Acting Business Boot Camp

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About Terry Knickerbocker:

Terry is a graduate of The Experimental Theatre Wing in the Drama Dept. at New York University. After graduating from NYU, Terry trained as an actor and a teacher with William Esper.

He taught at The William Esper Studio for 25 years, and continues as part of the core faculty at the Experimental Theatre Wing at NYU's Tisch School of the Arts. He has also taught directing at Playwrights Horizons Theatre School and Yale University.

Other essential teacher/mentors include Maggie Flanigan, Rina Yerushalmi, Steve Wangh, Terry Hayden, Nikos Psacharopoulos, Jackie Brookes, Mary Overlie, Ryszard Cieslak, Jerzy Grotowski, Pierre Lefèvre, Moshe Feldenkrais, Dr. Louis Ormont, and Dr. Harry Fogarty.

He has coached actors on over 300 films, television and theater projects, both on and off-Broadway and regionally. He also consulted with playwrights and screenwriters on their scripts.

Some of the actors he has worked with and trained include Sam Rockwell, Chris Messina, Boyd Holbrook, Natasha Lyonne, Leslie Bibb, Emmy Rossum, Yul Vasquez, Jordana Spiro, Gillian Alexy, Gretchen Mol and many others.

A past recipient of the Drama League of New York's directing award/fellowship for emerging directors, Terry is also a former member of Circle Rep's LAB. His directing credits include many new works as well as contemporary and classical plays such as Measure for Measure, Tartuffe, The Normal Heart, Candida, All My Sons, and David Rabe's In the Boom Boom Room.

This week what I wanted to do was a breathing exercise for actors because I think in this incredible turbulent world that we live in, and yes, it's always turbulent, but it seems particularly turbulent right now.

It is so important that for us as artists, that before we are about to perform, that we get to the center of us.

As a little girl, I called it, go back to the source.

And I believe that is connecting to that part of us that is connected to the Universe.

So what I'm going to do I'm not going to breathe with you, but what I am going to do is guide you through breathing exercises.

So what I ask of you is to breathe in through your nose

and let out a big sigh, ah, and again, breathe in through your nose, and let out a big sigh,and that can be as loud as you want it to be.

Pause. Stay still. Breathe in through your nose.

And again, sigh out. You can even scream if you want. And pause.

And just allow your breath to be where it wants to be. Whether that's breathing in through your nose or your mouth.

As you do this, I can encourage you to do this for those of you who have subways on the subway, on the tube, or if you're on a bus, or you're riding in the back of a car, or you're at home, sitting on the couch, or maybe you're lying down.

And if possible, see if you can wear an eye mask or put a gentle scarf on your eyes, just to block out that little extra light.

As you breathe through this next set of breathing exercises, I want you to almost imagine your body expanding and contracting.

Your entire body expanding and contracting. Expanding and contracting. Expanding and contracting.

Exhale all of your breath.

And take a deep breath in.

Hold it. Two, three, four, five. Exhale.

Pause, two, three, four, inhale.

Hold, two, three, four, five, exhale.

Pause, two, three, four, inhale.

Hold, two, three, four, five, exhale.

Pause, 2, 3, 4. One more. Inhale.

Pause, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale.

Pause. 2, 3, 4. Good.

Now just allow yourself to breathe.

So what you notice there is we did an inhale and I had you hold for five, then an exhale, and then I had you hold for four.

I'm going to do one more set and this time we're going to go a little bit slower. Just allow yourself to breathe.

This will probably be an exercise that you'll listen to several times.

Each time if you can, really see if you can match your breath to my voice.

What that does is takes the control out of you and surrender it to something else.

You're not surrendering to me, you're surrendering to the Universe.

Exhale all of your breath, and inhale.

Hold, three, four, five. Exhale.

Pause, two, three, four. Inhale.

Hold 2, 3, 4, 5, exhale.

Pause 2, 3, 4, inhale.

Hold 2, 3, 4, 5, exhale.

Pause 2, 3, 4, 5, Inhale.

Hold, two, three, four, five. Exhale.

Pause, two, three, four, five. Inhale one more time.

Hold, two, three, four, five

Let it all out Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Rest. Just allow yourself to be okay. It's okay. It's safe.

You are secure

Love yourself in this moment It's okay to do that

Be in this moment. Just for this moment. It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay.

Now at this moment you can pause and just allow yourself to breathe and stay in stillness.

