A Thousand Tiny Steps

The phrase "everything happens for a reason" drives me crazy. I found a new friend, Caitlin to commiserate with over this topic. We did CrossFit together and had the most wonderful conversation surrounding the timeline of grieving and society's opinions on it.

Key Takeaways:

[0:35] The old Barb vs the new

[2:46] Does everything happen for a reason?

[6:56] Meeting Caitlin who lost her husband

[9:39] Society's idea of when you should move on

[13:42] My choices heavily influence my life as well it's not just 'fate'

[14:52] People try to be comforting, but they just make me angry

[16:01] What Caitlin and Dan did in their lives

[18:07] CrossFit changed my life and gave me a community

[20:01] Stillness can be safety in grief

[23:34] Still trying to live life in spite of death

[24:59] Your grief is okay and is not a burden

[26:48] I do believe I was meant to meet Caitlin

[29:22] The phrase feels judgemental even if people don't mean it like that

[31:18] My new kitchen is coming along and my book is coming out!

Resources:

• My blog post about Caitlin

• Heart and the Bottle book

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The Molly B Foundation

As I remember 9/11, I think about how a single decision can be life changing. I unexpectedly went down to Disney with my family. It made me think about the choices I make everyday and the choices that people made on 9/11.

Key Takeaways:

[2:13] 9/11 is easier than other holidays because Molly wasn't born

[3:37] My 9/11 workout

[7:21] What I remember about 9/11

[10:15] Unexpectedly going to Disney and plans going down the drain

[13:00] The wonderful hotel we're in

[16:10] The rides at Disney and what we've been doing

[19:46] The last minute decisions in my life

[21:21] Using opinions to vilify people

[25:17] On 9/11 we were unified

[27:08] Everyday is someone's trauma

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The Molly B Foundation

The emotional bittersweetness of holding the physical copy of my book, Motherland in my hands is real. My friend Vinny who was a huge support to me during the time of losing Molly has died and he will never get to read the book. So I read the chapter from my book that has to do with Vinnie and I hope that it sits with you.

Key Takeaways:

[1:26] The physical copy of my book is intense

[2:54] Everytime I read the book, I'm right back in my memories

[3:52] Vinnie's support group saved me

[5:49] Vinnie's whole family going through tremendous loss

[9:18] Chapter 32 of my book, 'My Perfect Island'

[19:37] Just let me cry as a person in grief

[20:47] The book details

[21:57] What are your thoughts on death?

Resources:

• Barbara Bush on her Child

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The Molly B Foundation

Seeing Bruce Springsteen in concert was life changing, but it has differed since I was in my early twenties. When I was at the concert all the memories of my life came rushing back and it's crazy to think that I am in a very different stage of life than I used to be. In this episode, I contemplate how the arts make an impact on children.

Key Takeaways:

[2:38] I first saw Bruce when I was 21

[3:25] Going to a concert sober made me feel excluded

[6:52] Bruce still has so much energy and told such good stories

[9:16] When I first saw Bruce with Kenney, I had lost my baby

[11:13] Every one of Bruce's songs tells a story

[15:05] Bruce ended up living this very normal life

[17:08] All the people at the concert were old

[18:59] Death within the band and how it's changed over time

[21:09] Realizing we're both in a different stage of life now

[22:12] After Molly died I was anxious to go to a concert

[23:28] Conversations with Molly give me chills leading up to her death

[25:13] I mourn for what 'should' have happened in my life

[26:31] Seeing the true impact of the arts on children in my life

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The Molly B Foundation

August has always held significance to me as a time to return to school. As the seasons change though it makes me relive unpleasant memories and deal with the fact that I'm not teaching anymore. As I go through these times, I dive into Native American culture surrounding wellness during the season change.

Key Takeaways:

[1:11] The seasonal changes bring unpleasant memories

[2:40] Creating ways for a change to be positive

[4:25] Telling my mother I had been abused

[6:36] Getting into teaching and stability, but then losing my job

[9:45] What Molly loved about back to school

[11:47] Prioritizing the MollyB Foundation

[14:06] Redoing the kitchen brings me grief

[18:03] Native American culture and seasonal meanings

[20:42] Using change to heal through wellbriety

[29:20] Jack loves to watch dancers and connects with the music

[32:56] Gracie working to return to Disney and parenting styles

[34:44] I feel like I'm making progress and becoming focused

Resources:

• Designs By Taylor

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The Molly B Foundation

As I took Gracie to another Disney audition and listened to her contemplate her goals, I began to contemplate my own. I don't want to settle in my life and I'm trying to find ways to make the non-profit, my book, and my business work. In this episode, I dive into goal setting, not getting stuck in my ways, and the power of perseverance.

