It was a carnival of toxic couples on The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City this week! Britani & Jared took the gold, Bronwyn & Todd landed silver, and Lisa & John secured the bronze. Meanwhile, while the congregants of The Church of Satan choked down Vida Tequila, Mary’s congregation came alive under her freshly painted golden arches (ba, da, ba-ba-ba)! Time to inappropriately badger Bronwyn for a piece of her jewelry in a moment of extreme vulnerability, limp up to a chapel in a walking boot & mini skirt, and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City delivered another banger this week! From a unicorn stuffie floating in the cobalt waters of The Grenadines, to Meredith Marks coming unglued at 30,000 feet, this episode left us shook and shocked and sure that Lisa was admitting guilt by stress-eating those nuggets. Time to force your heritage on a teenager, make an “arrangement” with your elderly husband, and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

On The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, we hit our limit of rocking seas & retching ladies, while the ladies hit their limit of Lisa’s lies & leaks! Meanwhile, “Angie and Mary in a Yacht Cabin” remains our favorite show-within-a-show. And we may not know if Todd can pat his head & rub his stomach at the same time, but we HAVE learned that he can simultaneously fart & french kiss some strange! Cool. Time to tear off your hatchet headband, throw it on the teak, and tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City take to the sea, where Lisa gave us her version of “These Gay*s (* Heather) are trying to murder me!” Bronwyn was fashionably late, sporting questionable fashion. Meredith straddled the fence like Britani straddles Jared every time she commits to 30 days of no contact. And Angie carried around a barf bucket and got tucked into a bed of ice. Time to do a shot of good tequila before you transition to Vida, brush your hair into a beret, and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

REDDIT LINKS RAMONA MENTIONED RE BRONWYN LEGAL STUFF. H/T to r/KatOrtega118 for all her investigative reporting:

"Bronwyn’s criminal history seemingly confirmed"

"Legal Updates, Sealed Records (Part 1 of 2)"

"Legal Updates, Defamation (Part 2 of 2)"

What an episode!  The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City gave us miscommunication in marriages, a devastating distance between mother and daughter, and a friendship-threatening fart! Time to snatch the maraschino cherry (and all joy) from Bronwyn, order a Steamer to absolve any absentee parenting, and tune into this week’s A Thera-P.U!-tic Dose!

The Real Housewives of Miami season comes to a close with Marysol claiming Adriana knee-shamed her all the way to a plastic surgeon, Lisa expertly orchestrating an apology from Larsa to Jodi, and Stephanie shrieking & barking, confirming her role as cast chihuahua. Meanwhile, The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City taste wine, talk soup, confer with a psychic, and bellow about Black Cards, Ben Affleck, Nordstrom, and Kérastase. Time to return your vacuum-sealed bottle of Vida, dump Jared (at least for Lent), and tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

RHOSLC S6E5 TIMESTAMP:  39:46

Reddit: SOUP man or SUIT man?!

Reddit: Angie's house is still for sale...

In the second installment of The Real Housewives of Miami reunion, we learned that Julia’s version of hush money is a coffee maker, we saw Adriana’s undergarments as exposed as her bad behavior, and we related deeply to Kiki’s daddy’s issues! Time to consider a new godmother for your dog, alienate all your friends with a game of Private Jet Shoma & Tell, then tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

In the first installment of the Real Housewives of Miami reunion, Guerdy got too smug, Stephanie was an abomination in green mess, Alexia finally quit Todd, and Julia martyred the MOST! 

Time to have your person-sitter hand you a pre-show tequila and sit you down to tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!

This episode of The Real Housewives of Miami had us saying Adria-NAH!, as we learned that Marysol suggested the Wretched Defense and Adriana leaned all the way into that mess. Julia guilted everyone into watching her sing again. And, based on her public speaking skills, Stephanie may very well be early-model A.I.? Even so, we LOVED this season of Miami and will miss this troupe of technicolor megalomaniacs! Time to put on a fringe leotard and character shoes, hit up a Christmas party/gifting suite, and tune into this week’s A Therapeutic Dose! 

On The Real Housewives of Miami, it’s Art Basel week, and Adriana made us appreciate Chris Rivers’ paintings that didn’t interest us at all at first! But she also made us remember how her defensiveness & paranoia can make her the absolute worst person in the room. Larsa has abandoned her children but adopted a WhIsBe gummy bear. And Kiki is unmasked as the Math-Cake Bandit! Time to abscond into the night in an Amazon delivery van and tune in to this week’s A Therapeutic Dose!