Can You Don't?

By Joe Paisley and Bryan Albrandt

What's Can You Don't? about?

Can You Don't? is a weekly, comedic podcast where Joe Paisley and Bryan Albrandt delve into the depths of the Internet in order to retrieve the best and worst examples of humanity, while openly mocking themselves along the way for being complete idiots.

Download our free app to listen on your phone

Can You Don't? episodes:

05.01.2024
Can You Don't? | Earthquake. Flamethrower. Bus. Vegetation.
There's a lot of situations one wouldn't want to be in when an earthquake randomly hits... but being in the middle of getting a vasectomy seems pretty high up that list. Let's talk about that, listening to people orgasm for...
04.24.2024
Can You Don't? | Ladder. Toes. Free Chicken. Nips.
What did the guy who got his dong chopped off by his wife get for his birthday?! He was given an appointment to get all his toes chopped off too! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA! Let's talk about that, blowing your load in a...
04.17.2024
Can You Don't? | Loop. Pom Pom. Yes. Wrong Address.
Bryan pooped in his bed. I know you are all extremely shocked to hear this news. Let's talk about that, almost breaking into the wrong house, grinding up and smoking human bones in order to get high, bringing a hat...
04.10.2024
Can You Don't? | Tennis Balls. Cowboy. Childbirth. Garden Hose.
Imagine two rival gangs facing off in an alley. The hatred they have for each other has been stewing for a little over 35 years and FINALLY... it's time to settle the score. Now, imagine that all the gang members...
04.03.2024
Can You Don't? | Tongue. Cupcake. Four Eyes. Rubik's Cube.
Imagine bringing a newborn baby to a rave... and then getting upset when everyone else around you wasn't super supportive about you bringing a f*&$ING newborn baby to a rave. Let's talk about that, weird ass things you never knew...
03.27.2024
Can You Don't? | Large Python. Baby Jumping. Bagel. Good Acid.
Pro Tip: If the success of your murder plot pivots on having a large python eat one of your intended targets, you should probably rethink your entire murder plot. Let's talk about that, decking a mascot while on acid at...
03.20.2024
Can You Don't? | Slingshot. Stemming. Butt. Went Floppy.
Imagine being trapped in a warehouse with a bunch of murderous Stephen Hawkings going 15 mph. The sound of their evil laugh alone is enough to strike fear into the hearts of any man. Let's talk about that, police trying...
03.13.2024
Can You Don't? | Peacemaker. Foam Fingers. Ginger. Neck Brace.
Have you ever been just driving down the road and decided to throw an entire bag of fast food trash out the window? WHO DOES THAT?! Let's talk about that, incriminating yourself with oddly specific google searches, where the hell...
03.06.2024
Can You Don't? | Armrest. Jelly Bean. Propeller. Giant Shoe.
If you were sitting on a nearly million dollar insurance payout, would you venture out to your town's annual Christmas tree throwing contest in order to defend your title and risk getting publicly seen throwing a Goddamn Christmas tree? Let's...
02.28.2024
Can You Don't? | Flood. Vineyard. Twins. Will Joe Ever Learn His Lesson About TSA.
Have you ever been so drunk that your friends ditch you at home so you decide to sit in the shower and end up flooding the entire house where 18 people are also staying? Let's talk about that, eating all...
02.21.2024
Can You Don't? | Dumpster Lady. Commie Cows. Hat. Plastic Bags.
Have you ever been forced to pay for a service you never intended to get in the first place? Was that service giant balloon hats for you and your entire family? Let's talk about that, getting compacted in a garbage...
02.14.2024
Can You Don't? | Refrigerator. Bullet Pants. Superglue. Dominatrix.
What type of jobs could you realistically have if all your fingers were superglued together on each hand? Parade waver? Ice cream scooper? Dog poop picker-upper? Let's talk about that, parrots laughing at each other's potty mouth, trying to take...
02.07.2024
Can You Don't? | Lumber. Newspaper. Facebook. Sex On Me.
Why isn't there a store on the planet where it's socially acceptable to just yell out the item you can't locate? Why must we wondering around until we see an employee in a nicely colored vest? Let's talk about that,...
01.31.2024
Can You Don't? | Sawdust. Kitchen Knife. Cat Tail. Fallacy.
Did you know that we used to have mouse traps that were loaded with gunpowder and would literally blast mice in the face? Let's talk about that, sneaking crazy ass things into people's food just for funzzies, opening a shocker...
01.24.2024
Can You Don't? | Mailman. Fiancé. Chess. Safety Meeting.
If you were going on a swimming with sharks expedition and the guy giving you the safety briefing was missing a fair amount of limbs... would that change anything for you? Let's talk about that, Bryan flopping his dong around...
01.17.2024
Can You Don't? | Toaster Steak. Glass Jar. Spikes. Covered Wagon.