Key Takeaways:

[1:11] Gracie's first audition with Disney and doing their college program

[3:51] Gracie's next Disney audition was tough

[5:52] Being supportive of her and helping her realize her goals

[12:30] Complaining, not setting goals, and being stuck

[16:49] Breaking 5 minutes in the mile, but slipping back to party Barb

[18:13] Applying for my sabbatical because I wanted more from life

[21:48] I don't want to settle or muddle through my life

[23:30] Learning to say no to things and making small changes

[24:34] Helping others make lifestyle changes

[27:29] Taking action instead of just thinking about it

[29:37] Learning to stick with things

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The Molly B Foundation

I recently had a CrossFit competition and what really stuck out to me was the fact that everyone had completely different body types and yet, we were all competing. I feel like CrossFit is just such an accepting place. I have seen classes for kids and the elderly and it makes me thrilled that such diverse people get to experience this.

Key Takeaways:

[0:48] Body image for women in CrossFit

[4:26] CrossFit competition with people half my age

[6:29] How women's bodies are "supposed" to look

[8:18] Being thankful for my body

[10:25] Gender norms of boys and girls

[15:28] Coaching an exercise class for kids and elderly people

[18:12] CrossFit is such an accepting place

[20:38] My kitchen is getting redone, but change is difficult

[24:08] What's next for me

Resources:

• Designs By Taylor

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The Molly B Foundation

I gave a speech for RB Productions 20th anniversary and it made me reflect on what the arts can do to transform children's lives. It makes me think about how the arts have changed my life as well and the changes I'm making from writing a book to working on my non-profit.

Key Takeaways:

[1:33] Working on my nervous system

[3:59] What RB Productions did for Molly

[5:03] Auditioning for Mary Poppins and trying to survive

[10:49] The beginning of RB Productions

[13:14] My speech for RB Productions

[16:54] I want to expand access to the arts in my community

[18:33] All the emotional progress I've made over time

[20:58] How people saw Molly versus how she was

[23:05] Doing an interview for my book

[24:21] Getting a degree in arts integration education

[26:10] Supporting RB Productions

Resources:

• RB Productions

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The Molly B Foundation

My guest, Jennifer Lanie is a Functional Diagnostic Nutrition Practitioner who helps people have better health through what they eat. By using lab tests that you can't get at the doctor's she helps you do a deep dive into your health which is inspired by her own lifelong chronic illnesses. Jennifer continually gets up again as she goes through divorce, career changes, illness, and financial ruin.

Key Takeaways:

[2:09] The start of Jenn's chronic pain with endometriosis

[4:10] Changing paths because she had no energy

[6:53] Becoming a teacher, taking a pay cut, and working non-stop

[10:32] Getting diagnosed with lupus and medications didn't help

[13:39] Going to a naturopath who changed her life

[14:37] Doctors managing symptoms, not the root cause

[16:21] Leaving her violent ex, but I ended up going back

[18:23] Finding CrossFit and becoming an instructor

[20:41] Her Ex-husband being very controlling

[22:57] Being constantly sick with lupus

[26:16] Ex-husband leaving and making a life for herself

[32:09] Moving to Florida, but ending with filing for bankruptcy

[35:20] Covid happening, moving, and getting lyme disease

[37:58] Having terrible symptoms and then finding functional nutrition

[40:51] Realizing how stress impacted Jenn over the years

[46:07] How these lab tests are more than what you'll get at the doctor's

[51:42] How cortisol impacts your immune system

[53:21] Realizing I need more meditation and yoga

[55:59] Slowing down her life and finding self acceptance was difficult

[59:19] Finding what she was meant to do all along

[1:02] My health journey with Jenn and making life changes

[1:06] Emotional attachment to food

Resources:

• Work with Jennifer - The Get Better Girl

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The Molly B Foundation

I went on a deep dive into how different religions view IVF. I discovered it's not so much about the process, but the sanctity of family. It's an interesting concept when thinking about my own faith and journey with IVF. I have had amazing support and been scorned by others for going through this process. Through it all, I have contemplated what being a mother is about.

Key Takeaways:

[0:54] How different religions view abortion

[4:03] Abortion goes against the sanctity of family

[6:34] Religion is vague about abortion

[7:28] What technology has changed about abortion

[9:40] My process with IVF and people's opinions

[12:32] Jack was supposed to be in my life

[13:46] Incredibly supported and scorned

[16:29] Are children produced by IVF accepted in religion?

[20:15] Having amazing conversations with other women

[21:40] What the term mother means to me

[23:20] What my book is about

[24:43] I want Jack to have a lot of family

Resources:

• The Genius Experiment

Connect with Barb:

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The Molly B Foundation