Or you can gently open your eyes, let them flutter, remove your maskyour scarf and feel your body.

Sometimes when I can't sleep, which doesn't happen all the time by any stretch of the imagination, but it does happen, I find this breathing exercise to be very helpful.

I hope it is helpful for you too, and I encourage you to practice it numerous times.

It only takes a few minutes.

And again, if you can. To the best of your ability, really see if you can listen to my voice and follow that.

Obviously, I don't want you to strain, but work up to it. You can do it. You can do it.

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Today, I'm going to do something to follow up from what I talked about last week, which was prayer and meditation for the actor.

I got a lot of emails about how many people enjoyed that podcast. So what I wanted to do today was focusing on centering, and centering for the actor. So this is going to be a little different.

I don't recommend that you do this while you are driving a car or maybe even walking down the street.

This would be a podcast episode that you want to be at home and in a comfortable place because I'm going to be going through different areas of your body and talk about centering them.

So if you will, I have taken off my shoes. I am standing here in front of my mic and you can do this, I guess actually if you wanted to do this on a subway, you could or just somewhere you don't have to pay attention for a bit.

Put yourself in a comfortable spot. That could be lying on the ground with your legs in the semi supine position, meaning they're bent at the knees and your feet are flat on the ground. Maybe put a book underneath your head or a small blanket and find a comfortable place for your arms, whether that be down by your side or stretched out.

And if you're seated, locate where your sit bones are.

And allow your spine to get real tall. Place your hands in your lap.

If you're standing as I am right now, feel the ground beneath your feet and just take a deep breath in through your nose.

Let it go.

I want you to think of a cloud.

A light blue cloud just above your head.

Imagine how puffy it is.

In this cloud, there is clear, light blue liquid.

And imagine an angel coming with an arrow and pricking the bottom of that beautiful blue cloud.

Slowly, gently, the liquid hits the top of your head

and slowly goes down your forehead, the back of your scalp, to your ears, down the back of your head, to your eyebrows, to your eyes, down your nose and your cheekbones.

Into your cheeks, top of your lips, down the sides of your face, your lower lip, your chin, slowly down the back of your neck, down the front of your neck, relaxing those throat muscles.

As it does, breathe, and allow your face to relax. To be completely submerged by this magical blue liquid as it pauses right at your clavicle, your collarbone.

Breathe and allow your face, the back of your head, your scalp, the hair on your head to completely relax and just be.

Allow the liquid to continue down your collarbones, into your shoulders, down your arms, your biceps and your triceps, into your elbows, down your forearms, into your wrists.

Take a deep breath here.

Into your thumbs and that fleshy part of your thumbs. Into your palms down the front of your fingers and starting to drip gently off your fingertips. While the blue liquid goes from your wrists and down the front of your hands into those front knuckles of your hands, into your fingers, down the front of your fingertips, and meeting The back of your fingertips and dripping off.

Now your head, your shoulders, your arms, and your hands, and your fingers are completely relaxed.

Place your attention now back to the clavicle, and allow the blue liquid to rush down into your chest, your breasts, your shoulder blades, down your spine, down and around your torso, off your breasts, into your abdomen through your solar plexus, down into your buttocks and into your groin.

It is now as if you are wearing a full bathing suit, and you are completely relaxed and centered in this moment. Just being here with your breath, and my voice, again, and again.

Imagine that blue liquid being in your head, in your shoulders, down your arms, in your hands, in your fingertips, down your chest, in your breasts, in your solar plexus, in your abdomen, down your back, through the shoulder blades, down your back of your torso, the sides of your torso, and don't forget to let go of any tension.

In your armpits, allow that blue bathing suit to just rest gently on your skin and allow that blue liquid to purify you and center you.

With your breath, I want you to concentrate on your groin area and I want you to think of your right leg.

Take a breath and allow that blue liquid to go from the right of your groin down your hamstring and your quadricep into your knee, relaxing it, nurturing it, loving it.

We hold so much tension in our legs. And for right now, for our purposes, we don't need to. It is safe for us to let go and to center.

From our right knee, we allow the blue liquid to go down into our shins and our calves and rest in our ankles, again, letting go and centering, feeling very grounded on our right side.

Down into our heel, into our foot, into our toes, and out the tops of them.

That can be the point of your toes, that can be the back of your toes, that can be where the little hairy part is of your toes. And yes, if you want to giggle, you can giggle.

