A Truth-Seekin' Florida Man

You might be wondering why I would be spending my valuable time on this episode. Good question. I'm kinda regretting not taken the money from Carlos when he offered it back in San Francisco and now I'm hopin' this accurate and untarnished history of EPIC favourably ingratiates me with him. Ya see, in the meantime, global banking crises and whatnot have put a small dent in my cash flow. If anyone at EPIC can send me a few bitcoins, much appreciated.  Real coins okay too.

This is my longest episode to date - and quantity does equal quality, at least for this one. 

And it turns out my (ex-) teen guru is having a birthday right around now - and I just wanna say, real clear-like, that this is NOT a birthday present or anything like that, 'cause I know this is NOT what he would want for his birthday and of course I would NEVER do something like give one of my sons an episode for their birthday present that they didn't even want or anything. 

And I don't believe in birthdays anyway, as the earth does not "rotate" around the sun, when one uses the cosmic background radiation as a reference frame, as one should - it is clear that Earth is following a crazy curved corkscrew pattern through the universe. We never return to the "location" where we born - ever. Get used to it.

It is really just a random series of events that this all lined up.

But to be on the safe side - this is officially Episode 14. I jus' couldn't be chancing using that other next lower integer connected to this episode or to my guru or to the meaning of life. 

Just hedging my bets here. Like airplane seating and building floor numbers you know.

Turns out my creative consultant don't know the law, so it turns out I did need to hire a slew of attorneys to drive this copyright case to the Supreme Court and pay those boys and girls to judge in my favour. 

But after extensive cost-benefit analysis, I fired all them lawyers and just did this here little re-take. Hope I don't end up in jail or nothin'.

Aside from that little hiccup, I'd like to thank discussions with my creative consultant Prof. Dr. Tinky Winky. Dr. Winky is highly respected in his fields as a creative consultant in all things after the year 2000. Tinky, or Doc Tink, as his good friends call him, is NOT a Florida Man but by upbringing but there seems to be some genetic component allowing him to deeply grok the social and comedic significance of the Florida Man. Thank you Dr. Tink for the 15 to 20 minutes of your valuable time you have committed to my project. I am forever in your debt and hope that I can repay you at some point in my life but don't really expect to as neither you nor I have any idea how to monetize this crazy shit.

Well ... I guess I'm a kinda done. This is it. You just gotta follow these three things and the whole world gonna get saved.

Ha - see if your measly New Year's resolution can beat that!

Now why would I be pluggin' other peoples' podcasts? I'll give you a few ideas:

- they paying me
-  their mama's paying me and also paying me not to tell them
- I'm way too lazy to talk about all that hard stuff that they talk about, so I'm jus' gonna talk about easy stuff like my favorite podcasts.

Or maybe 'cause I wanna meet some of them folks - before I'm too old, too decrepit, or too senile. Maybe too late already. But anyway, puttin' in this silly plug on the off-chance it might get their attention. 

Bye now.

What can I say. This episode is my most mellow. And I splurged and added some real nice new chill music in the background. So if you wanna little Zenny-vibe Florida Man, this episode is for you. 

And the price is right no matter what.

I spent my whole weekend thinkin' about Smelly Feet.

And that's because I heard this girl was goin' to study law and all that stuff. 

And I thought - okay I am not prejudiced, some of my best friends are lawyers, but - really? REALLY???

Cause - you know - law is a bunch of made up sh*&t and all that. 

(I gotta spell things like sh*&t  like that 'cause her daddy may wup me if I use too many explicit swear words around her 'cause she not quite old enough to hear explicit swear words maybe. Now I know she most likely hear a lot of swear words even at that good school of hers and all that but I don't wanna add any extra swear words to this episode just in case she does actually waste her time and listen to this).

And if you got a law degree - you tend to be STUCK in the place you done learned it. Cause it turns out, law is all made up, and the law changes from place to place.

But okay - if you really love that stuff okay. Or you can get a law degree and still do other things and all that. 

I jus' want you to be thinkin' about all that as you figuring all that stuff out in your life.

And I would like a good answer to the Smelly Feet question just in case you figure it out along the way. 

More leftover YouTube videos converted to audio. Turns out I talk a lot slower when I'm a waving my arms all around (like most of the time). 

Fortunately my swearin' picked back up a little bit, which is pretty easy to do when it involves Florida, votin', and politics.  And I get to click the explicit button again. Life's lookin' better already. 

But I gotta tell you, the endorphin hit I get from publishing all this stuff is pretty good. If you getting a tenth of that kind of enjoyment, you oughta be pretty gawdamm happy. And if you ain't - go look at the price tag you paying again. Uh-huh. Good deal no matter what. YouTube video included for free too.

I might go viral or something any minute you think?

Well I figure if we can blame religion for most or all of the world's problems today, why not try to blame my personal issues on them too? 

Okay, to be fair (and who says you need to be fair anyway) I probably would of been an engineer anyway. No matter what my religion. 

Now - the real reason you should listen to this podcast is - I think I hardly used any swear words. I think I can get away without having to click that little "explicit content" box. Now that makes me so happy that I saved that one mouse click that I am writing all this stuff here to express it. Go figure.

But don't worry. It's only temporary. I'll probably dial up the explicit content whether I want to or not. Particularly if start talking about current events or some such.

Ya I got a YouTube Channel. Ya you can see it. Ya you may have heard some of this before. And ya this is low-tech production. I did it all in one take. Gimme a break.

But in case you too lazy to click over there, here is the audio, cleaned up just a little and with my better theme music added. And I do give a few more clues about my tormented inner soul and all that. So you wanna waste 10 minutes of your life, go for it.

And no I don't got a tictoc and I ain't getting one either. I hate clocks.

And I don't got any spotify. I try to stay clean.