Can you imagine ordering an Uber and some dude named Jebadiah rolls up in a covered wagon, ready to take you and your friends downtown? Let's talk about that, setting up a living room scene around a massive pothole, extracting...
01.10.2024
Can You Don't? | Simulation. Tamale. MRI. Hazmat Suit.
Have you ever come across a bathroom attendant while out and about at a fancy bar or restaurant? Have you ever thought about how funny it would be if there was an attendant in a bathroom that didn't have any...
01.03.2024
Can You Don't? | Toilet Paper. Tool Bag. Piano. Piss Goose.
Does it drive you insane when someone doesn't finish common household tasks completely? Let's talk about that, not knowing that you had a pair of freakin' chopsticks jammed up in your brain, why do a lot of us hide the...
12.27.2023
Can You Don't? | Wasabi Powder. Twins. Vintage Vase. Origami.
Remember that time you searched for 'dick sex' on PornHub? OF COURSE YOU DON'T! Let's talk about that, using an AI chatbot to catfish an old man out of a lot of money, screwing your ex in the bathroom at...
12.20.2023
Can You Don't? | Guacamole. Sleeping Cows. Mixer. Hostage Situation.
Have you ever been to a Christmas party that ended with everyone watching your boss plow his wife in front of everybody and vomit in your favorite guacamole bowl? Let's talk about that, hiding from the cops in a barn...
12.13.2023
Can You Don't? | Spray Tan. Ratchet Strap. Drywall. I'mBleedingOut.
Here's the situation. Your car has just been stolen and it sucks. Added bummer... your child was inside that car. Triple dummer, Volkswagen won't track the car because you haven't signed up for their tracking service. Let's talk about that,...
12.06.2023
Can You Don't? | Rockets. The Drip. Mowing the Lawn. Not a Bomb.
Can you imagine standing in line at the airport, just trying to buy your morning coffee... when suddenly you get taken out from behind by an out of control motorized suitcase? Let's talk about that, coworkers that are WAY to...
11.29.2023
Can You Don't? | Power Rangers. Oven Clock. Throat. Cargo Plane.
Can a person have an emotional support horse? And if so, can you imagine having to sit next to it on an airplane? Let's talk about that, how out of your Goddamn mind you have to be to actually need...
11.22.2023
Can You Don't? | Truth. Truck. Sugar. Useless Baby.
Be honest. If Arnold Schwarzenegger and a baby were both drowning in a pool and you could only save one of them... you'd at least consider saving Arnold. Let's talk about that, doing a good deed but then thanking yourself...
11.15.2023
Can You Don't? | Toast. Airbag. Windshield Wipers. Sock Puppet.
Can you imagine trying to order some juice in a foreign country and then the next second you're surrounded by police because your translation app said you wanted a grenade instead? Let's talk about that, the worst school janitor in...
11.08.2023
Can You Don't? | War Crime. Horse Farm. Wingman. Laser Tag.
Everybody loves getting those random spam tests around election time, but what if they started sending you pictures of your kids and threatening to end their life if you didn't vote for them? Let's talk about that, losing a good...
11.01.2023
Can You Don't? | Hairy Arm. Liftgate. Twilight. Orange chicken.
What would the world look like today if we could go out for dinner and then just pay with a beaver pelt when the check came? Let's talk about that, sleeping with a different stranger every single day, how amazing...
10.25.2023
Can You Don't? | Detachable. Chihuahua. Maglite. Blood Vessels.
Picture the scariest, top-tier haunted house... now imagine forcing an already scared Chihuahua to go through it with you! haha... man, what a terrible idea. Let's talk about that, accidentally shooting your grandson with a blank to start a wedding,...
10.18.2023
Can You Don't? | Turnip. Hotwire. Priapism. Excitebike.
Pro Tip: If you find yourself attending an 'end of life party' for a friend, do not ask to take a sip of their life ending cocktail just to see what it tastes like. Let's talk about that, some super...
10.11.2023
Can You Don't? | Beans. Lonely. Game Show. Businessman.
Does the thought of watching someone rub cake in their armpits turn you on? How about the thought of standing naked in the kitchen and pouring beans all over your body? Or how about simply seeing a shoe under some...
10.04.2023
Can You Don't? | Puppets. China. Breakfast. Sand Castle.
Do you think if you and your friends returned back to a hotel after a night of partying you could run the whole business because there were no employees in the building? Let's talk about that, what movie you wish...
09.27.2023
Can You Don't? | Steve Urkel. Please. Sauna. Bus Driver.
Exploring the wild west with Lewis and Clark would have been pretty sweet... IF you had an off-road, motorized Lazy-E-Boy recliner! Let's talk about that, fast food restaurants with hot tubs inside, making the 911 dispatcher use their manners during...
09.20.2023
Can You Don't? | Pancreas. Grasshoppers. Egg. Electrical Wire.
If you were turned into an egg for one year, who would you trust to keep you safe in order to win a million dollars? Let's talk about that, getting a bunch of electrical wire stuck in your pee hole,...