Our right side is completely relaxed. And we are centered. As we direct our attention into our left hip. Into our left groin. Where again we allow that blue liquid to rush into our hamstrings and our quadriceps, and rest in our knee.

Allow it to be in that other knee.

Take a breath.

It is safe to let go.

From our knee we go into our calves and our shins, into our ankle. We pause there for yet another cleansing, centering breath.

We release that liquid from that ankle into our heel, into our foot, down our toes. And let it drip out of the point of our toes, or the back of our toes, or that sweet little hairy part of our toes. Wherever we wish.

We are completely relaxed. We are centered. We are ready.

We are paused, and we are poised.

I am with myself in this moment.

I will not abandon myself in this moment. I am here for myself in this moment. Universe, let me be a beacon of your light.

And one more.

And so it is.

I hope you enjoyed that. I hope you are more centered and if you feel yourself warm like I do, it's because energy has released.

You are truly centered. You are truly with yourself.

And you can always be this very special way.

So today I actually, I've been just so intensely busy with so many different things and I was in New York City today and one of the things I used to do when I was in New York more than I am now is I would go into churches and I just happened to pass by an old church that I usually would go into and I just walked in.

And it was quiet, quiet.

And I have been noticing this past, I don't know, week, that my mind has been racing a lot.

Just tons and tons of talk and nothing negative. Just very busy.

And it's disrupted my sleep and it's been so unpleasant.

And then I went into that church and I noticed that in this church when I closed the doors and I sat in one of the pews and I've done this, you know, with other spiritual places of worship.

So I sat in the pew and I just closed my eyes.

and it was so wonderful. Because it was so quiet and almost instantaneously it was like my soul was soothed.

My soul was soothed with silence.

And so today, I wanted to do a podcast about prayer and meditation.

Now I need to stress that I am not a religious person.

My relationship is with the universe. And sometimes I do call the universe God, but for me, it is really a spiritual entity.

I think of it as my higher self. Because I so strongly believe that the universe is a part of me and I am a part of the universe.

So as usual, as per the usual, I am going to be doing a reading out of The Language of Letting Go.

I'm gonna alter it slightly for our purposes.

So the first thing that she says is she gives a quote by Emmett Fox The Sermon on the Mount.

And it says, "as a matter of fact, prayer is the only real action in the full sense of the word, because prayer is the only thing that changes one's character. A change in character or a change in soul is a real change."

And although I felt that today while I was sitting in silence, because I felt a change in me.

And it's a change that I've kept with me for the rest of the day.

And I said to myself, well, why don't you do this more often?

But I don't even have to go into a church to do it. I just need to be quiet, which is something that I do. Not for as long as I was in that church. I probably was only there, I don't know, ten minutes.

But again, it was very soothing to my soul.

Melody Beattie goes on to say, "Erika Young has said that we are spiritual beings who are human. Prayer or praying and meditating are ways that we can take care of our spirit. Prayer and meditation are disciples suggested by the 11th step of 12 step recovery programs."

And a prayer that I love, that I believe I, I shared with you recently, is I pray for the knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry that out.

I pray for the knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry that out.

And I can say that for my acting career, I can say it for anything, but you can also say it for your acting career, because sometimes we feel so lost and I want that word, I've told you before, it's my favorite word, wisdom to guide us.

Prayer and meditation are not necessarily connected to organized religion, prayer and meditation are ways to improve our personal relationship with higher power or the universe to benefit ourselves, our life, our growth.

And again, the, the, the phrases that come up for me are take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

Take care of yourself first and the rest will follow.

And that means mentally, physically and spiritually. Praying is how we connect with our higher power, our universe.

We don't pray because we have to.

We pray because we want to.

It is how we link our soul to our source.

I remember when I was a very young girl, I wrote down on a piece of paper: go back to the source.

And at the time, I did not know what that meant. But yet I felt it. I understood it. And it's one of those pieces of paper in your life that you cherish.

Because at some young age, I knew there was something bigger than me.

There was something out there that was bigger than me.

I don't think I understood that I was a part of it and it was a part of me. But I understood that it existed.

"We're learning to take care of our emotions, our mind, and our physical needs"

Again, take care of ourselves first and the rest will follow.

"We're learning to change our behaviors, but we're also learning to take care of our spirit. We're learning to take care of our soul because that is truly where all change begins. Each time we talk to the universe, we are transformed. Each time we connect with our higher power, we are heard, touched, and changed for the best."

