A Jaded Gay

John Bowlby’s attachment theory suggests that humans are born with a need to form a close emotional bond. For gay men, social stressors, such as discrimination and rejection, can negatively impact their attachment system and result in unhealthy romantic attachments.

In this episode, we take a look at the four distinct attachment styles and their respective characteristics so we can better understand our own attachment patterns.

Additional Resources:

• Attachment Theory
• Romantic Love Conceptualized as an Attachment Process
• Love and Work: An Attachment-Theoretical Perspective
• The Different Types of Attachment Styles
• The Integrated Attachment and Sexual Minority Stress Model: Understanding the Role of Adult Attachment in the Health and Well-being of Sexual Minority Men
• Gay Males’ Intimate Relationship Quality: The Roles of Attachment Security, Gay Identity, Social Support, and Income
• Shame, Internalized Homophobia, Identity Formation, Attachment Style, and the Connection to Relationship Status in Gay Men
• Attachment and Relationship Satisfaction Among Gay Men: The Mediating Role of Well-Being
• Volitional Change in Adult Attachment: Can People Who Want to Become Less Anxious and Avoidant Move Closer Towards Realizing those Goals?
• How to Cope with an Insecure Attachment Type
• What's Your Attachment Style? Take This Quiz to Find Out

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Amidst the AIDS pandemic, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) banned gay and bisexual men from ever being eligible to donate blood to protect people receiving blood transfusions from the possibility of getting infected with HIV. Almost 30 years later, science has provided us with new drugs to better protect ourselves from HIV exposures and technology to improve HIV testing by providing quicker and more accurate results.

Today, men who have sex with men must defer from sex for three months if they want to donate blood – even if they’re in a monogamous relationship. In this episode, we’re discussing the evolution of the FDA’s guidelines for LGBTQ+ donors and how other countries have already eliminated deferral periods for men who have sex with men.

Additional Resources:

• Girls Gotta Eat: Going Off About Abortion Rights
• Wine & Crime: Forced Birth
• Gayish: Roe v. Wade (Shrinkage)
• LGBTQ+ Donors
• FDA Lifts Ban on Blood Donations By Gay and Bisexual Men
• The Evolution of HIV Testing
• Which HIV Tests Are Most Accurate?
• Types of HIV Tests
• Will's Not Done Fighting - Will & Grace (Episode Highlight)
• What Happens to Donated Blood
• Infectious Disease, HLA and ABO Donor Qualification Testing
• HRC - Blood Donations

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Growing up in a heteronormative society, we may have learned to believe that our gay identity was a weakness. As a result, we’ve developed the need to be perfect to manage the feeling of being an outsider.

In this episode, we’re discussing what perfectionism in gay men looks like and how we can learn to accept our imperfections.

Additional Resources:

• Perfectionism
• 7 Signs You’re Too Much of a Perfectionist
• Nine Little-Known Signs of Perfectionism
• Gay Shame: 5 Ways Gay Men Compensate
• Ask Adam: Why Are Gays Obsessed With Being Perfect?
• How to Overcome Your Perfectionist Tendencies

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We previously talked about the importance of LGBTQ+ representation in TV and film and the “gay renaissance” of the 90s. While shows like Ellen and Will & Grace were groundbreaking at the time, they tended to skirt around LGBTQ+ issues and themes...but Queer as Folk did not shy away.

In this episode, we’re dissecting the sexually charged, unapologetic serial drama, including the original British series and the 2022 reboot.

Additional Resources:

• Queer as Folk Season 1 Trailer
• Spunk by Greek Buck (Queer as Folk Opening Theme)
• Queer as Folk Series Premiere (American Series)
• Queer as Folk Complete Soundtrack

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No matter how long we’ve been out of the closet, many of us hold on to some of the antigay beliefs we were exposed to as children and turn that negativity inwards.

In this episode, we’ll dive into internalized homophobia and how we can practice self-compassion to overcome negative attitudes in an effort to live authentically.

Additional Resources:

• Internalized Homophobia, Intimacy, and Sexual Behavior Among Gay and Bisexual Men (1998)
• The Rainbow Project - Internalised Homophobia
• Internalized Homophobia and Relationship Quality Among Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals
• Measurement and Correlates of Internalized Homophobia: A Factor for Analytic Study
• Internalized Homophobia and Relationship Quality Among Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals (2009)
• What is Internalized Homophobia?
• 30 Ways to Combat Internalized Homophobia for Gay and Lesbian People
• Be Kind to Yourself
• Life Support by Sarah McKnight (Paperback)
• Life Support by Sarah McKnight (Audiobook)

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We spend approximately one-third of our lives at work, yet many of us struggle with being out in the workplace. And while many companies have tried to increase their DEI efforts, being out at work can still be uncomfortable.

In this episode, we’re talking about the ins and outs (no pun intended) of bringing our authentic selves to work and how we can create greater visibility for the LGBTQ+ community at work.

Additional Resources:

• A Workplace Divided: Understanding the Climate for LGBTQ Workers Nationwide
• Justices Rule LGBT People Protected from Job Discrimination
• Even With Ruling, Workplace Still Unequal for LGBTQ Workers
• How the LGBTQ+ Community Fares in the Workplace
• Coming Out at Work
• PRISM

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Every Pride, we see corporations proudly display their rainbow logos and merchandise…but what happens to all that on July 1?

In this episode, we dive into the commercialization and commodification of Pride and how some corporations are padding the pockets of anti-LGBTQ+ politicians while donning their faux rainbows.

Additional Resources:

• Why LGBT Pride Festivals Have Become Increasingly Corporate
• The Best Part of Pride is Making Fun of Rainbow Capitalism
• The LGBTQ+ Community Has $3.7 Trillion In Purchasing Power; Here's How We Want You to Sell to Us.
• How LGBTQ Pride Month Became a Branded Holiday
• 5 Horrible Pride Campaigns So Far
• Just Some Brands That Have Absolutely No Business Running a Pride Campaign
• Rainbow Capitalism Raises Questions About Corporate Commitments and Pride Month’s Purpose
• These 25 Rainbow Flag-Waving Corporations Donated More Than $10 Million to Anti-Gay Politicians in the Last Two Years

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Making new friends as an adult is difficult for anyone, but for gay men, it can be even harder to find a network of like-minded peers.

In this episode, we’re discussing ways you can put your authentic self out there and other opportunities to find your community.

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We’ve come a long way from the days of being portrayed on TV and in film as the sassy, sexless, gay best friend, but there are still improvements to be made.

In this episode, we’re diving into the history of gay representation in TV and film and discussing how being our authentic selves can manifest true representation in the media.

Additional Resources:

• Where We Are on TV (2021 - 2022)

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In a world where gay men already experience increased economic, emotional, and societal hardships, we are disproportionately affected by violent crimes and can be blamed for them because of our sexual orientation. 

In this episode, we’re discussing the basis of the gay panic defense and learning how we can take action to end this discriminatory legal strategy.

Additional Resources:

• The Gay/Trans Panic Defense: What It is, and How to End It
• LGBTQ+ "Panic" Defense
• Study Finds LGBTQ People Much Likelier to Be Crime Victims
• How to Contact Your Elected Officials

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