There are all sorts of ways that we could celebrate thousands of hours, hundreds of movies, and six entire years of Kill By Kill. And yet, there’s only one film that can do this moment in history justice: the 1983 Charles Band cheapie, PARASITE 3D!! Thrill at the sight of a burnt oven mitt with teeth!! Spill all sorts of goo on Runaways lead singer Cherie Curry!! Mill about with Demi Moore’s weird little ex-husband who really doesn’t know what to do with his hands when the camera is turned in his direction!! See one of the wettest “heroes” in all of film history as he puts various people in danger without remorse!! Cower in fear from… Wolf the Merchant, who is neither a wolf nor a merchant that we can tell!! Eat cold coup from a can!! Witness the super cool slang of the distant future!! Plus a Face-splotion filled edition of Choose Your Own Deathventure!! It’s… a lot.

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Artwork by Josh Hollis: joshhollis.com

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