A Thousand Tiny Steps

The holidays are upon us again and as always it's a rollercoaster. The MollyB basket went differently this year than it had previously and that was an adjustment for us all. On top of that, I've had to navigate how to spend Christmas with Jack growing older.

Key Takeaways:

[1:16] Losing your child is different than losing someone older

[6:42] Molly loved the holidays when they danced in the holiday show

[9:12] The person that won the MollyB basket

[20:05] The chapter of Motherland about Gracie

[34:31] Past Christmases and how we are going to spend this one

[37:08] What's coming up in my life

Resources:

• My book Motherland

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

My business coach introduced me to double binds and it makes so much sense. I've created them, but a lot of other people in my life have too and it has wreaked havoc. I can now look back on past relationships and why it wasn't working. In this episode, I explore the psychological aspects and my own experience.

Key Takeaways:

[0:42] What a double bind is, the one I created, and some examples

[9:49] The two families that created a double bind for me in childhood over religion

[16:22] The psychology behind it and children not understanding

[19:54] Having internal double binds with relationships

[22:25] Examples of double binds in media

[25:25] Double binds in politics

[27:52] My Christmas with Roy and how he created a double bind

[34:06] The double bind with Roy after Molly died

[38:12] Different examples of double binds in movies and life

[43:12] Not having romantic relationships and my current family dynamic

[45:34] We all have a chance to leave a double bind

[47:26] How I'm feeling about the holiday season

Resources:

• Gaslight

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

Leda Peterson is a wonderful CrossFit athlete helping women over 50 get into CrossFit. She knew she had to change her life and get in shape, but she was nervous about starting CrossFit at an older age. In this episode, we discuss how she overcame that and her experience growing up as an immigrant with a single mom.

Key Takeaways:

[1:56] Leda's immigrant experience from El Salvador

[4:51] Moving across the country and changing her health

[8:01] Leda finding a CrossFit gym and wondering if she could at 43 years old

[10:51] Why she does CrossFit and her first workout experience

[13:16] How setting goals helped Leda achieve her dreams

[18:26] CrossFit is not just about the workout, it's about the community

[22:45] Leda's experience being a coach helping older women

[25:28] Leda's story of being held at knifepoint

[29:46] The trauma that gets passed down from generations

Resources:

• Leda's podcast

• Leda's Instagram

• The Body Keeps the Score

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

I'm tired of people telling women to be quiet. In today's age, so many minority groups pit themselves against another minority group and I sometimes don't understand whose benefit that is. This is part of why I wrote Motherland. I was tired of being told to silence myself.

Key Takeaways:

[1:22] My interview on running with Brooke

[2:14] Why people run in correlation with mental health

[5:33] The pressure on female athletes during Title IX

[11:25] Minority groups pitting themselves against one another

[14:15] How conservatives and liberals fight

[19:44] Reading Chapter 27 of Motherland: In Real Life

[34:19] Stop telling women to stop talking

[37:10] What's next for the podcast

Resources:

• Buy Motherland here

• Brooke's podcast

• Silence of Great Distance book

Connect with Barb:

Website

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Be a guest on the podcast

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The Molly B Foundation

In the 70s when my best friend died, I didn't know because it wasn't talked about. This had a lifelong impact on me full of grief and reflection. This is why when Molly died I decided to let all her friends know what was happening and allow anyone who wanted to come and visit. Being open about the process was a way to heal a wound of the past.

Key Takeaways:

[1:55] My childhood best friend died and I didn't know

[4:23] Walking to the funeral but not being allowed to go to the cemetery

[7:10] Reading the chapter of my book about Moira

[14:18] Seeing her gravestone for the first time decades later

[16:48] Death is still seen as taboo

[18:23] Finding out Moira died from the newspaper

[20:01] Being public versus private about your grief

[23:02] I hope my book resonates with a lot of people

Resources:

• Buy Motherland here

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook

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Be a guest on the podcast

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The Molly B Foundation

It seems like everyone around me is dying as I grow older. It's a lot to process and has led me on a journey of looking into the 5 stages of grief and finding a 6th stage too. I think about the stage that I'm in versus others around me and how that affects our interactions with one another.

