2Sisters Speak: Surviving the Sandwich Generation

Does being independent mean that you can do everything for yourself?

By the traditional standards, independence equals self-sufficiency. Many of our clients are stubbornly committed to not accepting help. Accepting help means they are failing at taking care of themselves.

We perceive independence as having agency over our lives and choices, control over how we want to live, but we don't believe for a minute that we should do it all on our own.

We are embracing a shift in perspective. Not that many people are truly independent in this day and age. There are those who choose to live off the grid and rely on their own resources for food and shelter, but the rest of us are interdependent in some way.

We can help our loved ones to see how utilizing the resources available, embracing technology and learning to outsource, actually allows them to live more independently.

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Delegating and outsourcing allows us to better choose how we use our time.
2. Why struggle? Using your resources to make life easier is being independent.
3. Interdependence allows for greater independence.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

In this episode, Michelle and Alyson discuss some of the resources available to help us have important conversations about end of life with our loved ones.

Death is inevitable. We all know this. Let's explore the options we have to honor our loved ones in the way they want to be honored. What measures can we take, at any age, to alleviate the burden of our inevitable death for our loved ones who are mourning? What are the current trends surrounding the passing of a loved one? Listen in to find out!

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Dying is a natural part of life. Ignoring or denying this prevents us from getting the closure that we want for ourselves and for our families.
2. Embrace what choices we do have when it comes to the end of life. Have the conversations about it.
3. Funerals for the living, celebrations of life, death doulas and other trends are changing how we can process the death of a loved one.

Useful links -

• The Conversation project www.theconversationproject.org
• Coda Alliance www.codaalliance.org
• Compassion & Choices www.compassionandchoices.org
• Five Wishes www.fivewishes.org
• Honoring Choices MA www.honoringchoicesmass.com
• Hospice Foundation of America www.hospicefoundation.org
• International End-of-Life Doula Association www.inelda.org
• Celebration of life/funeral trends – (From website Funerals by T.S. Warden www.tswarden.com)

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Death is inevitable, it happens to ALL of us. Ignoring this, and refusing to talk about it, only makes things harder for the loved ones we leave behind.

So many people are in denial that they will experience death at some point. Things are absolutely different when someone's passing is unexpected or their life has been cut short. But for an elderly person, perhaps we can change our perspective from mourning to gratitude, or even celebration. We can be overwhelmingly sad but choose to honor a full, well-lived life. Find out what your loved ones want after they pass. Contemplate, however depressing, what you may want to have happen when you pass away?

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Planning ahead makes dealing with your own death easier on the loved one you're leaving behind.
2. Do as we say and not as we do! (Although we did set a goal)
3. There is a wide diversity of cultural and religious opinions about death, but it is up to each of us to communicate our own personal wishes.

Useful links-

What are hospice and palliative care?

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Validating, redirecting, using therapeutic fibs, and empathic listening are some of the most common techniques used to successfully communicate with someone who has dementia. Each of these techniques requires us to think on our feet, and go with the flow.

Communication with someone who has dementia is outcome-based. What is the objective of what we are communicating? Are we trying to get them to perform a particular task? Are we trying to minimize their agitation? Improve the quality of their day? There are many ways to accomplish each of these things, but it is almost never by expecting them to enter present reality.

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Validation therapy, versus reality orientation, is the correct approach to communicate with someone who has dementia.
2. The phrase: "Yes, And", is more than two words simply strung together. It is a state of mind. The basic concept is that we are up for anything, and will go along with whatever might be thrown our way. Essentially, we don't use the word "No" very often.
3. Therapeutic fibs are little white lies that can be used to prevent unnecessary distress for someone with dementia.

Useful links-

• https://www.seniorliving.org/health/validation-therapy/
• https://www.verywellhealth.com/using-validation-therapy-for-people-with-dementia-98683
• Using improve to life with Alzheimer's Ted Talk: https://www.tedmed.com/talks/show?id=526821
• Alzheimer's Association https://www.alz.org/

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Blind spots refer to things that we are not fully conscious of that affect our lives. This is sometimes due to a lack of knowledge or awareness, but it is often because we are in denial.

