Canada fell today in an uproar as millions of Canadians politely considered saying something rude. I don’t blame them. It’s better this way. Humanity is a tender meat and all of us are in this together. I forgot how fast Trump moves post-election. This is the best time to strike. Millions of Americans are celebrating the opposition’s defeat. The restrooms are updated with new pronouns. It’s the fourth quarter and only two genders remain.

Be not afraid, Canada. No one can eat us for we have already been swallowed and we are still breathing.

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