It’s a shorty but a goody. A prequel, if you will. Hazen, the embodiment of Link from The Legend of Zelda, and Erika, the devil—as some surely envision her, are back. With a hasty cup of tea. We’re reuniting in a week and will provide all the thoughts we had after we ended this recording, with the addition of special guests!

Our entire lives are spent coming up with subpar drag names for ourselves—we can never have enough identities. This week, experience Mr. Ring as Erika did, and Hazen as he shares the dangers of being a mail man. Happy International Bear Convergence! (Also if you’re a skinny white boy in southern Utah, we talk shit on you here. xo)

Listen to what Hazen got Erika’s little sister and brother into over a weekend in Palm Springs, how Hazen served an unassuming Craigslist woman more than just tea, and Erika complain.

Erika shares some TMI couple’s advice, while Hazen takes notes. Apparently Canadian’s don’t believe in a tick (Erika actively gagged upon googling when a picture of a tick popped up) related disease? Hazen said so, so it must be fact. Don’t fault us for not knowing anything—we’re hot.

Hazen is back in Utah! For the day. Erika demonstrates what petty vengeance is to a family member who previously struggled with the definition of it (she has 3 immediate family members blocked at the time of this message), and both of the blondes apologize to Edgar.

Or whatever. What’s up bitches, we’re back, again, once more, today, with an episode. Consider it our re-re-entry into podcasting. Hot girl summer was giving winter downies this year with temperatures from hell thanks to global warming, so that’s what we’re blaming our absence on. But stfu because here’s an episode, a shit one because Erika couldn’t figure out how to connect her laptop to wifi (bitch wtf), but an episode nonetheless. Erika has since reconnected her Lenovo to the internet.

hello season 3! Thank you for surviving this long after we took a hot break, but we’re back ya boobs. Today Hazen shares his exclusive estate sale endeavours, and Erika is still grim. Enjoy! xx

As titled, this is a hazardly Hazen episode and we are thriving vicariously thru his antics. Featuring Kasey today! Tune in for an update on the movement we started at Ol*ve G*arden, why Hazen needs to lower his standards, and which doormats give Erika nightmares.

This week, a recovering Hazen and a namaste Erika tackle an old foe (who never showed up to fight), covered why str8 men are not long for this world, and discussed the world’s most heinous professor. Do tune in.

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No holds barred, the team is introducing a new segment that’s already Erika’s favorite: Rewind and Roast. As a reformed bully, she’s ready to redirect to wreck the deserving troglodytes and ravage their egos. Hazen dishes on his one drag appearance, and mentally prepares to gather content from Coachella invading his home.