It's funny, I can't prove to you that I was changed for the best by just walking into that church today and sitting for ten minutes in silence.

But yet, somehow, somehow I was.

Private Coaching

Today, I'm going to talk about the subject of Wisdom.

Wisdom is my favorite word in the American language.

God, do I love Wisdom. The reason why I love Wisdom is because Wisdom gives me power.

And sometimes it isn't even the power of knowledge, but the power of knowing what to do.

And I don't have any script for this podcast or guidance for this podcast. I'm just talking to you about this subject because it is truly just the thing that I crave more of.

This past week I turned another year older.

I help people to adjust their thoughts and their lives to work for them instead of against them.

And, that's a really crucial thing because it's certainly something that I did a lot when I was younger.

I constantly worked against myself because I also was like, "Yeah I'm, I have so much energy and I'm so tough, I don't always have to be working for me."

Oh, would I like to go back and talk to that 20 year old.

Becoming emotionally intelligent.

And how do I teach them to do that?

By teaching them to be emotionally self-sufficient. In order to be emotionally self-sufficient, I need to be very wise.

So I'm going to talk a bit today about a couple of prayers that I like that help me to become more wise.

And the first one is very obvious. It is the serenity prayer.

So if you're listening to this, I'm going to ask you to write the serenity prayer down.

I'm going to give it to you as I'm writing. If you need to push pause, that's fine.

So here's the serenity prayer.

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. So write that down and then skip a couple of lines.

Then I want you to write down the next line, which is "courage to change the things I can."

And then skip a couple of lines.

And wisdom to know the difference.

And wisdom to know the difference. And I always, when I'm writing down the serenity prayer, I always circle the word wisdom.

Again, because it's something I want more of.

So let's go back to that first line, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

Underneath that, I want you to write this: I cannot change or control other people, places, things, or situations.

So grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

I cannot change other people, places, things, or situations.

I cannot change or control other people, places, things, or situations.

Let's go to the second part.

Courage to change the things I can.

I can only handle or manage, handle/ manage myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.

I can only handle/ manage myself, my thoughts, my attitudes, my actions. That's the second part.

And the third part is, wisdom to know the difference.

Wisdom underneath that, right?

Wisdom to know the difference between what I cannot control, which is other people, places, things, and situations, and what I can handle, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.

So I am looking for the wisdom to be able to determine what I can do something about and what I cannot, because all anxiety, all unrest in me. It comes from my wanting to control something.

But here's the thing, that may not be my job.

That may not be my job. My job is to handle or manage myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.

And here's the thing, when you really focus on that, your life is busy.

You don't have time to control other things. You are not, you don't have time to control outcomes and other things like that.

You gotta focus on your own life. You gotta focus on your own life.

The Universe is the pilot. I am the co pilot.

And every morning I wake up and I say, good morning universe, Peter Pamela Rose reporting for duty.

And I invite the Universe into my day. And I ask the Universe.

This, and this is what comes from the 12 step programs. I pray for the knowledge of your will for me today and the power to carry that out.

I pray for the knowledge or the wisdom of your will for me today, and the power to carry that out.

But understand, I am not asking for the power to control. No. I am asking for the power to manage and handle myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.

See, my job isn't to control. My job is to handle.

My job is to manage.

That's what my job is. That's what my job is as co-pilot. So every morning I differentiate, using my wisdom that I have acquired.

I use my wisdom to differentiate. Pilot, co pilot. Peter Pamela Rose, you're a co pilot. Reporting for duty. I pray for the knowledge of your will for me and the power to carry that out.

Now the thing about wisdom is also there is a little bit of humility involved here because I need to acknowledge another little phrase I'm going to throw to you, which is, I can't.

The Universe can. Let the Universe.

I can't deal with this situation, but the Universe can. I'm going to let the Universe, but sometimes it's very difficult to admit to ourselves that there is nothing we can do.

All of these things, especially that ability to differentiate between what is my job, manage and handle, and what the Universe's job is to control or do whatever the Universe does.

Private Coaching

Now I wouldn't say that I would sometimes call myself Peter Pamela Perfectionism Rose, but sometimes I've called myself Peter Pamela Perfectionism Rose.

The biggest thing about perfectionism that I want to talk about today is that perfectionism leads to procrastination, leads to paralysis.

The other thing that I think is so important about the lesson of perfectionism is to make your ears grow bigger, cunning, baffling, and powerful.

I look at all the ways, in fact even this too, recording today's podcast, I was looking for the right time to do it.