09.13.2023
Can You Don't? | Life Preserver. DVD. Lawn Mower. 9:30pm.
Remember that one time you were taking a dump and your girlfriend's younger brother came into the bathroom, didn't know you were in there, and started jerking off in the shower while saying his own sister's name? It's a tale...
09.06.2023
Can You Don't? | Anal. Fat Folds. Back Hair. Johnny Cash.
Maybe we're just uninformed about the topic... but it seems like metal detectors should be able to detect an entire gun being hidden inside some fat rolls, yeah? Let's talk about that, Uncle Zaq being super hairy, accidentally having anal...
08.30.2023
Can You Don't? | Sandpaper. Peaches. Porch. Roofing Tarp.
Have you ever been driving by someone's house, thought they had a nice porch, and then decided to just take their entire porch home with you? Let's talk about that, getting butt-blasted by the nicest man with an advent calendar,...
08.23.2023
Can You Don't? | Wheat Field. Campground. Donuts. Kitchen Sink.
How funny is the world going to look when everyone is aloud to own and operate their own jetpacks? Let's talk about that, leaving your family because they don't know how to use a trashcan, promotional events that completely backfired,...
08.16.2023
Can You Don't? | Sacramento. Camping. Free Throw. Chicken Blood.
Joe might have accidentally ruined some poor stranger's life in an airport on his way back from vacation. The world may never know. Let's talk about that, shoving chicken blood in your vagina to pretend you're still a virgin, some...
08.09.2023
Can You Don't? | Carseat. Ice Hole. Gummy. Birdhouse.
Have you ever wished you had a birdhouse made out of soap that you could smash your penis inside of while taking a shower? YOU HAVE?! Us too. Let's talk about that, having to get permission from your parents every...
08.02.2023
Can You Don't? | Spaceship. Barbie. Sheets. Pickleball.
How would you react if you came home from work to find your dog chewing on the leg of a vintage Barbie doll? Let's talk about that, how good you'd be at bowling if you did it everyday for a...
07.26.2023
Can You Don't? | Piranhas. Decapitation. Recliner. Anal Warrant.
If you filled an entire swimming pool with used condoms, would you sink to the bottom or just kinda sit on top? Let's talk about that, having to get a search warrant to do a cavity search, doctors being able...
07.19.2023
Can You Don't? | Finger Guns. Revenge. Pork. Rest Area.
How annoying is it when people stop to chat in the middle of a busy walkway, clogging everything up for everyone? Bryan get's super fired up. Let's talk about that, no one caring that you're trying to rob them, having...
07.12.2023
Can You Don't? | Kirby. WaveRunner. Teddy Bear. Plastic Chair.
What would you do if you were robbed at gunpoint... but then the robber made you friend request him on Facebook because you were too pretty to rob? Yep... that happened. Let's talk about that, celebrate a whole month of...
07.05.2023
Can You Don't? | Janitor. String Cheese. Umpire. Star Wipe.
Have you ever been watching porn, had something catch you off guard, and then just end up laughing instead of finishing? Joe will explain. Let's talk about that, a drunk magician who just pisses all over a stranger, Bryan not...
06.28.2023
Can You Don't? | Tetris. Door Handle. Fake Priest. Sh*t Factory.
Have you ever been put in charge of bringing something on a trip and then completely f**king it up beyond comprehension? Joe did. Let's talk about that, admitting your sins to a fake priest at your job, never being able...
06.21.2023
Can You Don't? | What a. F***ing. Year. It's Been.
Wooooooooooooah Nelly! That was easily the most insane lap around the sun of our lives, but we are so grateful to have made the journey with all of you. We appreciate your support more than you will ever know. To...
06.14.2023
Can You Don't? | Peanut Butter. UFO. Rock Baby. Cocaine Hotdog.
What would your reaction be if you took a bite out of a hotdog and found a gram of cocaine just chillin' in the bun? Let's talk about that, never having enough spoons in the Goddamn house, jumping out of...
06.07.2023
Can You Don't? | Infection. Home Depot. Sinking. Baby Seal.
There's dumb... and then there's following your GPS into the ocean dumb. Let's talk about that, how awkward yard sales can be, people smashing their thumbs into your eyes because they love you, bashing a bunch of baby seals in...
05.31.2023
Can You Don't? | Hot Air Balloon. Dog Ears. Centipede. David Neal.
Have you ever thought about how goofy hot air balloons are... and can you imagine if we used them as a main form of transportation? Let's talk about that, waking up in a hotel to a stranger sucking your toes,...
05.24.2023
Can You Don't? | Dreamboys. Tips. DUI. Blindfold.
How many times can your partner set the microwave on fire before you just end up leaving? Let's talk about that, switching seats with your dog after getting pulled over, an old lady who wanted nothing more than to attend...

