Hi Stef, I just want to say, despite listening to you for close to a decade now, I have only recently started to feel comfortable with the idea that other people’s negative emotions do not necessarily (and in most cases) have nothing to do with me or my actions, including my parents! Logically I have known this for a while thanks to you, but it only recently feels like I am beginning to feel it and believe it. I actually found humor (after initially feeling some guilt) about a random angry person I came across this morning. Well I think the humor came from my own realization of the absurdity of feeling guilt or anger because of someone else’s actions or emotional state, who doesn’t know me and has nothing to do with me. My parents sort of fit this category actually.
For my question - When you encounter scenarios like this,I.e. random angry person, someone calls you rude over a simple misunderstanding, how is that jolt of guilt or pain or shame halted or ‘sandboxed’ so it can be evaluated? (or is there not even this ‘jolt’?) I think there is something fundamental I am missing about this. Thanks a bunch, Stef!


What are the steps I could do to become more self expressed as opposed to self erased , I've defooed already .
A bit like the "30 year old virgin " caller , I spend a lot of my time in my head carefully weighing things up , a mixture of self censorship and appeasement .
Note that : When I defooed , at the time it was more of a knee jerk reaction as opposed to anything based on reason and evidence and proper philosophical principles and virtues , later on as I listened to you (big thank you ) I had more language to describe what I instinctively experienced with the Foo.
I think the real question is : how do I move from a mode of bomb disarming / hyper vigilance to a mode of cool relaxed /creative expression?


Hey Stefan! I've got a small group of local moms unfamiliar with your work but who are earnest about improving their parenting and being the best moms they can be. I mentioned your Peaceful Parenting book, and they're definitely interested. Could I share it with them in order to start a PP book club? I would, of course, encourage them to donate if they find your work valuable.


Thank you for clarity regarding the components to a proper apology~

Since starting your journey of RTR & self-knowledge, would you say you have fewer occurances where you need to apologize, more occurrences, or about the same? 🧮🤔

Does decreasing frequency of occurances where we need to apologize (not for the same transgression -- concerning genuine apologies) help indicate progress in self-knowledge, or indicate we may be flying close to the sun of vanity? 🪽🌞


Hi Stef, how do you identify the line between what would be considered ‘Banter’ or jokes and when it could be considered closer to verbal abuse or designed to cause hurt.

I find lad culture nauseating but I do have some exposure to it in a golf group I am part of. A recent comment from a friend from that group really struck a nerve . I don’t want to be over sensitive but the comment whilst a joke had an undertone that seemed aimed to do just that.

I know this is also important to know when you make a joke yourself and don’t want to hurt other people .

Thanks in advance for any information.


Stef, I’d like to hear your thoughts on the intellectual discipline it takes to maintain healthy skepticism without devolving into unhealthy pessimism.

I’m sure you’ve touched on this before, but I’ve only recently “discovered” you and while I’m going through your older stuff, I skew towards listening to your most recent content

Context: I had my kids late (first one at 40-I’m mid 50s now) and while I want them to have healthy skepticism, I don’t want to embitter them with the worldview my difficult life has led me to.

In short, I want them to be skeptical but still have the capability to experience “Joie de vivre” without making them misanthropes

I’m sure I could had worded this better, but I hope you get what I’m driving at even if I haven’t captured it with sufficient language

I love my kids. I want them to avoid bad people and decisions but still retain the capacity to enjoy the company of good people and consider their futures optimistically

Best regards and keep up the good work!

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