Today, Stephanie and Kevin are joined by Sheila Brennan, a divorce coach, who after being thrust into divorce herself 15 years ago, chose to use her experience to help others who struggled with the process. A divorce coach, she explains, is a relatively new concept, which is most easily described as a wedding planner for divorces. She helps her clients piece together their ideal divorce plan, and prepares them to execute it. 

 

Aside from the obvious (a lawyer), there are many different types of professionals that can aid one with a divorce, like a CPA and a therapist. Stephanie compares a divorce coach to a doula, as they act as a similar support element for clients. Sheila emphasizes the pragmatism she uses in her approach to her work, and how her objectivity can serve someone who is likely very emotional. 

Sometimes, she says, clients come to her prematurely, at which point she’ll advise them to take a beat before proceeding with divorce. Divorce means breaking a complex legal contract, and most people don’t consider its nuances when signing it. While recently, divorce rates have gone down slightly at large, gray divorces (those for people aged 50 and older), have increased, and are more often initiated by women. With gray divorce, the financials are more sensitive as they can impact retirement funds, and the parties are outside of earning years in which they can make up for it. Sheila recommends consulting strategies outside of court, such as using a mediator. She cites children as a primary complication of divorce, explaining that even when they are adults, there can be complications. 

 

Stephanie asks if it’s easier for the initiator, as they’ve had more time to think about the divorce. Aside from the emotional elements, Sheila doesn’t often see the initiator making plans beyond requesting the divorce. Often, when women are approached by their husbands about divorcing, she’s noticed, they take initiative in actioning it, which she reminds them is not their responsibility. Sometimes, following the grieving part of a divorce, there’s a transformative process, where the individual realizes their newfound freedom in decision-making. 

 

For someone considering divorce, she recommends learning the skills needed for negotiation, along with equipping yourself with knowledge about and access to finances. She closes by reiterating that divorce is costly, and employing specialists beyond lawyers not only better readies you for an ideal outcome, but saves both parties money. 

 

Key Topics:

• What’s a divorce coach? (02:11)
• Beyond the legal elements (05:17)
• Divorce doula (08:41)
• Pragmatics (10:20)
• Navigating, not overcoming (11:29)
• Avoiding divorce (11:53)
• The contract (13:47)
• Gray divorce (14:52)
• Nonfiscal problems of divorce (17:45)
• Is it easier being the initiator? (25:58)
• The transformation (31:20)
• The price of peace (34:59)

 

Resources:

• brennandivorcecoach.com
• [email protected]
• 484-254-4148
• Episode 26 The Importance of Negotiating, with Kathleen Burns Kingsbury
• Episode 31 What the Heck is a Trust, and Why Might I Need One?

 

 

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You can find the transcript and more information about this episode at www.takebackretirement.com.