Philosopher Stefan Molyneux confronts a suicidal listener with the brutal truth about suicide...

Dear Stef:

Can I live free of anxiety? Recently, I feel that I am regressing mentally, physically, and spiritually, and I am engaging in destructive behaviors, such as consuming too much alcohol, sugar, porn, YouTube, etc. I am constantly ruminating and barely sleeping. I feel myself getting fat, stupid, and lazy, and I want to break free of this. I fear that I am jeopardizing my health, relationship, and career prospects. I don't know where to start, but I've written some of my story below to add context...

My story:

I am worried that my anxiety will kill me like it killed my father. I present as a very charming, funny, and energetic guy, and only my close friends know how anxious and depressed I get.

I am a white Canadian man living in Japan, where I am teaching English while pursuing a doctorate in education. I am in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend, who is Chinese and studying to complete her bachelor's degree in Canada. I am turning 40 this year, and she is 24 years old.

A few short years ago, I started saving money to pay for my death. I wanted to kill myself, and I wanted to make sure that I didn't leave anyone out of pocket. (When I was 13 years old, I was hit by a car. My first thought was "Oh shit! I broke their windshield! How am I going to pay for this?" followed by "I'm flying!" and then "Hey, how should I try to land? Face down? On my back? Roll?" People always think I'm joking, but that is a true story!).

One good thing about trying to kill myself responsibly, was that it helped me become more conscientious and save money. But, I was really on the brink of madness...

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