It was the beast of times; it was the wurst of times… In one corner, ladies and gentlemen, Senator John Fetterman, who, we are genuinely pleased to say, seems to remaking great strides in recovering from his debilitating stroke that had made his campaign seem like a farce and also an act of great cruelty. It turns out, the more brain function he recovers, the more conservative he’s become. Awkward…

And in the other corner, there seems to be a malfunctioning animatronic over at the Panderers of the Caribbean ride…

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