The definition of a blind spot, according to the APA Dictionary of Psychology is, "a lack of insight or awareness—often persistent—about a specific area of one's behavior or personality, typically because recognition of one's true feelings and motives would be painful."

Blind spots occur in many areas of our lives, but especially so with our aging parents.

Three takeaways from this episode:

1. A true blind spot is when you don't know what you don't know.
2. Other blind spots are often things that are right in front of us that we don't want to acknowledge.
3. We all have them. If you don't think you have a blind spot, that is one of your blind spots!

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

We miss our parents, but they're still here.

It's not easy wanting support from our parents -- but now they need our support instead. Being an adult child or family caregiver means having less support but more responsibility. We want to look to our parents for guidance, as they may have always provided, but instead they are looking upon us for support. Especially when there is cognitive decline, we experience mourning over the loss of someone who is still alive.

Three takeaways from this episode:

1. It is especially isolating to lose a loved one who is still alive.
2. "The only constant in life is change." - Heraclitus
3. Finding support groups and other ways to connect with people who are also sandwiched can have huge benefits.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

How would your loved one prefer to live if they can't manage alone independently? What is their goal? Do you have the resources and support system to achieve the goal?

We're going on a trip, but we have no map or GPS and not quite enough gas to get there. Will we get to our destination? Maybe eventually, but not without some struggles and costly detours. You can figure out how far your gas will get you and map out a route in advance. So many people just start heading in the direction of what they want without knowing if they can get there. If staying home is the destination, find a map that can help you plan out how to get there successfully. Measure the distance and make sure you have the resources to get where you want to go. And, if you don't, what do you want your back-up plan to look like?

Three takeaways from this episode:

1. The number one expressed goal is to stay at home through end of life. Number two is never to go into a nursing home.
2. Just because we want something, doesn't always make it achievable. It is nice to know in advance what challenges may need to be overcome in order to achieve your goal.
3. Always try for your primary goal but have a back-up plan in case you need one.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Michelle and Alyson tap into their lifetime of experiences to discuss what can be expected from an assisted living residence.

What is the difference between assisted living and a nursing home? What is included at an assisted living? How much care is available in an assisted living? What happens if you run out of money? What if your loved one is not happy?

Three takeaways from this episode:

1. Assisted living residences offer more dignified, home-like environments than nursing homes because they are a social model of care versus a medical one.
2. Restaurant-style meals are included in almost all assisted living residences as well as most utilities, housekeeping, linen service, wellness checks, available 24 hour assistance, local transportation, and social programming.
3. Assisted living residences are the most affordable way to have 24/7 care available, unless you qualify for Medicaid. In Massachusetts at least, only nursing homes are fully subsidized by Medicaid.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Why are we able to support people in working with their families, and yet, have so little patience with our own family?

In today's episode, we commiserate with a listener who sent us an email. This email in particular struck a chord with us because we struggle with the same issue!

If nurses make the worst patients, then senior care professionals make the worst adult children. Right? This is at least true for us, and we are willing to bet that it is for many of you, too.

Three takeaways from this episode:

1. Having patience for other people does not necessarily extend to our own families. It's easy to feel triggered when we're emotionally invested.
2. Seeking assistance from outside professionals, who are not in your family, can be very helpful.
3. It's easier to give advice than it is to follow our own.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

What is a respite stay? When is a respite stay appropriate? What should you expect when your loved one does a respite stay?

There are a few types of respite stays. Some are short-term stays because a caregiver is going away or needs a break. Other types are more of a trial stay in an assisted living. Respite stays can have great outcomes and, in this episode, Michelle, Alyson and Emily explore why.

Three takeaways from this episode:

1. A respite stay can be used as a short-term break for a family caregiver or as a trial stay to see if you like an assisted living or nursing home.
2. Respite stays can be used to convince someone, who is otherwise resistant, to consider life in an assisted living. A temporary stay is much easier to agree to than a permanent one.
3. A vast majority of our clients who move into an assisted living community for a respite stay, choose to stay permanently.

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!

More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers