A Jaded Gay

Boundaries are essential guidelines, defining the limits of acceptable behavior and establishing a framework of respect and mutual understanding. But due to societal pressures, stereotypes, and the historical stigmatization of non-heteronormative relationships, some gay men may exhibit people-pleasing tendencies, which makes it challenging to implement boundaries and contributes to feelings of isolation and a reluctance to assert personal limits.

In this episode, we’re navigating the complex world of boundaries, addressing the unique challenges gay men may face in setting and maintaining them, and offering insights on identifying and establishing personal boundaries for more authentic and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.

Additional Resources:

• Why Personal Boundaries Are Important and How to Set Them
• A Quick Guide for Gay Men Who Want to Set Better Boundaries
• Got Boundaries? Here's the Top 4 Boundary Struggles Only LGBTQ+ Folks Will Understand
• How to Figure Out Your Boundaries

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Happy Holidays, my LGBTQuties! As the end of the year approaches, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.

In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as sobriety, conversion therapy, media representation, and more!

Additional Resources:

• 59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain)
• 62. Let Go of Your Religious Trauma (with Eric Feltes)
• 64. 40 Single Gay (with Jonathan Lee)
• 66. Shoot Your Shot on Archer (with Michael Kaye)
• 72. Recovering from Recovery (with Adam Fitzgerald)
• 75. Sunday Dinners, Moonshine and Men (with Tate Barkley)
• 76. Finally Free (with Seth Showalter)
• 80. Queer Haunts: Happy Halloween (with Ralph Anthony)

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As the end of the year approaches, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.

In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as allyship, relationships, finding our community, and more!

Additional Resources:

• 16. Being an Ally (with Cheyenne Filipczyk)
• 39. We Are Family: Part 1 (with Michelle Loveless)
• 40. We Are Family: Part 2 (with Amy Loveless)
• 43. Surviving a Breakup (with Sara Sabatino)
• 45. Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? (with Jordan Nofziger)
• 50. Self-Love Tough Love (with Tillie Lee)
• 52. Gayming: Level Up Your Sense of Community (with Jonathan Steele)
• 54. Love in the Third Degree (with Eric Praniewicz)

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Gay men tend to grapple with complex feelings about body image, influenced by societal ideals that often emphasize a lean and muscular physique. As a result, gay gym culture is often marked by a complex interplay of such body standards, which can both motivate and challenge individuals within the community to base their self-perception on chasing an idealized appearance.

In this episode, we're exploring the intersection of gay culture and gym culture, along with how societal conceptions of masculinity on gay men's self-image and relationships can lead to feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and the pursuit of often unrealistic physical ideals.

Additional Resources:

• 32. Gay Men and Body Obsession
• Fitness Culture
• The History of How the Modern Day Gym Came to Be
• Wrestling and Weightlifting: The WWF and Fitness in the 1980s
• The Evolution of San Francisco’s Gay Gym Culture
• YMCA
• Working, Out
• 19. The Queer History of Disco
• 24. Gay Villages: Won't You Be My Gaybor?
• Reported Effects of Masculine Ideals on Gay Men
• Eating Disorder Statistics
• Gay Men and Body Image: What You Need to Know
• It’s Complicated: Exploring Why Gay Men Have Such a Unique Relationship with the Gym
• The Sweaty Homophobia of the Gym

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The mustache has traversed centuries, evolving from a symbol of prestige in ancient civilizations to a statement of rebellion in modern counterculture movements. In the 1960s and 1970s, it became an iconic symbol within the gay community, representing a form of self-expression, solidarity, and defiance against societal norms surrounding masculinity and sexuality.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at the multifaceted history of the mustache, exploring its evolution as a symbol of masculinity, its significant sociosexual ties to the gay community in the 1960s and 1970s, and how it has created important conversations about men's health today.

Additional Resources:

• Mustache vs. Moustache: Which is Correct?
• Mustache Definition
• Mustachio Definition
• The Statues of Rahotep and Nofret
• The Moustache: A Hairy History
• Why Peter the Great Established a Beard Tax
• About Movember
• The Mustache is Thriving. But What Does It Mean?
• A Sexual, Social and Political History of the Mustache
• Cruisin’ With the Mustache Crew: Meet the Facial-Hair Style Taking Over Every Gay Bar in the City
• One Hairy Lip, a Mix of Messages
• Castro Clone
• Gay/Bi Men and Mustaches, a History in Photos
• The Rules of Movember
• Movember Donations
• Get Involved with Movember

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Happy Halloween, my LGBTQuties! Previously, we discussed how queer themes have been depicted in horror for more than 250 years and that the genre has always been queer.