Key Takeaways:

[1:21] My friend Rusty died from cancer and his wife died too

[3:15] Knowing someone's going to die versus it being unexpected

[4:51] All these people in my life are passing away

[5:57] Eric Erickson's stages of development

[14:37] The stage that I'm in now

[17:40] The final stages

[21:38] People's responses to my book

[25:14] The 6th stage of grief and what's wrong with the 5 stages

[31:26] Processing the messy middle

[34:29] Renovating Mr. Luti's house

[39:55] I'm processing a lot of emotion right now

Resources:

• Buy Motherland here

• Finding Meaning book

• On Death and Dying book

• More Milk Please podcast

• CrossFit Lady podcast

Connect with Barb:

Website

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Be a guest on the podcast

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The Molly B Foundation

The kitchen updates continue to terrify and excite me as I remember all the times that we spent as a family in the kitchen where Molly sat. I also had my book launch and so many people I wasn't expecting came out to support me.

Key Takeaways:

[1:16] Updating the kitchen and letting go

[5:43] New landscaping changes

[7:14] Landscaping coaches house too

[8:03] My memories in the kitchen with the girls

[14:10] 85 people showed up to my book launch!

[18:13] I had amazing conversations about the book

[20:30] I'm exhausted as the seasons change

[21:34] The kitchen poem

Resources:

• Buy Motherland here

• Pearl Bailey kitchen poem

Connect with Barb:

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Be a guest on the podcast

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The Molly B Foundation

I've been thinking lately about the people I surround myself with, what that means, and the wonderful support I receive. It's interesting to look back and see the toxic people I spent time with and how much my life has changed since then.

Key Takeaways:

[1:36] Susan is someone who brings me so much joy

[4:13] Roberta learns so much about me through my podcast

[7:04] Deb has been my friend since middle school

[10:20] The most important people I've been friends with since childhood

[11:28] The importance of who I'm surrounding myself with

[17:01] Am I facilitating healthy friendships?

[18:09] What I'm up to

Resources:

• Buy Motherland here

• Karen Kenney

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation

We recently had to chop down a tree that has been on our property for years. It brings me great sorrow because change is difficult for me. I have so many memories of Gracie and Molly playing under the tree and now that it's gone it's like a piece of Molly is gone as well. But with these changes, I begin anew.

Key Takeaways:

[0:46] I didn't like The Giving Tree when I read it

[1:37] How we bought the house we live in

[3:53] The early years of living in the house

[5:15] The tree starting to show signs of aging

[7:56] Remembering how the kids swung on the tree

[11:54] We took a lot from the tree, but didn't take it for granted

[12:41] Rocky removed the tree and cried with me

[17:11] The tree was proof that Molly was here

[19:06] The book launch, kitchen remodeling, and dance

[21:01] When molly died, we didn't have energy to tend to the yard

[22:59] You can feel the sadness amongst the joy

[23:55] My book signing and email newsletter

[25:46] The seasons of my podcast and a possible new book

Resources:

• Buy Motherland here + the book signing

• The Giving Tree

• Virginia and all her books

Connect with Barb:

Website

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Be a guest on the podcast

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The Molly B Foundation

Virginia uses societal issues and turns them into beautiful stories. For the past few years she has helped me write my own story, Motherland which you can pre-order online. We spent hundreds of hours exchanging voice messages and crafting the story of Molly.

Key Takeaways:

[0:46] Virginia helped me write my book, Motherland

[2:10] How Virginia got into writing books full time

[5:05] How Virginia comes up with stories

[8:49] How she got into the mindset of someone with child loss

[12:42] Talking about deciding to write the book

[18:28] Writing a biography vs writing a fictional story

[22:15] Barb's story seemed too strange to be real

[26:15] Jack doesn't replace Molly

[28:35] How Virginia told the story truthfully while cutting things from it

[32:50] What happens at a book signing

Resources:

• Buy Motherland here

• A Heart That Works

• Virginia and all her books

• Virginia's Instagram

Connect with Barb:

Website

Facebook

Instagram

Be a guest on the podcast

YouTube

The Molly B Foundation