2Sisters Speak: Surviving the Sandwich Generation

How often do you find yourself thinking, "After this week, I'm sure things will slow down"?

The two of us must say some version of this to each other every day. It helps make getting through this week easier.

When we say we hope things will slow down, what we really mean is that we want a reprieve from the mental load of managing everyday life for almost everyone all the time.

Mental load refers to the cognitive effort required to manage and remember everything in our daily lives while trying to anticipate everyone's needs. It's the background work required to keep things running smoothly, making sure everything is accounted for, and everyone's needs are met.

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. We are all dealing with many things that other people don't see. So are they.
2. Asking for help doesn't always feel helpful.
3. Things don't slow down after this week.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2024 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

"Isn't it ironic? - Don't you think?" – Alanis Morrisette, 1996

Irony is helping our kids learn how to drive while at the same time, trying to get our parents to give up driving.

Irony is trying to help our parents manage life with the internet and at the same time, trying to help our kids manage their lives with the internet.

Irony is helping our parents find a contact on their phone (again) and then having to ask our kids how to use a new app (again).

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Life is full of irony.
2. Irony is described as something that seems completely contrary to what we might expect.
3. Irony is amusing and poignant. Isn't that ironic?

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2024 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

We all have regrets about many things in our lives at any given moment, but should we always say, "I'm sorry?"

We were going to do a podcast apologizing for not having done a podcast since January, but why are we sorry? Whose expectations did we fall short of? Yours? Are you upset with us?

And, if you feel we did fall short somehow, how much of an impact should we allow that to have on ourselves? What benefit could constantly feeling apologetic possibly have to help us do better?

The change needs to start here. We regret not having released a podcast in a while, but decided that we are not sorry.

What do you regret in your life that you should perhaps stop feeling sorry for?

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. There are 3 types of sorry. One is, "I am sorry for doing something wrong." Another is, "I have sorrow for you about something that you are experiencing." And then there's, "I apologize for not being or doing enough." The last one is where we collectively need to put our attention.
2. It is common knowledge that today, most of us feel like we are not enough but how does apologizing for ourselves ever make anything better?
3. Feeling apologetic is not the same as having regret.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2024 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Are we all just hurdling ourselves through each day, again and again? When will things slow down and get a little easier? "Stop and smell the roses," they say but, as sandwiched caregivers, we are moving so fast we don't even notice any roses.

Being busy is almost a status symbol nowadays. We tend to measure our value based on how productive we can be. We are feeling like we can never relax because there is always more to do. We tell ourselves that things will be easier 'next week' because it is too hard to acknowledge that we could feel this way indefinitely.

As middle-aged, sandwiched caregivers, we conscientiously work to change this cycle of productivity in our own lives. We have been doing this with intention for several years now. It is hard and it takes a lot of work. For us though, trying to get everything on our list done is harder.

1. The quality of everything suffers when we multitask, and this is a self-perpetuating cycle.
2. Reimagine how you use your calendar and block off time. We block off time for everything, even meals, so we don't just squeeze in eating while we are doing something else.
3. We can accept disappointing someone because we feel in control of priorities.

Referenced links: Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist, mom of three, and founder of Good Inside A.K.A. the Millennial Parenting Whisperer. https://www.goodinside.com

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2024 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Being a sandwiched adult child during the holidays is extra hard because expectations are so high.

This is the happiest time of the year, right? Who makes everything magical for everyone? (Hint: it's not Santa). It's us and it's a lot of pressure right now especially around our toxic family members. Here are a few quick tips for surviving the holiday sandwich season.

1. It is not required that you participate in every argument you are invited to.
2. A family member not involved in the regular care of a loved one does not have the right to dismiss or minimize the experiences, capabilities or opinions of those that do. As Brene Brown so eloquently says, "If you're not in the arena also getting your ass kicked, I'm not interested in your feedback."
3. You do not have to explain or justify yourself.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

How do we make everything work as sisters, as parents, as adult children, as friends, and as business partners? In this episode we offer our best tips for getting along with the people you most depend on.