In this episode, Ralph Anthony, host of the Scream Queer Podcast, joins us to dish on all things horror, determine which monsters are queer, and share a very spooky true-life horror story submitted by one of his listeners.

Additional Resources:

• Listen to Scream Queer Podcast
• Follow Ralph Anthony on Instagram
• Follow Scream Queer Podcast on Instagram
• 28. Gay Horror

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Many gay men find solace and empowerment in spiritual practices like tarot, crystals, astrology, and witchcraft, as they offer a means of self-discovery and affirmation. Unlike modern organized religion, these ancient traditions provide a safe space for personal exploration, allowing individuals to connect with their inner selves and find strength in their unique identities.

In this episode, we’re exploring the trend of embracing more spiritual beliefs and the parallels between queerness and various practices, including astrology, tarot, and witchcraft.

Additional Resources:

• 48. Plant Gays and Mindfulness Lessons
• LGBT Identification in U.S. Ticks Up to 7.1%
• Must Reads: How Millennials Replaced Religion with Astrology and Crystals
• Chani Nicholas Explains Why Queer People Love Astrology
• 24. Gay Villages: Won't You Be My Gaybor?
• So, Why Are Queer People So Interested in Astrology?
• 19. The Queer History of Disco
• The Rise of Queer Astrology
• Queer Tarot: A Brief Story of Meaning and Healing
• Why Do Gay Men Love Witches?
• Exploring the Links Between Queer Culture and Witchcraft

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Ghosting has become an increasingly prevalent phenomenon in today's dating culture, reflecting a shift towards digital communication and a reluctance to confront uncomfortable conversations. For gay men, this can be attributed to the influence of hookup apps, a larger pool of potential partners, and societal pressures, leading to a higher likelihood of casual and transient interactions.

In today’s episode, we’re discussing what ghosting is, how we can avoid being ghosted, and empowering self-care strategies for those who've experienced this common but often painful experience.

Additional Resources:

• Ghosting (Definition)
• Ghosting (Psychology Today)
• Ghosting (Grammarist)
• Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults
• 8 Reasons You’ve Been Ghosted
• 15. Understanding Attachment Styles
• What Is Ghosting—and Why Is It So Rude?
• Survey Reveals ‘Ghosting’ Impacts 76% Of People Who Are Dating—Plus The States With The Biggest Offenders
• The Mental Health Effects of Ghosting
• LGBTQ Ghosting: Why We Do It and How to Deal With It

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Coming out is a deeply personal and pivotal moment for LGBTQ+ individuals, encompassing the courageous act of sharing their authentic identity with others, fostering self-acceptance, and seeking understanding and validation.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at the origins of the concept of “coming out” and National Coming Out Day, the importance of being our authentic selves, and how we can feel empowered in our decision to live openly.

Additional Resources:

• Listen to My Coming Out Story
• Coming Out Definition
• The History Behind Why We Say a Person 'Came Out of the Closet'
• Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World
• The Gay Metropolis: The Landmark History of Gay Life in America
• A Brief History of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Social Movements
• Where Did the Phrase 'Come Out of the Closet' Come From?
• Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity
• 51. ACT UP: Silence = Death
• Understanding Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality
• The Process of Coming Out
• Stages in the Coming Out Process
• Coming Out and Mental Health
• Coming Out is Good for Our Mental Health
• 20 Things to Know Before You Come Out and How to Go About It
• How Do I Come Out?
• Why Do We Need National Coming Out Day?
• This is Why Coming Out is Important (Even After You've Come Out)
• Coming Out as LGBTQ+ in Adulthood
• The Coming Out Handbook

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Conversion therapy is a discredited and harmful practice that attempts to change a person's sexual orientation or gender identity, often using psychological or religious methods, which can lead to severe emotional distress, trauma, and a negative impact on mental health and well-being.

In this episode, Seth Showalter, a licensed clinical social worker, joins us to talk about his new book, Finally Free, which details his experiences undergoing conversion therapy and how he’s taken steps to deconstruct the harmful rhetoric he was exposed to as he works to accept his authentic self.

Additional Resources:

• Buy Finally Free
• Learn More About Seth
• Check Out Mental Health Uncovered
• Follow Seth on Instagram
• Follow Seth on TikTok

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