When you go out to your favorite club to go dancing and you see a couple of older Lesbians out on the dance floor looking like they're having seizures...there's no need to panic. Don't try to stuff a wallet in their mouths to keep them from swallowing their tongues. We're just dusting off their dance moves from a few decades ago.

The high price of gas gives us gas. It also makes it hard to be a proper Lesbian, with a big pick-up truck, oversized tires and a hemi...whatever that is.

It's important to know when to say when. You have to know when to stop bringing home rescued pets and homeless pets, so that you don't risk having to find a new home for for both of you. That's when people such as Karma Rescue step in and help out to bring those pets back to good health and to find them a new home.

Just because you scream out the name of the Lord while having sex doesn't necesarily mean that you've got religion. It could actually mean that you're losing your religion right at that very moment. It's an added bonus when your mother hears it and finds out at the very same time. That way you don't have to go through the agony of breaking her heart later.

Driving while you're drowsy can be very dangerous, indeed. Once again, we're here to help, with techniques designed to keep you wide awake on your next long drive. Roxanne's nephew, Ben, joins us for a visit and some helpful hints.

The times in your life that you look back on and remember forever are those good times you spent together with close family and loved ones. It's the vacations you took together, the time you spent hanging out, and all the new experiences you shared for the very first time together. What you didn't expect is that one of those moments would also include you seeing a real live penis for the very first time.

If you can't work for the "man" any longer, a good career alternative is to become the "man". It's time to explore your entrepreneurial side as Roxanne considers career options for the future.

No parent ever believes that their angelic child would learn to do naughty things or to pick up bad habits on their own. If their child picked up smoking, started cussing or even became a Lesbian, it must be some other kid's fault. We finally find out the answer to this enduring mystery about whose fault it really is. We 've found the person to blame for everything.

Going to church just isn't what it used to be. Now they have full-length concerts with a full band and Gay back up singers, videos with the words roll across the the TV so that you can sing along with the bouncing ball, and they have Ad Libs you can work on throughout the sermon to keep it interesting. With all that going on, how is it possible that anyone could get irate in the middle of all that love, kindness and happiness?

Roxanne's niece comes bursting out of the closet, and now we have lots more room in there to put away all those winter coats and jackets. On a somewhat related note, if someone named "Gangsta Gramma" tries to be your friend on MySpace, make sure you just say "no".