A Beautiful Shitshow

Happy Halloween!

Social Media. Whether you love or hate it or somewhere in between, we can all agree that it has taken over our society.

With smartphones, Instagram, and TikTok, we are connected and available 24/7, but we are no where near how we used to live just 15 years ago.

How we interact and communicate with each other has changed drastically. In the beginning, it was a way to communicate more often and more quickly, but is it better?

For me? It's become an issue, an issue that I need to face and deeply evaluate.

A little update for you guys! It’s been a little over a month since my last episode and I didn’t want to keep you hanging. More to come next Thursday!

I stepped into the co-parenting world in March of 2022, a difficult but necessary shift. There were two main things that I was fearful of upon entering into this chapter of my life:

1.) The guilt I would feel knowing my little boy would have a difficult time with this transition and that I wouldn't always be there to guide him through his pain.

2.) 50% of my child's adolescent years would be lived apart from me.

I had no idea how I was going to manage living in that reality and the pain that came with it. It seemed impossible to me and for over a year I accepted that this was how I would feel forever and that this part of my life simply just "fucking sucked".

And that mentality is where I stayed, some days worse than others. Until, the Christmas season of 2023, the first Christmas I'd spend without my son where I had a lightbulb moment that changed everything for me.

Your reality is based heavily on the mindset that you are living in, and I realized if I ever stood a chance at living in the grief that comes with having to share time with your child, then my mindset would have to shift immediately.

August 4 was a milestone for me. I reached one year of intentionally living a sex-free life.

I entered into this practice after my last sexual experience left me feeling empty, and that's when I realized that sex without an emotional connection would no longer be in the cards for me.

This past year I have been able to reflect and deeply connect with what I'm after, and I have had to face myself and my past habits with the utmost honesty, which although uncomfortable, has brought me to a place of clarity and peace.

Purposefully putting sex on the back burner is not somewhere I ever thought I would be, but it has done absolute wonders for my overall well-being, despite having moments of really missing it.

Read about transmutation of sexual energy:

https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/sexual-transmutation-how-to-transmute-sexual-energy

July 7th marked one year of this podcast! I honestly can't believe it.

I am truly proud of myself and the journey I've been on as far as this dream goes. My vision for this podcast is evident and I know that I will one day make it to the "finish line" (meaning my podcast is one of the top in the world)...

BUT

I'm nowhere near where I thought I would be with this.

Life happened and life continues to happen.

And I tried to push myself. And I pushed and pushed and pushed until I couldn't push any further and was forced to sit my ass down and take a break.

Work hard, go after your dreams, and continue down the path that you want to walk. But please make sure that you are moving at a pace that is cohesive with everything else that is going on in your life.

Hi guys!

In this episode, I had the pleasure of speaking with Dan Fagan, a Project and Sales Manager for StormGrade Roofing in Wilmington, NC. We were connected through his sister, an old friend of mine, Cayce Fagan after I posted on my story asking if anyone knew of anybody who was intentionally practicing celibacy.

Dan is coming up on almost three years of sobriety, and during his first year of recovery, he abstained from any romantic or sexual relationships after his sponsor suggested this. He then chose to take a vow of celibacy for himself, separate from recovery and is now almost two years abstinent.

We dove into his journey to becoming present, becoming spiritually fit, his life post alcohol and drug abuse, and his drastic shift in the way he views sex and women.

Yesterday I finished the mini-series "Normal People" and was deeply moved by the story and how relatable it was. A major highlight of the story touched on the realities of miscommunication, words left unsaid, and the consequences of this.

Communicating is hard.

We make the mistake of assuming and projecting.

Speaking up can feel incredibly daunting.

Asking for what you want can be silenced by an overwhelming fear of rejection.

But what if by speaking up and having the hard conversations we get what we want? What if what we desire and are after was available to us all along? But we never knew because we never spoke the words that we were too afraid to speak?

Christine Layer everybody, back for round two!

Christine and I met over a decade ago and immediately bonded over the fact that we were raised in the Catholic Church and had a similar upbringing.

From a young age, we were told that one day we would get married and start a family, which would be the general basis of our life. This is what we both sought after and expected for ourselves, thinking we would fall in the footsteps of our parents and find and marry our spouse by the age of 25 at the absolute LATEST.

And here we are, in our 30s, two single women in NYC navigating the overall shift that has occurred in society, and our change of mindset when it comes to finding "the one" and settling down.

**Let's try this again! I accidentally uploaded an old episode lol oops.

Hi everyone! This week we are doing a little crossover situation!

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of being a guest on Tank Top Friday, a podcast hosted by an old friend of mine, Clint Strohman. We spoke about being single parents, my life in New York City, and letting go of society's standards and expectations.

Clint's podcast is awesome and I highly recommend checking it out! Link below!

https://open.spotify.com/show/2jIz06FqA9XUCstYVvispI?si=8e664114d02d497d

This episode is for my people who have been one foot out of that toxic relationship or dating cycle but they can't quite seem to get themselves to take that next step.

I know what it's like to be in that place of limbo...knowing that this relationship is destroying you but still holding onto even the slightest sliver of hope that maybe somehow everything will change, even though we know damn well that it will not.

Is staying in a place where you are unloved and that causes your nervous system to go into fight or flight better than starting over and being alone?

I know how hard it is to make that first step. I know that it can take a long time to get there.

I know the other factors that play a role in the overall struggle to leave.

I know the power that trauma bonds, attachment issues, and unresolved childhood trauma can hold over you.

I'm not here to lecture you or act like I am an expert or have handled all of my struggles with the above entirely, because I can assure you that I have a ways to go.

But, I am worlds apart from where I used to be.

And I hope that my words can help me the first step in pushing you towards the life that's waiting for you on the other side of leaving.