2Sisters Speak: Surviving the Sandwich Generation

Do you have a hard time saying, "no"? Many, many people do - especially women. We may be afraid to disappoint people, but the problem usually lies in our expectations of ourselves.

When is good enough, good enough? Keeping our sanity when feeling squeezed involves learning to accept less from ourselves and this means saying, "no."

Michelle Woodbrey, Alyson Powers and Kristine Callahan discuss learning to discern between our own expectations and those of other people. Spoiler alert: saying "no," and putting in boundaries, is critical to living in a way that can support our own well-being.

Are you interested in trying a #justsaynochallenge with us?

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© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Creative solutions are often necessary when creating a plan of care for a parent, especially when someone can no longer live alone. Many families look to share the responsibilities, but is moving your loved one between the homes of siblings a good idea?

A listener wrote to us and asked us to talk about whether it is a good idea to move her mom between the homes of her and her siblings every few months. Her mom is no longer safe and needs someone to live with her. They feel guilty putting the responsibility on only one of them because they don't live close enough to each other to help.

There are pros and cons to this type of caregiving arrangement. After twelve years of working with families to find caregiving solutions, we have seen what has worked and what hasn't.

In episode 20, Alyson Powers, Kristine Callahan and Michelle Woodbrey discuss some of the benefits and disadvantages of moving an elderly loved one between the homes of their children.

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© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Cathie Briggette is the Co-Founder of Herself360, an online women's magazine designed to create a platform for women to feel more connected. Herself360 started out of a need for women to have a stronger village to be able to support one another.

Cathie has been a client of 2Sisters Senior Living Advisors as well. She and her siblings have forged their own little village in support of their mother, who has late-stage Alzheimer's. She is kind enough to share some of her story with us and how her family functions together by focusing on supporting one another.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Planning documents are for everyone and this is a good place to start the conversation. We should all have these few critical documents in place in the event something happens and we can't make decisions for ourselves. These include:

• Health Care Proxy
• Power of attorney
• Living Will

Regardless of age, unfortunate circumstances can happen to anyone and being prepared only serves to lessen the impact should those planning tools be needed. Here are some additional resources to help you through these conversations:

• Honoring Choices (Massachusetts) https://www.honoringchoicesmass.com/
• Five Wishes https://www.fivewishes.org/
• What If Workbook https://whatifworkbook.com/
• Physicians' Orders for Life Sustaining Treatment https://polst.org/
• National Association of Elder Law Attorneys https://www.naela.org/

Suggestions for communicating for a positive outcome:

• It is not about age. All adults should have a designated emergency plan. Use an example of someone who had an unexpected event that can demonstrate why this planning is important. Although not specifically mentioned in this episode, the Terri Schiavo Case is a commonly good example. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terri_Schiavo_case.
• Have the conversation in a comfortable place and have carbs, they help.
• Reinforce that this is a back-up plan ONLY in the event it is needed (even if you are hoping it will not be the back-up plan).

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

What can people do to advocate for themselves at work? Meghan Steinberg emphasizes the importance of prioritizing ourselves. She became a caregiver when her husband had an accident that resulted in a traumatic brain injury a few years ago. She was just 2 years into starting her business, SteinbergHR, and her son was only 3 years old at the time.

SteinbergHR is a boutique HR firm providing full-service human resource consulting, outsourcing and solutions. Their capabilities are utilized on an as-needed, part time or project basis. Meghan gives us some advice from her professional, as well as her personal, perspective.

Some of the helpful suggestions discussed:

• Get 1:1 time with your manager. During this meeting explain an overview of your caregiving situation and how it is affecting your ability to work.
• Work through what options are available specific to your situation and seek HR support.
  • Employee Assistance Programs (EAPs)
  • Explore benefits
  • Flexibility of schedule
  • Work from home
  • Part-time or change of role
  • FMLA
• Consider how your caregiving role will change in the future

Resources:

Juggling Work And Caregiving (forbes.com) https://www.steinberghr.com/

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

It is not a great idea to ask directions of someone who has never been where you are going. This is a mistake many people make soliciting recommendations for senior care options. When we ask friends and neighbors or crowdsource on social media, we get a bunch of well-intentioned advice that may, or may not, be helpful based on our unique situation. So how do we know which advice to listen to?

Michelle, Alyson, and Kristine discuss advice. Isn't it awesome (seriously, not awesome) when someone tells you that you look tired and should find time for yourself? They are usually well-intentioned, but their advice is not helpful. In fact, it may even be detrimental.

