In this episode of The Shallow End, the universe appears to clock in early and enforce consequences with zero paperwork.

Schnebly and Toth break down a surreal Milwaukee incident in which a man attempting to set a Cadillac Escalade on fire instead ignites his own pants—an act of instant karma caught entirely on surveillance video. What begins as felony-grade arson collapses into slapstick physics as flaming trousers, panicked decision-making, and a perfectly timed police cruiser converge in what may be the most efficient arrest on record.

From there, the episode widens into a greatest-hits reel of bad ideas and questionable judgment. A listener email recounts a sober college sledding adventure that ends with injuries, hospital visits, and the realization that alcohol isn’t always required to make terrible choices. The hosts share their own youthful snow-related miscalculations, proving once again that age and common sense rarely arrive together.

The episode also dives into a Texas burglary attempt that goes sideways when a man breaks into a car dealership, injures himself on the glass, calls 911 for help, and—while waiting for first responders—helps himself to candy from a sales desk. Because of course he does.

Equal parts dumb criminal behavior, misfired confidence, and real-world absurdity, this episode is a reminder that when plans collapse, they often do so loudly, publicly, and on camera.

Make good choices. Don’t play with fire. And for the love of God, don’t try to outrun your own pants.

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