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Conor v. Donald J. Sobol. Two men enter. Only one will leave.

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If you are reading along – and we’re gonna go ahead and assume you’re reading along – you’ll know that Conor and Mike are going discuss character sheets at great length. You could listen to an entire series of podcasts about character sheets and still not hear as much discussion of character sheets as you’ll get in this episode. Also lots of talk about doo-doo and wee-wee. Plus an EXTREMELY controversial episode of Real or Fanfic!

READING ASSIGNMENT: Read through chapter 17, won’t you?

Read Jacob’s Chronotrigger paper here

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Can Conor crack the case of The Dwarf’s Beard? If you don’t say yes Sally is gonna sock you one real good!!

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Ah, literature. Set your mind on higher things. Assuming that doo-doo and wee-wee are higher things. ‘Cause there’s a lot of it in a scant few chapters. And speaking of scant few chapters, Mike and Conor found enough in them to talk for nearly three hours!

However, in that time they managed to cram in your Dumb Sentences and Mike had time to consider your Real or FanFic submissions.

Assignment: Read thru Chapter 14

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It’s like we’ve always said here at 372 Pages, it’s about time someone took a real hard look at Wagon Masters! I don’t trust them. Never have. And this Encyclopedia Brown mystery really puts a period on that sentence.

Listen to see if Mike can crack the case and match the 10 year-old.

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Assignment: Read thru Chapter 7

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Mike and Conor almost wanted to recuse themselves from this particular Encyclopedia Brown mystery because they both have stolen a LOT of Confederate stamps. Like, a lot. The Feds, Interpol, many organizations are seeking them out. Still, they came out of hiding to present you with this ep.

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How still we see thee DIE! Above thy CREEP (ahem Sharnek) and dreamless sleep the silent Scrumptious Scotch BARS go by. Yet in thy dark streets DIE-eth the everlasting FIGHT (with the suspect); the hopes and fears of all the BEERS (which are presumably served at the shady bar next to where Holly the professional dogwalker lives) are met in thee tonight.

You get the point. This Cozy Christmas Murder ain’t goin’ anywhere we didn’t expect it to. Although! I have many questions about Owl Protective Services that aren’t addressed in the book. (Please email me, michael j nelson, separately and we can enter into a discussion.)

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Ok, let’s tally up the cozy: Christmas beanies. Hot chocolate. Candy canes. Matching sweaters with cute doggo. Sentient owl. Butts. Poop. Murdered senior — all right, look! Maybe it’s not all cozy! Still, this is Full Fork, so I expect they will back up the cozy truck before too long.

As it is, the Real or Fanfic somehow doesn’t work out that well for Mike, however Dumb Sentences of the Week seem to right the ship. You be the judge.

Also, here is Ein the Corgi licking yogurt off the back of a spoon

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Obviously you’re all thinking, “Donald Sobel wrote an Encyclopedia Brown Mystery about the 1993 Georgia Satellites song?! Weird. But very intriguing!” Sadly, no. This was written eight years prior to its release. The solution is utter madness.