What's Can You Don't? about?

Download our free app to listen on your phone

Can You Don't? episodes:

Can You Don't? | Earthquake. Flamethrower. Bus. Vegetation.

Can You Don't? | Ladder. Toes. Free Chicken. Nips.

Can You Don't? | Loop. Pom Pom. Yes. Wrong Address.

Can You Don't? | Tennis Balls. Cowboy. Childbirth. Garden Hose.

Can You Don't? | Tongue. Cupcake. Four Eyes. Rubik's Cube.

Can You Don't? | Large Python. Baby Jumping. Bagel. Good Acid.

Can You Don't? | Slingshot. Stemming. Butt. Went Floppy.

Can You Don't? | Peacemaker. Foam Fingers. Ginger. Neck Brace.

Can You Don't? | Armrest. Jelly Bean. Propeller. Giant Shoe.

Can You Don't? | Flood. Vineyard. Twins. Will Joe Ever Learn His Lesson About TSA.

Can You Don't? | Dumpster Lady. Commie Cows. Hat. Plastic Bags.

Can You Don't? | Refrigerator. Bullet Pants. Superglue. Dominatrix.

Can You Don't? | Lumber. Newspaper. Facebook. Sex On Me.

Can You Don't? | Sawdust. Kitchen Knife. Cat Tail. Fallacy.

Can You Don't? | Mailman. Fiancé. Chess. Safety Meeting.

Can You Don't? | Toaster Steak. Glass Jar. Spikes. Covered Wagon.

Can You Don't? | Simulation. Tamale. MRI. Hazmat Suit.

Can You Don't? | Toilet Paper. Tool Bag. Piano. Piss Goose.

Can You Don't? | Wasabi Powder. Twins. Vintage Vase. Origami.

Can You Don't? | Guacamole. Sleeping Cows. Mixer. Hostage Situation.

Can You Don't? | Spray Tan. Ratchet Strap. Drywall. I'mBleedingOut.

Can You Don't? | Rockets. The Drip. Mowing the Lawn. Not a Bomb.

Can You Don't? | Power Rangers. Oven Clock. Throat. Cargo Plane.

Can You Don't? | Truth. Truck. Sugar. Useless Baby.

Can You Don't? | Toast. Airbag. Windshield Wipers. Sock Puppet.

Can You Don't? | War Crime. Horse Farm. Wingman. Laser Tag.

Can You Don't? | Hairy Arm. Liftgate. Twilight. Orange chicken.

Can You Don't? | Detachable. Chihuahua. Maglite. Blood Vessels.

Can You Don't? | Turnip. Hotwire. Priapism. Excitebike.

Can You Don't? | Beans. Lonely. Game Show. Businessman.

Can You Don't? | Puppets. China. Breakfast. Sand Castle.

Can You Don't? | Steve Urkel. Please. Sauna. Bus Driver.

Can You Don't? | Pancreas. Grasshoppers. Egg. Electrical Wire.

Can You Don't? | Life Preserver. DVD. Lawn Mower. 9:30pm.

Can You Don't? | Anal. Fat Folds. Back Hair. Johnny Cash.

Can You Don't? | Sandpaper. Peaches. Porch. Roofing Tarp.

Can You Don't? | Wheat Field. Campground. Donuts. Kitchen Sink.

Can You Don't? | Sacramento. Camping. Free Throw. Chicken Blood.

Can You Don't? | Carseat. Ice Hole. Gummy. Birdhouse.

Can You Don't? | Spaceship. Barbie. Sheets. Pickleball.

Can You Don't? | Piranhas. Decapitation. Recliner. Anal Warrant.

Can You Don't? | Finger Guns. Revenge. Pork. Rest Area.

Can You Don't? | Kirby. WaveRunner. Teddy Bear. Plastic Chair.

Can You Don't? | Janitor. String Cheese. Umpire. Star Wipe.

Can You Don't? | Tetris. Door Handle. Fake Priest. Sh*t Factory.

Can You Don't? | What a. F***ing. Year. It's Been.

Can You Don't? | Peanut Butter. UFO. Rock Baby. Cocaine Hotdog.

Can You Don't? | Infection. Home Depot. Sinking. Baby Seal.

Can You Don't? | Hot Air Balloon. Dog Ears. Centipede. David Neal.

Can You Don't? | Dreamboys. Tips. DUI. Blindfold.