But do you know what the right time to do it was? Right now. Right now was the right time to do it.

See, my wanting to, and this is just me but maybe you can relate, my waiting to just feel like it is perfectionism in a very cunning, baffling, and powerful way, trying to get me to not do what I most need to do to move my career forward, which is because for the past, I think over two years now, I have put out a podcast every week, even when my house flooded, even when my house flooded and that If you can start to override that perfectionism and let it go for just a moment so that you do that action now, bingo, we got some serious success about to happen.

Now, I'm also going to lean into the fabulous Melody Beattie.

The Language of Letting Go

She talks about how perfectionism is an individual process that necessitates making mistakes. So recovering from perfectionism necessitates making mistakes, struggling through problems and facing tough issues.

And it's especially when I have to do things I most don't want to do that my perfectionism kicks up.

Again, waiting for the right time, waiting till I feel like it, waiting until somebody else tells me I should do it.

Again, cunning, baffling, and powerful, how I get in there, how perfectionism gets in there or my perfectionism gets in there to prevent me from doing the things that I most need to do in order to achieve what I most want to do.

"Expecting ourselves to be perfect slows down the process to our getting to the level of success that we want to get to in whatever area of our life. It puts us in a guilty or anxious state. Expecting others to be perfect is equally destructive. It makes others feel ashamed and may interfere with their growth. Keep the focus on yourself."

It was one of the craziest things I've learned in core work. Is that once I finally got the focus on me and off of everybody else, I was like, how the heck did I even have time to focus on other people and try and control them and try and manipulate them?

How did I even have the time?

I'm so damn busy with me. I'm a freaking full time job. That's when the good stuff begins, when you start to really focus on you, that's when the good stuff starts.

"People are human and vulnerable. We can accept and cherish that idea. Expecting others to be perfect puts us in a codependent state of moral superiority."

And sometimes I find I do that with myself. I put myself in "Peter, you're just gonna have to do it better than everybody else."

What the fuck is that? Oh, that's so much arrogance. That's so much moral superiority that I think I know what perfect is.

IIt's really all about process and life being a process.

"Expecting ourselves to be perfect makes us feel rigid and inferior."

And also as an actor, I find it makes us rigid. We have to do the scene the way we planned it. No, you don't. In fact, mistakes are the best things that can happen.

Mess ups are the best things that can happen.

I was talking with my producing partner who told me about these mistakes that happened on the set and the actor was like no, I have to redo it. And the director, he was like, ah, no, you don't. Because that was comedic genius. Remember, there is that in imperfection, some of the greatest creativity can happen as an actor.

"We do not need to go to the other extreme, tolerating anything that people throw our way. We can still expect appropriate, reasonable, and responsible behavior from ourselves and from others. But most of us can afford to loosen up a bit."

Oh my gosh. I used to be so freaking tightly wound until I really gave myself permission to be me. And I am so much more fun now. I am so much more fun in my fifties than I ever was in my twenties and my thirties.

"And we can stop expecting others to be perfect.

We may discover they're doing much better than we thought."

And that's, that's also where that arrogance comes in. Where my thinking, what you should, what my thinking, I know what you should do for your life. Hell, I barely know what the hell I should be doing for my life. Why am I putting that on others?

Another cunning, baffling, stinky way that perfectionism comes into our lives.

"When we stop expecting ourselves to be perfect, we'll discover that incredible beauty in ourselves, and also the beauty in others."

Perfectionism. leads to procrastination, leads to paralysis.

My assignment for you is to use your mind to govern your brain and notice the cunning, baffling, and powerful ways perfectionism comes into your acting career, and also into your life.

And if I can help you with your journey to let go of your perfectionism, please let me know.

Today I'm going to be talking about something that I have been doing recently, which I've been really taking risks.

It's been real. It's been an adventure. And I've said to myself, I remember earlier this year, I was in a foreign country. I was driving in a foreign country, on the opposite side of the road. And I went in my car. It was late at night and I'd been traveling for a while and I just said to myself, You are so brave.

You are so brave.

And I think one of the things that I've learned in taking risks is really to encourage, be your own cheerleader while you're doing it.

Because taking risks is scary. It gets us out of our comfort zone, and of course there's that, saying life begins at the end of our comfort zone, but it really is true.

And I don't think you are ever too old to take risks.

I did a podcast, oh gosh, I guess it was over a year ago, with my mom where, she shared with you all that she finished writing her 10th cookbook on her 80th birthday.

