40 AF

Hello 40 AF Listeners! We are super excited to share a big announcement with you!

Please connect with us to let us know your thoughts. There is a new google voice number (904) 878-8464! Leave the team a message or email us at [email protected].

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On this episode of 40 AF, I talk about the importance of visibility with our guest, Mikey Abrams.

Mikey is a realtor with Texas Pride Realty in the Dallas-Fort Worth area. He loves his home state. However, as a gay man, he is acutely aware of the way pride in Texas can be misrepresented as hate.

A self described theatre kid, Mikey shares his experiences growing up without role models or even other similar peers. He talks about how his being  "dragged out of the closet" warranted a school wide assembly. Can you imagine?

And just wait until you hear what he has to say to the women in the crowd! Ladies, listen up!

I named this episode Visible Ally because I really learned something from listening to Mikey. In 2020, he is still concerned for his safety. He is still at risk of being hurt or killed because of who he is.

After researching and reading countless stories from the LBGTQ community, I realized that I am not doing enough. I have not been visible enough as an ally while my friend has no choice but to be seen.

The LBGTQ community is not a protected class. There are no federal laws to keep them from discrimination in housing, jobs, or services. The Equality Act can change all of that. Here are some resources from the show and other ways of how you can help!

Learn more about the Equality Act and how you can help. 

Celluloid Closet - Mikey's favorite documentary!

What to say when you hear, "well, the bible says..."

Learn more about the origin of Gay Pride Parade

Articles I reference:

Equality Texas - article from 2018 saying that violence against the LBGT community is on the rise.

The New York Times - article from 1986 saying that violence against the gay community is on the rise.

Fact Check: I have to say that I got really passionate about the articles I found saying that violence agains the LBGTQ community is on the rise. Just to clarify, I know that the original article used the word "homosexual", but I chose the more updated term to include everyone because they no doubt were in danger in 1986 as well.

Alison Hunter, the talented Licensed Marital and Family Therapist AND current student for her sex therapy certification, shares her thoughts on how to get better sex in our long term, committed relationships.

Love and marriage isn't the same as intimacy and partnership. Hunter believes that the individual rather than the couple is responsible for achieving this goal of closeness and sexual satisfaction.

In this episode of 40 AF, Hunter shares some ways we can shed the pressure of the sexual end game and achieve better sex in the process!

Contact Alison @ AlisonHunterTherapy.com. Phone consults and therapy sessions are available!

References:

Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.

 

 

I have to be honest with you. Every day for the past 8 months, I have felt like my brain is on fire. Sometimes it is a slow burn that is good for my soul and other times it's an inferno that brings me to my knees. In fact, I have never shed more tears in that short of a time span in my life. Tears for appreciation, despair and for how they are both connected.

My conversation with Tiffany couldn't have come at a better time. She is an open book. She lives her life, her truth, without apology. We can all learn from her.

As we enter in to the winter holiday season, take this episode with you. I know I am the host of this show, but as I listened to this the 2nd time, I feel like I heard the message more clearly. Normally, I would expect a "duh" in response, but when it comes to living my truth, I think I need to hear how  to do that more often.

 

Nancy Jane Smith, Licensed Professional Counselor, Speaker and Author is an expert on high-functioning anxiety.

After her father passed away when she was in her 40s, Nancy Jane began her work to quiet her own negative self-talk, an inner character she calls her "monger". Thankfully for us, she wrote all that down in her book, The Happier Approach: Be Kind to Yourself, Be Happier and Still Accomplish Your Goals.

On this episode of 40 AF, Nancy Jane shares some of her time tested tips to creating what she calls your own Biggest Fan.

40 AF Listeners: This book has been incredible in my life. Instead of listening to my inner critic, I am learning to hear it for what it is...a bunch of nonsense. It is a process and I am not done with the work...not by a long shot. I can, however, already tell a difference in my life just by simply following her A.S.K. technique. It's brilliant!

We all deserve to live happier. Learn more on her website live-happier.com.

This book references Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor's work on the 90 second biological response to feelings. Counting to 10 doesn't even come close.

Watch this Police Now Video for a great visual. See how long it really takes to calm down.

Links to connect with Nancy Jane -

On Facebook

AND

On Instagram

AND

Buy Her Book!

