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Some of us think that self love is only self serving. An incorrect belief that in order to parent well, our kid’s needs come before our needs, and often we over compensate. The problem is, we can’t give what we don’t have. Often we spend so much time focusing on other people we don’t spend enough time loving and caring for ourselves.

Self Love if often viewed as a reward or a special treat we give to ourselves... but it goes far beyond that. Love is an activity not a quality. Loving yourself requires more than just a mindset, it requires action.

3 keys to practicing self love can be broken into the following steps.

1. Mindset Reset

We have to start resetting how we view self love. Understanding that loving ourselves well brings value to how we love our kids. Self love = loving our kids

It requires committing to making this a priority

Give grace, not putting so much pressure on ourselves - be patient - a mind reset wont happen overnight

TRY THIS

- Right notes on bathroom mirror - reminding of who we are / our identity - Psalm 139

- Verbalize - say it out loud - say it till you believe - examples “I am worth taking care of, I am not my mistakes, I am not my past, I will live into my best days still ahead of me, God chose me to parent these kids - He will equip me.”

- Write down an inventory of what we have accomplished by ourselves

Above all - Give grace - metamorphosis takes time

2. Boundaries

Often we overcompensate for the hurt our kids have been through and let our boundaries down. Focus on establishing simple boundaries that provide margin to our lives.

With our kids -

Don’t take every phone call - let them know every question they may have is important - but there is a difference between important vs immediate - Have them start to discern if the question they have is urgent and requires an immediate answer or if maybe they could text vs phone call or even write things down to bring up later.

Create Space - be deliberate in carving out alone time. Let them know that everyone has a need for space and teach / model what that looks like next time you are asked “can I sleep in your bed”.

With our Ex / Family / Friends

Get out of volatile conversations. Ask for schedule changes etc. to be put in writing.

Express appreciation to our ex or family members for wrestling with trying to do the right thing. Deescalate.

Don’t say yes to every opportunity. Protect your time and remember saying ‘yes’ to something means saying ‘no’ to something else.

Prioritize time with ‘life giving’ relationships

3. Fill your cup

Do things that bring you joy

Cooking, Gardening, Painting, Reading

Try something new - allow yourself to pursue something exciting.

Don't be afraid to ask for help create space - trade time with other single parents.

Do things that you can complete, even as simple as making the bed.

Remember: Self love is not selfish. If we don’t do it for us, do it for our kids because we cant give what we don’t have. When I enrich my own life, I’ll be life-giving to others too.

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