1. We choose not to have unnecessary conflicts. It is humbling but also empowering to look at how much energy we spend either towards our goals or away from them. We purposefully let a lot slide in order to protect our complex relationship.
2. We constantly reassess how much we each must deal with. Keeping our to-do lists fluid and checking it often allows us to reprioritize things for each other when it is needed.
3. We are grateful all the time. Things are far from perfect, but we always have what we need. By focusing on our problems as opportunities for growth, we keep each other from dwelling in the negative.

https://www.today.com/parents/bren-brown-s-advice-peace-home-during-covid-19-t177083

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Grieving the loss of a loved one feels heavy and overwhelming in the best of circumstances. Many people have not considered beyond grieving how much work needs to be done by others after they pass away.

It's more than just not being willing to discuss death. Some people will never agree to proactive planning about their death and what comes afterwards. Of those that do, the catalyst is often when they realize how much worse their death will be on those who love them.

It has nothing to do with age, we should strive to do what we can to make things easier for our loved ones in the event of our passing.

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Life is fleeting and fragile, but we can make our death easier on our loved ones by providing them with all the information they may need to tie up our loose ends.
2. There are many resources you can utilize for help with all of the logistical matters. These include planning workbooks, apps, etc.
3. Grieving is harder when there is no direction from our loved one after they pass. Ask your loved one to participate with you in creating a plan so you can focus on mourning when that time comes, and not on things like probate and estate liquidation.

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!

More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

How do we get our parents buy-in to move or accept care at home?

As we have discussed in previous episodes, we are firm believers that the way something is said affects the way it is perceived. You have been trying for months or even years to get your dad to agree to accept help at home let alone move into assisted living, so what can you do? Listen in while we talk about what worked with our parents and experiences with our clients over the years.

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Try to find words that will be less likely to trigger feelings for them that detract from our message and our goal. In other words, pointing out a person's decline in capacity doesn't usually support actively getting their buy-in.
2. Plan the conversation ahead of time. Get your research done and be prepared with what the possibilities are (we can help with this). Find a comfortable place for your parents to have these conversations in.
3. Decide on smaller goals. Perhaps don't worry about getting buy-in as the first objective. Focus on smaller goals like simply convincing them to consider putting a 'back-up plan in place' IF something should happen requiring a change.

Are you interested in learning about how we might be able to support you? Click this link to schedule a free introductory call.

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More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Everyone's situation is unique. As senior care consultants, we find ourselves offering the same resources repeatedly. Listen to today's episode to learn our topmost frequently recommended senior care planning resources.

RESOURCES:

• National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA) https://www.naela.org/
• Aging Life Care Association (ALCA) https://www.aginglifecare.org/
• National Association of Senior Move Managers (NASMM) https://www.nasmm.org/
• The National Council on Aging (NCOA) https://www.ncoa.org/
• The Alzheimer's Association https://www.alz.org/

For more information on any of these resources, connect with us! www.2Sisters-sla.com

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. Don't try to learn everything on your own. Utilize all the resources you can that could help maximize your efforts.
2. We need many different tools to build a house and similarly we need different tools when building a senior care plan. Elder Law, Financial Planning, Case Management, Financial Support Programs, etc.
3. We are better off creating a thorough plan but never need it than we are if we need a plan but don't have one. Rely on the professionals around you to make a plan.

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!

More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers

Maya Angelou once said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

We pay attention to how the words we use make others feel. We can't control how what we say is perceived, but we can choose different words to help us towards the outcome we are hoping for.

The word "facility" connotes a medical establishment, not a place where I would want to live. Are assisted livings facilities? Technically, yes, but doesn't residence or community feel more like somewhere you would move into and live?

• Diapers vs. Depends
• Toileting vs. Assistance to use the bathroom
• Feeder vs helping to eat
• Locked unit versus secure neighborhood

I am saying the same thing, but don't those words just FEEL better?

In this episode we explore language and how the words we use can advance your objective or create more resistance.

Three take-ways from this episode:

1. The choice of words directly affects how we perceive what is being said.
2. Resistance to moving can often be overcome when we pay attention to how we are presenting the information.
3. Choosing words that demonstrate our empathy shows that we are making an effort to understand the challenges another person is dealing with.

Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you!

More information at https://2sisters-sla.com/

© 2021 - 2023 Michelle Woodbrey and Alyson Powers