A Jaded Gay

We’ve come a long way regarding LGBTQ+ media representation, with 92 LGBTQ+ characters appearing on scripted broadcast primetime programming for the 2021-2022 season. However, that representation falls flat when you consider the number of straight actors appearing as LGBTQ+ characters.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at roadblocks LGBTQ+ actors encounter in Hollywood as we discuss the debate on if straight actors should play gay characters.

Additional Resources:

• GLAAD's Where We Are on TV Report – 2021-2022
• Is It Ever Okay for Straight Actors to Play Queer Roles?
• IMDB List: Straight Actors Who Have Played Gay Characters
• 13 Straight Actors Who Won Awards for Playing Queer Roles
• Here Are the 10 Most Financially Successful LGBTQ Films in History

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We live in a time when we don’t have to be confined to standard labels regarding gender, sexuality, and even relationship types. Regardless of whether we’re monogamous or polyamorous, it’s still important to do the emotional work so we’re bringing our best selves forward into a relationship scenario.

In this episode, my friend, Eric Praniewicz, joins us to discuss his experiences with polyamory, common misconceptions, and how we can become better communicators regardless of relationship type.

Additional Resources:

• Throuple Announcement Tweet
• Eric Praniewicz - Instagram

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In previous episodes, we talked about how gay men may struggle with perfectionism as a means to validate themselves and overcome their gay shame. As a result, it’s easy to compare ourselves to others and compete against other gay men instead of lifting our community up.

In this episode, we’re talking about some of the reasons why gay men compete with one another, ways to stop comparing ourselves to others, and how we can better support our community instead of tearing each other down.

Additional Resources:

• Social Comparison Theory
• Sizing Up: When We Compete with Other Gay Men in Gay Communities
• How to Deal with Comparing Yourself to Another Gay?
• The Top 10 Reasons the Gay Community is so Competitive
• 32. Gay Men and Body Obsession
• 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your Perfectionism
• 10 Reasons Gay Men are Hyper Competitive
• 42. Are You Emotionally Unavailable?
• Gay Men & Self-Perception Based on Grindr Use
• Couple Competition
• How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
• How To Stop Comparing Yourself To Others
• Matthew J. Dempsey on How Gay Men "Compare & Despair"

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In past episodes, we've talked about how it can be difficult for gay men to find a network of like-minded peers and the importance of finding your community and chosen family.

In this episode, my friend, Jonathan Steele, joins us to discuss how gayming provides a sense of escapism and queer representation, allowing you to be whoever you want to be, and how gaymers are building an inclusive, online community.

Additional Resources:

• UK Games Industry Census - Understanding Diversity in the UK Games Industry Workforce
• Meet the Gaymers: Why Queer Representation is Exploding in Video Games

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In 1981, reports of a “rare cancer” affecting homosexual men surfaced, which marks the start of the AIDS crisis. For years, those living with AIDS were largely neglected by the government and medical community.

In this episode, we’re discussing how ACT UP formed in response to social neglect, government negligence, and the complacency of the medical establishment, and their decades-long work, which continues today.

Additional Resources:

• How AIDS Remained an Unspoken—But Deadly—Epidemic for Years
• ACT UP Accomplishments
• ACT UP - About
• How ACT UP Changed America
• AIDS Drug's Price to be Cut 20%
• ACT UP Demonstrations on Wall Street
• ACT UP Historical Archive
• Meet the Gay Priest Who Served AIDS Patients with Mass, Prayers and Art
• ACT UP
• ACT UP, HIV/AIDS, and the Fight for Healthcare

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In past episodes, we've talked about how some gay men try to curate the illusion of a "perfect life" to compensate for feelings of shame and rejection. As such, we develop a false sense of confidence through others' validation.

In this episode, my friend, Tillie Lee, joins us to discuss how our upbringing impacted how we practice mindfulness, be more confident, and love ourselves better.

Additional Resources:

• Raising Low Self-Esteem
• Tillie Lee Photos
• Instagram - Tillie Lee

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There is a longstanding stereotype that gay men have a disposable income to fund an extravagant lifestyle. However, recent data has found that there is a gay wealth gap, with the average LGBTQ+ worker earning 90 cents for every dollar a typical worker earns.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at recent data regarding this wealth gap, how workplace discrimination and “early choices” impact this disparity, and what employers and policymakers can do to promote pay equality.

