A Jaded Gay

Just fifty miles east of Manhattan, Fire Island has been considered a gay village since the 1950s, with the stretch of land between Fire Island Pines and Cherry Grove—known as the Meat Rack—being a safe haven for repressed gay men to fully express and experience their sexuality.

In this episode, we’re diving into the island's rich history, tracing its evolution from a secluded getaway for artists and bohemians to a thriving vacation destination for the queer community, and discussing the growing threat it faces from the impacts of climate change.

Additional Resources:

• 24. Gay Villages: Won't You Be My Gaybor?
• Fire Island Facts
• Origin of "Fire Island"
• A History of Early Sayville by Clarissa Edwards
• The Seal Island Legend by Robert H. Spencer
• The History of Fire Island
• Once Upon a Time There Was a Place Called Fire Island
• The Very Gay History of Fire Island
• The Meat Rack on Fire Island Est. 1950’s
• The Botel History Est. 1960
• 1968: After Dozens Of Acquittals, Police Forced To End Raids On Gay Haven
• Before Stonewall, Cherry Grove: How a Beach Town Became a Gay 'Safe Haven'
• 19. The Queer History of Disco
• Hidden in a Fire Island House, the Soundtrack of Loss and Love
• The GMHC Morning Party 1983-1990
• Fire Island's LGBTQ Heritage
• Fire Island National Seashore Action Plan

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As gay men, we may experience complexities surrounding modern dating and societal pressures that often place unrealistic expectations of romantic and personal fulfillment. So when we think we’ve found “The One,” what do we do when they break up with us, telling us that we’re only seventy percent of what they need…while having sex?

In this episode, author Jonathan Lee joins us to discuss his memoir, 40 Single Gay, which explores his personal journey of navigating love, relationships, and self-discovery as a gay man entering his forties.

Additional Resources:

• 40 Single Gay (Book)
• 40 Single Gay (Instagram)

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In 1960s New York City, gay men needed a safe space to socialize without being arrested, which resulted in many frequenting private bottle clubs, like the Stonewall Inn, which was owned by the Mafia. On June 28, 1969, during a routine police raid, patrons were fed up and resisted.

In this episode, we’re discussing the iconic Stonewall riots, which became a symbol of resistance to social and political discrimination that would inspire solidarity among homosexual groups for decades.

Additional Resources:

• 17. Mobsters & Mos: How the Mafia Owned Gay Nightlife
• Stonewall Riots
• The Stonewall Riots: Coming Out in the Streets
• Stonewall Riots

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Many gay men were taught that religion and sexuality are at odds with one another; either you're too gay to be religious, or you're too religious to be gay. As a result, we may have experienced religious trauma, leaving us feeling alone within our faith and the LGBGTQ+ community.

In this episode, Eric Feltes, actor, writer, and life coach, joins us to discuss his spiritual journey, balancing sexuality and faith, and how gay men can overcome their religious trauma to live their authentic lives.

Additional Resources:

• Eric Feltes - Life Coaching
• Send Eric an Email!
• The Great Unbecoming Podcast
• Eric Feltes - Instagram
• Eric Feltes - TikTok
• Eric Feltes - YouTube
• Eric Feltes - IMDb

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During the early morning hours of Sunday, June 12, 2016, a gunman entered Pulse nightclub in Orlando, Florida, and opened fire on the crowd, who was celebrating Latin Night. After more than three hours of terror, 49 lives were lost and 53 additional people were wounded.

In today’s episode, we’re taking a look at the history of Pulse, the events of June 12, 2016, and the response to the shooting.

Additional Resources:

• Orlando Census
• The 2021 LGBTQ+ Travel Index
• LGBT Adults in Large US Metropolitan Areas
• Orlando Shooter on Facebook: Now 'Taste' ISIS 'Vengeance'
• OnePulse Foundation
• Three Years Since Pulse, Lawmakers Must Act to Address Ongoing Epidemic of Gun Violence

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Stereotypical gay culture has idolized youth, beauty, and sex, which has resulted in the concept of Gay Death, the all-too-popular myth that gay men have aged beyond attractiveness once they turn 30.