And it's funny because now she's 85 years old and she said, I have this great idea for a cookbook.

I'm going to do this. And I'm just like, man, you go, mom, you just go.

So today is where I'm going to be encouraging you to take risks, not only in your acting, but also in your life.

And to encourage you and to help me along in the format of this podcast, I'm going to be reading from the fabulous Melody Beattie.

The Language of Letting Go

And the subject, like I said, for today is taking risks.

"Take risks. Take a chance. We do not have to indulge in obviously foolhardy or self defeating risks, but we can allow ourselves to take positive risks in our life. We cannot afford to keep ourselves paralyzed."

I really started to Up my game in terms of taking risks. About three years ago was right after I turned 50 and I don't know what it is about turning 50, but it's when you really realize, wow, I have less of my life in front of me, potentially, than I do in back of me. And I decided I wanted to have the best freaking second half of my life that I possibly could.

And I was no longer going to let fear or judgment or other people's opinions, no matter how close they are to me, stagnate my life.

I want to live. And the thing is that if you want to live, you've got to take risks. Or else, you'll be paralyzed.

"We do not have to keep ourselves stymied and trapped out of fear of making a mistake or falling."

And here's the thing. One of the things about asking. Somebody says it says I don't know. Do you think they'll do it? And I go let's just ask. Because no is survivable. Hearing no is survivable.

"Naturally, we will make mistakes and fail from time to time." Again, that is survivable.

"That's part of being fully alive. There are no guarantees. If we are waiting for guaranteed courses of action, we may spend much of our life waiting."

I don't want to be at the effect of my life anymore. I don't want to wait for life to happen to me. I want to happen to life. I want to be at the cause of my life.

"We do not have to shame ourselves or accept shame from anyone. Anyone else, even those who are close to us for making mistakes, the goal of life is not to live it perfectly. The goal of life is to live, learn our lessons, and make our own decisions. And make overall progress."

There's a wonderful phrase that I love called progress not perfection.

Progress not perfection.

Remaining teachable, which I think is also just a wonderful phrase like progress, not perfection.

Take a risk. Do not always wait for a guarantee.

There again one of the things I've been thinking about recently is leap and the net will appear.

Leap and the net will appear.

Dust yourself off after a mistake and then move on to the success.

Dust yourself off and move on to the success.

One of the things my mom used to always say to me when I was a little girl and I would be disappointed because, I don't know, I didn't get a role in the play or something would happen, she would say to me, you dust yourself off, you pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, and you start all over again.

PITCH PERFECT MASTERCLASS

Today, I'm going to talk about something that I've been feeling recently—vulnerability.

Yeah. Vulnerability. Just feeling a little tender.

Now, the thing I always think about with vulnerability is vulnerability and emotional availability is two of the greatest assets that actors can have.

All I have to say about that is that can also be like your cross to bear, as it were when dealing with the industry.

Because as an actor, as an artist, we wear our hearts on our sleeves.

But how I like to approach the business is the business. When I go in there, I do my work, my good work.

What I want to do is focus on that and not focus on the business.

So that's what Acting Business Boot Camp is all about. It's about getting you to focus on the right things at the right time.

But today, we're going to talk a little bit more about vulnerability. I'm going to use my dear friend Melody Beattie.

The Language of Letting Go

She says, "I've learned that the more vulnerable I allow myself to be, the more in control of myself I really am."

Now, I don't really like to think about it as in control. In a lot of my work and in my more chiropractor for the mind work, and think about that, chiropractor for the mind, really adjusting yourself so that you understand how you tick. I talk about emotional self-sufficiency, and it's not that I want to control myself.

It's that I want to know that I can manage and handle myself emotionally no matter what situation comes up, including losing my voice and feeling sick and feeling unwell.

Tender.

Melody goes on to say, "Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength, and control."

But let's take a moment and let's take a step back and think about how incredibly unrealistic that is.

I received some disappointing news the other day. And I just said to myself, Okay, it's disappointing. It's all right for you to feel sad. It's all right for you not to feel a hundred percent on, especially when I am someone who is on so much.

It's okay for me to show a little weakness. It's okay for me to be vulnerable.

And it's okay, or I should say, it's more than okay, for me to take care of myself when I'm feeling that tenderness.

One of my favorite phrases is go as slowly as you need to in order to take care of yourself.

And when you're feeling vulnerable, or you're feeling tender.

