I know that everybody who says this(or types it) outload always looks like a buffoon, but I'm a man that has a lot of ideas. I'm constantly having ideas on how to improve things for myself and for other. In this episode I talk how CVS can make A LOT MORE MONEY by simply putting male sex toys on their shelves. They already have "Intimate Female Massagers" So why not stock their shelves with some pocket p*ssies. Most men don't buy toys nor explore their sexually and I explain the exact reason behind this. Finally I talk about how McDonalds has been asleep on the wheel, they've built a ginormous empire but they have grown stale and boring. They haven't brought an innovating piece of poison on their menu in YEARS and in this episode I decided to gift them a billion dollar idea(look at the title).

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In the town I live in Puerto Rico there is a new mayor and for some reason people feel the need to drive around and obnoxiously wave the flag of their victorious candidate all around town. In this episode I talk about what that guy did to get the job as a new mayor and how that is evidence that people who take politics too seriously are dumb. Finally I talk about getting old why I think it's not worth being alive past 70.

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Politics is dumb but I guess that I have to talk about it. In this episode I talk about how life is like going to the Olive Garden and voting is the decision you have of adding a soup or a salad with your entrée. The way I see it you are all fighting over the preference of the cheap recently defrosted appetizer of the other when in reality what really matters in life is the entrée you order and the fact that you have the liberty to pick one of many great entrees. I talk about how I didn't get a voting sticker and why that is ultimately unfair. Finally I describe the 3 main political party's in Puerto Rico with a sex analogy.

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In this episode I talk about my history with nicotine. How I'm VERY addicted to this dumb drug and how I had my first cigarette in 6 months. I wish that I could healthily incorporate nicotine in my life but I legit don't know how to pace myself. When I smoke cigarettes I chain smoke and when I vape ill glutton my way through a Juul cart and a half a day. Hence the name of the episode Nicotine Queen.

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Somedays I wake up wishing that I was dumb enough to believe that beautiful is all that matters. Maybe in my next life I'll be able to reincarnate as a low IQ'ed female. In this episode I talk about aesthetic and how people who concentrate too much on looking aesthetically pleasing are annoying. I also talk about being sad during quarantine and the best excuse you can make to remain unhealthy and not change your life around.

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In this episode Mr. Steal your girl emerges and explains why your girl doesn't love you anymore and why he's cooler than you. He explains the true purpose of his incessive need to wear sunglasses at all times and why he always has a tooth pick casually hanging on the corner of his mouth. Finally I talk about why letting Mr. Steal your girl "ruin" your life is COMPLETLY your fault.

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I have been an on and off meditator for the past two years. But I hop on this episode with 3 straight days where I've meditated for 30 minutes. Which means that I am no longer George Blaha, I am JOYce Blaha. I let Joyce manifest itself through me and Joyce gives you all a mantra to use to let go of all the pent up anger that you have about your ex. I also talk about the weird noises that come from the mountains while I meditate. Sometimes I hear cows, packs of dogs and what I believe to be the screams of some patient being illegally experimented on in a secret CIA underfunded base....or it's just a goofy goat.

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EPISODE NOTES

HAPPY NATIONAL CRACK DAY! In this episode I make fun of 2 chainz 2013 hit: Crack. In this song he sings about ALWAYS having crack on him and I seriously wonder if that is still the case today. I had my first ever sleep paralysis episode this week and let me say that it is definitely as bad as people say it is. Finally I talk about how making your child lame is the best way to keep him drug free until college.

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I truly believe that the people with malfunctioning pelvises need more representation and in this episode I concocted a little song for them. I talk about the pros and cons of dating somebody with a WAP, how dating somebody with a WAP is going to leave you in financial ruin and with a soggy mattress. I've been shopping for cars and I noticed that being in a car lot with money in your pocket truly simulates the day to day experience of women. Everybody is overly nice to you but the niceties aren't genuine, they all come with ulterior motives.

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I'm out there hunting(begging) for a minimum job again. In this episode I talk about how annoying it has been to hunt for a job and how employers expect you to jump through a ridiculous amount of hoops to score their miserable minimum waged job with no growth opportunity. I honestly believe that I'm highly qualified for most job because my autopilot is ON POINT! Having an excellent autopilot is a key skill to have to be good at your job and in this episode I explain why. Finally I talk about the ridiculous questions that a Boost Mobile was asking on Facebook before they would let me send in my resume. One of the questions was: "If you had the opportunity to become a brand of cereal, which one would it be?"...I wish I was kidding.

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Twiter: @gblahacomedy

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