Additional Resources:

• Examining the Economic Status of Same-Gender Relationship Households
• Women are Still Paid 83 Cents for Every Dollar Men Earn. Here’s Why
• One in 10 LGBT Americans Married to Same-Sex Spouse
• The LGBTQ Wealth Gap
• LGBT Poverty in the United States
• The LGBTQ+ Gap: Recent Estimates for Young Adults in the United States
• The Big LGBTQ+ Wage Gap Problem
• The Wage Gap Among LGBTQ+ Workers in the United States
• LGBT Students: New Evidence on Demographics and Educational Outcomes
• Measuring and Resolving LGBTQ Disparities in STEM
• Sexual Orientation Discrimination in the United Kingdom's Labour Market: A Field Experiment
• Evaluations of LGBT Job Applicants: Consequences of Applying "Out"
• LGBT People’s Experiences of Workplace Discrimination and Harassment
• Half of LGBTQ Workers have Faced Job Discrimination, Report Finds
• 03. Surviving Another Pandemic
• New U.S. Census Bureau Data Show Significant Economic Disparities Among the LGBTQ+ Community
• 10 Essential Actions to Promote Equal Pay

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Over the past few years, there’s been an uptick in millennials’ obsession with houseplants. And with 10.5% of millennials identifying as being LGBTQ+, which is much higher than older generations, it’s no surprise that there has been an increase in plant gays.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at this millennial trend, the positive health effects houseplants have, and how they can teach gay men to live mindfully.

Additional Resources:

• Why Millennials Are Suddenly So Obsessed With Houseplants
• A Hobby for All Seasons: 7 Science-Backed Benefits of Indoor Plants
• What the Research Says About Millennials and Houseplants
• LGBT Identification in U.S. Ticks Up to 7.1%
• Plant Gay - Urban Dictionary
• 8 Ways Plants are Teaching Gay Men to Live Mindfully & Care for Themselves Without Judgment
• 13 Easy Houseplants for Seasonally Depressed Gays and Their Cats

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As gay men, many of us have feared being rejected by our friends and family as part of our coming out process. It’s no surprise that grappling with this fear can result in struggling with intimacy, attachment, and emotional availability.

In this episode, we’re talking about how our fear of rejection can lead to developing abandonment issues, the negative impact this can have on romantic relationships, and how we can overcome these struggles.

Additional Resources:

• Abandonment Issues: Signs And Treatment
• 02. From Codependency to No Dependency
• 15. Understanding Attachment Styles
• Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes, & Coping Tips
• Why is it so Difficult for Some Gay Men to Find a Partner?
• Gay Men Growing Up With An Absent Father
• How LGBTQ Adults Maintain Ties with Rejecting Parents: Theorizing “Conflict Work” as Family Work
• Abandonment Anxiety: How to Understand and Overcome Your Fear
• Identifying and Managing Abandonment Issues

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Correction: The U.S. Supreme Court's landmark decision for Obergefell v. Hodges came on June 26, 2015. It was incorrectly/accidentally stated as January 26, 2015 at the 15:25 time mark.

In the United States, the fight for marriage equality dates back to 1987. But between 2012 and 2014, significant challenges to state laws prohibiting same-sex marriage arose.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at the origins of Obergefell v. Hodges, its landmark decision and legacy, and potential threats to the future of marriage equality.

Additional Resources:

• De Boer v. Snyder
• Bourke v. Beshear
• Bourke v. Beshear & Love v. Beshear - Freedom to Marry in Kentucky
• Tanco v. Haslam
• Tanco v. Haslam
• Obergefell v. Hodges
• The Supreme Court Gay Marriage Arguments: What the Justices Revealed — Quote by Quote
• Obergefell v. Hodges (2015)
• Obergefell v. Hodges
• The Supreme Court's Most Memorable Quotes on Gay Marriage
• Here’s What You Need to Know About the Respect for Marriage Act
• H.R.8404 - Respect for Marriage Act
• The 19th Explains: Why the Respect for Marriage Act Doesn’t Codify Same-Sex Marriage Rights
• Congress: Pass the Equality Act

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