Go as slowly as you need to in order to take care of that vulnerability and that tenderness in that day.

This too shall pass. You won't always feel so vulnerable. You won't always feel so tender. My voice will not always sound like this. In fact, in a few podcasts, I hope it'll sound better.

She goes on to say, "While it is certainly good and often appropriate to be in calm controlling and strong moods, there is also another side of all of us, that part of us that feels needy, that becomes frightened, that has doubts and gets angry."

Because, hello, guess what? You're human. That part of us needs care.

That part of us needs love. That part of us needs reassurance that things will be okay.

And again reminding ourselves, go as slowly as you need to in order to take care of yourself.

Expressing these needs makes us vulnerable, yes, and less than perfect, yes. But this side needs acceptance too.

There's a wonderful phrase that says, don't go to the hardware store for lemons.

When I am feeling vulnerable, needy, or frightened, there may be people who are more appropriate for me to go to than not.

And the number one thing I want to do for self-care—make your ears grow bigger as I say this—is not to go to that person who is the hardware store for lemons.

Because they are not going to be able to give me that comfort, that love, that reassurance that I crave right now.

It may be better for me to leave it out. When in doubt with people like this, just leave it out. Get off the phone, get off the text message, nurture yourself, and reach out to someone else who will be a little more caring.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerabilities helps us feel close to people and helps others to feel close to us.

It helps us grow in self-love and self-acceptance.

It helps us become healing agents. And it allows us to become whole and accessible to others.

Just today I finished one of my weekly adjustment classes. And a few people were just vulnerable enough to share. What the response was from everyone else was, Thank you for sharing. You made me feel like I was not alone.

The Weekly Adjustment Group

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I'm going to be talking about something that a listener sent me, and I thought it was a really interesting idea for a podcast, which is about nepotism.

I do think it is yet another one of those areas of the industry where we can get our heads in the clouds and not on our bodies, and really allows us to make excuses for not showing up and taking responsibility.

As a NEPO baby, I am not one.

I do not come from anyone in the industry. You have an advantage in that you have those connections. However, you also have to have the talent, consistency, and persistence to back that up. The other thing is that, oh, you're so and so's daughter or you're so and so's child. Oh. Then you must be fantastic, and then you have to live up to that, or you can never be your own person.

Now, I have a friend of mine who is the child of an incredibly famous actor, but that child chooses to use a different name because they don't want to be known as so and so's child. Now, that is very admirable.

I may go about it differently.

I would say use every advantage you have.

But this is the thing, and this is the real key point because most of you listening to this podcast are not; do not have nepotism in your family. What do you do?

And this is the best advice I can give you. You need to keep your focus.

So often, I have actors who look at point A and point B, and instead of just drawing a line between point A to point B, they go up, they go down, they go around, they twirl around.

They walk outside, they come back inside, and then maybe eventually get to point B.

The question, the thing is that things like nepotism and a lot of things that I feel in the industry, try to get your focus from the three points where you need to be putting your focus, which is your acting training, your business skills and the core work, the work on you are the things that distract you from taking real responsibility for the job that you have been given to do on this Earth, because I believe the universe has given you given all of us a gift.

The question is, are we going to nurture that gift and are we going to stay focused on pursuing that gift?

Or are we going to allow our focus to go off into things that we cannot control again?

My favorite prayer or affirmation is the serenity prayer that reminds us of this. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. I cannot change other people, places, times, things, or situations, and whether my competition has nepotism or not, courage to change the things I can.

I can only change myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions, and keep the focus on myself, my strengths, my career, and wisdom…

Wisdom, my favorite word in the American language, to know the difference, which is the difference between what I cannot control or change, which is other people, places, things, or situations, or change.

Nepotism and other actors I may be competing against and what I can change, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.

So, that's my response to the first part of that listener's question. I'm going to read the second part to you because I think this is very interesting.

Getting past the "what chance do I have?" misconception, ever having the opportunity to compete with a nepotism child.

Again, what I would say about that is your job when you go into an audition is to focus on the work.

It is not to focus on who your competition is. I joke about how I used to go into an audition room, and I'd sit in the audition room and basically pick the actor who I thought was going to get the job.

That is so working against ourselves instead of for ourselves.

What I think is so crucial here is that when you go into audition, that your focus is again on that courage to change the things you can, which is really, truly freeing.

Focusing in on your work as the actor and living the life of that character in that space and time, whether that be in a self tape or be in the room.