Unless you are clear about what you want to accomplish, where you want to go, it is hard to sift through all the advice to determine which is most useful. Unsolicited advice seems easier to dismiss but what about suggestions we ask for? Is crowdsourcing a good idea?

What about poor advice from someone who appears to be a relevant professional? People in ancillary professions offering suggestions without having all the facts themselves can send people searching in the wrong places.

Join us as we discuss!

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

This podcast, like almost everything else for us, is an experiential learning process. We are learning by doing. One thing we have learned so far is that releasing a podcast episode every other week is a better fit for our schedules.

As adult children raising our own children and running a business, we practice two things that are relevant to this decision. One is to constantly be evaluating our priorities. While we are loving getting the podcast going, it is not our first priority when put into perspective with our families and our business. We never want the creating of the Surviving the Sandwich Generation Podcast to make us feel like we are surviving less! The second thing we practice is mitigating expectations. We want to be consistent and also have solid boundaries. As a result, we will be releasing this podcast every other week starting next week. See you then!!

"Living is the art of getting used to what we didn't expect." - Eleanor C. Wood

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

We discuss some practical approaches and offer resources which may (or may not) be helpful in getting your loved one to give up the keys.

Here are some links to what we reference in this episode:

https://www.parkinson.org/sites/default/files/attachments/Driving-and-Parkinsons.pdf https://www.aarpdriversafety.org/why-take-our-course.html https://spauldingrehab.org/conditions-services/driving-assessment

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!

More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Emily is contemplating daycare for Penny, but she is struggling with the idea of giving care for her daughter over to strangers. There are parallels between the design of a daycare and the benefits of that environment for the development of a growing child and the design of a memory care environment for the support and independence of someone with dementia.

Here's a link to an article we wrote, "The Four Benefits to Memory Care."

• Their world becomes more manageable
• Increased social interaction can slow cognitive decline
• Regained sense of purpose
• Relationships are renewed

The stories shared in this episode highlight some features of well-designed memory care neighborhoods that promote these benefits. We welcome you to share your thoughts and contribute, our email is [email protected].

Any listener of the Survive the Sandwich Generation Podcast who uses our consultation services will receive 10% off by using the code PODCAST22.

Schedule a free 15-minute consultation by clicking this link.

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!

More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Having your ducks in a row in the event a loved one needs to go to the hospital unexpectedly can make a huge difference in everyone's stress level. What are the things they may need? What are the things you may need? Some things are naturally personal preference, but other things are necessities. Here are our suggestions for what to have ready if your loved one needs to go to the hospital unexpectedly.

Be prepared to be able to provide at least the basic information medical professionals will need to evaluate and treat your loved one. The File of Life is a form that most emergency responders know to look for and is usually kept in a brightly colored folder stuck to the refrigerator labeled File of Life. However it is kept, this information should include:

• List of any existing conditions or chronic illnesses
• Current medications (including over-the-counter medications they take regularly) with dosages and schedule
• Allergies to any medications and food sensitivities
• Regular healthcare providers (names and phone numbers), including the primary care physician and any specialists, along with the specific conditions each specialist is addressing.
• Special dietary considerations, including low sodium, gluten-free, kosher, vegetarian
• Communication issues. Does your loved one become confused easily or do they have a speech or hearing impairment? Are they more comfortable speaking in a language other than English?
• Your contact information, including your name and relationship. The emergency contact information, including mobile phone numbers, for another trusted family member or friend.

In addition to being able to provide the correct information, you should have copies of important documents with the File of Life or otherwise easily accessible.

• Insurance card (front and back, as authorization numbers often are on the reverse)
• Medicare/Medicaid card
• Medical power of attorney/Healthcare Proxy
• Durable power of attorney
• Do-not-resuscitate order (DNR)
• Living Will

You also might consider things that might feel really important if they are missed. I can't see anything without my glasses! This absolutely includes a phone charger. It may also include things like eyeglasses, a small amount of cash for a vending machine, or a warm sweater.

Helpful resources:

https://www.ready.gov/kit

https://www.homehelpershomecare.com/blog/2016/october/what-s-in-your-senior-care-ready-bag-/

Do you have thoughts and ideas on what should be in a hospital go bag? Write to us at [email protected], we'd love to hear from you!!

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!

More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2022 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers