermarket parking lot and is miraculously revived by a passing stranger. But while paramedics are fighting to save her life, someone else is hard at work making sure she doesn’t escape the consequences of overstaying the 90-minute parking limit.

Also, a listener shares an unforgettable story from his late uncle’s time as a Marine in Vietnam. It’s another collection of astonishingly poor decisions, bureaucratic absurdity, and the kind of true stories that could only be found in The Shallow End with Schnebly and Toth.

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A stolen front-end loader leads Massachusetts police on the slowest “high-speed” chase in history—topping out at a blistering 15 miles per hour. Then, a Florida man escapes from a secure mental health facility using a stolen key card, locks the employees inside, and disappears for six days—despite already having 18 outstanding warrants.

Schnebley and Toth dive into two true stories featuring heavy machinery, questionable security, one missing Croc, an aging Jeep, and the kind of decision-making that keeps The Shallow End fully stocked. Dive in—the water is still dangerously shallow.

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A good alibi can keep you out of prison—unless it leads police directly to 84 packets of heroin. This week on The Shallow End, Jethro tells the story of a West Virginia bank robbery suspect who proved he was innocent by confessing to an entirely different crime.

Then, Lindsay heads to Florida, where a man allegedly steals $7,000 worth of scratch-off lottery tickets and repeatedly returns to the scene of the crime to cash them. When that brilliant plan fails, his evening somehow gets even worse.

Plus, a listener shares a painful lesson involving a fence-post driver, an emergency-room visit, and four staples to the head. Two true stories of criminal miscalculation, spectacularly bad decisions, and people who should have stopped several choices ago. Lifeguards Lindsay and Jethro are on duty, but the warning remains the same: stay out of the deep end.

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Some criminals spend months planning the perfect crime... then ruin everything with one unbelievably dumb mistake.

This week on The Shallow End, Jethro and Schnebly dive into true stories of criminals who practically handed detectives the evidence. From Googling crime scenes and leaving phones behind to wearing GPS ankle monitors during burglaries, these are the real-life cases where the suspects solved the investigation for police.

Then, a listener shares one of our favorite Shallow End stories ever: a first-time tandem skydive that goes spectacularly sideways after knocking the instructor unconscious thousands of feet above the ground.

And finally, meet the Florida woman whose refusal to wait twenty minutes for a beer during an Uber ride allegedly escalated into one of the most ridiculous assault cases you'll ever hear.

It's another trip into the shallow end of the human gene pool, where bad decisions, terrible timing, and astonishingly poor judgment are always on full display.

In this episode:

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What happens when criminals and thrill-seekers make spectacularly bad decisions?

In this classic episode of The Shallow End, an 82-year-old grandmother in Rochester, New York, proves that appearances can be dangerously misleading when a late-night home invader discovers she's an award-winning champion powerlifter. Armed with whatever she can get her hands on, Willie Murphy delivers a lesson he'll never forget.

Then, we head to Italy, where a tourist ignores warning signs, climbs a restricted trail on Mount Vesuvius, drops his phone into the crater... and decides it's worth risking his life to get it back. The result is a rescue operation, an arrest, and another reminder that social media isn't always worth the photo.

Along the way, JG and Lindsay talk about Pompeii, the terrifying power of Vesuvius, selfie-related accidents, earthquake myths, and why making good decisions is harder than it should be.

In this episode:

If you enjoy unbelievable true stories, strange news, dark humor, and people making astonishingly poor life choices, dive into The Shallow End.

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This week on The Shallow End, one innocent armadillo proves that sometimes nature really does fight back. After a Texas homeowner decides the best way to deal with a wandering armadillo is with a .38 revolver, the laws of physics intervene in spectacular fashion, leaving him with a shattered jaw, a helicopter ride, and one of the strangest wildlife stories ever reported.

Then it's off to Mississippi, where police stop a car creeping through town at an unusually slow speed—only to discover the driver is completely naked. What begins as an awkward traffic stop quickly spirals into an investigation involving marijuana, illegally modified firearms, multiple law enforcement agencies, and the timeless reminder that if you're going to break the law, breaking several at once is rarely the best strategy.

Along the way, the boys swap stories about emergency room visits, stubborn pets, locked cars, and the kinds of everyday mishaps that somehow become family legends. It's another collection of bizarre true stories, spectacularly bad decisions, and the kind of real-life absurdity that proves you could never make this stuff up.

In this episode:

If you love strange headlines, unbelievable true stories, odd news, and comedy podcasts that find the humor hiding in real life, dive into The Shallow End.

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