In this episode, we’re discussing why gay men fear growing older, the concept of internalized gay ageism and its negative impacts on our mental health, and how we can embrace our age.

Additional Resources:

• Gay Death (Urban Dictionary)
• Gay Death (Wikipedia)
• 'Gay Death': They Say 30 is the New 25
• Gay Death Stocktake — A Review
• Everyday Ageism and Health
• Internalized Gay Ageism, Mattering, and Depressive Symptoms Among Midlife and Older Gay-Identified Men
• Internalized Gay Ageism, Mattering, and Depressive Symptoms Among Midlife and Older Gay-Identified Men
• Internalized Ageism and Homophobia a Toxic Mixture for Older Gay Men
• Yet Another Problem for Older Gay Men: “Internalized Gay Ageism”
• LGBT People: Let's Talk About Ageism
• Op-ed: In Defense of Aging
• Old Lesbians Organizing for Change
• National Resource Center on LGBTQ+ Aging
• 30 is NOT 'Gay Death' Reddit

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Despite the letter B in LGBTQ+, many people, both within and outside of the community, tend to discount the experiences of bisexual people. This ignorance has resulted in bi-erasure, a pervasive problem in which the existence or legitimacy of bisexuality is questioned or denied outright.

In this episode, my friend, Sam McClain, joins us to discuss her experiences as a bisexual woman, common misconceptions, and how we can end bi-erasure.

Additional Resources:

• Bisexual Erasure
• Sam McClain - Facebook
• Sam McClain - Twitter

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Previously, we discussed our iconic pop queens and how their songs typically fit into distinct categories that hit an emotional button that appeals to gay men.

In this episode, we continue our Gay Icons series with none other than… Judy Garland. Known as the World’s Greatest Entertainer, Judy is remembered for her vaudeville roots, iconic camp performances, and personal struggles, which mirrored those of her gay audience.

Additional Resources:

• Vaudeville Definition
• Why is Judy Garland the Ultimate Gay Icon?

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Being our authentic selves can be scary since many of us fear rejection—and for good reason. Family conflict and rejection is the main cause of LGBTQ+ youth homelessness, and LGBTQ+ youth are 120% more likely to experience homelessness compared to non-LGBTQ+ youth.

In this episode, we’re discussing key drivers of LGBTQ+ youth homelessness, system failures, and how we can support those struggling with housing instability.

Additional Resources:

• What Do You Know About Homelessness and Housing Insecurity? Tell us.
• Homelessness in America 2023: Statistics, Analysis, & Trends
• Homelessness Among LGBT Adults in the US
• LGBTIQ+ Homelessness: A Review of the Literature
• 49. Let's Shatter the LGBTQ+ Wage Gap
• 57. LGBTQ+ Alcoholism
• 26. Gay & Anxious
• Homelessness and Housing
• Homelessness and Housing Instability Among LGBTQ Youth
• True Colors United
• Ali Forney Center

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For many gay men, we struggle with minority stress and discrimination on a daily basis. Along with childhood trauma and gay shame, this adversity causes some to turn to alcohol as a form of self-medicating. In fact, the rate of substance abuse is estimated to be between 20 to 30 percent in LGBTQ+ people compared to 9 percent for the general population.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at why members of the LGBQT+ community are more likely to be impacted by alcoholism and how to seek out LGBTQ+-friendly treatment.

Additional Resources:

• Gay and Bisexual Men's Health: Substance Abuse
• Why Do Gay Men Sometimes Struggle with Substance Abuse?
• Gay and Alcoholic: Epidemiologic and Clinical Issues
• The Influence of Gender and Sexual Orientation on Alcohol Use and Alcohol-Related Problems
• LGBTQ Alcoholism
• 17. Mobsters & Mos: How the Mafia Owned Gay Nightlife
• 26. Gay & Anxious
• LGBTQ & Gay-Friendly Rehabs: Statistics, Risk Factors & Treatment

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