There's a little bit of in-leading story. I didn't have contact with my dad for nine years. After nine years, I thought I'm fed up with it. I am going to start finding contact and I searched for him. I did. I found him. We start building relationship. Between the same year he dies. Heart attack. So I could never really get through the questions I really wanted because in the beginning of a relationship, you don't go deep. You just start building a relationship, start small.

And I felt so bad about that, whatever it doesn't mean sometime, uh, passed by. I moved from the Netherlands to the Czech Republic and I had this dream. Out of the blue that, and I really need to dig deep to remember it well. But I remember that I was hanging out with not my dad, but with like the remarried family of my dad.

And they were telling me that I shouldn't protect my dad so much. And I thought it was bullshit and it started up in a fight and whatever. I walked away from it. And at some point there was my dad on a bike. My dad was never on a bike, never, ever in my life. I saw my dad on a bike, but he was there and we walked and I don't know what we talked about or whatever.

And at some point he asked me like, “son do you have a cigarette for me?”. And I was out of cigarettes in my dreams. And I only had like one rolling cigarette to make. And we shared the cigarette together and he hopped up on the bike on the back of me and we drove away. And in my dream I heard music. And it was so weird in my dream from the moment when he stepped back on it.

And I got goosebumps from it. I stayed on the position where I went. And in my view, we both, like we rode off in the horizon and it is nuts man until today that I don't understand this dream.

But it is so beautiful that because of this dream, I was able to say goodbye to my dad.

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I was in my room and, um, there's like a mirror, like a mirror on the wall. And, um, I had like short shorts on and I saw that I had a tattoo of a triangle on my leg, which I didn't actually have in real life. And then a week later I just made the tattoo.

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Last night I dreamt about her. She's my best friend for a long time. And I dreamt about, there was an old man in some random room with her. He was really old and I said, it's creepy. Okay. He was. beating her. Yeah. And I came into the room to rescue her. The man ran away because they were alone in there.

And when I, when I came into the room, he ran away, but then she took the gun out of his hand and she put the gun to my head. So because he was beating her and I wanted to save her, but it felt like she didn't want me to save her and she put a gun to my head.

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So I had this dream, um, today actually, where I dreamed of a guy that I like, but he was, it was two people. It was the same person, but I, in my head, I thought it was two different people that knew each other, but they didn't know they were the same person. And they started like shaking hands, like, hi, I'm this guy. And he said, hi, I'm this guy. But they were the same person. They were introducing themselves the same.

And it was really weird in my head cuz I thought, why do I like both of them if they're the same person, but they're also not the same person. It was really weird in my head. And when I woke up, I was confused, but then it hit me that it was the same person.

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So in my dream, I was listening to this song, Pikito by Rusowsky. It's a very dreamy kind of song. It goes like “iiih u ahhh n barca o iii”. It's not that long, but towards the the end of it, there's this super beautiful part where the pitch suddenly changes and it becomes all like drum and bass, like tss dak tss dak tss tss dak.

In my dream I was just waiting for that part to come, but it never came. And then I realized it's just some eight minute version remix of the song by some DJ without that drum and bass part in the end. And after I realized that I woke up, I was so disappointed. And the first thing I did when I woke up is, uh, I put on the song.

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I have a seven year old sister and I had a dream that she was scouted for the NFL and, and my dad was like, go for it. And my mom was not supportive. And I was really mad at my mom for not being supportive, that my sister, like couldn't play for the NFL, you know, being seven years old.

So I went with her, like to the training place where they train her. And then suddenly it wasn't her being trained anymore. And, do you know what K-Pop idols are? Okay. So they're these like Korean singers and they go through a massive training process to become idols.

So suddenly I was in that training process and the first like training thing, you had to climb up this really, really long flight upstairs and like the last half of the people would be eliminated. So I was, I was like, I gotta do this when I was running the stairs and I was first there. And then everyone that made it past that bit,went onto the next bit and went on a bus and then Meryl Streep character from the devil wears prada was like the head lady who decided whether you got through or not.

And I was on the bus with my friend and you had to sit completely still. And you couldn't even look at your phone and my phone was on the floor next to me. And I was trying to look at the text and my friend was like, no, Lara, don't look at the text. And I was like, I just gotta look at the text and yeah, that was my dream.

Did you make it? I don't know. I woke up.

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I had a dream where my teddybear fucking exploded and had long nails, like swords for nails and grabbed me. And then, my rival from school, I was still in primary school. My rival from school goes, he comes up the stairs and goes: “oh my God, what do I do?”

So I yelled to that guy who was like, I didn't like him. He was not a nice guy, like, he was the bully type of type of guy. And I yelled to him, go get the Poudre de Perlimpinpin, which means like the magical fairy dust powder in a very silly way in French.

And then that dream, I've had it recurring, and as a kid I remembered specifically thinking you have to say something else. Cause I knew it was gonna happen. And in my head I was like tell him to go get like a sword or something.

And every fucking night, I would say the same fucking fairydust powder thing. Every fucking night. And I would wake up mad at myself because like, I would just wake up, like from fear, you know.

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So, you know this cartoon, beauty and monster from Disney. Yes. So you remember Belle, this girl in this yellow dress and this like monster, and if you remember this place where they had been dancing the final dance. So I don't remember why, but I was this Bella and there was monster and he wanted to attack me and we had been running around this room many, many, many times that it was faster, faster, faster, faster. And after I woke up. AHHHH. Like that.

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There was like a huge field like in the windows background, you know, the classic ones. And basically there were a lot of houses, but then the houses, they had personalities and they can choose people, and they had legs the houses so they can just like walk away from you.

So we were hunting one just because we liked it, you know, and that was it. And then I woke up, I was like, man.

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This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit adreamaday.substack.com