 

 

Michael Barrett is a senior stylist at Smitten Salon in the Washington, DC metro area. Michael is 40 and Fabulous, but his life wasn't always like it is today.

On this episode, Michael shares his experience growing up gay in the bible belt in the late 1980s. The AIDS epidemic had our country on edge. People were afraid to touch a gay person. Michael had to hide who he was to stay alive.

This is an honest and open look at how far we have come and how far we have yet to go for the safety and security of the gay community.

Harvey Milk said “It takes no compromise to give people their rights...it takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no political deal to give people freedom. It takes no survey to remove repression.”

Resources Mentioned:

The Trevor Project - LBGTQ Youth Advocates

Ruth's House - LBGTQ Homeless/Endangered Youth Program

Refinery 29 - Coming Out As Gay in Your 20s, 30s and 40s

AmericanProgress.Org - Substance Abuse Article

For a multitude of reasons, more women are having children at an Advanced Maternal Age. Learn what that means and what to expect (both positive and negative) with Marie and Courtney as they explore AMA.

Photo Credit: Megan Staubitz - Miami - meganstaubitz.com

Kerri Kibbey is the 40 AF Interviewee. Kerri openly shares her experience through the emotional rollercoaster that comes with infertility, IVF, high-risk pregnancy and pre-mature birth.

 

 

 

 

 

Articles and Resources Mentioned:

Vogue - This is 40 - and Pregnant

Evidenced Based Birth - AMA Article

Healthline - Having a Baby at 40

Support - High Risk Hope

So this is the one about grief. I’ve been avoiding it. I still am. I avoided writing this post. I procrastinated on every deadline with this show. It was like somehow admitting to the grief admits to the permanence of it all. If I talk about her, she’ll really be gone. So I avoid it. But sometimes, even though I avoid it, a song will bring me back to the morning I got the call. That happened recently.

My badass cousin, Jen, introduced me to Sara Bareilles, “She Used to Be Mine”. That song brought on the whole hell of grief. It is as if my soul floated above my body and watched my heart break. For her. For my family. For fuck’s sake.

Grief after 40, forced me to look inward. I know who I am now, so there is nothing to hide from. I am able to work through intense moments of self reflection. I also now have this amazing support system. Real friends who hug you when you’re crying and wait for you to pull away first.

This loss has changed me. I have never been so low, but I have also never been so hopeful because I have never believed in myself more. I am 40 AF now. She’d be proud of me.

In this episode, we interview Ben Strickland, an expert in the field of grief from both a professional standpoint and a tremendously personal one as well.

Ben offers guidance for navigating through this inevitable fate.

Click HERE to access the video we discussed.

 

This post has been updated to include after show thoughts at the bottom of this article.

Phillip M. Locey is the author of series of fantasy novels called The Chain of Living Fire. His personal life is more of a fantasy than most as well!

On this episode of 40AF, Phil talks about his successful polyamorous relationship with his beautiful wife, Julie.

Join us and learn how he began this self-proclaimed "relationship orientation" and how it is maintained. Phil also has a few words for people who throw shade about something with which they have no experience.

Here is a short description of Phil's first novel in the above mentioned series and a link to purchase your own copy!

"As enemies of the King-priest, a calculating Rogan and skillful but impetuous Jaiden find themselves in an uneasy alliance, despite different homelands. They join forces with the Order of the Rising Moon, servants of a forgotten Goddess sworn to fight the spreading tyranny of the Dark God the King-priest serves."

BUY PHIL'S BOOK!

10/6/19-After the release of this show, with the support of members of my tribe, I realized a few things. See more HERE.

Have you ever had a friend tell you that your dream wasn't going to work? Did that negative message keep you from trying?

Has the fear of failure held you back because there are only so many ears to listen or people to buy your book?

In this episode of 40AF, we talk with Katie Jefcoat from KickStart with Katie - an online community for the empowerment of people.

Imagine, one proclamation, when you were 7-years-old, completely changing your life,  forever. That’s what happened to Katie. It wasn’t until 30 years later that she realized the mindset it took to achieve that “dream” was exactly her superpower.

Katie shares with our 40AF listeners some tips on how to keep reaching for the stars even when the people close to you don't believe you can do it. This gal dreams big and believes that we all can!

To learn more about Katie's online community, go to katiejefcoat.com. You can also buy her book Women Who Impact.