The listener goes on to say, my own personal Cher story. I consider myself a Nepo baby to an extent. I was raised in a theatrical household with family members who made their living in the arts and entertainment. When I was a child, they would say things to me that made it almost impossible to understand.

And trust me, we were nowhere near the Barrymore status. If anything, that caused far more damage. And then validation. It is something I have struggled with on and off.

I could elaborate so much more, but I think you get the idea.

So grandiosity, let's just talk about that word.

I have also experienced grandiosity in my life, whether observing it in other people or, sadly, myself carrying it out. Oh, what dress are you wearing? Oh, it's a Valentino. When, actually, maybe it was bought at Target.

Oh, we're a grand theater family. It's just a small theater town in Connecticut or somewhere, but we are the family known as the theatrical family. Where has grandiosity played a part in your life?

Do you have family members who exaggerate? Do you have friends who tend to exaggerate? A partner who tends to exaggerate?

The question is, what is wrong with the truth? What is wrong with the truth?

We don't always have to sell ourselves. We can just be.

And especially as actors, I find that grandiosity is about us trying to prove to an agent, a manager, a casting director, a writer, a producer, or a director that we are "so much better than we actually are."

But here's the thing. How you actually are is enough.

I am enough. I always have been, and I always will be. And that is what I also want you to notice. Use your mind to govern your brain to notice. Am I trying to be more when just being me may be enough?

I will also give you one final lesson on this, which is about from the casting director's point of view.

You don't have to prove to me that you are good.

You just need to do your job and know that you are good at doing that job.

And that will make me want to bring you in for auditions, and that will make me want to hire you.

Work with me privately

About Angela Mickey:

Angela Mickey is the Managing Director of Casting at Liz Lewis Casting Partners, and has been working as a Casting Director for 24 years.

Angela works across the board on commercial, voice-over, film, TV, and theater projects, with a concentration on comedy, real people, and theatrical casting.

She enjoys working with both veteran and up-and-coming creatives, developing the best, unique plan for each project, and working as a partner to the producing process.

Recent on-camera commercial projects: Spectrum, UberEats, DCU, Blue Cross, Blue Shield, Tillamook, Door Dash, Woodbridge, NJ Lottery, Marriott.

Recent real people projects: New York Presbyterian, Aleve, NorthAmerican Bancard, Redemption Whiskey, Chevy, Wells Fargo, JC Penney, as well as a variety of editorial projects for Condé Nast.

Recent animation/podcast vo projects: Dee and Friends in Oz (Netflix), SuperKitties (Disney Jr), Get Rolling with Otis (Apple TV +), The Snow Globe (in conjunction with Chik-Fil-A), This Job is History (Wondery), Killer Questions with Daryn Carp (ID).

Recent film projects include "Martyr of Gowanus", Lifetime's "12 Days of Christmas Eve", "The Legend of Lake Ronkonkoma: The Lady of the Lake", Filipino movie musical "The Girl Who Left Home", and Hallmark's "Where Are You Christmas" and "Mystic Christmas."

Angela's got a treasure trove of tips, secrets, and stories that are pure gold for anyone in the acting game, whether you're just starting out or you've been around the block a few times. Here's the lowdown on what we covered:

What You Need to Know:

• Reading Instructions is Key: Angela talks about how something as simple as sending the wrong file type can throw a wrench in your audition. She's all about paying attention to the details. Make sure you know what they're asking for and nail it.
• Ace Your Online Auditions: With auditions going digital, Angela shares the scoop on making sure your setup is on point. Good internet, good lighting, and a space where you can do your thing without distractions are your best friends here.
• Bring Your Flavor to the Role: Angela's not looking for robots. She wants to see what you bring to the character. It's all about showing up with your take on the role and being ready to collaborate to make something awesome.
• Self-Care for the Win: One of the big themes Angela hits on is looking after yourself. Acting's a marathon, not a sprint, and giving yourself permission to take breaks and live life outside the acting bubble is crucial.

Top Quotes from the episode:

• "Making me work harder to fix your audition tape? Yeah, that's gonna make me think twice about calling you back."
• "Don't just show up expecting to be directed. Bring your own magic to the role. That's what gets noticed."
• "Worried about your online audition setup? Just do your best to keep things simple and stress-free. It's about what you do, not where you do it."
• "The industry isn't going anywhere. Taking a break for a bit of self-care or to just breathe is totally fine. You do you."